Lost inside the cave, the young man came across a strange creature with the ears and tail of a cat but the body and face of a man, a golden crown atop its head. The creature turned to the man and said,

"You are a brave yet foolish man, for you have set foot into the cavern of no return. Now, you shall face your punishment. Die, foolish man, and I will dine on your flesh."

Skittering back, Chanyeol pressed his back against the wall, his breath coming in short, sharp gasps. "Oh my god I can't believe this is happening there are talking HORSES and they TALK and they're HORSES and they're IN THIS DORM and I have to be dreaming right oh my god this better be a dream because there are FUCKING TALKING HORSES AND THEY'RE IN THIS DORM AND -"

"Chanyeol, deep breaths. Deep breaths."

" - THEY'RE STILL TALKING AND NOW IT'S TRYING TO CALM ME DOWN OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY -"

"PARK CHANYEOL! SHUT THE FUCK UP, WILL YOU?!"

It was the kelpie's/Joonmyeon's outburst that pulled Chanyeol out of his mini panic attack. Licking his now dry lips, Chanyeol held up a finger, motioning towards the two horses for them to be silent. "Okay. Okay. Lemme get this straight, though."

The unicorn/Yixing whinnied, tossing his black mane. "Go ahead. We've got all day."

Chanyeol glared at it. "Shush, you over-sized My Little Pony."

The kelpie/Joonmyeon snickered, prompting the unicorn/Yixing to kick him with his pretty rear hooves. Joonmyeon/kelpie whined, pulling what Chanyeol thought was a pout (he couldn't exactly tell, horses are quite limited in their range of facial expressions).

Chanyeol let out a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. "Okay. So, you two are magical horses."

Said magical horses nodded.

"And, you two are also people." More nods. "And there aren't any projectors. There're no projectors, no secret elaborate pranks, no nothing, because you two are really magical horses." Letting out another shaky breath, Chanyeol continued before either could speak. "And to top it off, I'm in a school that's full of magical horses and other weird things besides magical horses."

The kelpie/Jooonmyeon snorted, pawing at the ground impatiently. "Don't get so hooked on the whole 'magical horse' part. We've got some magic people and narwhals here too, you know."

Huffing with impatience, the unicorn/Yixing trotted towards the lamp stand, picking up his happy-face button. In an instant, he had turned back into a human, carefully pinning it back onto his shirt. Joonmyeon followed suit, shifting and swirling until he was back in his male form.

"I really don't have time for this anymore. I'm getting a migraine from all of your screeching, Joonmyeon's probably given me some weird cooties from being too close, and my socks are STILL MISSING!" Snarling, Yixing's eyes turned cold as he stalked out of the small room, grabbing the knob on the door labeled B and wrenched it open. Before he could slam it closed behind him, a smooth, melodic voice rang out.

"Yixing, you put your socks in the washer. Remember?"

Joonmyeon tensed at the voice, a shudder running down his spine. Yixing scratched the back of his head. "I did?"

The voice chuckled. Joonmyeon twitched. "You did. They got covered in mud because of Sehun's silly prank and they needed to be washed."

Yixing's mouth fell in a perfect 'o'. "I remember now! Thanks for reminding me, Jongdae!"

At the mention of the name of the owner-less voice, Joonmyeon jumped in his spot, quickly retreating back to the room labeled A as Yixing scurried out of the room, heading straight towards a door Chanyeol didn't realize existed to claim his socks. Alone, flustered, and most likely on the verge of a panic attack, Chanyeol stumbled back to his bag, straightening as it had been knocked over somewhere in between his incredulous screaming and people turning into horses.

He sighed.

"This is just me hallucinating. I'm really tired and if I don't sleep crazy hallucinations like this are going to keep coming. I could die if I don't get enough sleep!" (He conveniently left out the fact that he was exaggerating.)

Grabbing his bag, Chanyeol trudged over to the room labeled E (Was it just him or was his bag getting heavier?), turning the knob and flinging the door open.

Only to nearly hit the poor boy standing behind the door in the face.

Chanyeol nearly groaned. Great. Now he had to deal with more people-who-weren't-really-people.

The brunet boy smiled, although it was almost imperceptibly strained. "Hi! You're my new roommate, right? It's very nice to meet you, but next time could you knock?"

Chanyeol pressed his lips together. "Sure. Um... You probably want to talk or something, but I'm really tired so can I just sleep instead?" The brunet smiled, but before he could reply Chanyeol continued. "And if you're planning on crying about something later tonight, can you do it quietly?"

The boy's jaw dropped. "Excuse me? What do you mean, 'planning on crying about something?!' I'll have you know that absolutely nothing's wrong!"

Glancing at his watch, Chanyeol shook his head slightly. "It took you exactly 0.5 seconds to reply to that comment, all of it defensive. That indicates something's bothering you and that you don't want to share. Plus..." His brown eyes grazed over the boy's face. "Slightly puffy and reddened eyes with a fresh layer of concealer, slightly red nose, faintly smudged eyeliner that looks like it's been freshly reapplied. Signs of crying and attempts to cover the fact that you were - might want to fix your makeup again, by the way. Something's made you upset, so if you're going to cry later please be quiet. I'm a light sleeper."

The boy fumed, his made-up face slowly flushing a bright red as he began hissing angrily. "Y-You! I was not crying, and I definitely will not be crying later! So that is that, okay?"

Chanyeol raised an eyebrow. "Sure. And... um... Is it normal for you to grow cat ears and a tail?"

Sure enough, a soft pair of tortoiseshell ears had sprouted from the top of the boy's head, twitching erratically. A tail had grown behind him, swishing in annoyance.

Chanyeol sneezed.

Not now cat allergies, I'm still trying to wrap my head around this.

The boy hissed again, eyes narrowing angrily. "What the hell makes you think that you're an expert at knowing how others feel?! Me, upset?! What a joke!"

Slowly stepping backwards, Chanyeol shrugged. "I just said what I saw. And can you stop using your power-thing? You're giving me hives."

The boy only hissed again, stalking closer to Chanyeol. "What is your problem. Stop insulting me! First you say that I'm going to burst out into tears at any given moment like a baby that wants its favorite blankie, then you say that I do a shitty job with my make-up, and now you tell me that I've got such stupid powers that you're getting hives just from thinking about it?!"

Chanyeol blinked. "When did I say all of that...?"

The boy hissed again, neatly-groomed fingernails digging into Chanyeol's arm, raking down it with enough force to draw blood, albeit a little. "Say anything like that again and I'll tear out your tongue."

Well. That escalated quickly.

Chanyeol lifted his hands in the universal symbol of defeat. "Kay, can you let go of my arm? You're going to turn it into a bloody mess. And, before you decide that you hate my guts, I should probably introduce myself. I'm Park Chanyeol. Sorry for not saying that earlier."

The boy reluctantly let go, backing off while chewing his cheek. "Did I ask you for your name, jerk?" Then he did something Chanyeol would never expect. He blushed.

He BLUSHED.

"Baekhyun."

Wait what?

"Hah?"

Ah, the ever-intelligent and eloquent Chanyeol.

Cat-boy glared at him. "I'm Byun Baekhyun. Stop making me repeat myself, idiot."

Chanyeol nodded dumbly. That is, he nodded dumbly until his lack of people skills decided that they needed to act up. "You know, up this close you're actually really short."

Baekhyun hissed. "You're pushing your luck, bastard."

Chanyeol raised an eyebrow. "No really, you've got to be at least three inches shorter than me." He paused, measuring Baekhyun mentally. "What the hell. Why're you so short?"

Baekhyn growled. "Well excuse me, Mr. Treetops. Sorry for not being fucking tall like you."

Now he did it. No one insults Chanyeol's height and gets away with it, especially not someone who looks like he needs a stepping stool to reach the middle cupboard. That's right, not even the top cupboard. The middle one.

God what the hell is wrong with me?

Curling his lip, Chanyeol sneered at the cat-boy. "Don't worry, with those ears you're almost the height of a flea, shorty."

Wrong thing to say.

Instead of going catty on him again, Baekhyun's nails grew into long, twisted claws. Never mind going cat-boy on him, Baekhyun went full-out Wolverine on him. Remind Chanyeol to never make Baekhyun mad again?

He snarled, pointing one threateningly at Chanyeol's neck. "Did you just call me shorty?"

Chanyeol paused. "...No?"

Baekhyun hissed again, his claws getting closer to Chanyeol's throat. "You did call me shorty, you fucking asshole! I've got cat-ears for a reason! You're lucky I have a rule to not kill people, otherwise you'd be dead by now."

Gently pushing away Baekhyun's clawed hand, Chanyeol sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Okay, well, I'm still tired and I don't have any reason to stay up and argue with you. So I'm going to go sleep now, okay...?" Without waiting for Baekhyun's reply, Chanyeol strode over to his bed, kicked off his shoes, and not-so-gracefully flopped over on the bed. In less than five minutes he was out like a light.

Baekhyun scoffed, plopping down on his own bed. "...I'm so drawing something on your face later."

Waking up with a start, Chanyeol rubbed his eyes. Wow, had he had a terrible dream last night. He dreamed that people were turning into cats and horses and they were talking to him, and that they told him he was stupid before insulting his height and threatening to claw him to death.

Wait.

Chanyeol glanced at his still-sleeping roommate.

It was real, wasn't it?

...

Great.

Getting up groggily, Chanyeol grabbed his toiletries and trudged over to the washroom, setting them down by the sink. Flicking on the lights, Chanyeol nearly screamed. His poor, poor face looked like it had been attacked by an entire box of Crayola markers, streaks of red, orange, and green striping his face like an oddly-colored tie. Purple ringed his eyes, the words 'idiot,' 'asshole,' and 'jerk' written neatly on his cheeks and forehead with a bright fluorescent blue.

Well. It's not university without getting a professional marker makeover.

What brand of makeup do you use? Crayola, maybe?

Okay, in Chanyeol's defense it was early in the morning and he needed more sleep.

Unluckily for Chanyeol, it took the better part of an hour to scrub it all off of his face. The whole time Chanyeol cursed Baekhyun under his breath, praying that he wouldn't be late for class because he was washing all of it off. Somewhere along the way, Baekhyun had woken up and started complaining about how long it took him in the washroom, to which Chanyeol replied something to the effect of 'if you didn't use my face as a sketch pad, this would've been a lot faster.'

Baekhyun just huffed.

Finally getting all of the marker off of his face, Chanyeol finished freshening up and raced out of the washroom fully clothed. Baekhyun scoffed once more, dramatically flipping a towel over his shoulder before stalking into the washroom.

Slipping on his shoes, Chanyeol glanced at the clock. 8:35. He was still okay for time, because his first class didn't start until ten. Then he realized that his classes started next week.

Insert facepalm here.

Groaning, Chanyeol kicked off his shoes and flopped back on the bed. Well, he could sleep for a few more hours then, right?

Wrong.

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, a particular cat-boy came prancing out of the washroom, gracefully leaping onto Chanyeol's bed and successfully knocking the no-longer-sleeping boy off.

"Park Chanyeol! How dare you sleep in on the first day of the week?"

Chanyeol got up sleepily, glaring at Baekhyun from his new spot on the floor. "Shut up and take your early morning cheer to Mars. And Sunday is the first day of the week, not Monday."

Baekhyun gaped at Chanyeol in a melodramatic manner, clasping a hand over his heart. "Sunday is the first day of the week?! My childhood was a lie. But you still have to get up, jerkface. We all eat breakfast together at 8:40. Except for Sehun, Luhan, Yifan, and Minseok because they're up and out of the dorm at 8:30 - Minseok's normally here, but he had a doctor's appointment this morning - and Kyungsoo doesn't like anyone so he normally eats alone."

 Sighing, Chanyeol got up off of the ground and slipped on his shoes once more. As he grasped the doorknob, Baekhyun let out a loud gasp, glaring at Chanyeol. "What d'you mean go to Mars?!"

Chanyeol closed the door behind him in time to block a flying pillow (that had come off of his bed).

Breakfast was an awkward affair. For Chanyeol, at least.

A boy with dyed dark red hair, dark brown eyes, and slight eyebags, Tao, sat at the end of the table, totally absorbed in his biochemistry textbook. He was so absorbed in his book that he left his yogurt untouched for the most part, a forgotten spoon in between his pale lips. No matter what was going on around him, he remained focused on the pages, turning them every so often as he absorbed information like a sponge.

Beside him was a boy with fluffy, neatly styled brown hair and full lips. He didn't say anything, but carefully watched what everyone was doing and listened to what everyone was saying. Jongin, in Chanyeol's opinion, was probably the shy type. He also never looked at Chanyeol, no matter what happened. Baekhyun could've covered Chanyeol in more of his artful drawings, or he could suddenly explode, but Jongin simply refused to so much as glance at Chanyeol.

Yixing had seated himself as far away from Joonmyeon as possible as he tried to ignore the flirtatious winks and kisses being sent his way, staring at his bowl of cereal the whole time. Everytime something was said to him, he -  without fail -  jumped in his seat and blinked innocently as he asked them to repeat what had been said. Since apparently Yixing was too busy ignoring Joonmyeon to listen to everyone else.

Joonmyeon tried to sit as close to Yixing as possible while simultaneously staying as far away from a boy with sleek black hair, dark eyes, and finely sculpted features, twitching whenever said boy - Jongdae was his name, Chanyeol thinks - so much as breathed. It was odd, one second Joonmyeon was flinging cheesy pick-up lines at Yixing by the truckload, then he was practically cowering in his seat when Jongdae shifted or reached over the table to get something.

Jongdae himself was an interesting person. He laughed boisterously, ate enthusiastically, and talked loudly, yet Chanyeol could practically feel something menacing hidden just below the surface. It was like a box of dynamite someone had wrapped beautifully with a big bow on top - pretty, but dangerous. Maybe that was why Joonmyeon was so wary of him? He and Baekhyun seemed to get along well, Jongdae cracking the occasional joke while they poked and teased each other, flinging half-hearted insults at each other.

Which brought Chanyeol to his current train of thought.

Baekhyun was really a strange person. It was fairly clear to Chanyeol that Baekhyun was still upset over something - heck, it was written all over his face for God's sake! - but Baekhyun was trying to cover it up with faked smiles and strained laughter. It was a miracle no one had noticed yet what a mess Baekhyun really was. Now that Chanyeol got a better look at Baekhyun, he realized that whatever was bothing him was really getting to him. Baekhyun's shoulders were constantly slumped, the sullen look complete with dark circles under his eyes (covered up with makeup in vain) and a subtly unhealthy look to his pale skin.

Don't look at Chanyeol like that.

He was just really good at telling how other people felt.

As if hearing Chanyeol's mental evaluation, Baekhyun sent a quick glare at Chanyeol before refocusing on Jongdae. Chanyeol sighed, staring at the bagel on his plate. He really didn't want to be here.

People in general made Chanyeol uneasy, because they tended to cluster around him only because of his brains and 'status.' People were such weird things, always craving attention and love, always wanting to fit in yet stand out, always clamoring to be heard or to be in the lead, always shunning those that didn't fit into their little cliques and groups, always preening and strutting around in their vanity. People were stupid. They claimed to care about things while shedding crocodile tears, when in reality they all just sat back on their lazy asses and waited for someone else to do something. Chanyeol knew that first-hand. People were all lies, tricks, cons, and back-stabbing wrapped up into one pretty little shell and no one thought that they could do wrong.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when the door to room C  was flung open, a petite boy with a heart-shaped mouth and large eyes coming out silently. His eyes narrowed,  glaring at the seven people eating at the table before silently pacing over to the door that lead to the laundry room. He wrenched open the door and glared at them again before he slammed it shut. Time to do some deductive reasoning.

Baekhyun had said that... um... Luhun, Sehan, Yeefan, and Minsook - wait. That doesn't sound right.

It took Chanyeol another five minutes to get their names right.

Baekhyun said that Luhan, Sehun, Yifan, and Minseok were out of the dorm by 8:30. Since no one came in, that's got to be Kyungsoo. Right?

Turning to face the others, Chanyeol cleared his throat quietly. "So... What was about?"

It was Jongdae who replied in his smooth voice (Joonmyeon twitched as soon as he spoke, and it looked like he wasn't going to stop anytime soon). "Ah, that's Kyungsoo. He's a bit of a... he's... well, to put it gently, Kyungsoo doesn't really like other people too much. He prefers to keep to himself and tends to snap at people who talk to him..."

Kyungsoo reappeared from the laundry room with a basket full of clean clothing, his lips pressed into a thin line, eyes narrowing coldly. "Don't talk about me." He turned on his heel, heading straight for his room.

Jongin lifted his head and spoke for the first time in forever since breakfast started. "...Kyungsoo?" His voice was low and soft, uncertainty shining in his dark eyes.

Kyungsoo paused momentarily, answering without turning to look at Jongin. "What." The response was brusque and sharp, clearly annoyed with the fact that Jongin was talking to him.

Jongin bit his lip, nervously picking at the edge of the tablecloth. "Do you want something to eat...?"

"No." Was the blunt answer as Kyungsoo continued on his not-so-merry-way to his room, slamming the door behind him. Seemingly broken out of his trance, Tao glanced up at the table, pulling the spoon out of his mouth to speak.

"He's not going to come eat, Jongin. He doesn't like us."

Jongin started chewing on his lip, pushing his plate away from him. "I know that... But he won't eat at all if he doesn't eat with someone..."

Closing his textbook, Tao leaned forwards, pushing Jongin's plate back towards him. "Which is exactly why you always end up bringing him something to eat later. Kyungsoo doesn't like people, but I'm sure he appreciates the gesture."

Jongdae leaned on his elbow, resting his gaze on Jongin. Chanyeol nearly twitched alongside Joonmyeon, something about that boy really bothered him. "Besides, you of all people are his roommate. You're a caladrius, there's nothing you can't heal. I know you hate it, but if he gets sick you'll just... steal it away. No harm done."

It was still weird for Chanyeol to hear all of these monsters popping up in casual conversation. He decided that he would act like it didn't bother him, though (Truthfully he still couldn't make eye contact with Yixing or Joonmyeon without cringing and thinking of horses. Don't even get him started on Baekhyun).

Jongin's face twisted, scrunching up into one of distaste. Baekhyun snorted as Jongin's face continued to twist oddly. "But that means I'll have to go far, far away... And I like it here." He still wasn't looking at Chanyeol.

"So... Is he normally like that?"

Everyone at the table swivelled to look at Chanyeol.

"Oh, right. New tennant."

Aptly observed, Tao. Aptly observed.

Running a hand through red hair, Tao re-opened his textbook, eyes glued to the pages once more. "Kyungsoo's very sensitive about his identity. He's something that people... aren't exactly fond of. Us creatures don't like them too much either. Because of that he tends to isolate himself, but I suspect he's actually a really nice guy somewhere deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down."

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. "Way to be supportive, Tao."

Before Tao could reply, the door flung open, a young man with neatly spiked black hair and round cheeks flying in, slamming the door shut behind him. Panting, he dashed over to Tao, clinging to his arm with an expression of pure terror across his face. "Tao get it out NOW."

Tao attempted to pry the boy off of his arm, failing miserably. "What do I have to get out?"

The boy shrieked in an embarrassingly high voice, practically leaping into Tao's lap before crawling onto the table, miraculously missing all of the half-eaten food. Curiously, Chanyeol bent over, looking under the table to spot a small, dusky brown snake, its black tinged tongue flicking in and out as it tasted the air. It couldn't have been any longer than ten inches, but it was clearly the source of the boy's sudden distress.

"It's just a garden snake," Tao said calmly, picking it up with one hand, textbook in the other. The snake was strangely relaxed, despite that it was hanging from four feet in the hands of a stranger.

The boy squeaked, scrambling backwards on the table. Jongdae and Baekhyun picked up their plates, moving them out of his way. Chanyeol followed suit. "Exactly! It's a snake! I absolutely HATE snakes, they're terrifying! All scaly and leg-less and they eat people for snacks!"

Jongdae deadpanned, a single eyebrow raised. "Minseok you're a gorgon. Your hair kind of turns into snakes."

The boy, Minseok, paled. "Oh Zeus why did you remind me about that?!"

Jongdae shrugged, a killer smirk crossing his face. From Chanyeol's point of view, it looked like Joonmyeon nearly fell of his chair once he saw the smirk spread across his face. "Just what I do."

Tao, who had thrown the snake outside, sighed. "When will you realize that you keep subconsciously calling all these snakes here? Learn to control it! It doesn't help that I'm a dryad either, you know. Snakes probably like me just as much as they like you. You can't keep running around like a royal mess, Minseok! Isn't that doctor helping you with anything?"

However, his lecture was for naught as Minseok had fainted some time earlier, sprawled out on the table.

Sometimes Chanyeol wondered why the gods thought it's be funny to mess around with his life.

He also came to the conclusion that he wouldn't be looking Minseok in the eye any time soon, unless he fancied being turned into the world's most realistic statue of Park Chanyeol.

Could his life get any worse?

[A/N:]

Finally! A chapter that's longer than 2,000 words without the A/N! So, thank you so so so so SO much for the nine people who subscribed out of nowhere and the two mystery upvoters :D I actually screamed, you know. And I almost NEVER scream anymore! (Cue the awkward excuses as to why I suddenly screamed "A random zombie popped up on my screen Mom! Honest to god!")

So this would've been up earlier, but my drama-queen of a computer decided to crash and auto-save failed me -.- Some minor changes were made due to that (Baekhyun had some absolutely amazing snarky comments in there that got removed because I couldn't remember them or they didn't sound right in the new flow of the chapter), but otherwise it should be pretty close to what it was before!

I want to know! What do you think the rest of EXO is? We already know that Kai is a caladrius (Google is your friend, those of you who don't know what this is), Minseok is a gorgon, Baekhyun is a cat-hybrid, Yixing is unicorn, Joonmyeon is a kelpie, and Tao is a dryad. But what about the rest? Guesses in comments are welcome!

The next chapter features people crashing in through windows, Luhan screaming every five minutes, and Chanyeol laying down the law (or trying to)!

And now for our short sneak peak! (Please comment, subscribe, and maybe upvote?)

Short Sneak Peak: III. Broken Glass of Every Kind

Chanyeol woke from his short nap to someone screaming. Leaping off of the couch with a start, he darted over to the laundry room, flinging the door open. "Luhan are you alright?!"

The blonde smiled cheerily, standing in front of the washing machine. "Woke up, I see! I'm fine, why do you ask?" Chanyeol was about to answer when Luhan began screaming again, picking up a laundry basket casually.

From out of nowhere, Sehun appeared from behind him. "Relax, it's normal. This is why we don't usually let him wash his own stuff."

Oh.

Wait how is screaming while doing laundry normal?!