My Wife is A Ghost?!

Pixelled Heart

A Diary of an Introvert: FANGIRL

Friends’ Relationship Statuses: ALL TAKEN
Me: TAKEN BY BIAS

Who says a life of a fangirl is an easy one? Damn, I should say that it’s hard but fun at the same time. Why? It has become difficult because of the 24/7 judgmental society of this world. Most of them say that K-pop fans are weird and I gotta be honest, I want to whip their heads with my original CD.  But no, my albums are more precious than their lives. And seriously, it's hard to take care of more than 15 boyfriends; all LDR.

I said being a fangirl is fun because I have met the most perfect men in my eyes and I also met some crazy fans who bleed the same sapphire blue blood with me. But then again, only a few understands me.

All my friends who swore not to have a boyfriend until they finished college were already dating even before reaching our third year in college. They have met the apple of their eyes, got courted by those helpless romantic men, got involved in a love-fight relationship, but are now living a blissful life with them. Whilst yours truly got stuck with her biases in kpop: Super Junior. My best friends weren’t even kpoppers to get started.

I wouldn’t be surprised if my friends would tell me to meet up with someone at a certain place; they really wanted me to have a boyfriend but I was this one that refused. I didn’t know the reason as well. Actually, I'm insecure of my looks and I don't have an interesting personality to start with. But then again I wanted to stay single even though it was okay to date. I think it was because of this pride and high standards in guys. If I saw something that I didn’t like—no qualities that you share with super junior, I shall reject you even if you were the prince of some country.

 I’m the person who doesn’t want to get teased and I am really, really, a secretive person.

Sometimes, I wonder what the feeling of being truly in love is. Is it as good as the feels that I get when I see my bias or no? Are men really tough and caring like my oppas or not? Will they inspire me to pursue my career or no? Do you feel secured when a man hugs you? Do fingers get sweaty when you hold hands for too long? Do kisses feel awkward and wet, no? How does it feel that someone of the opposite goes crazy just to have you? To be quite honest, I feel like I will grow old without a husband and child because of my physical and psychological self: a weirdo.

They say that the eyes are the first ones to fall in love. True. Who would fall in love with someone you just met unless he/she is physically attractive? I have to admit that being a kpop fan also lowered my self-esteem and confidence to go out with people in the real world. I kept my hair long and took good care of my face but that didn’t make me look stunning like the other girls, especially my friends. Most of them said that I had this tomboyish aura around me. And most of all, I rarely got praises saying that I’m beautiful or the like. And if I do, I will immediately think that it's some sort of lie.

Well, those were my thoughts until someone came into my life.