Ryeowook didn’t know when it first started, when he started to have the inkling that something wasn’t right with his husband. Was it when Kyuhyun acted weird when he was told by Ryeowook that one of their close friends, HeeChul, had divorced a few weeks ago due to him being cheated on by his spouse. Or was it when Kyuhyun would act a little weird and distance himself somehow whenever they were intimate?

          No, Ryeowook thought. It was way earlier than that. The scene from about 2 months ago flashed across his mind as he remembered tending to Kyuhyun when he stumbled into the house, drunk.

          “Oh god Kyuhyun! Why did you get so drunk?” Ryeowook chided as he opened the door, the tiredness on his face was evident. He had stayed up all night waiting for his husband to reach home before he could have a good night’s sleep. Kyuhyun had, apparently, appeared at the doorstep of their house early in the wee hours, smelling of alcohol as he mumbled something inconherent.

          Ryeowook huffed as he tried to drag his husband up and into their house, and his nose scrunched when the smell of alcohol came into contact with his nose. He furrowed his brows as he looked at his husband, who was supposedly a good drinker. Reaching their bedroom, he laid Kyuhyun onto the bed before changing his clothes.

          “Wookie, I’m sorry! I’m really sorry!” Kyuhyun, who was in his drunken state, suddenly cried out loud. Ryeowook stopped in shock as Kyuhyun gripped his hand so hard as though he would’ve disappeared the next second. He sighed and continued to clean his husband up. After crying for a while, he calmed down.

          “Wookie…Wookie…I love you. You know that, don’t you?” Kyuhyun mumbled before drifting to sleep again. Ryeowook sighed and smiled at his love, brushing a lock of hair from his forehead before kissing him on his cheek, whispering ‘I love you too’. He got up and took his clothes to the laundry.

          It must have been then, when he realised that there was another unfamiliar scent of cologne on his husband shirt. Ryeowook was certain that it wasn’t Kyuhyun’s cologne, because all his cologne was chosen and bought by Ryeowook as a gift for him. For 5 years since they were married, Kyuhyun had never changed to another brand before.

          It was a few days later when Kyuhyun was in the bathroom and he received a message. Ryeowook was asked to see the message for him and told his husband that his boss had complimented him on his good performance on work. His heart swelled with pride as he read the message, happy that his husband did well. As he closed the message, another message popped up. Curious, he opened the message, wanting to convey it to his husband. He didn’t mean to pry, but his smile fell completely as he read the message, his heart breaking into two. That was when he had finally found out what happened the night Kyuhyun was drunk. He didn’t know what to do. To scream at his husband for cheating on him? Or to cry on his own. He did neither. Taking a shaky breath, he deleted the message on his phone and smiled somewhat at Kyuhyun when he walked out of the bathroom, saying that it was an advertisement.

          Ryeowook kept it in for a long time. He didn’t even give any signs of knowing what had happened. Kyuhyun, on the other hand, seemed to always try to distant himself when Ryeowook seemed to be too nice to him, and Ryeowook could see the guilt in his eyes. Yet Ryeowook showed no action.

          He knew Kyuhyun had been having sleepless nights, and that he would always wake up from nightmares in fright. Ryeowook was never really fast asleep too, preparing himself from when his husband would wake up thrashing and screaming before waking up to comfort him. At the same time, he would try to coax him into telling him what happened, although he knew. Ryeowook just wanted to hear it from him, because sometimes even he’s in denial.

          “WOOKIE!!!NO!!!” That night, yet again Kyuhyun woke up from his nightmare. Ryeowook hadn’t really been asleep, but he acted as though he stirred from his sleep.

          “What’s wrong , Kyu? Bad nightmare again?” He asked, although in his heart he knew the answer.

          “Yeah, it’s nothing, wookie. Go back to sleep. Sorry for waking you up.” He smiled weakly and apologised. Ryeowook smiled back tiredly and his hair.

          “You know, Kyu, if you have anything bothering you, I’ll always be here for you, ok?” He tried coaxing Kyuhyun again before turning on his side to pretend to go to sleep, although he couldn’t . He could’ve confronted him right there, yet he didn’t, and instead he said ‘I love you’.

          He heard Kyuhyun sigh as he lied down on the bed. A tear ran down his cheek, wondering when this would ever end.

          the stack of love letters Kyuhyun had written for him before they got married beside his bed, he closed his eyes as he tried to sleep.

          He didn’t need anything, he knew Kyuhyun loved him still. He just needed Kyuhyun to come clean with him. He would then forgive his love and they would go back living the happily ever after that once was theirs.

          Yes, he would forgive him. Because it’s him.