"If you hate me so much why did you confess in the first place?!" Junhyung yells while trying his best not to cry.
He cannot cry...
Not now..
Not in front of him.
"If i knew before how you look behind that mask of the charasmatic rapper i would have never confess!!"
"You are such an !"
"And you are a male !" Dujun covers his mouth. He never intend to call his boyfriend a . He never thought about him being one. He mentally slaps himself and wants to apologize but before he can say something, he gets hit hard in the face by Junhyungs fist causing him to fall on his . A vase lands on the floor aswell shattering into pieces loudly.
"Just because i am talking with others doesnt mean i am a ."
The rapper rushes to their shared bedroom to pack some things.
The leader follows him.
"Where are you going?" he whispers, his eyes following the youngers movements.
"Why do you care? To you i am just a , so i leave. Dujun." Junhyung glares at the older with tears filled eyes.
Dujun didnt mean it that way. He was just so angry that Junhyung keeps talking so happily with other men. And how he looks at them.. The smile he gives them. Just the imagination about his boyfriend flirting around.
"Because you behave like one!!!..." Dujun burst out his mind filled with imaginations about his boyfriend making out with a stranger.
Junhyung drops his bag. He looks at the older with widden eyes.
"Junhyung...."
The rapper raises his hand as signal for Dujun to stop, staring at the floor.
"Are you serious? If you really think that way about me.. My character .. My feelings for you..." Tears run down the youngers face.
The next moment the frontdoor gets slammed. Dujun stands dumbfolded in the bedroom when a growl escapes his lips.
"!"

Junhyung sits in his car hiding his face in his palms.
'Calm down... Calm down.. Calm down...'
He wipes over his face with his sleeves but the tears wont stop.
Then he start the engine and drives away.

...

The days pass by and Dujun is still waiting for Junhyung to come back.
The younger doesn't pick up his phone and his friends dont know or dont tell where he is.
Dujun stands in front of a cooling shelf of the supermarket. Dark circles under his red eyes show the lack of sleep clearly. He yawns a few times before taking something random into his shopping cart.
"Do you love him?" a smooth voice rings in his eyes.
"Yeah i do.." Dujun answer without paying much attention who is talking to him.
"Do you regret what you said?" again the high but comforting voice appears.
"I never regreted something more than calling him like that."
"Good." the soft voice whispers.
Too late Dujun realises that he talked with someone.
He looks around confused but he cant see a person who could match with this voice.
"If you really love him..." giggles reach the olders ear and he looks around confused again.

'What?!...' He scratches his head, his eyes still wandering around.

....

Again a week passes by without a respond.

Dujun sits in their favorite cafe at their favorite table and he orders Junhyungs drink. Altought he didnt like the taste.. The bitter coffee just reminds him of Junhyung lips. The younger always kissed him after every sip, with a smirk.
Dujun asked him why he orders this drink, but the younger just raised his shoulders with a shaking head. He took another sip before connecting their lips again.
Dujun sighs taking a small sip and scrunches his nose about the bitter taste.
'Junhyung...'
"Hahahahaha. Your face is absolutely hilarious!" a girl huffs between laughter. Dujun inspects the girl from head to toe. He estimates the girl about 16 years old. Her hair is wavy and long. And unexpectly her eyes are icy blue.
"You look like a kid eating a lemon slice.. Do you always make such a face? You should stop drink this!"
"Yah! Respect the older!" Dujun snaps but after he blinks his eyes once the girl disappeared.

Dujun looks around confused.
'What?!'
"Like a kid eating a lemonslice?" He mumbles confused.

...

After three days more, the leader started to call Junhyungs friend again but no one gave him an answer.
'They know where he is. Why do the keep silent?'
Dujun thinks after calling Seungho.
'Bastard...'
Also the BEAST members dont know where their rapper is.

...

It is 2 pm and the leader tosses around restless. He burries his face into Junhyungs pillow, breathing in deeply to inhale as much scent of Junhyung as possible.
He missed the younger too much he could handle.
A  sudden ring of the doorbell gets his hopes up.
He runs to the door and opens it fastly.
"Junhy..."
The hopeful smile disappears and his eyes darken in an instant.
 "Hey.. Hello Dujun-ssi.... Junhyung sent me here..."
Dujun opens the door wider to let the young girl in.
"I recognise you from the cafe.."
The girl nods, entering the flat.
"Junhyung send you here?"
"... Kind of.. There is something you will discover soon... And i have a message." she says slowly and calm. And now Dujun notices similarities to the voice of the supermarket.
"So?"
"I am very sorry to tell you.. but Junhyung died." She whispers.
"You know.... kid ...this kind of jokes are not very funny."
the leader feels the anger building up in him.
"I expected this but my life is not made for Jokes. Dujun-ssi.."
"You are blabbering nonsense... Please leave." the older says coldly, pointing at the door.

Silence fills the room for a few long minutes.

"He is dead.. Okay. He is not alive anymore. I know it is hard to believe.." the girl breaths out.
"Dont talk such a ing , little kid!" Dujun snaps.
"I told his parents, Dujun. They already identified him. You will get a call soon." her voice still calm.
"I dont believe you. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!"
Dujun screams his eyes already filled with tears. Just the imagination of his love being dead is unbearable.

"He died... Yong Junhyung died in an car accident. Thats why you cant reach him.. Thats why no one knows where he is."
Dujun looks at her shocked.
"Does Junhyung want to trick me?"
"NO! God damnit! He died! The night you had the fight!"
Tears run down his face. The girls swallows hard.
"I am sorry... I know it is hard to find out that the person you love the most died.. But it is the truth." Her voice is soft and calm.. Nearly a whisper. Dujun  stands in front of her shocked about the serious atmosphere.
"Pick up the phone... Mrs. Yong is near a breakdown..." the girl breaks the silence.
"The phone doesnt ri.." the sudden ring of the phone makes the man startle.
He rushes to the phone in the bedroom.
She hears him mumble. His voice getting louder with each word before he shuts his mouth with a loud sob.
A loud thump signals her that Dujun fainted.

She walks into the bedroom pulling the older on the bed before taking a seat on the windowsil.
She promised him.

...

Dujun blinks his eyes trying to adjust to the darkness.
Hours passed and it is already past midnight.
"Why?"  he mouths his eyes fixed on the ceiling.
"Thats destiny.. Dujun-ssi.. People die and sometimes we cant change that fact."
Dujun cant see it but the girls face is stained with tears. She is used to the suffer and despiration of strangers who lost important people. This time it was painful for her aswell.
"But.. I said...." his voice cracks turning into sobs.
"I know.. I know what happend to you two. I cant barely imagine how you feel. But this is reality."
the girl still looks out of the window.

"How?" his voice is just a whisper.
"The night.you two had the big fight and after you called him a... Uhmm ... You know... And then he left..
He waited in the car for a few minutes...for  y.... Then he drove away." she says in a calm tone, carefully choosing her words.
"He didnt know where he could go so he just drove along the highway."
"Why didnt he just go to his friends?" the older interrupts.
"Do you really think he would go to his friends and tell them his great boyfriend is jealous and called him a ?..." she blabbers but apologises quickly with a soundless 'Sorry'.
"The car broke down... I didnt pay attention what exactly was wrong, it is unnecessary anyway. He walked along the street and got hit by a truck."

Once again silence filled the room.

"Did. Did he had to suffer?"
"After the hit he was still awake... The truck hit him hard and pressed him against a wall of a bridge."
The olders heart aches painfully. His breath hitches.

"I love you. Sorry for hurting you."
Dujun faces the girl.
"Thats the last message for you.. That were his last words..."
"How do you know this?" he sits up.
"I saw him .." she mouths.
The leader is shocked. He stands up abruptly and grabs the girls arm forcefully.
"Why didnt you help him!?" he growls.
"That was not my job.. It isnt my job to prevent you from pain and desperation. It is not my job to save people!" she yells her voice trembling.
"Your job?! Who the are you?"
"This is not important." her eyes avoiding any contact with the other.
"Why didnt you help him? You saw him suffer.."
"I know what i saw... I see it very often. Dujun-ssi." she turns around.
The grip around the girls arm loosens after Dujun notices the tearsstained face.
"When people see me... The first thing they say 'Help me!' 'I dont wanna die' 'I am too young' I see the desperation the fear.. Even hate!
..But Junhyung-ssi ... "

*flashback*
Junhyung whimperd in pain coughing blood. "It is over soon" the girl said her voice just a whisper as she leant closer to Junhyung. The rapper looked up eyeing her.
"You should stay away... It is dangerous here.." Junhyung managed to mumble.
"I am here to stay with you until you die."
The rapper furrowed his eyebrows when he finally understood.
"Kind of death-angel, huh?.. You are way too young  and beautiful for this.. .."
Junhyung cought blood before taking the girls hand.
"Could you do me a favor?"
Now started the routine.. Begging for mercy.. Pleading to save him and promises to live better. The girl hated this moment the most.
She closed her eyes tight.
"Please... Tell Yoon Dujun, I love him. And that i am sorry for hurting him....
  I beg you please tell him that i love him and that i am truly sorry for my behaviour." Tears washed the bloody cheeks. Suddenly his breath hitched. He tried to breath in but his lungs refused to work.
"It is over Yong Junhyung."
"Tell ... him. Dujun pabo.. I love you. " The hand in the girls grip got limp and lifeless. 

*flashback end*

"Dujun pabo.. I love you."
Dujun blinks his eyes. His head hurts like hell.
"How can i live without him?" He asks himself.

He cried the whole night.. He cried in the girls arms. He begged her to bring him back.. He offered his life for Junhyung.
Refusing to get out of the bed for the next days he turns his body to Junhyungs side to inhale his fading scent.

He wont ever be able to hold him. To touch the others soft skin.. he wont ever be able to watch him... how he sleeps.. how he smirked.. how he laughed about some jokes or about Dujuns stupid behaviour. He wont be able to see the shy smile.. how Junhyung bit his lips in aniexy. He even will miss the frown.. his tears.. he wont ever be able  to hear his voice. His laugh.. his scold or complain.. when he confessed..

It hurts so much. It hurts to acknowledge that he never wont be able to feel the love.. to feel the warmth.. he cant bear the feeling of pain and death. He feels like dying in slowmotion. A knife slowly stabbing his heart. He feels every painful inch sliding in.

Every moment with Junhyung replays before his eyes. With each moment the youngers face become more and more faded. Slowly Junhyungs appearance transforms into dust.

Slowly darkness swallows him. He drowns in a pitchblack sea but he doesnt try to swim. He has no reason...

With every inch his body fells easier. The unbearable pain disappears.

...

 ~~~~~~

~~~~~~~

Authors note: i still need something... if you think the story is finished with this you dont have to read the next shooort chapter.

Thank you for reading...

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