When the door opened, the sunlight burst through the window and blinded my eyes. I closed my eyes and moved aside, where I could get a good look of the room. As soon as the door slammed close, I felt suffocated in that room. Four dirty white walls surrounded the area and I immediately noticed several drawings on the wall, probably vandalized by the people who occupied the room in the past.

          “Taehyun?” I whispered softly, before diverting my attention to Taehyun. He was sitting on the floor, at the far corner of the room. While one of his leg lay weakly on the floor, he held his other knee weakly close to his chest. His gaze seemed to be glued to the floor while the left side of his hair covered his face.

          Dropping my bag on the floor, I approached him slowly. No matter what I did or say at that point of time, he didn’t seem to react, or even move. He seemed so dead, like his soul left him long ago. Carefully, I sat beside him, resting against him, feeling the warmth of his sweater.

          What happened to Taehyun, was a good question. And along those questions, I wondered, if I was the reason for it. When I first knew Taehyun, he was obsessed with smoking. He never stopped, but he did cut down on it, when I convinced him to. The first time I broke up with him, his sleeping habits became bad. At one time, he would sit outside my house, waiting for me to come get him, and at other times, he would simply wait all night, trying to get me to pick up the phone.

          I looked up to my right to see the same guy, the same milky-white skinned guy, whose expressions are so dark now. “Do you feel like eating?”

          For once, he turned his head toward me, his hair still covering half his face. With the husky yet soft voice I missed, he replied, “What is there?” I grinned wide – relieved that he spoke – and for some reason, it caused him to give a half-hearted and weak smile. As soon as I attempted to stand up though, Taehyun grabbed my wrist. “What if I die..?” he whispered, so softly, but I knew that I didn’t hear it wrong. “I want to die.”

          Those words started to ring in my ears. Tears started to fall from his eyes, but he was smiling. Unlike him though, I fell back on the floor, my head hitting the wall I leaned my back on. It took me a while, but I shot a look at him. “Why die, when you can live?” He smiled even more when I said that, his lips trembling and it soon became pale. I wasn’t afraid, neither did I want to cry, but when he held my wrist, memories started flashing by.

          I started to move my fingers across the piano, playing a piece for Nam Taehyun, who was sitting beside me, blowing out another puff of smoke. I didn’t flinch, or choke on the stuffed air, I was used to it. All my feelings, regret, and sadness poured out as I closed my eyes and play one of my favorite pieces, Confession*.

          I didn’t realize I had finished playing, until I felt his lips on mine. It wasn’t sweet. The taste of smoke, of his cigarette lingered as he molded his lips perfectly against mine. My hands didn’t leave the piano keys. But instead, I started playing another piece. It wasn’t that I was ignoring his kiss, but it has always been like this.

          “My beautiful girl,” he mumbled against my lips before pulling away, his eye-smile showing off. Afterwhich, he runs his fingers down my arm, to my own fingers, disrupting me as I play Empty* on the piano. Without a word, I signaled to him that I was slightly annoyed. No one stops me from playing a piece halfway. “No one stops giving me their attention,” he spoke, as if reading my mind.

          True.

          Or maybe not really. I took a good look at him and sighed softly. Taehyun was someone who wanted my attention, nearly 24/7, and that’s because no one gives him the attention. People around looked down on him. They could even tell him right in the face that he has no future.

          Those were the times I doubted myself, if I was with him out of love, or purely out of guilt. I looked down, and slipped my hand out of his grip, mindlessly running my hand down his and rubbing my thumb lightly against his tattooed wrist. “Yah, who’s going to take care of me if you keep saying things like this? Who’s going to, if you’re going to keep staying here, and what will happen, if you’re gone?”

          He chuckled, as if I said something funny. “Taehyun-ah…” this time my voice trembled. Taehyun was looking at me, his tears from earlier making his eyes red. “Taehyun, go to sleep,” I wiped off my tears and got up, pulling him along with me. However, as usual, he doesn’t move from his position.

          “I sleep here everyday.”

          “Arasseo. Sleep now,” I sighed and patted my lap as soon as I sat back down, in hopes that he would accept my offer.

          He did. Just like what I imagined, he tugged on his sweater, making himself comfortable before he laid his head on my lap, immediately closing his eyes. As usual, his hair covered his face, and it was something I was so obsessed about from before. He looked like an angel, and he sounded like an angel. I refused to think that it has all changed now.

          When he fell asleep, I felt relieved. I was relieved that at least, he was at ease when he sleeps. Or is he not? Does he have difficulty breathing when he sleeps? Does he get nightmares, or does he get sweet dreams? I spent some time wondering about questions like such, before my eyes started to feel heavy, and I fell asleep.

          It felt like few days passed, but I was convinced that it was just a few hours. I got woken up when I felt someone carrying me to the bed. I kept my eyes shut, but I could hear the nurse’s voice clearly. “Taehyun-ssi? Visiting hours is over.”

          That was when my eyes opened wide, and staring at the familiar figure hovering beside me. “Haneul-ah, I’ll be back tomorrow, okay? Take care, and take your medicine,” an angelic smile accompanied that soft whisper.