Junmyeon dragged himself to the practice room. Today he was again the last to wake up, and for the seventh time in a week he woke up feeling empty. Today was another morning where the sunlight that streamed in stung his eyes, which were swollen and painful from crying himself to sleep. Unlike one week ago, he wasn't greeted by the smiles of s he had grown used to seeing, but instead tired eyes of ten boys who seemed as broken as he was.

It's been seven whole days.

Sehun weakly mumbled, "Hyung." Tao kept his head bowed and ran his hand through his blonde hair, before sulking away. Junmyeon's eyes followed his movement before looking away. Clapping his hands together softly, he tried to sound like the enthusiastic leader he always had been, "Come on, we have to practice. There's M!Countdown later on."

Tao muttered something too soft for Junmyeon to hear before turning on his heel and stalking out of the practice room, not forgetting to slam the door in his wake. Yixing spoke softly, "He said that since EXO-M isn't performing, he'll go and practice his wushu solo for now." Junmyeon nodded numbly. One by one, the members of EXO-M filed out of the room.

Turning to his remaining members, he offered them a forced smile. "Let's start, shall we?"

. . .

"Suho, isn't there a way for you to make your members act livelier?"

"Suho, everyone will be looking at you."

"Suho, don't forget that you're the leader."

"It's your responsibility, Suho."

Suho, Suho, Suho.

For the past week, the word Suho had been a thorn in his side. It was a reminder of his responsibilities to his group, his tie to the company, his duties to the fans.

He couldn't help but to think bitterly back to how he was the only one who didn't call him Suho. It had always been simpler when he was just regarded as Junmyeon. Plain, old Junmyeon. Not leader Suho. It's been seven whole days. Seven whole days, since he heard 'Junmyeon' slip past those lips.

I wonder whether he even remembers? Junmyeon wondered, picking up the calendar on his table. The pictures of the galaxy on each page sent shudders down his spine. His eyes ignored the messy English and Chinese scribbling of the names of the events lined up for EXO, his gaze landing on the big deformed heart drawn beside the number '22'. He drew this, Junmyeon recalled. He remembered being so embarrassed when he had proudly presented his work to Junmyeon. He remembered how he was the only person who could so easily bring the red to his cheeks, and make him feel tingly all over. He remembered that warm fuzzy feeling that used to get him, but now he only felt chills.

And he also remembered how just a few months ago, on this exact same date, as they celebrated their one year anniversary, he had promised to show him around his hometown one day for his birthday.

Geu torok saranghadeon geu saram irheobeorigo,

The person I loved so dearly, has deserted me.

He promised.

. . .

Yifan watched as his breath fogged on the window.

To be honest, he felt that he deserved it all. The verbal lashes, the articles, the title of being a traitor. Sometimes, he would wonder whether he should just give up; stop going to the hospital altogether, stop taking his medication, maybe re-enact that scene from MAMA.

But then his face would flash in his mind, erasing all his previous thoughts. He couldn't leave him behind, especially when he's still tied to that company.

However, more than once in these seven days, he would question, What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if my actions have driven such a thick wedge between us, that he refuses to acknowledge me anymore? But he would have the answer before even finishing the thought. Even if he left Yifan, Yifan wouldn't stop loving him.

It's been seven whole days.

23:59

21st May 2014

One more minute. His finger hovered over the number '1', his number already saved on speedial. Does he still keep the heart shape emoji I had put beside my contact name when I stole his phone from him when he was sleeping? Oh god, how much it hurt to recall the way Junmyeon used to sneak to M's dorm and climb into his bed and for applying so many night-time face products then soon falling asleep with his arms around Junmyeon. It pained him even more to remember the very first day they met and the way Junmyeon's gaze made him freeze.

Flash forward and we're taking on the world together.

Did he remember the episode in Showtime where he rushed to Junmyeon's room and playfully did his small celebratory dance while Junmyeon grabbed the microphone and screeched loudly? Did he remember the time he refused to enter the cold sea water, and Junmyeon had looked at him with those sad, disappointed eyes, and how he immediately agreed to go? Do you remember how you so adorably waddled into the water too, and the crazy wishes we shouted as we jumped about? Do these dreams still mean anything to you now? Do you remember the way we used to talk about our future, like we had a clue, and I never planned that one day, I'd be losing you?

I should have been by your side when you heard the news, then you would've looked at me with the same hurt in your eyes, and I wouldn't have walked away.

I promised I'd be the first to wish you happy birthday every year. I promised you so many things.

Stop it, Yifan, what if he doesn't remember, what if he no longer cares?

Taoreuneun nae maeumman heuneukkyeo une,

And I am now weeping, holding my burning heart.

00:00

22nd May 2014

He pressed '1' and the call button, consequences be damned.

It was a tradition for them to stay up late the night before the other's birthday and wish each other for turning a year older at midnight, when the two were separated in two different countries. But when they were able to be together, they would spend the night kissing, cuddling, just enjoying each other's presence.

My heart just wants to go home.

It pained him that now, though they were in the same country, they were miles away from each other, when they should be right next to each other.

He remembered the chorus of this song he used to like, "If these sheets were states and you were miles away, I'd fold them end over end, to bring you closer to me." He never would've guessed that he would ever live to relate to these lines so much.

The number you have dialed is unavailable. Please check the number and dial again.

The phone dropped from his grasp.

No. It couldn't be.

He tried again, and again, and again. They wouldn't have changed his number. Yifan banged his fist against the car's window, as angry tears welled up in his eyes. He thought he heard his manager asking from the driver's seat, "What happened, Yifan?", but he brushed him off.

Slumping against the seat, he let his hand dangle uselessly next to him. He leaned his forehead against the cold glass and smiled bitterly.

Happy birthday, Junmyeon.

. . .

"ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUHO, YOU'RE TWENTY-THREE-O!" Minseok forced a big smile and carried the cake out of the freezer.

Baekhyun glared at the ground and bitterly muttered, "Blackforest cake, as black as our souls," causing the members to whip their heads sharply at him. "What? It's the truth," he scoffed, before turning his head away resolutely.

Junmyeon sat at the head of the table, staring blankly at the screen of his phone, which laid silent on the glass. He half-heartedly thanked s, not expecting them to make the effort to continue to celebrate his birthday the traditional way. After all, it had been a physically and emotionally draining seven days for everyone, and the exhaustion was clearly written on their faces.

Hissing at Baekhyun, Luhan attempted to do damage control by grabbing the lighter to light the candles. Junmyeon held his wrist and shook his head silently.

"Thanks, I appreciate this a lot, but you all need sleep. Put the cake back; we'll just eat this for breakfast tomorrow. I'm feeling a bit unwell, so I'm going to bed first. Remember not to stay up too late." Junmyeon trudged to his room and locked the door before slumping down on his bed. Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun stomped to his and slammed the door shut.

Kyungsoo's head landed on top of the table, tears filling his round eyes, tiny transparent beads falling onto the glass. Jongin bit his lip and patted Kyungsoo on the shoulder, before heaving him up and helping him to their room, murmuring words of comfort into his ear.

Jongdae punched the wall beside him, then rested his head on his fist, quietly cursing under his breath. Tao uncomfortably twisted the rings on his fingers, hurriedly leaving after he let out a choking sound. Yixing looked worriedly at the maknae's disappearing profile and chased after him, disappearing out of EXO-K's dorm. The EXO-M members gradually followed suit, not without sending a worried glance at Sehun who still silently sat alone in the kitchen.

Baekhyun dropped to the floor and held his head in his hands, frustratedly grabbing chunks of his hair. Don't cry, don't cry, , don't cry. The memories of his Kris-hyung filled his mind, the way he used to leech onto Kris, and how Kris once said that he could find no fault with Baekhyun. Are you somewhere feeling lonely?Because the eleven of us are together and yet each of us feels like you tore out a part of each one of our souls and buried it six feet underground, and I hate you for that. I hate you. I hate you, but don't leave me, don't leave us, don't you dare. Baekhyun didn't hear Chanyeol opening the door and kneeling in front of him, nor did he feel how Chanyeol pulled him into a tight hug. All he knew was how he finally allowed himself to grieve for his loss. Choking on his tears, he balled Chanyeol's shirt in his hands, but Chanyeol just hugged him tighter. How could you just leave us without saying a word? I hate you, I hate you, I hate you so much but I want you back. God damn it. Duizhang, please come back home. It's been seven whole days.

After waiting the members to leave the dorm, Sehun finally got up and followed Junmyeon to their room. He stood outside the door, his fist in the air for a long time. He could hear the familiar muffled sobs from inside, his heart shattering a little more as each second passed. He recalled how he used to grumble about having to sleep alone on the nights his roommate sneaked out to find Kris.

Oh, how he would kill to have to sleep alone again.

For seven consecutive sleepless nights, Sehun had trouble blocking out the sound of his hyung weeping, which was audible although he was obviously attempting to silence them by pressing his pillow tightly against his face. Every night he would hear the sound of Junmyeon's uneven breathing and choking on his tears, and Sehun found himself silently staining his shirt wet too.

Even in his dreams, images of that one guy who was a friend, brother, and father to him haunted him. He could almost feel the throbbing of his head and the pounding of his heart when he woke up from a dream, where the twelve of them were standing by the sea in the cold winter again, some of them excitedly hopping about because it was the first sunrise they had ever seen. They had innocently yelled their wishes for this year into the horizon, not knowing what the future would bring.

The things he would give up to have all of them visit the beach together again this winter. Who was he kidding, he was already aware how cold this December would be. There was going to be nothing romantic about standing in the snow alone, the person he was waiting for would never turn up, no more Kris-hyung pretending to paint by the window, no more miracles in December.

Sehun finally brought himself to knock once on the door.

"Suho-hyung?" He heard hasty sniffling, in an attempt by Junmyeon to sound normal.

"Sehun-ah?" He heard the tremble in the voice, "Hold on, just let me unlock the door."

Sehun heard the rustle of bedsheets and he declined quickly, "It's okay, hyung, I'll sleep at Xiumin-hyung's tonight."

He heard no reply from Junmyeon.

"Hyung," Sehun started hesitantly, "Hyung...must really miss Kris-hyung," his voice cracked as he continued, "Just...I hope that hyung will feel better as time passes. Good night, hyung."

He heard Junmyeon break down into sobs once again.

Blinking back his own tears, Sehun pleaded, appa, please come back.

Until then, he would be his umma's pillar until he comes back.

Geutorok mideo watdeon geu saram dora seol juriya,

I never thought the person I trusted would turn away.

. . .

Junmyeon heard Sehun's footstep die away. He sunk unceremoniously against the door and curled into a ball.

What was he still waiting for? He knew well enough that the company had changed his number, all the members' numbers actually, so what was he still waiting for? Junmyeon chuckled and shook his head. Perhaps he should just give up, stop harboring this false hope.

Junmyeon held one of Yifan's shirts to his face, inhaling the subtle cinnamon scent that he had grown so fond of.

Downing the three pills he had in his hand with a gulp of water, he laid down on the bed, gazing unseeingly at the ceiling.

Gidanneun maeum heomuhaera,

My heart is waiting in vain.

Perhaps he had really forgotten.

. . .

Junmyeon was making his way back to the dorm after practice when he automatically stopped in front of the jjangmyeon restaurant along the quiet street, the only shop that remained illuminated at 11 p.m. on a regular weekday night. His gaze found its way to the vacant table for two at the corner of the small restaurant.

Shaking his head, Junmyeon tilted his head and looked up at the sky. He felt the familiar sting in his eyes as he wondered, The stars are bright tonight, I wonder whether you are able to see them as well?

Pushing open the door, he stepped into the cosily lit restaurant. The owner greeted him with a friendly smile, "Table for how many?"

"Two, please," he would say in his husky voice, before flashing a smile to the shorter boy next to him. Their hands would be entwined together, and Junmyeon would lay his head on Yifan's shoulder, if they had to wait. Yifan would joke that his favourite myeon was Junmyeon, and that would end up with an embarrassed flush and a smack to the head.

They had sneaked here at midnight for their first date without their managers' knowledge, and soon enough, this had been their hideout whenever they felt stressed or was just craving for a bowl of jjangmyeon.

But that had been in the past.

Junmyeon stared blankly at him before quietly replying, "...one." The owner nodded politely, heading back into the shop.

Junmyeon stood there, still haven't quite recovered from the realization that they would never visit this place together again, that he would never hear his voice again. And that now, he would have to eat alone.

It was then when he felt a warm, large, and painfully familiar hand slip into his. The gentle squeeze sent shivers traveling down his spine, sending a tingling sensation to all parts of his body. He's back. He's back. The only person who had the ability to do this to him, is back. This time, he felt a tighter, more urgent squeeze. A deep, familiar voice called out, "Make it two, please."

Junmyeon inhaled sharply.

After three seconds of silence, Junmyeon finally turned around. He found himself looking at the neck of a man much taller than him. The way the veins met, his Adam's apple, everything. It finally hit him like a load of bricks raining down on him. He's back. He really is back. It's him, memorizing him was so damn easy, I just know it's him.

He finally mustered up the courage to look up, into his warm, dark brown eyes. He missed those eyes so ing much. The older finally cleared his throat, "Junmyeon."

"Yifan?"

"..."

"Yifan, please." He hated how weak he sounded, how desperate. His other hand involuntarily found its spot on Yifan's cheek. "Please."

Yifan stood motionless for a few moments. Junmyeon's lips trembled uncertaintly, hand about to drop. As it slid down, another calloused hand grabbed it and Yifan leaned into his.

"Yeah, Junmyeon, I'm back."  He offered Junmyeon a faint smile.

Junmyeon looked at him in the eye, before finally letting it all out, "You're back? Where have you been? What have you been doing? Have you been good? Because I sure as hell haven't. What did you think you were doing, just walking out of my life without a word? Do you know how difficult it was to take care of ten children who are equally devastated? Do you know how torturous a birthday it was, for me to spend it alone even though I was with ten others? You left one week before my birthday, one week. Do you think it was easy standing alone on stage reciting the script I was told to memorize, about how the eleven of us can continue on as EXO perfectly fine? Because you know what, it wasn't. I hate you, because of you I am more of a walking travesty than a human. I hate that for the past seven days, all I've done is see you, you and you in every eye I come across. But what I hate most, is how I want you back. I want all of it back. I want to go back to the times when I could tell you I love you without knowing very well that loving you means hurting myself. And I also hate you for hurting all of us."

He gasped for breath, before continuing, the pitch of his voice slowly getting higher with each line. "I hate how Xiumin can no longer be the goofy little baozi that he was anymore. I hate how Luhan's face falls every time someone says, 'EXO has three Chinese members'. I hate how Lay has to stress over being the leader of EXO-M with Tao being difficult. I hate how Baekhyun slams his door every day and pretends to not care when I know very well that he and Chanyeol lock themselves in and weep together. I hate how Chen can't be the happy-go-lucky troll any longer because the atmosphere is always tense. I hate how Chanyeol obviously dies a little more inside every time he has to rap your parts in Wolf. I hate how D.O. breaks down into the tears as he's so sensitive and how Kai needs to be the one holding him up though he's still young. I hate how Tao has retreated back into the shell that you brought him out of, because his Kris-gege isn't there to support him anymore. I hate how he spends everyday closed up and refusing to interact with anybody more than required. Tao has locked himself up, because of you, Yifan, you!" Junmyeon finally allowed himself to take a deep breath, his heart racing. His voice cracked as he continues, "And have you thought about our son? Sehun? He's only that young, Yifan, so young. He needs you, Yifan. He might be trying hard to hide it but I know that he's trying to keep strong for me, to prevent me from collapsing, Yifan. But he's so young, it won't be long before he breaks. A family needs their appa to survive, Yifan. I need you to survive."

He didn't notice how he had started punching Yifan's chest at the start of his speech, and with each word that slipped out of his mouth, his punches got weaker and weaker. Yifan grabbed onto Junmyeon's wrists and pulled his body against his. Junmyeon collapsed weakly against Yifan, tears streaming helplessly down his cheeks.

I missed this, Junmyeon thought tiredly as Yifan wrapped his arm around his waist, one hand softly massaging his back and the other gently wiping off the tears on his face.

"I'm sorry," Yifan softly murmured against his ear.

青春荒唐我不负你,

Neither did i betray you when we were young and stupid.

"'I'm sorry.' Is that all you can say? Why do you have to be so selfish-" Yifan sent his lips crashing against Junmyeon's. His hand slid up from Junmyeon's waist to rest against his cheek, running his other fingers through his blonde hair. Junmyeon felt the tension and all the other angry words he had meant to say leave him, and he found himself feeling like he had fallen in love all over again. He finally felt that warm, fuzzy feeling, which he had longed for so much, take over him. Junmyeon closed his eyes. Their lips moved slowly against each other, bringing him back to the time they kissed after their first date. It had been slow and sweet.

But this kiss was bittersweet, all the hate, anger, sadness, bitterness and love channeled into that moment. As they parted, lips swollen and eyes bright, Yifan pleaded him, allowing Junmyeon to see the broken man this past week.

"Stay, Junmyeon."

"Then make me."

. . .

Junmyeon woke up in his room alone, clutching tightly onto one of Yifan's shirts.

A big thank you and hug to the subscribers, and as promised, the update <3

Even though we both wrote and tried our best to edit any potential mistakes, do excuse us if there are spelling and grammar errors!

Do leave a comment below! (-:

Actually, we have written an epilogue to this story, but are hesitant to post it. Do you think we should post it or just leave the story the way it is? Do tell us your opinion! :D

-- yuntoh and CCGteehee