The corners of Taemin’s lips curve upwards in a smile after receiving a compliment from Jinki. Jinki tells him that the juice is amazing and gives him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. The younger boy’s stomach clenches at the touch. He doesn’t mind if the male before him backs him into the fridge behind them and trials his tongue over his lips but Taemin knows that his fantasy will only remain will only remain a fantasy when Jinki removes his hand and taps his finger playfully on the maknae’s nose. Taemin exhales deeply and steps aside to clear the kitchen counter of the mess he’s made when preparing the home-made orange juice specially for Jinki.

Jinki being the well observant leader he is, notices Taemin’s dejection and prods over to where the maknae’s washing the utensils. He hesitates before voicing his concern. It’s not unusual for Taemin to be overwhelmed by gloom but everyone experiences rainy days, right? Jinki parts his lips open and draws in a breath of air before asking Taemin what’s the matter.

Taemin turns off the pipe and dries his hands in a towel. “Nothing.” He avoids Jinki’s watchful eyes because if he makes the slightest mistake by glancing at them he will not be able to look way. The older male is obviously unaware of how magnetizing his stare is, how his dark pools tug at Taemin’s heart strings and how mesmerizing his gaze is. Jinki is so unaware of the effect he has on Taemin.

“Are you sure?” Jinki inquires, not satisfied with his dongsaeng’s answer.

Taemin clenches his fist and his knuckles hurt from the pressure he’s exerting on them. He wants to tell Jinki that he likes him and that he’s liked him for quite a while now and the slightest interaction with him drives Taemin over the edge. Taemin’s afraid  of how his body responds and reacts whenever he’s in his hyung’s presence.

Instead Taemin bobs his head up and down affirming that he’s quite fine which is a complete lie.

Jinki realizes Taemin’s difficulty in answering a simple question and knows that the boy is hiding something. This sparks his curiosity and he shifts his body in font of the maknae.

Taemin shivers at the realization of how close his crush’s body is to his own. His breathing quickens and he bites his lips. It’s too much. If he should raise his hand and face the man, the handsome man before him, his flushed face would five him way immediately. He can’t help the thoughts infiltrating his mind at that point in time. He thinks of Jinki raising his chin to peck his lips as he runs his fingers through his hair over his back and down the outline of his spine. He thinks of feeling Jinki’s warm breath on his swollen lips, pale neck and chest. He can’t help these thoughts. He can’t fight the way he feels so he clenches his fist tighter.

“I know what you need.” Jinki exhales. Taemin’s ears devours his soothing voice and years to  hear him speak again.

Jinki steps closer to him and embraces his small frame “It’s ok if you don’t want to talk to me of all persons.”

Lies.

I want to talk to you so badly but the paralyzing fear of how you’ll react to my liking you is a risk I can’t take yet out of respect for Key-hyung.

“-but you have the others who you can open up to.” Jinki leans his chin on Taemin’s shoulder.

A tear escapes from the teenager’s eyes. He’s so young, so young and already has so many conflicted feelings. Of course he knows he likes Jinki but as  Jinki hugs him, happiness surges throughout his body like adrenaline during a nightly  performance and then sadness takes over when Jinki recoils at Kibum’s calling. He smiles and flashes Taemin a concerned look before hurrying off.

Taemin turns sharply, positioning both hands on the counter for support. His knees are wobbly and his eyes are filled with tears and there’s a numbing pain in his chest.

“It hurts.” He murmurs to himself “It’s so hard. He sniffles and wipes his tears in the tail of his grey t-shirt.