*-*-*

Chanyeol grunted as he stirred awake from his sleep. He cracked an eye open to glance at the digital clock perched on his nightstand. ‘, it’s midnight.’ He’s wide awake now. He started stretching his limbs to get rid of the creaks and numbness of his muscles. He sighed and sat up from the bed and grabbed his phone from under his pillow to check on his SNS accounts. ‘Hm, nothing new.’

Looking around his room to find something that would eventually lull him back to sleep, he glanced down at his guitar that is leaning against the wall right next to his bed. ‘I can’t play at this hour… Kyungsoo’s going to kill me.’ He sighed and got up from his bed and decided to go to his computer table. He opened his laptop and perched himself on the chair near the table, and a thought came over him. ‘It’s almost been a year. I should watch that again for old time’s sake.’ He opened the folder named ‘EXO SHOWTIME’ and randomly clicked on the 6^th episode.

He immediately smiled when he realized what episode it was. It was definitely one of the happiest days he had with s. They were all together in a nice, cozy house for the weekend. It was a very memorable day for all of them. That was also the time where they all watched the sun rise together the next morning. He remember being outside by the shore in the cold winter morning. They were all freezing but they still waited for the stubborn sun to rise. He bit down his lip as he watch s and himself shout out their own New Year’s resolution. They all wished for a great year ahead. They wished for everyone to be happy and healthy every time. They wanted to become an even stronger group. They wished and hoped to grow together as twelve young boys chasing one single dream. His heart was suddenly swelling with a lot of feelings and emotions from the past and from the present. Chanyeol sighed at the used to be sweet but now bitter memory.

He reached out to pause the video at the part where they were all huddled up, forming a tight circle with their hands all together. He took out his phone a snapped a photo of the screen of his laptop. He went on his Instagram and posted the photo with a caption saying:

I fell asleep a little early. My eyes opened at midnight, and with my heart feeling a bit inadequate, I watched EXO SHOWTIME episode 6 that we filmed last year. It hasn’t even been a year yet, but the memories are flowing in, I miss it… Yeah, of course, it’s really fun and I’m happy right now. But I think it’s nice that we have something to look back on, both on myself and EXO. I really love the EXO members and I really love EXO-L too. Members, let’s keeps feeling this amount of happiness, and to the fans and everyone around me, I hope that you are all happy and healthy. Although I’m lacking, thank you for always loving me, I love you! Lastly, EXO let’s love! (Forever)

*-*-*                       

Since he couldn’t go back to sleep, he decided to watch another episode, this time he clicked on the last video in the folder. He leaned his back against his swiveling chair and tried to get as comfy as possible as he watch the video intently. He skipped a few parts until he got to the part where they teleported themselves from the studio and out on the beach with the help of Jongin’s powers.

They were out on the beach because Junmyeon wanted Yifan to go out into the water as EXO-M’s leader. Yifan hesitated for a while but when he saw Junmyeon frowning up at him like that, he wasn’t going to say no.

Chanyeol watched as they gathered around with their hands on top of one another, Junmyeon counting to three before they shout ‘EXO, saranghaja!’ all together. He watched with a  slightly heavy heart as Yifan dash out to meet the cold winter sea waters while wearing that stupid grin he always has on whenever he was too happy or excited. Chanyeol snorted and smiled despite his heart dropping little by little. He mumbled under his breath a soft, “Pabo…”

He looked away for a moment, closed his eyes and just listened… He listened carefully and intently to their own cheers of encouragement for Kris to go forth as one of their leaders. A shudder ran down his spine when he heard someone yell, ‘Come back safely!’ He immediately felt cold to the bones, like somebody drenched him with ice water in the middle of winter. His heart was suddenly racing, thumping against his ribcage, and before he knew it, before he could stop it, a tear slipped past his closed eyelids. He looked up at his laptop again and there he saw on the brightly lit screen of his laptop, Kris, standing tall and proud in the middle of the sea with the water just below his waist, his hands cupping around his mouth and shouting with all his might, ‘EXO, saranghaja!’ Chanyeol’s eyes were already wide and glassy. He couldn’t help it anymore. He just let himself go and started crying. His entire body was shaking. He had his hand over his mouth to muffle down his sobs. He mumbled under his breath, “Come back, hyung… You promised forever with us. Don’t you remember…?” He wiped away his tears with the back of his hand, carelessly shutting the lid of his laptop, he stood up from where he was sitting and shuffled his way towards his bed. He sat there for a moment to try to compose himself. ‘Inhale. Exhale. Calm down, Chanyeol.’

Absentmindedly, he took out his phone again and stared at it for the longest time, contemplating whether to do the thing he has in mind.  He grunted in frustration. “Screw it.” He unlocked the device and dialed a familiar number he had memorized by heart. His hands were shaking as he held his phone near his right ear. His free hand was on the hem of his basketball shorts as he wait anxiously for the person on the other line to pick up. His mind was a complete blur. He wasn’t sure of what he was doing, to be honest. Why is he even calling the person who left them in the first place? The person who caused all the trouble? The person who he, and the rest of the members, though some of them doesn’t admit it, misses the most ‘Pick up... What’s taking you so long? No, wait, don’t. Maybe I shouldn’t have called. . I should just hand up and—‘

“Hello?”

He felt his heart skip a beat. He froze on the spot with his body trembling once again. He felt the tips of his ears heat up. He didn’t know what to say. ‘This was a mistake. I should just hang up.’

*-*-*

Yifan just got back from a long day full of photo shoots and meetings. He wanted nothing more than to lie down on his bed, melt into the plushness of the mattress and sleep away all the stress and tiredness of the day. He was about to go to the bathroom to have a quick shower before going to bed, but his phone suddenly rang. He sighed, thinking that it’s his manager again. He walked back inside his bedroom and picked up his phone. He gasped when he saw the name (and photo) of the caller. His eyes were wide, too surprised since he was not expecting a call from Chanyeol. He wasn’t expecting any calls from of them, actually. He just stared at his phone for a while, letting it ring for a few more times before sliding his thumb over the green answer button and placing his phone on his ear. He darted out his tongue to wet his suddenly dried lips before speaking, “Hello?”

He heard someone breathing on the other end of the line. This wasn’t a pocket dial. Chanyeol actually called him and he’s there. He waited for a few moments for an answer but he got none. He tried again.

“Chanyeol-ah…” He heard a sharp intake of breath through the speaker, but still, nobody answered.

“I can hear you, Chanyeol…” He let out a nervous chuckle as he sat on his bed and leaned against the pillows by the headboard.

“… Kris… Kris hyung…?”

“Hey Chanyeol.” He tried to sound as casual and as cool as possible.

*-*-*

Chanyeol swallowed the thick lump in his throat as he tries not to cry again. He couldn’t believe he’s talking to him again. After four months…

“Hey Chanyeol.”

“H-hey, hyung… I… Uh, how’s it going? I just…” His mind was a complete blur. He was already near to blacking out at any point.

“I’m doing alright, Yeol—“

“Hyung.” Chanyeol was already out of his mind. Tears started to pool around the rim of his eyes once again. He doesn’t know what to do so he just blurted out the words he thinks of. “Kris, I miss you… We miss you. No, wait, I’m mad at you! Why… Why did you have to leave? Why did you have to get up and leave everything behind like that? Don’t you care about us anymore? Your members? What about the fans, Kirs? Do you even have the slightest idea of how much pain and suffering you caused for the past four months? Suho hyung had to clean up the mess you left, Kris. Sehun was depressed for weeks. You know how much he looked up to you, heck, we all look up to you, and there you were, leaving without even the slightest bit of notice. Didn’t we share the same dream? Weren’t we all in this together from the very beginning? We promised one another that we’ll be by each other’s sides through thick and thin! We promised to never give up on our dream, but you… Why… Why did you…” Chanyeol paused for a moment, trying to catch his breath. He sniffled as he wiped his nose with the sleeve of his shirt. He didn’t hear Kris say anything from the other line, so he took it as a sign to continue on his rambling. “Why didn’t you tell us you were already having problems?! You could have asked for help… We could have helped you with anything, hyung. We could have talked it through! We’re brothers. Heck, we’re already a family, Kris! I…” He paused once again. He was going nowhere with this, knowing that it’s already too late to even change anything. What’s done is done. So he took three deep breaths.

One.

Two.

Three.

“I’m sorry… I… Forget it. It was a mistake calling you. Sorry for bothering you.”

Chanyeol didn’t hear an immediate reply after that. He only heard the rhythm of a slow, even breathing. One side of him wants to hang up and the other wants to see if Kris will try to talk him into keeping the phone call going. The latter one. He waited.

“Chanyeol.”

*-*-*

Yifan listened. He listened to every word Chanyeol had said. Every word stabbed him right in the heart like a newly sharpened sword. Every word marked his mind. Every cry Chanyeol let slip will forever be scarred in his memory. He remained silent and waited for Chanyeol to finish and calm down. He was about to speak when he heard Chanyeol once again.

“I’m sorry… I… Forget it. It was a mistake calling you. Sorry for bothering you.”

He closed his eyes as he share the tensed silence with Chanyeol for a few more moments before speaking, “Chanyeol.”

“Y-yes?”

Yifan sighed, taking note of how scared and hurt Chanyeol sounded. He imagined the giant’s face. Nose slightly red, eyes puffy from crying, cheeks flushed pink.  He bit down his lip to hold back his own tears at the image forming in his head. He imagined the rest of his boys how they would look like if it was them he was speaking to right now. He sighed once again, shaking the image off for a while. He spoke as calm and as soft as possible.

“Chanyeol-ah… I’m sorry… For everything. I know I caused a lot of pain. I know I broke my promises, Chanyeol. I didn’t tell you guys anything because… Because I know for a fact that when you guys tell me to stay, I will stay. I wanted to make my own decisions. I didn’t want to have second thoughts. I have my own dreams to fulfill. I know it was selfish of me to do that, but I didn’t want you guys to get involved in my problems with the company. It was a matter between me and SM, Yeol… I couldn’t risk getting you guys in trouble as well. I’m not expecting you or the others to forgive me for getting up and leaving like that, especially before our concert, but I really am sorry. I also want you to know that not a day goes by without me worrying and thinking about every single one of you. I still care for the eleven boys who I’ve grown to love… I may sound like a hypocrite right now, but it’s true. I still care about all of you. I love you all very much.” Yifan pinched the bridge of his nose to keep himself from crying, but it was no use. Everything was out. The wall he built around himself for the past months is slowly crumbling down his feet. He was vulnerable. But despite feeling exposed and somehow weak, he felt relieved. It’s like a heavy boulder was lifted off his chest. He closed his eyes as he waited for Chanyeol to speak.

“Kris hyung… Come back to us.”

He was slightly taken aback at what Chanyeol said. He bit down on his lip harder.

“Chanyeol… You know I can’t do that...” There was a pang in his chest. His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. It was unbearable, but it had to be said.

*-*-*

Chanyeol his lips out of habit before speaking. “Kris hyung… Come back to us.”

“Chanyeol… You know I can’t do that…”

Chanyeol smiled faintly. He was expecting that answer anyway. “I know. It was worth a shot…” He let out a soft laugh.

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay, hyung… I’m sorry, too… For everything I’ve said. I’m not mad at you. I was just upset, I suppose. I really missed you. We all missed you. It’s hard being the tallest here. I’m always alone at the back.” He grinned as he tries to lighten up the mood. He heard the other laugh from the other end of the line. ‘Ah, it’s been a while since I heard that stupid laugh.’

“I know, I know. Sorry about that, too.”

“Our Sehunnie wouldn’t stop growing, though. I think he’s going to be taller than you one day.”

“Really? I’m glad to hear Shixun’s taking up from his baba.” Yifan smiled. “He basically carries my last name, anyway.”

“Yeah, yeah. We know.” Chanyeol laughed.

They shared a comfortable moment of silence. Neither of them knows what to say next.

“Well, Chanyeol… I better get going. I’ve got a long day ahead of me. I know you do too.”

“Yeah, sure hyung…”

“Oh, Chanyeol?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you… Could you tell the other kids that I miss them and I love them too?”

“Yeah… About that. Why don’t you tell them yourself?”

“W-what?”

“You’re actually on speaker right now. The guys heard me yelling earlier so they came in the room. They noticed it was you on the phone and told me to put you on speaker so they could listen, too.” Chanyeol chuckled.

*-*-*

Before Yifan could confirm what Chanyeol just said, he immediately heard rummaging and shuffling on the other end of the line. He also heard a jumble of gege, hyung, duizhang, I miss you and I love you’s. He smiled at the thought of his boys being chaotic as usual. He missed the noise and the chaos. The shouting and laughter everywhere he goes. He missed Kyungsoo beating the crap out of Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Chen whenever they were up to no good. He missed Tao asking him to buy this and that whenever they were out shopping. He missed seeing Jongin sleeping all around the dorm like a lazy puppy. He missed seeing how inseparable Luhan and Miseok are. He missed the way Sehun follows him wherever he goes. He missed hearing Yixing’s late night guitar practice. He missed seeing Junmyeon’s frown whenever someone does something that was against his rules. The shouting from the end of the line was music to his ears. He closed his eyes, and savored the noise for a while, smiles and yells back.

“Yah, yah! Calm down! I’m going to go deaf! I miss and love all of you, okay? Don’t ever forget that even for one second.” The other went silent, he continued. “And… I’m sorry again… I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. I can’t go back there… Well, not right now, at least.” He paused for a while to see if someone will speak up.

“Hyung… Everything will be alright, right? Someday…”

Yifan heard the familiar voice pipe out. It sounded like the owner of the voice have been crying too. He smiled sadly, thankful that none of them could see it. “Of course, Sehun-ah… Everything will be alright.”

“You’ll still be our duizhang, right?”

“Yes, Shixun. I will always be your duizhang. I’m EXO’s baba, remember?”

“Promise?”

“The galaxy is big enough to watch over eleven stars, Sehun-ah. I promise.”

A/N: so here it is this is my first legit fic that i actually wrote with eagerness lol i hope you guys liked it tho i really hope you did ;;;

btw, i was thinking of making this as a twoshot, what do you guys think? i already have a plot in mind. comment your thoughts or mention me on twiter @N0SEHUN (again, that's a zero, not an 'O')

ps. chanyeol really knows where it really hurts huh sobs ;;