In your darkest moments, there are bright hands reaching for you and a voice whispering,

“Please just open your eyes and see me”

Even now, I whisper

- I Wrote This For You -

SUNGMIN

He first heard the song when they had their concert rehearsal. Everyone was busy practicing their own solo stage, and so was he. He wanted to show the fans a special performance, and he liked a new challenge. Thus he chose to do a drum performance and accompany the leader as a guitarist. It was not easy, and they only had days to practice before the D-day. But Lee Sungmin was a hard worker and he never gave up. Sacrificing a few hours of sleep for practicing would not kill him. He could sleep later after the concert since the company gave them a week of vacation. Other members asked him to join their little trip, but he chose to stay in Seoul. Maybe he could visit his brother in their café, or have a date with his girlfriend, or maybe just simply stay in the dorm, sleeping. Right now, he needed to focus on practicing. He didn’t need to be distracted.

He first heard it when they had their concert rehearsal. He already done his, and now it was Kyuhyun’s turn. He heard maknae composed the song while Changmin wrote the lyrics, but he never heard the final composition. So he stayed there with other members, wanted to listen to Kyuhyun’s solo for the first time (he had always been a big fan of Kyuhyun’s ballads, everyone knew about that, not that Kyuhyun needed to hear that directly from his mouth). Eunhyuk and Shindong were discussing something with the crews, he tried to listen to their conversation, but then Kyuhyun was on stage and the music was playing.

He first heard it when they had their concert rehearsal. And he didn’t know if he ever wanted to listen to that song ever again. Kyuhyun was closing his eyes while singing his heart out, but somewhat he could see the hurt and disappointment leaking from those bright eyes. How could he not, the scene was replayed in his head every day, especially when he tried to sleep, since the day they had their talk. He walked away after the talk, feeling Kyuhyun’s stare on his back. Kyuhyun had been avoiding him since then and he didn’t try to mend their relationship. He knew Kyuhyun needed time because he knew how it felt like to be brokenhearted. Then again, what relationship they had now? Lovers? It was years ago, an impulsive act because they were young and they felt like the world was in their hand. Best friends? He’d like to call them that, but he wasn’t sure if Kyuhyun still wanted to call him best friends. He used to think whatever happened between them, they would end as best friends. But now after the hurt he saw in Kyuhyun’s eyes months ago, he wasn’t sure anymore.

He first heard it when they had their concert rehearsal. And he needed to go away from the stage because his eyes felt hot. Kyuhyun was now singing while looking at him, and he didn’t need to be seen with tears on his cheeks, either by Kyuhyun, or anyone else in the stadium. Because Lee Sungmin never cried. And he wasn’t supposed to feel like this. He couldn’t bear to face Kyuhyun, to see those eyes staring back at him with hurt he knew was still there since he was the one who placed it there. So he chose to walk away, again, like he did months ago. If he felt like someone was staring on his retreating back, he chose to ignore it.

KYUHYUN

He felt like he had the world in his hand. He couldn’t believe they achieved something like 100^th concert, but there he was, celebrating it with the members and the fans. He knew fans must have been preparing something, but still, when he came out the stage seeing that rainbow sea, he knew he wouldn’t trade this for anything. Leeteuk and Eunhyuk were crying their eyes out, but he was the maknae, the supposed-to-be-cute one, so instead of crying, he jumped around the stage, lighten the mood up a bit. And it was not an act. He was happy, elated even.

After the concert, everyone was preparing for the after party. But he felt like he needed to go away soon. He and Changmin already planned everything they needed for their trip to Jeju. He called it refreshing, Changmin called it a runaway trip. Whatever, he didn’t care. He needed to go away from the city soon. All they had to do was hopped to a plane and they would be there. But after party was waiting.

So he stepped out of the building, greeting the fans who already waited outside with his tap dancing while he walked to the car. He knew the fans loved it, it was the least he could do to thank them. Inside the car he couldn’t help to wish this car was bringing him to the airport, to the plane which would take him to Jeju. Jeju was healing, Jeju was refreshing, he repeated it in his head like a mantra. He needed to go away from the city soon. Away from the screaming of the fans, away from the busy and suffocating schedule, and away from that person with doe eyes and bow-shaped lips who had been avoiding him since months ago.

HEECHUL

It was supposed to be their vacation time, damnit, he thought. It was supposed to be a peaceful time where he could enjoy his beauty sleep and snuggling to his Anna pillow. But no, beauty sleep could wait, he thought again. He had important thing waited.

This was why he couldn’t be a leader, he thought. Leeteuk was away in Jeju to enjoy his vacation, and he was the oldest hyung here available in the dorm. Phones were ringing and everyone in the room looked at him. He knew the callers were looking for Sungmin, and he was fidgeting like he didn’t know what to do in this situation (Heechul was afraid the pumpkin was going to have a panic attack). But he already confirmed it and the company already told it to the news outlet. There was nothing they could do but wait (waiting for what, Heechul didn’t know). He couldn’t help but sighed. This was supposed to be their vacation time.

And then he heard a sniff. And an apology. Then the sniff blew into a cry. He didn’t know what to do. Heechul was never good with words and emotion. It was Leeteuk’s department. Heechul was impulsive act and hiding emotion behind loud laughter. And Lee Sungmin never cried. So he had like double attack which he didn’t know what to do to solve it. He thought of running away to his room, let Kangin or Ryeowook to take care of it. But he was the oldest in this room and he felt guilty already for thinking of running away. Then again, even if he had had run away to his room, he would still have heard the sound of Sungmin crying. So he did what he could now, hugging the crying boy. What this boy had done to be hurt like this, he thought. Lee Sungmin was a strong boy, he knew it, but it really hurt him to see this boy got hurt.

This was why he couldn’t be a leader, he thought. And he really wished Leeteuk was here at the moment.

KYUHYUN

Jeju was indeed healing, he thought the second he arrived in the airport. Either because it was Jeju or because Changmin was beside him, he felt grateful. It was nice to know there was someone you could rely on, and he was grateful Changmin was always there whenever he needed to get some fun or when he really needed to shed some manly tears. When he stepped outside the terminal and saw some fans, he knew it was time to get back to work. Vacation was over and he had jobs to do.

The second he arrived in front of their dorm, he couldn’t wait to go to his room. Kicking some in Starcraft sounded fun, he thought. The second he opened their door, he knew something was wrong. Everyone was there, and Heechul was hugging someone.

“What’s happening? Having some family bond here?” he asked while putting his bag on the floor.

“You didn’t check the news?” Kangin asked.

“Nah, busy having fun. What happened?”

Everyone was looking at each other but him and he felt uneasy. Did something bad happen while he was away, he thought. But then if it was emergency, he would have been called back to Seoul. Besides, Yongsun was there with him in Jeju. Nothing bad happened, right?

“Sungmin dating his girlfriend is on the news” Heechul said and it was enough to make him forget about the happy times he had in Jeju with Changmin.

Everyone was looking at him, were they waiting for his reaction, he thought. But he just stood there, looking back at the members. What were they expecting, a break down? The group knew about his and Sungmin’s history, they never kept a secret from each other. But they also knew he had nothing to do with Sungmin anymore, no matter how he felt about that. The song he sang in the concert was enough to tell them.

“Then what?” he asked, and he hated how shaky his voice sounded to his ears. He hoped no one noticed it.

Then Sungmin was looking up at him, with his red-rimmed eyes, and he knew he was going to cry again. Tears was always his weakness, especially from this boy. He swallowed a lump in his throat. Sungmin was not the one who’s gonna cry in seconds.

“Kyuhyun…..I-I’m sorry….I….”

He knew he should be there, comforting him because this was a hard time for him. But the pain came back again in full power, he didn’t even know why. Besides he already felt his eyes sting a lot. And why did he apologize to him? Without he realized it first, he already walked to where Sungmin was sit. He patted his head gently and said, “It will be alright. You’re gonna be okay” then walked back to take his bag and retreated to his room.

He could feel everyone in the room was looking at him and that was the reason why he locked the door. He just wanted to be alone. His plan to play Starcraft was already out of the door. He laid on the bed and wished so bad he could be in Jeju again. Think about Jeju, Jeju was healing, again he repeated it in his head like a mantra. If there were tears on his pillow, well, nobody needed to know.

SUNGMIN

“It will be alright. You’re gonna be okay”

How he wished he had the strength to follow him. But he just sat there with his unstoppable tears on his cheeks, looking at the boy’s back which he loved to hug, months ago. Kyuhyun was a tall boy, but now he looked a lot smaller in his eyes. Sungmin knew he was gonna be alright, he could call his girlfriend, came to her house, hugging her (he loved hugging her, how she felt so small and so fit in his arm so he could protect her, but he also missed getting hugged by a tall and lanky boy, who used to hug him whenever they’re in their room, months ago), and he would be okay. But how about Kyuhyun? Would he be okay? Who’s gonna hug him? What was he doing now in his room? Was he crying?

How he wished he had the guts to go in to the room. It used to be the room he loved the most. But now it looked so big, so far away from his reach, an invisible wall was there in front of the door. How he wished he could prevent this to happen. How he wished he had had mended their relationship before this happen.

But above them all, Sungmin wished he never hurt Kyuhyun in the first place.

A/N: This is my first fic ever and I'm sorry if this is bad (if there is ever a reader) and English is not my primary language and I'm still learning it ^^ so there must be a lot of grammatical errors and spelling error that make you frowning because this is so awful and I feel like apologizing again since I know this is so bad and also the plot is messy ugh but I have this scenario in my head ever since the news broke out and it won't go away so I feel like to write it and it turns out a bit different from my scenario because I have difficulty in describing it with words omg I'm rambling why am I rambling ugh I'm sorry again I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry if this is really bad and makes you regretting it after you read this and also thank you so so so so much for reading this! (if there is ever a reader).

A/N 2: Cheer up everyone! Here's a happy pill for all of us! <3