1. You meet her, astounded by everything that she is. With her messy hair, tangled in knots and yet somehow you still find her to be beautiful and you wonder if anyone ever tells her she is because she has a wistfulness flowing through her eyes but there’s a dull fade in them, like maybe once there was a flame but someone blew it out.

     She greets you with a smile you find toothy, all pearly whites and thin lips and you find yourself staring stupidly and you know you want to stop but you can’t and she looks at you expectantly and waits for you to greet her also but all that comes out is a sigh that screams how your breath has been stolen from your lungs, and she just giggles at you and tells you that you’re cute and you can’t help yourself, you’re smiling back.

2. A friendship has bloomed, mutual conversations over this and that and sleepovers where no sleep is had. She tells you that she finds you comfortable one day while her head is in your lap and you don’t even realise that you’re playing with her hair but suddenly it’s all you can think about and you wonder how she gets it this soft but you won’t dare ask because you’re not sure if two months of friendship is enough yet.

     It’s another few months and you watch her get her first real boyfriend, with flowers and dates and cute little hugs from behind and you notice something pooling in your stomach and venom on your tongue, but you convince yourself that it’s just your protective personality and you don’t want him to hurt your best friend.

3. She’s up to her sixth boyfriend now, all with fake promises of staying and compliments they don’t really mean and promiscuous behaviour that follows them like a stench and you don’t want to tell her ‘I told you so’ but after she comes crying to you again with her arms wrapped around your neck and a wetness that’s all too familiar seeping onto your shoulder, you can’t deny that it’s on the tip of your tongue.

     You’ve realised what the feeling is now, you think you might’ve known for a while, but all that matters is that she’s staring at you across the bar; giving you a look that screams for help while a lanky man tries to chat her up. You get the feeling again as he tries to wrap an arm around her, and you sprint to the scene and she pretends that you’re hers, that he can’t have her because you supposedly already do and when you two stumble into her house that night and she thanks you with a short kiss you just don’t know what to think anymore because she’s looking at you differently, with hazy eyes and upturned lips and you want to kiss her again but you’re not sure how she’ll react so you just hug her and wish her a goodnight as you walk back to your car.

4. She comes over to your house in the afternoon a week after the kiss you’re still not entirely sure happened, and when you open the door all she does is walk inside and sit on your couch. You ask her what the matter is because you know her well enough by now that something’s up, and all she does is look at you with a bewildered face and she tells you that she wants to try something and you mumble an agreement.

     You feel her lips on yours and you're sure that this time it’s real because you’re suddenly so conscious of how her hands are moving through your hair and her teeth are grazing across your bottom lip and it doesn’t even matter that she’s had six other boyfriends that she’s kissed or that she’ll probably apologise for this in the morning because all that matters right now is that she’s telling you she loves you and that she wants you and you can’t help yourself as soon as your bedroom door closes.

5. She didn’t sneak out the morning after, there were no mumbled apologies, she stayed, and sometimes you need to laugh at yourself to remember that you shouldn’t expect her to not be beside you because she has been now for over a year.

     You make breakfast together, with the radio and pancakes in the frying pan, and you dance along to the top twenty songs even though neither of you are really up to date with the latest music but it doesn’t matter because she’s twirling under your arms and she’s laughing and when she stops moving she pins you against the counter and twines your fingers together and kisses you with such love and passion that you forget about the pancakes that are now burning.

     You sit together after work, telling each other of your day as she lays her head in your lap and you play with her hair, she tells you that you’re comfortable and you laugh at her and tell her that you love her. She says it back, taking your face in your hands and running her thumbs along your jaw before kissing you and you know what to expect now that you’ve been together for so long now but she still renders you breathless and you wonder if she’ll ever let you breathe because all she ever does is steal the breath from your lungs but you’re not complaining because every breath, you breathe for her.

6. You’ve kept it a secret for long enough, you both think, and decide it’s time to tell each other’s family. She holds your hand while you tell your parents, rubs her thumb along your palm as your mother tells you what a disgrace you are to her lord and that you should be ashamed of yourself for committing such a sin, you try to tell your mother that you really do love her and that she means the absolute world to you but she doesn’t believe you, and when the door slams against the heels of your feet as you’re forced out of what you once called home, she just hugs you and tells you that she’s here for you and that she’s not going anywhere and you have no choice but to believe her.

     Her parents were somewhat better, promising that they’ll try to adjust to it because you mean that much to her and her happiness is what matters most to them, and ten minutes later when her older sister takes you both aside she tells you that you ‘better take care of my little Soojung’ and you nod and tell her that she has nothing to worry about.

     That night when you get home, you lay together on your bed side by side, hands locked together as you both stare at the roof and you tell her that you love her and always will and she tells you the same back and you don’t know how long you kiss her for afterwards but you know you skipped a meal and when you finally open your eyes you see that the sun has risen.

7. You elope on a whim, making promises of eternal love and slipping rings onto each other’s fingers and only one guest is in attendance and you’re happy that her older sister obliged to be a part of the ceremony. She wishes you luck and kisses her little sister on the cheek before departing and leaving you both alone.

     You lose yourself in her that night, loving her like you never had before, with sure hands and slow lips and you hear her sigh into your ear and you’re sure it’s the best thing you’ve ever heard even though you’ve been hearing it for years by now.

     A month later she tells you that she wants a child, and you completely agree as long as they get to play basketball, and when she comes around and says yes you take her into your arms and tell her that your children are going to be so damn happy and she kisses you to shut up your rambling.

8. Your children are all beautiful, with long eyelashes and wavy hair and toothy grins and its all you both ever wanted. The two boys are in school, and your little baby girl is beginning kindergarten. Every morning she wakes you up to take the kids to school and you kiss her forehead and agree, and when they ask where their mother is you just tell them that princesses need their beauty sleep and when they all stick their tongues out in disgust you ruffle their hair and hurry them along.

     Once you get back home, she’s waiting for you with a hot chocolate and a playlist already halfway done on the speaker, and you smile because it’s all your favourite songs and she smiles back because she knows you’re about to kiss her and when you do all she does is smile against you.

9. They’ve all grown up, you think, as you watch your daughter take her husband’s hand and slip a ring onto his finger. She’s the last to get married, and you know she’s chosen well, he treats her right and you can’t help but laugh at the memory of how nervous he was to meet you.

     You dance with her after, kiss the back of her hand before twirling her underneath the stars and she laughs at you and tells you that you’re still an idiot after all these years and you agree before hugging her close to you and telling her you love her.

     Two months later, you’re told she’s been in an accident, and you refuse to believe the doctor when he tells you that she might not make it. You cry and you hate everything but when you go into the hospital you hold her hand and tell her it’s going to be okay, and you know she doesn’t believe you but she squeezes your hand a little tighter and tells you she loves you and you see her heartbeat strong and steady on the monitor and you guess that’s enough.

10. You used to like rain, used to like the way it sounded, smelled, looked. Now, you hate rain, it’s just ruining her day. Your children are embraced by their significant others and you know its what’s meant to happen but now you just feel alone. Wind blows against you and leaves rustle from their raked piles and you just wished the ceremony would be over because everyone is staring at you with pity and you just can’t take it.

     Her sister comes up to you afterwards, tells you how much you meant to her baby sister because ‘she would never shut up about you’ and that you kept your promise, you smile and hug her older sister and she hugs back and for a second you really think it’s her but you know it’s not and it hurts to be reminded that you’ll never hug her again.

     You get a phone call from an unknown number that night, and when you answer you don’t know how to react; it’s your mother, she tells you that she’s sorry for your loss and that she misses you. You cry that night, you cry harder than you ever had before.

     You stare out the window the next day, wind blowing ferociously and you feel it slam against you, but something intrigues you about the gust. It smells just like her, faded perfume and coffee stained lips and strawberry shampoo and you smile because you know she’s here and she’s going to keep her promise.

     She’s not going to leave.