I gradually became sleepless at night. Probably because I was paranoid.

I could have asked for sleeping pills but I had no intention to sleep either.

Doctor Temperance thought I was haunted by some ghosts at first but later figured out the reason of my insomnia himself.

 

Again, the price was heavy. Dark circles, bad skin, random mood swing.

Those voice. Those random screams and shrieks of my neighbors, my fellow asylum patients. My ears bombarded and my head occupied by my own thoughts. My memories.

 

I started to develop a fear of visiting Irene.

Every time I opened the freaking door, my palms got soaked in sweat.

I feared I would find no one there. Just an empty bed, like nothing had ever happened there. I was scared that I could not find her traces anywhere after she was gone.  I was scared that she would fade away completely and I might forget her one day. Someday, years later. And I wondered how long I would live

I thought of life, and death a lot. It did not make me feel any better. Worse, I would say.  I had thought of doing something for Irene, but I could not come up with what to do exactly.

Meanwhile, Irene was just, moribund. So, I sat with her in silence.

By that time, it was not that she was unwilling to speak, it was that she was unable to speak. 

 

“Wake up.” Someone called.

“Not now.” Although I wasn’t sleeping.

“You’ll regret this.”

I kicked my covers in annoyance and groaned to the thin cold air, “You’d better give me a legit reason for this.”

I remembered it was like 4 or 5 in the morning. The sun was still striving to climb up. The sky was radiated with a perfect mixture of blue and pink. Everything on the horizon were lit by the dim streetlight and the weak sunlight. Looking eerie in some sense.

“Your friend. It's time.”

“.” 

 

I grabbed whatever decent clothes I saw and put them on in a haste. I halted a cab. I had never run so fast in my life.

I might have bumped into some nurses even patients but I did not stop. I only had that one room in my eyes. That one person. 

I barged into the room and saw her on the purple bed as usual.

She probably heard the large thump when I opened that door. Her eyelids fluttered and she slowly opened her eyes.

Thank God I made it.  And it was the one of the very few times that I thanked Him, if He was ever real.

 

“I’m here.” I threw myself to her side. “Hey, I’m here.”

“I know,” She looked at me and smiled so very vaguely. “You’d never break your promise.” 

It was weak yet miserably beautiful.

“And good morning.”

 

“Do you feel like skating today?” I had to force myself to smile as my body was shaking.

I asked because it meant something for us. It would be freaking nice if she could go for real.

“My heart always takes me back to that rink, you know.” Her fingers gently across my knuckles. 

How could she always manage to smoothen my soul, even at such a moment?

 

“Me too.” I bored my eyes on my trembling hands and hers.

“Wendy, promise me one more thing. Please.” She tried to slide her fingers within mine.

I gladly interlaced them one by one. Her hand was bony, cold.  So cold that I could feel mine getting frozen by hers.

“Just say it.” I stirred up all my courage and looked into her eyes.

 

The worst thing did happen. Her orbs no longer sparkled, part of her had already died out. Only a slight tranquility.

“Live my life. Go see all the things I haven’t seen and do all the things I haven’t done,” She paused to take a long deep breathe. “And forget me.” 

Irene had to use all of her strength to finish her sentence to make herself sound stern. Like an order for me. An order that I hated to hear.

“I can’t.” 

“Why  I know-” 

“I will not forget you, Irene. That’ll be the last thing I would do in my life. Apart from that, I promise you. I really do.” 

 

“Why you so stubborn?” She closed her eyes and let a tear stream down.

“We both are stubborn.” I brought her hand to my face because I wanted to give her some of my warmth. She was so cold.

“I guess you are right.” She sighed and shut her lips.

I kept our hands linked. I tried to remember how it felt and how it used to feel, “Hey, don’t you sleep.” I could hear my voice shook.

 

“I am tired, Wendy.” Irene struggled to open her eyes again and glanced at me. 

She was breathless. As she spoke, a small part of her evaporated into the air. 

She was like begging me to let her go.

“Talk to me, will you?” I was so stubborn. I was begging her as well, to stay for a little more while. Just a little more.

 

“Wendy, I wanna sleep now.” Her eyelids went heavy.

“Please don’t say it, please..” I held her hand to my chest.

“I think I really gotta go.” She still managed to look me in the eye. “Thank you, Wendy. For everything.”

I inhaled, then I exhaled. Pathetically. Trying to get something into my body while getting some out.

 

“So, can I see you on other side?” I tilted one side of my lips to reassure her. “Can I get a goodbye, Irene?”

“Bye, Wendy. See you around.” She blinked once before breaking into a smile..

 

I stayed that way for some good minutes, maybe an hour. Waiting for something to happen.

Her eyes were then shut, so did her lips. I knew they would stay that way from then on. Her hand that has been lying within mine went all cold and stiff.

I was left alone and trapped in complete silence once again.

 

I leaned in and placed a kiss on her lips, feeling her icy lips with mine. 

I pulled away and looked at her fair face. Her long eyelashes. Her nose. Her lips. All the curves and edges of her. One more time.

And I cried.

Since it was finally over.

 

I brought her belongings back to the asylum.

Doctor Temperance obviously knew what had happened. And he just let me be.

I took the notebook out from the huge paper box and cautiously put it on my desk. I knew I was not ready to read it. So I went straight to bed.

I thought I could finally get some sleep. But no.

I cried on and off. It hurts so much that I thought I had died along with her.

 

Until I was ready to open the notebook. I allowed my fingertips slowing swept across its cover.

I found it hard to accept that she had gone forever. I tried to imagine how she used to flip through these pages, leaving her temperature on these papers.

Then I opened the first page of the already-creased-looking notebook. It was basically her diary from the day she had complication. With some scribbling.

“Love each other or perish.”

“You are the very first thing and the last thing I saw.”

“You’d never know how your promises matter to someone like me.”

“Warmth and safety, I wonder how can I ever offer you these things? I know you need them too ‘cause we are the same yet different - broken.”

“You give me a reason to hold on. Everything makes sense when I am with you.”

“Love is beautiful and it’s you who taught me that.”

“I was a sick bird in a cage. And you are my wings.”

“How can you take my breath away while you are the reason I am breathing?”

“Forgive me for being so selfish. For everything. For not saying these things to you myself.”

“I know I’ll be missing you the moment I first met you.”

“The way you hold me, you hold my every bit and every flash. When you held me at the ice-skating rink that day, you got a hold on my heart and you still haven’t let go.”

“Your smiles and your tears make me weak, in a good way.”

“I don’t know what did I do to deserve you.”

“In this 1 year and 7 months, I truly lived.”

“I believe it right away when you first talked about your ability. I believe in you.”

“Don’t hurt yourself again.”

“Don’t miss me.”

“Don’t skip your meals again.”

“Don’t stay up late, although you still look incredibly cute.”

“You are a pretty bad liar, you know? I can read you from the way you look at me. You are a reader so can you read me?"

"This is for you, Wendy."

I let my tears streaming down from my cheeks. Touching Irene’s handwriting to feel her presence on her page, I tried to imagine her saying these words to me in her serene tone.

I was glad that she had written them down.

Irene, I wanted to let you know how much I love you too. But you read me, right?

 

I held the notebook to my heart and curled myself on the bed.

It was the only thing that she left behind.

 

 

-

 

 

“Wendy.” 

I opened my eyes in shock.

“It’s me.” 

 

“I am already missing you badly.” So I jumped and gazed at the edge of my bed. 

“You really kept your promise.” She giggled.

“Yeah, I looked stupid, didn't I?” I dried the tear at the corner of my eyes. How I wished I could see her too.

“Haven’t I told you look cute no matter what?” 

“Now I know what you’ve been hiding from me.” I looked at the notebook on my lap.

“I’m sorry.” 

“I like your voice.”

“I like yours too.”

I chuckled with her. I could feel that she was just next to me.

“So, we shall meet again right?” I cleared my throat since it was dry from all the crying.

“I will be seeing you soon.”

“How? When?”

“I don’t know. But I just know we will.”

“You’re unbelievable.” I shook my head while smiling like an idiot.

 

“Just wait.”

“You know I am already waiting for you.”

 

“Wendy, now I can finally say it.”

“Uh?”

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

We both laughed and I was grateful that she was happy when she left.

 

Irene died that day.

And I would never forget that day.

The day she left me and the day I found my stupid ability lovable for the very first time. The day she told me she loved me. The day I told her I love her too. The day I knew she could also be a bubbly girl, with loads of sweetness.

 

Tthat day, I also decided to leave the asylum. I decided to leave after her funeral.

Her funeral was small and low-profile.

Only her family and a few of her former group-mates came. Of course, Doctor Cruz and Doctor Temperance. And me.

She was buried in a graveyard uphill. Quiet, just like her.

I did not cry anymore.

Because we would meet again soon.

Because I have to live on with her life.