Imagine yourself, with a bundle of hope about ‘forever’ being securely held in your palm. When your future dream is about to come true just in a matter of time, once you spoke the question. You’ve prepared this for long. You’ve prepared it for so long. It wasn’t easy but you’re being determined. You’re about to give your freedom away, into the sacred bond of marriage. One commitment you thought you’d never want to take even a single glance. Dating are cool for you, being in a relationship is okay, but taking vows to stay with just one person, forever, would be something you’d never give a to even imagined it.

But somehow, you are right now.

Only ironically, the plan, the hope, the dream you’ve struggled to get adjust with and about to make it came true tonight, faltered once you stepped into your joint apartment with her, through the sight of an unfamiliar pair of shoes.

Impulsively your eyes started to wander around the dimly lit living room only to find pieces of clothing’s scattered around, on your couch that you used to cuddled in with her, on the coffee table where you used to ate dinner with while watching tv shows or dvd’s with her, and on the floor, to your bedroom, where you shared all the intimate bonding exclusively with her.

Slowly, you walked to the closed door of your bedroom, silently prayed that it was nothing, there’s no one else with her inside your bedroom, and you’d only find her sleeping soundly, probably a little too drunk, under the cover of your shared bed. Purposely ignoring, cutting, forgetting the fact about the presences of an unfamiliar piece of clothes alongside hers.

But a familiar moans and grunts of pleasures from behind the closed door made all your efforts to manipulate your own mind crumbled into pieces. The familiar moans and grunts of pleasure you thought could only be heard by you and only you.

You could feel your heart sank even deeper when you heard another moans and grunts from behind the same closed door, but this time, it came from someone else you didn’t recognized. A male.

Your mind went blank.

Your body turns cold.

You’re shaking.

Was it fear? Was it anger? Was it, sadness?

Slowly, you put your hand on the doorknob. Slowly, you twisted it open. And you feel you just let half of your soul flies away when you see her, the love of your life, riding on a man. Oblivious to your presence behind her.

From where you’re standing, you could see her long red hair being draped on her right shoulder. On her left shoulder, you could see a freshly made hickeys, clearly isn’t yours. There’s some too on her sweaty back. On her rear, you can see male’s palm touching it, fondled it, kneading it.

You didn’t realize when, but tears started to flow down your cheeks. You wanted to scream, you wanted to shouts at them, you wanted to punch the hell out of that guy who dared to touch her. Your girl.

But you can’t seem to find your voice.

Until he saw you “Oh !” he throw her on the bed beside him, then jumped out of your bed and ran away, you could hear him tumbled down then the sound of the apartment door harshly closed.

Once she saw you, you can tell that she’s in an utter shock. She covered herself with the bed sheets and tried to reach you, while looking at you with her piercing eyes going to start her speech with “Amber, I can explain..”

But what’s there to explain? Is there any need for her to explain? Would you want to listen to her explanation while you already see what’s happening?

You stared at her, the first person you ever fall in love with in your life, hopefully the last too. She tried to reach you again, but this time you backed off so she stopped, few feet away from you, covered by nothing but a thin sheet. From where you’re standing now, you can see another freshly made hickeys on her neck, collarbones, as well as her chest, and you tried so hard not to guess where would the other hickeys made by him be on her body. Her lips looked swollen. She must reciprocate his kisses.

“I love you Krys.. You know?” was the only words you could finally say.

She looked at you in shocked.

Why would she feel that way? Was it that surprising that you love her? She should have known by now, you’ve been together for years already for heaven sake.

Then she suddenly sat down on the edge of your bed, burying her face into one of her palm while the other clutching hard the end of the sheets in front of her chest.

Was it guilt? Was it regret? Does it matter?

“I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry” she whimpered slowly between her sobs.

She’s sorry.

She said she was sorry.

You took out the small box you were meant to surprise her with from inside your pocket. Putting it on top of the drawer next to where you’re standing, and said “I know..” then walked away.

To where? You don’t know. How are you feeling? You don’t know. What to do now? You don’t know.

But you know she felt sorry, and so does you.

Whatever that sorry stands for.