I stood in the middle of crowded people but still I felt so empty. Even if the people were passing by and waving their hands towards me, I’d just give them bitter smile before getting lost in my own mind, once again. Why did I feel like this? Couldn’t I get him just for me? What should I do to forget him? All those questions were running out of my mind.

            I couldn’t even talk to anyone at that time, because my lips seemed lose its ability to talk when I could only whisper his name slowly and lowly, “Sehun, Sehun…Sehun” even my heart felt so hurt and my head felt so dizzy. Yes, I like that Sehun too much but I couldn’t even talk to him, how desperate I was.

            “Hana-yah…Hana-yah” suddenly I felt someone whispered my name in my ear, that make me startled. I turned my head around only to find that guy, the one who wa whispering my name, stand up close to me. He just welcomed me with his genuine smile that make my mouth stopped whispering Sehun’s name. He kept whispering my name childishly that make my whole body shivered to death. I could only smile to him shyly while blocking my hand when he took the picture of my weird face with his camera repeatedly.

            “Luhan, stop it” I hissed my teeth while trying to hit his arms. He just stood still catching my pictures naughtily while laughing seeing my weird faces that I made. I only let him be, tried to think that he would stop later on.

            Minutes later, I saw him walking away to another way. He keeps taking pictures of me from a far with his damn beautiful hands. His hair was messed up by the blowing air but he didn’t mind. He just gave me smile while moving his hair back and curling it behind his ear to prevent his long manly hair blocking his eyes.

           That guy, the simple guy who likes photography was different in my eyes at that time. That guy was not as handsome as Sehun but rather pretty like an anime came alive as a person. He is not smart but clever, he’d rather do what he wants to do rather than what the people told him to do. That guy, who owns his mind seems beautiful for some reasons. The one that I thought as one of my random friend seemed so different at that day. The one who already has a lover is so y in my eyes. I couldn’t control my heart. It doesn’t beats fast or stop beating like when I faced Sehun, but it felt like going down into my stomach, deep, deep down till I couldn’t feel where it would end.

               His eyes met mine, I gasped, I could see the rainbow played in his iris, damn so beautiful. Am I fallen for him???

              Yes, I fall for him but I knew that I couldn’t be with him, no, of course not. How could I ruin his relationship with that girl, the girl that he adores the most in this world. No, I would never be the third person in their love life. But, am I wrong if I fall for him even after years had passed after that incident? I don’t know. All I knew is…I just stand in front of dressing room while biting my finger nervously.

               I’ve decided, I’ll confess to him even when I know it’d be just a useless confession but still I just want him to know my feeling before this graduate and we’ll be in our own path. It’s hard yet so fascinating. Finally, I have the braveness inside of me to show him that I love him as a guy not just a friend of mine.

              The door cracked open reveal that guy in his graduation robe with his camera still clinging in his shoulder like always. He noticed my presence and gave me a simple smile while saying, “Want to take a pic together?” while I just shake my head answering ‘no’ to him.

              “Come on, just a single picture, please?” he pleaded with his puppy eyes. I just roll my eyes and mouthed yes before he grabbed my shoulder then smile to the camera that he held it tightly with his right hand. Then, the click sounded repeatedly and we laughed together to see our weird faces.

               “Luhan-ah, there is something that I want to tell you” I started the conversation.

                “Um, what is it?” he asked with his eyes still glued on his camera.

                “That…that…um,,,actually, actually…eh no, honestly…” I lost my words that I’d prepared to speech in front of him suddenly. He just raise his left eyebrow and eyeing me suspiciously, “Honestly…honestly what? Come on, don’t make me anxious, what do you want to tell me?” he said jokingly.

                 “I…I don’t know where it started but I think I was the day when you teased me and kept taking pictures of my weird faces at that time. But I don’t think so, I couldn’t even remember, I just know that I feel something different when you are around me, but I couldn’t tell you cause I’m afraid that I’ll lose you then that girl, I don’t want to ruin your relationship, and all I want you to know is that I couldn’t sleep every nights cause I kept busy thinking of you, breakfast never felt so good and dinner either although lunch is the best cause I could spend my time with you but still I couldn’t make you mine or say I love you either toward you.” I said those speech spontaneously fast in one breath with eyes closed tightly. Slowly, I open my eyes only to find he just stood there without any words came from his mouth, only blinks of his eyes. Is this the end of our friendship?

                “Luhan-ah…please say something.” I said while biting my lower lip.

              “I…I…I don’t know what…what to say. Should I say thanks or sorry?” he joked and gave me sheepish smile that made my mood brighter. At leas, I knew that it’s not the end of us. “So, I guess it’s okay for you? You’re not mad at me?” I asked him just to calm myself.

              “Why would I? I should thank you to be loved by you and I should say sorry if I couldn’t even accept that feeling for me. Seriously, you deserve someone better than me.”

                 “Yeah, I’ll wait for that. Friends?” I handed my right hand in front of him. “Friends. Now and forever.” He took my hand and held it tight.

                 A that time I learned how to love someone without wishing to have him always beside me. Loving someone doesn’t mean that you have to have him/her as a lover but loving someone in the best way is how to understand the way to love him instead. Friends would be the best choice for us, because I still love him. One day, just one day, like he said before, probably I’ll meet someone who adores me like I adore me. but who knows how the fate play it roles, just wait and see what would happen next to me, to him and to us.

FIN

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sorry for the weird storyline, hope you give me comments -__- and bad grammar or typos everywhere.