Hyung...will you ever forgive me? I am sorry for what I did. Sorry for letting you go. For thinking we could manage separately. That I could manage separately from you.
 

        Hyung...I miss you. We have drifted away for these past weeks. Did you notice also? Of course you would notice. Maybe this has appeased you. We were close and now we're not. I am sorry for that. Sorry for being the one who put distance between us. For thinking that I could ignore you and be okay with it. That I am not okay with it.
 

        Hyung...I can't stop thinking about you. About us. About all the time we already wasted and are going to waste in the future. I am sorry for being distant all this time. Sorry to have made you live through hardships on your own. For thinking I could refuse to help you along the way. That I could live with this guilt and come along with an unharmed heart.

        Hyung…I can't shake the guilt out of my mind. Have you hurt long? Is it selfish to hope you still bear feelings for me? That those feelings are not only resentment and disappointment? The worst thing I ever done was to ignore you as I realize now that the closest thing to hell is eating me whole. It's now your turn to ignore me. I am sorry for not realizing sooner. Sorry for fathoming only now the depth of the pain I put you through. For realizing it only now as my heart is breaking surely the same way that yours did before. That I hurt your precious heart.
 

        Hyung...has your heart forgot me yet? Did the pain numbed parts of your mind where you kept memories of our moments? Do you feel detached now? Uninterested? Indifferent? Maybe you chose to forget and I shouldn't blame you for that. Although memories are best when shared, I shouldn't blame you for abandoning your part. I am sorry that I will however keep mine as the reminder of what we once were. Sorry for thinking about you like that while I probably lost that right the moment I asked for you to go away. For ever asking you to go away. That I could be so heartless towards you.
 

        Hyung...do you despise me now? Are you put off by my selfishness? Because as much as I force myself to, I can't begin to accept seeing you by the side of another. I know I provoked all of this by putting an end to our promise. Breaking that promise was bound to punish me in a cruel way almost equal to the cruelty in which I've offended you. I am sorry that my heart can't set you free although yours was forced to keep out from mine. Sorry for not wishing you both happiness. For cruelly wishing she would disappear from your life. That you could remain mine only.
 

        Hyung…I can't forget you still. How much I know I have no right, I can't. What my mind attempted to force my heart not to feel, I know now it never fully succeeded.  Because the mind can imagine a way to move on while the heart can't do that but just beat, feel, and break. Once committed to the right person, however late the realization will be doesn't change the fact that the heart will keep on belonging to that person. I threw yours mercilessly once, but you never lost mine. You can step on it, crush it, make it burst but the pieces will always beat for you and you only. I am sorry to offer you a cracked heart. Sorry for hoping you would mend it someday. That I dare to hope for the day you would trust yours to me again. That I could ever hope for a second chance.
 

        Hyung...I am sorry to have driven you away. Sorry to have hurt you. Sorry to have ignored you. Sorry for not fighting for us. Sorry for realizing late. For being selfish while I know I don't have this right anymore. Sorry for hoping still. For daring to ask for that second chance.

        But Hyung I am not sorry to say that despite everything I have done, I am still in love with you.


 

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Feeling a lot better now.
Keep supporting JOY couple ♥








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