From way across the campus, my eyes spot you almost instantly. It’s something natural, I guess. Maybe that’s the thing about friends – your eyes seem to constantly look out for them. They’re always there even though they’re not physically present. They just linger at the back of your mind, in the spaces between your thoughts. Seeing a plush toy of a bear could remind you of a particular friend… little things like that.

But then again, maybe you’re so easy to spot because of your full head of blonde hair. I used to describe it as obnoxiously blonde. The first few days of your blonde hair, I found myself blinded by the light, so to speak. It felt so weird, constantly catching glances of people staring. I always thought that it was because of your hair colour… but thinking about it now… I guess it was something about you and the way you pulled it off. Something about the air of charisma and the striking confidence in how you carried the blonde colour.

But at the end of the day, you’re still you.

Regardless of hair colour, this girl is still as she is, my friend.

There are some people that just click. And you never know for sure until it happens to you. The other day I was asking you,

Hey, do you remember how exactly did we become friends?

That day was a peaceful, calming kind of day. The sun that day lit up the entire field, but there was still this relaxing vibe as we chilled under the shades of trees. Lying there in the open, you somehow get this open and liberating feeling. The leaves shake and these sounds feel endless.

The skies are beautiful.

You laugh, and your laughter is one that makes me smile.

I don’t remember.

But I also don’t remember not having a friend like you.

I… could never imagine not having a friend like you.

The feeling is mutual, really. I can’t imagine my life without you.

I don’t know when it started. But I just know that I never want it to end. I never ever want it to end.

Sometimes I look at you and I think that I am lucky. I’m lucky to have found a friend like you. After all, that’s all we’re looking for, isn’t it? Someone to hold us, someone to understand us, someone to be there for us. And I found that someone in you.

I wonder if it’s the same for you.

I wonder what you think of when I call you at three in the morning. When I can’t sleep and when I miss your voice. I call you and your sleepy bed voice echoes in my ear. I’ll make up something, anything to talk to you… but really, I just want to hear your voice.

At three in the morning, looking out from my bedroom window, I see the skies and hear your voice. Suddenly the endless universe doesn’t seem so big. Suddenly, I feel like there’s only you and me. And I smile at the fierce morning skies, wishing that I wouldn’t have to put the phone down.

So unconsciously, it happens. Just like it would have, eventually. There’s something about you that captivates me.

Unconsciously, I leaned.

I look for you in a crowd of people. I listen to hear your voice. And… my hands linger just a little longer. I wish you’d smile more. I wished… you’d smile more… at me.

But these are the things I don’t tell you. How could I? I didn’t even know what was happening to me. Suddenly, I wanted all my time to be spent with you. It was like an impulsive desire building up inside of me. Why? I don’t know. 

At this point, it’s probably important to note that I’m what I would call a rational person. Reason is at the core of my nature. I go by facts. Which doesn’t make this whole situation any easier for me.

It was the day when you smiled at me.

It was the day when you said Oppa! Anneyongggg!~

It was the day when you smiled against the sunset, waving brightly at me.

In that moment, my heart fluttered wildly and realisation hit me. Hard.

But then, what are you supposed to do when you fall for your best friend? Is there even anything you can do without destroying the beauty of friendship? How would you get the courage to cross that boundary?

How could I bear to lose you…?

But you’re just you – oblivious, and happy. And I was just a ball of pent-up frustration and anxiety. I look at you and no, you’re not the conventional sense of beauty. But oh, you are so beautiful.

And I don’t even need to tell you I love you. I don’t even need my love to be requited.

I just think to myself, this is enough.

And that I would be happy.

But then, how wrong was I.

Standing there, the loud noises from the other students mute out. And I stand there, looking at you. The scene unfolds in slow motion, the details painfully haunting. People walk on by, uncovering you and your smile.

Uncovering the person you were smiling at.

And he wasn’t me.

And I haven’t seen you smile like that at me before.

You face lights up, and you are so beautiful.

But this pain eats away my heart.

In this moment, I realise that my thoughts were all lies. They were just petty words. It wasn’t enough.

I want you to be smiling at me.

I want your face to light up like that when you’re looking at me.

I stand there for long time, unmoving.

Have I lost the capacity to move? My fists clenched up firmly beside me. It’s painful to watch but at the same time, I couldn’t seem to turn away.

I read your lips

Oh, I’m actually waiting for a friend.

He’s a little late today but he should be coming soon…

I wonder, is that all I’ll ever be to you? Just a friend? Somehow those words hurt more than it should. In my mind, it felt like I should be contented, being your friend. I should be happy since I could be with you, to see your every smile, hear your every laugh.

But then, humans are greedy creatures, aren’t they?

After you finally got what you wanted… you always feel like you want more. We always want more. Can I really say that it’s enough for my love to be unrequited?

The guy walks away, and you continue sitting there.

It was almost as if he never came by; it was almost like nothing happened in the past few minutes. But my entire view shifted. I look at you, and this sinking feeling settles in my heart. You’re still sitting there, glancing up every few seconds or so. But my heart aches of hurt.

It feels like you’d never look my way.

Because I will always be beside you… on the side lines.

Still lost in my thoughts, you suddenly looked up, and turned around, catching my eyes out of nowhere. The little eye smile you do so well appears and you wave at me.

Anneyong Oppaaaa!~

Almost immediately, my stupid heart beats just a little faster. That’s the effect you have on me.

Why are you so late today?

And you don’t even know.

And I don’t even know but… always seeing you like that, your smile fades into my heart. It’s that time where I tell myself once more, it’s enough.

“Why? Did you miss me?” My voice betrays my heart, acting out all nonchalantly.

Stupid, stupid me. Who’s missing who, really.

Hmpf. I didn’t!

We’re just being silly and playful but still, I wish you did miss me.  

Sometimes, I wonder if this cycle will ever end.

And sometimes… I wonder if I want this cycle to end. 

/end. 

A/N: So that was it :) haha. /laughs nervously
I deliberately left out all mentions of names, but I was using both Chaerin and Jiyong as the characters when writing... I just wanted sort of an open kinda story.... so yeah.... Sorry if it was a weird story to read haha. (digs hole and buries self) 
I really hope somewhere someone enjoyed reading this story, even though it's unconventional in a sense... :/ Leave me a comment if you could! I'd love to hear from you xx