It was a freezing night in Seoul, colder than it had been in a long time; so cold even the locals were avoiding the outside. Even most of the street vendors had shut up shop early tonight, and if anyone was unfortunate enough to be forced out of their warm homes, they were wrapped up in layers upon layers of jumpers, coats, scarfs, hats, whatever would keep them warm. The streets were so cold a layer of frost had settled over everything, so hard it barely crunched under your feet if you walked on it. A heavy fog had fallen over the city, so thick you couldn’t see buildings, just lights.

Yoongi shouldn’t be out here in just a t-shirt.

He doesn’t even know where the he is; the city is still blindingly unfamiliar to him, seeing as though he’s never had the time or opportunity to explore by himself. He stormed out of the dorm in anger, not grabbing so much as a hoodie when he went. That anger kept him going, not even really feeling the cold until suddenly he felt it so blisteringly bitter it was painful. Yoongi didn’t think to keep track of where he was going or finding somewhere open so he could call someone and ask them to come find him, either. And by someone, he means Hobeom. He might not even still be awake, but he’d rather spend all night out here than have to call one of the members. It’s not like he isn’t embarrassed enough.

He should have known better then to start an argument. Hoseok didn’t even do anything, really. Yoongi was just pissed because he still couldn’t remember the dance moves despite practising three hours longer than everyone else every day for the past two weeks. He wasn’t a dancer – never signed up to be one – it just came as part of the package with this job, but his body wasn’t built for dancing and it was frustrating and Yoongi was exhausted. He wanted to go home, eat a quick dinner and sleep for the next twelve hours, not have Hoseok complaining the second he walked through the door about leaving his dirty clothes on the floor again. It’s not that hard, Hoseok had said, to just put them in the basket like everyone else.

Under different circumstances, it wouldn’t have bothered Yoongi. He would have apologised and let it go. But he was tired, – mentally and physically – hungry and frustrated. Hoseok should have expected that and just left it until after he had eaten, at least. In that state of mind, Yoongi thinks he could take on a raging bull and win, everyone knows that, so why Hoseok thought bringing it up at that particular time is beyond him.

To make a long story short, they argued. They argued for a long time, waking up Taehyung in the process, and to stop himself from strangling Hoseok with the dirty t-shirt he was waving in his face, Yoongi left the dorm.

Yoongi left the dorm with no coat, no phone and no money. If he wasn’t so cold, he’d be mad at himself and Hoseok.

In hindsight, he shouldn’t have stormed out. Partly because it was -3 degrees outside and Yoongi didn’t know where he was going, but mostly because he didn’t really have a reason to. He just argued for the sake of an argument.

Namjoon always did say he was a drama queen.

Hoseok’s worried. Yoongi left in such a bad mood and it’s the coldest he’s ever seen it in Seoul and it’s dark and foggy and he knows Yoongi doesn’t know where he was going; he can barely go to the convenience store and back without getting lost. Hoseok also knows he didn’t have his phone or his wallet with him, either, which makes it worse because he’s probably lost somewhere with no money or phone and knowing him and his stupid Daegu attitude he’s probably too proud to ask for directions or to borrow someone’s phone, because Yoongi is stupid. But it’s cold and lonely out here – the streets are practically deserted and it’s eerie –and Hoseok doesn’t think he even took his hoodie with him and the wind is burning his face despite the scarf covering most of it so God knows how rough the weather’s treating Yoongi.

Yoongi had essentially disappeared off into the night.

Hoseok knows what Seoul can be like; he’d heard horror stories from his dad growing up, about how the capital is not as nice as everyone likes to pretend it is. Although, to be fair, his dad may have just told him that stuff to try and scare Hoseok out of ever wanting to go to Seoul (which is funny because he now lives here for the foreseeable future) but he knows better than anyone (with the exception of maybe Namjoon) what Yoongi can be like. If he’s still in the same state of mind as what he left in, all someone would have to do is look at him the wrong way and Yoongi would fight through the entire South Korean Army (or try to, anyway) just to give them a piece of his mind.

Thinking about it, Yoongi is extremely hot-headed for such a shy person.

God, Hoseok doesn’t even know where to begin. With no money, Yoongi can’t have gone far but there are probably a million streets within a 5 kilometre radius of their dorm and Yoongi could be on any of them by now.

Hoseok tries to think logically, tries to think about all the places Yoongi does know. He starts heading towards Yoongi’s favourite ddukbokki place before remembering he doesn’t have any money with him and falters, his one idea quickly dying out. He sighs, rubbing his hands together, and begins walking again. He has nowhere in mind, but it’s getting late and Yoongi’s still out there.

Yoongi somehow ends up at Han River, and decides to stay there for a while. It’s not a very good idea, he quickly realizes, because the wind is stronger and so much more bitter here, but at least he doesn’t feel as lost.

He sits on a bench overlooking the water, ignoring the way the frozen wood stings his skin as well as he can. He pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his chin on them, pulling his arms inward in an attempt to shield his bare skin from the wind. In theory, if he has a smaller surface area, there’s less area for the cold to get him and curling himself into a ball will hopefully make him warmer too.

Yoongi is stupid. Like really ing stupid. He doesn’t know why he even left; everything had just been getting on top of him lately and it was stressing him out. Taking it out on other people was a bad habit he’d always had. It wasn’t Hoseok’s fault; Yoongi was in the wrong. Logically, he knows this. Logically, he also knows he has a multitude of bad habits that must be awful to live with and Hoseok is probably well within his rights to complain about them. But Yoongi has another bad habit of flying off the handle when he feels like he’s personally under attack, even if he’s not and he was having a rough day anyway, so Hoseok yelling at him over one ing t-shirt he left on the bedroom floor was just throwing gasoline onto a metaphorical fire. Yoongi exploded, the two of them argued and Yoongi stormed out. It was only when he was outside he realized he should’ve stopped for his things. He couldn’t get back in either, because the fob key he needed to get back into their building was inside. So he was locked out with nothing but the clothes on his back.

Too proud to stand around and wait for someone to come along and open the door (and also slightly fearful that that person would be one of the members), Yoongi started to walk down the road. Originally, he only planned on walking in a square to let his head cool before he could play the kicked puppy act so he could be buzzed in, but he took a wrong turn somewhere and his square became an octagon and then he was lost with no phone, no money and no way of getting home. All because he couldn’t put his laundry in the basket.

It’s things like that that make Yoongi wonder if he deserves to even be in Bangtan; his dancing and looks are sub-par and he can’t even handle negative comments without making a fool out of himself. He’s immature and should’ve probably just stayed in Daegu with his parents; there are much better rappers out there that could easily take his place in Bangtan anyway.

It’s freezing and Yoongi’s twitching almost violently despite his desperate attempt to bare it. He’s struggling though, he really is, and he thinks he’s going to have to move soon, swallow his pride and try to find somewhere with a phone he can use for free.

If you asked him, Hoseok would say him managing to find Yoongi in a city as big as Seoul is nothing short of a miracle. He almost doesn’t believe his own eyes when he sees the skinny figure curled up on a bench looking over the Han River, but when the person turns his head to look up the street, Hoseok catches his side profile and knows without doubt it’s Yoongi. No one else would be crazy enough to be out here in just a t-shirt, anyway.

Hoseok’s conflicted, for a second. He doesn’t know if Yoongi is still mad, or if he’s upset or if he wants to be left alone. Maybe he didn’t want to be found. Maybe that’s why he didn’t call anyone yet. Maybe the members shouldn’t have guilt tripped him into becoming a one-man search party and sent Seokjin instead. Seokjin always could handle Yoongi well.

Yoongi looks fragile right now, though. He looks small. Even from twenty feet away, Hoseok can see how badly he’s shivering. And for the first time tonight, Hoseok feels really guilty. Not that he was in the wrong, but Yoongi had been upset that day – Taehyung said it was because he’d spoken to his family the night before and was now feeling homesick and Namjoon said it was because he was stressed because had writers block and Jimin kept mumbling about how tired he looked all week – so in hindsight, causing a fight over some dirty laundry may not have been the smartest thing Hoseok’s ever done.

He can’t leave Yoongi out here like this; Hoseok knows that, so he approaches quietly, ping and pulling off his coat. The cold sets in instantly and he feels even worse because Yoongi had been out here like this for hours in just a t-shirt.

Hoseok places the coat over Yoongi’s shoulders without a word. He feels Yoongi’s whole body jerk and tremble under the hand that Hoseok lets linger on his shoulder, even through the thick material. Yoongi looks up at him with big, worried eyes, and Hoseok’s really glad there’s a bench because he all but collapses with relief. Yoongi’s ok. He’s not hurt, he’s not missing. He’s ok.

He didn’t even realize he was so worried.

“What are you doing here?” is the first thing Yoongi asks, though he’s quick to put the coat on properly, zip it up to his chin and pull the hood up.

“Finding you.”

“You were looking for me?”

“No, I teleported to you when I knew you were in trouble, have you not seen You Who Came From The Stars?” Hoseok asks, which makes Yoongi laugh a little because it’s a stupid joke and so perfectly Hoseok. “Of course I was looking for you, you left without taking anything and I knew you’d get lost.”

“I wasn’t lost.”

“Then why didn’t you come home?”

Yoongi almost says ‘because I was mad at you’ but that stopped being true a long time ago. He doesn’t want Hoseok to think he’s still mad, because Hoseok came out to look for him. But he also doesn’t want to admit he was lost.

“It’s been hours, hyung. I was really starting to worry.”

Yoongi drops his head. “I’m sorry for storming out and worrying you,” he mumbles, “and for not putting the t-shirt in with the dirty clothes.”

Hoseok laughs because the situation is ridiculous. He’d forgotten what they were fighting about, for the most part anyway. And yet here they both are, sitting next to Han River somewhere near midnight on what’s probably the coldest day of the year. All because they argued over a t shirt.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you about the shirt. I should have been more considerate; I know you’ve not been feeling too great lately.”

“I’m not sick.”

“You know what I meant.”

Yoongi’s head drops again so Hoseok can’t see his face, but he doesn’t need to. He knows all too well the glazed over look Yoongi gets when he’s putting up all his defences.

“You don’t have to keep all that stuff to yourself, y’know. You can talk to us about it. We get it too. We’re all stressed, we’re all homesick, we’re all tired- and I know you have your Daegu pride to worry about, but even Taehyung breaks down sometimes and we-”

“I know you mean well, Hoseok, but you don’t. You don’t know anything.”

Hoseok almost, almost tells Yoongi to go himself and find his own way home, but he constrains himself because beyond the red haze he hears something he’s never heard in Yoongi’s voice before. Something akin to vulnerability.

“Tell me, then.”

Clouds of steam rise from Yoongi’s mouth as he huffs a sigh into the night. The steam lingers for a long time, twirling itself into the air. Hoseok watches it rather than Yoongi.

“I just… don’t know anymore,” Yoongi  says.

“Don’t know what?”

“Anything. I don’t know anything.”

“Sure, nice and specific.”

“ off,” Yoongi accompanied by a shove. Hoseok lets it slide though, because there’s no bite in his words and his shove was weak.

Silence follows for a long time. Hoseok doesn’t want to speak, he wants to wait for Yoongi to get his head together first.

“I just want to go home.”

Yoongi’s voice cracks on ‘home’ and the lump in Hoseok’s throat forms almost immediately. It’s nothing new, Yoongi always cries – he cries at movies and music and when he’s proud of something – so it shouldn’t affect Hoseok so much, but he’s never seen Yoongi cry over something so personal. This isn’t something you can pass over with a laugh and a pat on the back like all the other times. Hoseok knows he has to face this head on because Yoongi’s body is trembling and Hoseok doesn’t think it’s from the cold anymore.

Hoseok can’t believe he yelled at Yoongi over one dirty t-shirt when Yoongi was quietly dealing with this. No wonder he got mad.

“I wish I could take you home. I wish I could take you to the bus station right now and put you on the first bus back to Daegu,” Yoongi laughs shortly at that, though it’s more like a hiccup if anything, “but I only have like, 500 won on me and we have practise tomorrow anyway, so.”

Yoongi sniffs loudly and turns to look at Hoseok, smiling weakly. His eyes are shiny and the tear tracks on his cheeks glow in the light from the street lamps. Hoseok feels terrible.

“Thank you.”

“…you know I’m not actually sending you to Daegu, right?”

Yoongi laughs again, “If I thought there was a way for me to go, I wouldn’t have sat around waiting for your permission.”

Hoseok decides not to be offended at that, because he knows Yoongi doesn’t mean it like that. “You’re getting it anyway; next time we have enough time for you to go, I’ll allow you to go,” Hoseok jokes, and Yoongi smiles at him, “I’ll even buy your ticket.”

Yoongi looks out across the water in thought. He’s still shivering, even with Hoseok’s coat on. They should really get home before either of them gets sick.

“You should come with me;” Yoongi says carefully, “my mom is always talking about how the smiley one is her favourite. I think she likes you more than she likes me.”

Hoseok doesn’t want to think about the connotations of what Yoongi is saying, so he tries his best to lighten the mood. “Yah, taking me home to meet your parents? Shouldn’t we discuss this first? You know I’m not sure I’m ready for marriage.”

“I take it back. You can stay at the dorm and study with Jungkook.” Hoseok recoils at the word ‘study’, but it doesn’t stop his teasing.

“Baby, you wouldn’t do that to me, would you?”

“Shut up,” Yoongi huffs, but Hoseok sees the smile he tries to hide under the collar of the coat, “will you take me home now? It’s freezing and I can’t feel my .”

Yoongi stands instead of waiting for an answer. He groans as he rises, jumping up and down a little to loosen his joints that had stiffened from the cold. Hoseok watches him, full of worry. Just as quick as Yoongi had opened up, he’d closed again. It’s not healthy, but it’s also unlike Yoongi to give even that much away as to what’s going on in his head, so Hoseok is really conflicted about whether to press it more on the way back to the dorm or let it go. He doesn’t want to upset Yoongi again, but he also doesn’t want Yoongi to feel like he has to deal with everything alone. He wants Yoongi to know what he really does care.

“Yoongi hyung,” Hoseok starts. Yoongi looks down, shocked at the sudden seriousness in his tone, “are you really ok?”

Yoongi looks out across the river and takes a deep breath, deep enough that the bitter air stings his lungs. He holds it in until it burns and lets it out, watches the warm air rise and disappear into the cold night. He tries to pretend that all the horrible emotions he’s feeling are being released too, tries to let them go and be ok like he needs to be. He tries again and again, taking breath after breath just waiting for the edge to be taken off, just waiting to feel a little bit better.

It doesn’t happen.

Desperation forces itself to the forefront of Yoongi’s mind, as he begins to feel the prickle of tears in the backs of his eyes again. He takes another deep breath, this time to calm his emotions, and tries to laugh it off.

“No, I’m not,” he says. Hoseok can hear the tears in Yoongi’s voice even with his back to him, “but I’m trying.”

Sometimes that needs to be enough.

Yoongi is tired. He’s homesick, too, and he’s stressed and he has writers block but he has deadlines to meet and he still can’t get the choreography for their comeback down. And it’s taking its toll on him. It’s weighing him down, and Yoongi has never been particularly strong, despite the act he puts on.

But when he feels an arm snake around his neck and Hoseok pull him close he forgets. It’s like the foot has finally been taken off the hose and the water can flow again. Yoongi doesn’t feel like he’s going to burst anymore.

They stand there for a minute, maybe five. Maybe ten, neither is sure because Yoongi is crying like he hasn’t ever cried before and Hoseok is too busy worrying something may be seriously wrong. But eventually Yoongi pulls back, face damp and flushed and Hoseok laughs because ‘how can you have rosy cheeks when it’s this cold?’ and Yoongi laughs too as Hoseok wipes his remaining tears away. He feels better now. Not good, but better.

Hoseok’s arm stays linked around Yoongi’s shoulders as he says ‘let’s go home now’ and starts guiding them back into the streets of Seoul, a city Yoongi feels like he doesn’t know at all, but somehow knows well enough to call it home. He almost makes a comment about it not being home, nor is the dorm home, but he doesn’t because it’s enough. For now, it’s enough.

It’s Hoseok’s arm guiding him home instead of his brother’s. It’s the dorm they’re going back to instead of home. He’ll eat Jin’s food when he gets there instead of his mom’s and he’ll only have conversations with satoori when both him and Taehyung are too tired to speak without it, but it’s enough.

It’ll always be enough.