THREE YEARS AGO

It is a big, big honour to be part of SM Entertainment. Very few people get the chance to be a trainee here, and much less to become an idol. So Seulgi says to herself she is happy and lucky. She says to herself that this hard and long training will make her the best in the future. However, the feeling of getting stuck won't go away and her dream never felt more out of reach. She looks at Jinri, Soojung and Amber and their success as f(x) and she feels happy, truly happy for them... But she'd be lying if she said she didn't feel disappointed.

- Seulgi, are you listening?

- Sorry, what?

- Your voice trembled in the last note, you got to be careful with that. Also, you need to take care of your throat, it sounds a little bit hoarse. Let's end the class here, clearly you are not feeling good today. 

- Can I practice a little bit longer? I am ok, I swear. I just need to do this right, please?

That was pitiful, and Seulgi can see in her teacher's face that she also thought so. Her eyes show concern, but she calmly smiles instead.

- Seulgi, you are pretty good already at this. The problem is that you are over practicing and it is affecting your voice. Why don't you rest today? You deserve it.

"Do I? Because I certainly don't feel like I do." Seulgi thinks.

- Also, if you want to talk abou...

- I'm fine, teacher. Really. I'll be going now, thank you.

Seulgi bowed her teacher and took her scarf. She knwe teacher was worried for her and wanted to ask her why she seemed so down, but Seulgi didn't feel like answering, if she started talking she wouldn't be able to stop the tears. Therefore, she leaves. She wasn't going to go to the dorm, she believed that if she wasn't prepared to become an idol yet, that would mean she still needed a lot of training. So she decides to go to the dancing room. However, someone was already occupying it. It was Jongin. That kid, he is always there. He is there dancing first thing in the morning, and he is till there when lunch time comes and when Seulgi leaves the building late at night.

- Jongin-ah.

Seulgi tries to attract his attention, but he is so into the music he doesn't even look at her. Seulgi doesn't know him that much. Just that he is not that talkative and that he seems a little bit arrogant. Nevertheless, she has always admired his dancing skills and passion. She was jealous. It wasn't fair... She has been training for a long time now, and even though she is not bad at all, she will never dance so gracefully.

- Jongin-ah.

She tries again, but he ignores her one more time. This guy is the worst, she thinks. This is not the first time this occurs, but today she feels so irritated that she doesn't find it amusing. 

- YAH! KKAMJONG!

He freezes at that. Seulgi have heard some of his friends calling him like that and she also knows that he is not fond of that nickname. To be honest, she doesn't like it either. His skin color is a little more tanned than most of them, but for her his skin is just fine. Despite all the sweat, she accepts Jongin is good looking.

- What did you just call me?

He looks kinda mad and Seulgi gets nervous.

- I... I am sorr...

- Whatever.

He turns and starts dancing again. This pisses Seulgi off. She was trying to apologize! Apologize! When he was the one ignoring her in the first place! She runs to the stereo and turns it off.

- What are you doing? - He asks angrily.

- I would like to practice too, and this is the only dancing room that is not locked.

- So?

- So!?

- I was here first.

- You are always here. Do you even sleep?

- Have you been watching me? Are you a fan? - He smirks.

- Omo...! You self-centered brat.  Way too much ego for this room right now.

- Then leave. There is the door.

- You...! - All of the sudden Seulgi doesn't feel like arguing anymore, she feels too depressed for that - This is stupid.

She presses the play button. After all, she just needs music to dance and to be completely fair, the brat's music style is pretty cool.

- What are you doing? - He asks. Unexpectedly, he seems taken aback. 

- "If you can't win them, join them."

Seulgi feels shy. She is not good at improvising, less next to someone whose skills are overall superior to hers.  But she won't go home, even if she feels sad or tired. She has a dream and she expects to accomplish it and enjoy it before it is too late. She is ready to sweat tears and blood if needed. She starts moving around timidly, conscious of Jongin's stare. "Is he trying to get me nervous on purpose?" She dances what's left of the song hastily.

- Are you going to dance or keep watching me like that until the end of your days? If that's so, you can leave so I can use the room properly.

- I highly doubt you are going to use the room properly with those moves - He says bluntly, but he starts dancing to the next song. Again: gracefully, smoothly, beautifully. 

Seulgi feels hurt. That comment just confirms what she's been thinking for the last few weeks. SM just made a huge mistake with her, but she can't give up, not after all these years. it up, Kang Seulgi! She starts dancing again. She looks at him from time to time in the mirror. The difference is so obvious: he is a natural and she is just trying too hard. They've been dancing for a while now,  the sweat make her eyes itch, but more than feeling any improvement, Seulgi just sees failure: "Why am I not good enough? . Am I that talentless?"  Her steps become heavier, even though she is dancing angrily. Her feet aren't able to follow up the choreography and she falls. 

- For God's sake, Kang Seulgi! - She curses. Her right foot and eyes hurt like hell. She fell, so she understands about the foot. But why the hell are her eyes hurting? They feel so itchy!

- Are you ok? - Although he asked it coldly, he is kneeling in front of her and Seulgi swears she could hear some concern in his voice.

- I am fine! - She exclaims. 

- Why are you crying then? 

"Crying?" She touches her face. It's wet. When did she...?

- I am not - She turns around quickly. She hates when people see her cry. She is stronger than that.

- Is it your foot? I can...

- I told you I am fine! - She yells.

He stands up and goes to the stereo to turn the music off. He takes the CD from it and keeps it in the case. He is leaving. Seulgi should be happy, that's what she wanted, but somehow it makes her sadder. She doesn't want to be alone, but she also don't want to go back to the dorm with Baechu. She doesn't want to worry her with her drama. 

- Don't you ever feel like you won't get any better? - She mumbles, but she feels stupid asking him that. Of course he is going to get better, and if he doesn't, it is not because he lacks, but because he is already the best. However, that question stopped him from leaving.

- Everything is improvement, even the defeats. Everything is a lesson you will end up learning at the end of the day. You may not debut this year, nor the next... but you will at some point. After all, you are a SM trainee. They might have seen something really good in you.

Seulgi knew the theory, damn, that's what she kept telling herself every day, but what if they were wrong?

- Do you see any special about me?

She asks before thinking it. She hadn't noticed his opinion was so important to her until now. Well, she admires him, he is definitely gifted. If anyone can sense some talent, it should be him right? He sits next to her, really close. Really, really close. Studying her. She feels embarrassed, his eyes burn her skin.

- Monolids.

- Wh...what? 

- You have monolids. Are you the first in the company? - He asks seriously.

- YAH! - She exclaims. She hates her monolids. Every girl in this company are perfect beauties, but she... - Is that it?

- Uhm - He takes too much time to think about it and Seulgi decides to save her the embarrassment. She gets up, ready to go home. 

- Damn - Her ankle hurts. 

- Would you let me check it out?

She looks at him. He seems serious about it, so she nods. He took his shoe off and also his sock. Flustered, she thinks that it isn't a good idea anymore. His touch is so gentle that caught Seulgi off guard. "Jongin, you are a box full of surprises, aren't you?"

- You twisted your ankle, but it doesn't seem too serious. Put some ice and cream on it tonight and try not to force it for a week.

- Ok, Doc! - She mocks.

- And... Seulgi?

That's the first time ever he's called her by her name. For some reason, the six letter name seems really intimate coming from his mouth, so Seulgi stares in awe.

- Yes?

- For what it's worth, I do think you have talent.You just need to believe so everyone else can see it.

TODAY

You were the first person who saw the real me

for that, I will always be grateful, Jongin-ah~