2.8K words.

 

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Luhan left.

 

Sehun felt so lost.

 

Empty.

 

He left not with a ‘goodbye’.

 

But with a ‘see you soon’.

 

Okay.

 

 

 

 

 

       Sehun got out from the car. Fans were crowding the airport. He closed his eyes. He exhaled a tired sigh. He put on his snapback and walked with the other members. None of them talked to each other. They kept quiet.  He heard the sound of camera flashing, fansites taking their pictures, fans calling their names, some were sobbing. He lowered his head and walked alone behind the other members.

 

He felt lost.

 

He felt empty.

 

It was when he heard a fan screamed ‘Selu!’ that he suddenly stopped in his track.

 

Selu

 

Luhan and himself.

 

    He felt dizzy. He stumbled as he walked but luckily his manager was just on time to support him. Sehun tried to mask his true expression with a stoic face. But he couldn’t. He will never can. Never. He felt his phone vibrated in his pocket . He saw a text from Tao saying,

 

“Cheer up. I face the same.”

 

    He smiled at Tao’s figure, who’s walking with Suho.  Both of them faced  the same. Kris and Luhan. But they knew, the both left for their  own good. 

 

“Sehun?” his manager called him.

 

“Y-yes?” he stuttered.

 

“I think you should sit first. I’ll go buy you something. We still got some time to kill before the flight. The other went to eat but I think you should take a rest first. I’m worried about you. You look so pale right now.” said his manager .

 

“Okay.. thanks.” with that Sehun sat on a chair in a corner that’s hidden from human’s eyes. A place where people wouldn’t spot him easily.

 

He needed some time alone.

 

 

 

 

  He swiped his finger t his phone screen and logged in into his Instagram. Thousands of comments from his fans telling him to stay strong and they will always love him. On a particular post, he noticed, the one that had Luhan in it, especially the selfie he posted that the fans were  sad.

 

My hunhan is gone

 

Don’t sink

 

Selu will never die

 

My heart breaks

 

I feel so lost and empty.

 

 

Lost and empty.

 

Sehun felt that too.

 

Luhan  is  his oxygen.

 

His love.

 

His life.

 

His forever.

 

His always.

 

His everything.

 

His eternity.

 

 

 

 

 

He knew Luhan posted ‘I’m home’ in his weibo account.

 

I’m home

 

At least Luhan was safe.

 

And happy.

 

 

 

Luhan updated his instagram with a picture saying

 

‘I just wanna all of you to know that I love you all.’

 

And I just want you to know that despite being far away from each other, I will always love you Lu.

 

 

 

 

He remembered that he once said,

 

“ I’ve long agreed to go with Luhan hyung to China and play. So I’m now waiting for it.”

 

“Because he is the hyung I love.”

 

“I wanted Luhan to call me by my name. It feels good.”

 

“Because you look like you came out of a shouju manga but you’re really manly.”

 

 

And he meant it.

 

He’ll forever and always waiting for Luhan

 

He’ll always loves Luhan

 

He truly loves how his name, Sehun rolls from Luhan’s tongue

 

He will always calls Luhan manly because Luhan will automatically smiled when he heard that

 

 

 

He loves  Luhan’s smiles.

 

He loves how his forehead crinkled when he smiled.

 

He loves Luhan.

 

His doe eyes.

 

His cute lips.

 

His existence.

 

His everything.

 

He loves Luhan and will always be in love with the Beijing boy.

 

 

 

 

 

People called ‘Hunhan’ the submarine.

 

When Sehun and Luhan heard that, they couldn’t agree more.

 

Because it was true.

 

They preferred having their own moments with only two of them. No eyes watching in suspicion. No squeals of their shippers watching them. They preferred it that way.

 

 

 

 

 

“See you soon.”

 

        Luhan’s words echoed in his mind. He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead as he sighed. The scene of Luhan and him saying goodbye to each other played in his mind.  But their goodbye wasn’t ‘goodbye’.

 

Their goodbye was and will always be, ‘see you soon’.

 

‘Goodbye’ sounded like they  will  never meet again in such a long time or worse  , not seeing each other again forever.

 

Meanwhile ‘see you soon’ sounded much nicer. They will meet each other again. The word ‘soon’ was just being added there to assure both of them that no matter what, they will still meet each other.

 

Sooner or later, it still felt like an eternity but it’s better than a ‘goodbye’.

 

 

 

 

Sehun and Luhan preferred the word ‘always’ more than ‘forever’. 

 

For them, ‘forever’ sounded impossible since- nothing lasts forever.

 

Every start has its end.

 

‘Always’ meant that no matter what happened, they will always be together.

 

Forever has its end.

 

Always didn’t. 

 

At least for both of them.

 

 

 

 

      Sehun closed his eyes and exhaled a breath as the moment of him and Luhan from 3 nights ago flooded into his mind.

 

 

 

 

 

       When Luhan finally told the members that he’ll leave the group, the dorm went silent.  They have always knew that sooner or later, the oldest of all will leave. Luhan chose his own path. He couldn’t take the pain and sweats anymore.

 

They understand him.

 

        For a boy loved to play soccer since little, came to Korea and further his study  and then got accepted into the one of the biggest accompany to be an idol , one of his dreams but only to know that his dream was crumbled up since the moment he felt like he and the other members got treated like a robot, a slave. He performed on stage along with his other brothers, the members with pain inside his body.

 

        He’s sick. He’s ill. He was afraid that if he overworked himself again, he’ll fall. His health was becoming bad but  that can be cured.  It was when Luhan realized that his parents were getting old that he decided to leave. His parents needed him to take care of them. He needed to spend more time with his parents. Without his parents, he was nothing.

 

    He hugged each and every member and told them how grateful he was, having the chance to spend his time with them together. Teary eyes and sobbed flooded  up the room, a wind of sadness stayed in the room as they exchanged words and promises. The light in their hearts were dimmed. The fire which produced their warm smiles were gone. They wished they could turn back the time but they couldn’t.

 

   Sehun couldn’t take it. After the group hug they had, he quietly went to his shared room with Luhan and cried silently. He has always knew that Luhan will leave. The said boy had told him before but Sehun didn’t know that,

 

it would be this soon.

 

It would be this hard.

 

It would be such a painful thing.

 

 

    The thought of no more Luhan to cherish his day, making him smile and laugh made his heart broke. There will be no more ‘I love yous’ from Luhan to him, no more ‘I’m manly’, no more ‘yo yo’, no more everything, no more Luhan.

 

Ouch.

 

     He heard Luhan entering the room and closed the door. He turned his back so that Luhan couldn’t see his crying face but no, he could never hide from Luhan, never. Luhan kneeled in front of him, he’s sitting on the bed at that time and wiped the flowing tears with his thumb. Sehun could see that Luhan eyes were red too and he bitterly smile at Luhan. Both of them weren’t okay.

 

     Sehun asked Luhan to sit on his lap, and he did. Both of them were crying silently. Luhan lowered his head and cried while Sehun rested his head on Luhan’s shoulder, breathing heavily and sobbed. Sehun wrapped his arms around Luhan’s waist.  Luhan got up from Sehun’s lap and laid himself on the bed as he patted the empty spot beside him, asking Sehun to lay there. Now, both of them were lying on the bed, facing each other.

 

“I-I’m sorry Sehun..” Luhan choked.

 

“No..no don’t be. It’s not your fault for leaving. You left for your own good. You never want to leave in the first place but you realized that your parents are getting old and they need you, to take care of them. Without your parents, you are nothing, you wouldn’t  be here. And you’re worried about your health. So am I . The doctor even told you to take some rest and all.” told Sehun as he brought Luhan closer tp him, wrapped his arms around Luhan’s petite body. He buried his face in Luhan’s black hair, smelling the vanilla scent of the older. Luhan buried his face in Sehun’s broad chest, not wanting to waste their moments together.

 

He’ll miss Sehun.

 

How he smile shyly.

 

His eye smile.

 

His plump lips.

 

His everything.

 

 

“I will miss you. All about you..” Sehun’s husky voice whispered in his ear.

 

“Me too..  I feel so lost and empty Sehun.”

 

“You’re not alone hyung.”

 

Hyung

 

He remembers when Sehun told him that he’s his favourite hyung.

 

He remembers when Sehun told him that Luhan is the hyung he loves.

 

He remembers Sehun asking him.

 

“Hyung will you go out with me?”

 

“I will.”

 

 

He remembers Sehun telling him,

 

“I love you hyung.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

 

He remembers Sehun said to him,

 

“Lu, you are my always.”

 

“You are my always too Sehun.”

 

 

 

“I will love you too and always will.”

 

 

 

“Sehun..” Luhan whispered.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I just want you to know that I love you so much and always will. That leaving you pained me so much. All the moments we share together, I will never forget it. How we met. How we spend time with each other. How we go on dates together. How you confessing to me. How you hold me. How you smile. How you hug me, touch me, kiss me and all. Each and every one of the moment will be glued in my mind, so that I will never forget you. Sehun-”

 

He was cut off with a kiss from Sehun.

 

“You talk too much Lu.”

 

     When they broke the kiss, Sehun said,

 

“It’s my turn.”

 

He cupped Luhan’s face.

 

“I love you.”

 

“That’s all?”

 

“My ‘I love you’ to you holds thousands of meaning. If you want me to say all the things I love about you, it will take such a long time, 1 night isn’t enough for me to say all the things I love about you.”

 

      Luhan smiled. He knew that even though Sehun only said 3 words to him, that 3 words meant a world for him. That 3 word held thousands of meaning. That 3 words contained all the feelings that they couldn’t explain.

 

“Luhan.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“This is not the end of us. We won’t break up. You’ll be in Beijing. I’ll be in here, Korea but that doesn’t mean this will be the full stop of us. Never. I will never let you go. One day, when I got the chance, I will  go to Beijing and I will ask you to marry me. Yes, marry me. I don’t want to lose you again”

 

“Neither do I. It hurts, when we have to be far away from each other but the pain is inevitable.”

 

“Just in the end, I want you to know that I will always love you.” Sehun told him as he stared at Luhan’s face lovingly, caressing Luhan’s cheek.

 

“I know and you should keep in your mind that you are mine, one and only and will always love you.”

 

“I know.”

 

    With that, Sehun closed his eyes and embraced Luhan in his hug. Tired breath exhaled as they looked into each other’s eyes.  Both of them promised eah other that Luhan will leave to the airport alone. The oldest couldn’t handle being apart from his brothers with their presence  there. He couldn’t bear leaving Sehun with Sehun there. He couldn’t. Both of the closed their eyes and went to their own dreamland.

 

See you soon

 

 

 

 

 Sehun opened his eyes from his sleep.

 

The bed has never felt so cold.

 

Sehun was alone. His left was empty.

Luhan has left.

 

Left.

 

Left.

 

Left.

 

    Sehun couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He cried and cried and cried. It hurts so much. He sobbed as the memories of Luhan and him through the years flashed in his mind, one by one making he cried even more. At the corner of his eyes, he saw a letter on the small table beside the bed. His shaking hands took the letter and he read it.

 

 

Dear Sehun,

 

Hey.. at the time you read this, that means I’ve gone for Beijing. I’m sorry for leaving you. For leaving all of you. You, Sehun has taught me so much about love. You are my everything. Seriously, I can’t imagine my life without you. I can’t imagine a day without thinking about you. You stole my heart and I stole yours. I will never stop loving you. You, Oh Sehun is my first and my last love. I don’t know what to say more. I’m not in my right mind. I feel so lost and empty. I feel so blank. My hands are shaking. I will never forget how shy you were during our debut days, you were so shy and always asked for my help, even we're promoting in different places. I will never forget how you smile, how you laugh, how you dance. How you sing and rap to me, only to me because you didn't get more lines in our songs, so you decided to perform it only to me. I will never forget how hug me, how you touch me, how you kiss me, how you love me. I will never forget how my body fit perfectly in your hug. I will never forget how we always buy bubble tea with each other. I will never forget how clingy you are when you want to be one. I will never forget how you confessed to me. I will never forget everything about you. I hope you will do the same for me. I honestly can't love anyone like I love you. I just want you to know that whatever happens, I, Luhan will always love you. I think, I was born to love you. Oh Sehun, you will always be my one and only. Remember that. I think I should stop writing here because it will pain me more. We will never break up, I trust your words.

 

See you soon Sehuna.

 

Sincerely,

Luhan, the one who will never stop loving you.

 

 

Luhan,

 

I will do the same to you too.

 

I was born to love you too.

 

You are my one and only too.

 

And I will keep my words.

 

And will never stop loving you.

 

Han.

 

---

 

 

“Sehun? Earth to Sehun?” Minseok called him.

 

“Uh huh? Oh hyung.” Sehun forced a smile.

 

“Come on. We’re leaving.” Minseok grabbed the younger’s wrist.

 

As they walked, Minseok spoke.

 

“Sehun, you cry because of Luhan and me, I want to cry because of Luhan and you. It pains me to see both of you are hurting mentally. I’m the oldest now and you’re the youngest. You look like you can handle all of this but I know deep in your heart you are crying because Luhan left. But he didn’t left forever. He will still come to you. It hurts to see both of you look so lost and empty. I know you’re hurting the most right now. I know you cried last morning. Stay strong okay. I don’t want to see you like this, neither all the members. We care for you. We care for Luhan. Smile a bit okay?”

 

Sehun forced out a smile.

 

“A sincere smile please. Oh Sehun please do it for me, you favourite hyung after Luhan. Pleaseeeee.” Minseok said cutely, just to make the younger laughed.

 

He did.

 

Sehun laughed.

 

“That’s better. By the way, Suho asked me to tell you to meet Tao later. Go ask how he endure the pain. He feels the same. But both of you and him knew that the one who you love so much, will come again, as a member or not, to be with you. I feel sorry that both of you and Tao have to face this.”

 

“Sure but no need to be sorry. Zitao and I, we knew they left for their own good. We’ve prepared ourselves for the pain but it seems like my preparation isn’t enough and strong as Zitao. I need to work hard to achieve that.”

 

“Xiumin! Sehun! Faster!” their manger’s voice could be heard from afar.

 

“Looks like we really need to go fast right now.”

 

“Yeah. We should.”

 

“Stay strong okay. Don’t be sad all the time.”

 

“I will try my best.” said Sehun.

 

“I believe that both of you will meet again in the future.” Minseok looked at Sehun.

 

“Yes, we promised each other.” said Sehun.

 

See you soon.

 

Luhan.

 

 

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Hi.

I will fix the errors later.

Hunhan for life.