They blamed me. They said it was my fault that he died.

How was I supposed to know the guy was obsessed with me? Okay, I admit, I knew he liked me, so I but I didn’t know it would hurt him that much.

I found out the news when he didn’t show up to work for three days and that’s unexpected because the guy’s life is his job. So our Head Manager, (of whom I hate, by the way, because all he does is yell at every little mistakes we make), went to his house to find out what’s wrong.

TOP couldn’t find him at his house so he called the police. Apparently, the guy was “distressed” at the party and that was the last time anyone had heard from him.

I didn’t think much of it. Seriously, how was I supposed to know?

------------

They went to his office and found his journal. Right after they found it, they called me straight in the conference room.

“What did you do to him?”

“What are you talking about? Who, that missing stylist?” I sneered.

“His name is Kim Jaejoong and he was in love with you,” TOP growled.

“What do you want me to do about it? Look, I’m sorry, but this has nothing to do with me,” I bowed to the CEO and left, slamming the door on my way out.

They blamed me, because I made him disappear? What the hell? I have enough problems to take care of.

I thought nothing of the incident until three days later.

---------------------------

I scoffed at the paper.

“Again, what does this have to do with me?”

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME, JUNG YUNHO!? HE KILLED HIMSELF BECAUSE OF YOU!”

“Are you calling me a murderer? I don’t see what I did wrong. I don’t even talk to the guy”

As I was about to walk out again, TOP slammed me against the wall and punched me right in the eye.

“What the was that for?”

“He was right, you ARE a jerk

“Seriously, what are you talking about?”

The CEO made TOP let go of me and said he wanted to talk to me alone. TOP gave me a deadly glare as he left and I stuck out my tongue.

He sighed and said, “Jung Yunho, do you know why Kim Jaejoong killed himself?”

“TOP said it was my fault, but serio-”

“Yunho, I am sick of your stuck-up attitude. One more remark from you and I will disband BAP. I don’t care if your band mates didn’t do anything wrong. YOU will be why they broke up and I won’t hesitate to tell the public that.”

I seriously love my band, they are everything to me. “Alright, alright, I’m sorry.”

“You’re not sorry enough. I want you to start charity works and volunteering in Jaejoong’s name.”

“I understand, but please tell me WHY everyone keeps on blaming me for his death.”

The CEO sighed and took out Jaejoong’s journal. “Read it and you’ll find out why.”

Before I left, the CEO silently whispered, “you don’t even care”

Of course I don’t, this has nothing to do with me. I can’t help that I’m this good looking.

-------------------------

I was curious. What exactly is in this journal? What did the guy wrote that actually made him kill himself.

Well, there’s only one way to find out.

There he was, the love of my life, Jung Yunho kissing another woman.

I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell at him, but I can’t. I can’t.

Jung Yunho doesn’t know I exist.

Oh, boohoo. I don’t know a lot of my crazy fangirls.

I knew all the things he does, the way he plays around and dumps the girl right after a quick . I knew all of that. I tried. I seriously tried. I tried to forget him. I knew he was a jerk, and I knew I was never going to get him because I’m a guy, because I’m just a stupid stylist. But I can’t help it. Every time I try to forget him, to ignore him, he would always pop up, and everything I let go of, came straight back.

JERK? How long has this guy been stalking me to know that I play with girls like that? And what the ? I don’t pop up on purpose. I don’t even talk to him!

The only time I can fully let out my feelings was when I was watching his performances. The graceful dancing and his perfect melodious voice, it was all so beautiful.

Definitely on the stalker list.

It’s always so hard. I think he knows I like him. The way I act when he’s around. I try not to, but I can’t stop it. The occasional glances and attitude towards him, I’m pretty sure he knew.

Well duh, you made it pretty obvious.

I slumped down and cried. It hurts so much. I know that’s a stupid reason to cry but everything I thought about Yunho changed. To all those people who said he was a nice, loving person, lied. What hurt me the most was that he did that while I was talking, while I was in the spotlight, he deliberately took out his phone. I don’t understand what’s the difference between TOP and I. Why do they show him respect and not me? What about me that makes it so different, so off, that they would erase me?

I don’t know if me crying over Yunho was because I’m emotional or not. Maybe other people didn’t feel this, but it hurts. A strange stab in my heart that broke me so much.

I tried. I tried to tell myself that Yunho doesn’t care. He’s done this to many other girls. You don’t exist. You’re just a game to him.

All of what I told myself was true, but my heart refused to accept it.

Did I really do all those things? I take out my phone and the guy thinks I did it on purpose. Again, how was I supposed to know all of this “hurt his feelings?”

A/N: I honestly didn't know how I was going to end it, so I guess that's why I left it blank two years ago... But I'm just going to leave this here...