Regret and death are insuperable. And forever is just a word.

When one breathes his last, there will always be that someone who will feel remorseful because of the unspoken words that will never be heard, the unexpressed feelings that will never be considered, or the moments that haven’t transpired but have long been planned.

That someone will always regret not telling, not showing, and not doing. But what else can that someone do than to lament on the things he didn’t do? Maybe because people always wanted a forever and believed that they can be with the ones they love because forever is always there. They slack off by not showing affection; they hesitate on telling what they truly feel because they fear rejection; they forget important dates because they know they will be forgiven but sometimes, sometimes they purposely do this because they have a couple of years to accomplish, to change, to tell, to remember, ----- maybe, they forget that forever is a fiction and not a fact.

How many people have been tricked by the word forever?

Forever isn’t real but why would people choose to hold on that string labeled as forever if they can grasp a hand and take a leap of faith? Because it is funny how people will always – always regret and will always – always blame forever if love fails. And it’s also sad, how people only learn the importance of the people they love if they are permanently out of their lives – it’s more saddening to know that people will only realize that forever isn’t real if they experience it firsthand.

Forever, death or regret - What if you will be given a chance to choose one? Will you?

Because Baekhyun is gone along with his last words

“Will you marry me?”                

What will you choose?

Will you marry me?

Will you marry me?

Will you marry me?

How many times the words are repeatedly played in Chanyeol’s mind? Maybe a hundred? A thousand? Or million times? Chanyeol stopped counting, but he couldn’t take a rest from caring. The words are ringing in his mind, every word are perfectly mouthed with Baekhyun’s voice. Yes, Chanyeol didn’t have the chance to hear them fate was so cruel to deprive him of a happy ending. Worst, he himself didn’t have the chance to say them, didn’t have the chance to do anything at all but despite the years that have passed, the forgotten memories, the blurred scenes, he can still perfectly hear Baekhyun’s voice saying the words --- Will you marry me?

But all Chanyeol can do is to hear them in his mind. Because that’s all it will ever be – just a playful memory.

How many times do Baekhyun appear on Chanyeol’s dreams? Maybe a hundred? A thousand? Or a million times? CHanyeol, once again, stopped counting. His dreams are his only little detours from reality. Dreams feel so real and he wants to continue seeing Baekhyun even if he can only see him temporarily, even if he can only see Baekhyun, even if sometimes he cannot really decipher Baekhyun’s image on his dreams and sometimes, even if he can only see Baekhyun for a split second.

It has been 5 years since then --- that one day Chanyeol wishes to obliterate from his memory. How can a love be hastily put to an end? How can a beautiful love story end in a devastating tragedy? Is love really that cruel? And why, of all people, does it have to be Chanyeol chosen to be part of once a lovely reality turned into a horrific scene worse than a nightmare? Why? These are the questions left unanswered as Chanyeol tries his best every single day to wake up, to get out of bed, to be part of the world where people supposed to function as human beings, to put on a fake smile to lure people on believing he is alright and the hardest part? Chanyeol will force himself to be Chanyeol --- to be Baekhyun’s almost husband.

Everyone thought Chanyeol is moving on – that the pain of being permanently left by the person you really care about more than your own life is slowly diminishing. People believe that Chanyeol is okay, that Chanyeol is accepting the reality but what they fail to grasp is that Chanyeol is good at pretending. Sometimes, Chanyeol wants to lose his mind, wants to be like what Kyungsoo had experienced because maybe he when he lose his mind, he’ll see Baekhyun again, he’ll feel Baekhyun’s lips on his own and maybe Baekhyun can say the words he wanted to hear for a very long time. But Chanyeol isn’t losing his mind and it really .

Love .

Today, Chanyeol wakes up feeling an extra weight has been perfectly positioned on his back. But he needs to put on his perfectly forced smile; flawlessly rehearsed expressions because people wanted him to be happy, to move on, to live his life without Baekhyun. It wasn’t easy and it will never be.

But today is  October 27, it is Baekhyun’s death anniversary. And this day should have been their wedding anniversary.

“Happy Anniversary?”  Chanyeol says with his deep voice. “I miss you so much Baekhyun”

“I will marry you so please come back.”

“Please come back”

Chanyeol slowly opens his eyes and he sees Baekhyun sleeping soundly in front of him. How amazing is it to dream? How many times did Chanyeol wishes he could stay in his dreams so he can be with Baekhyun forever? Now, it’s one of those dreams and Chanyeol will once again, without any hesitations, treasure it.

It feels like Chanyeol should be waking up in their bedroom to Baekhyun’s sleeping face all the time. This should be the reality he will wake up to. This should be the one he will live to see. And when Baekhyun wakes up, he’ll kiss him and greet him a good morning and will shower him words of adoration and love and maybe they will cuddle for a couple of minutes and they will argue about breakfast duties but Chanyeol will end up doing them because Baekhyun will always put on his terrifyingly adorable aegyo. And after breakfast, they’ll probably take a shower together and start their day. This should be the reality, this shouldn’t be a dream but Chanyeol knows best – that soon these images will be erased because he’ll wake up and he needed to wait for a few hours before he can sleep again.

But for this moment, he’ll make the most out of his dream.

Chanyeol watches Baekhyun. He’s beautiful. He slowly reaches for his face and it gently, It feels so real.

Unhurriedly, Baekhyun opens his eyes and a smile forms into his lips, “Good morning” he says.

Chanyeol is left hushed because there were never clear conversations, it never felt real but this time it’s different. But Chanyeol is stopped from thinking because all of a sudden he can feel Baekhyun’s lips on his own.

“Are you awake now?” Baekhyun says discontinuing the kiss.

“I don’t want to wake up” Chanyeols says desperately because he really wouldn’t want to wake up from this dream. If this make up images will be so real, he wouldn’t want to return to a painful reality. “I don’t want to wake up” He repeats again. He repeats over and over again.

“Baekhyun, please, help me, I don’t want to wake up”

The smile on Baekhyun’s lips has been tuned into a bothered expression. “Chanyeol, what is wrong?” He says, voice filled with concern. “Chanyeol did you have a bad dream? It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here”

“Baekhyun, I don’t want to wake up.”

And then the light suddenly vanished and Chanyeol is back to his dreadful reality.

He hears it again…

“Will you marry me?”

But still, he doesn’t have the chance to answer… Yes

“Do you want a second chance? Do you want a chance? A chance? You want a second chance.” The old lady keeps on mumbling word, “chance, yes one more try, a different ending, do you want it? I’ll give you my chance. I don’t want my chance, I don’t want it anymore. You can have it. Take it. Chance? Do you want a second chance? A chance? You want a second chance?”

YAY! Happy 27th of October! Ill probably post the next chapter tomorrow :) Sorry to keep you hanging but yes, this is about time skips. *spoiler* and yes The Last Straw will be affected :) 

I made this chaptered because people requested and i kind of wanted it to have more than one chap, you'll know the reason soon! Thank you so much for the support guys! I love you!!!

Let's be friends!

twitter--> @nesthyne