I still remember our first Christmas Eve together.

It had been weeks since you asked me out and you took me to the nearby park to watch the snow fall. You taught me how to skate on ice for the first time in my life and you were there to catch me whenever I fell. I also remember when my red scarf got caught on your skates because it was too long and I made you trip. I felt really bad about that, but you always told me it was okay.

I remember our first kiss under the mistletoe. For some reason, although we had kissed multiple times before, this kiss was the one that stuck out to me the most. Maybe it was the Christmas spirit that got to me, but I would swear on my life that your lips have never felt nicer on mine than back then. 

I remember our first Christmas Eve together quite well, because that was the day you told me you loved me for the first time. My cheeks went pink and your ears went red, but I guess we have the cold to blame for that. 

You made hot chocolate for me and we sat by the fireplace at your house. Despite the shedding of our layers it still felt so warm in your embrace. I remember the way you ran your fingers through my hair and how close we were. That moment couldn't have been more perfect for me.

You were like fire, giving me warmth when I was cold and light when I was stuck in the dark. But I was too wrapped up in the comfort you gave me to realize that all this time you were burning me alive. 

Hyunji didn't believe in forevers. Or so she thought when she met Jongin. 

Initially they were strangers, and both of them merely saw each other at school. They met at a party where they were introduced to each other through a mutual friend. Jongin, although he hung out with the popular crowd, was one of those people which though he seemed outwardly hostile, he was actually quite shy with strangers and as a result didn't talk to many people. Hyunji, on the other hand, was more of the observing type, but she did her fair share of talking as well. She wasn't as popular at school as Jongin was, but all the same, she didn't really care much about what anyone thought of her. 

Neither of them gave each other much of a first impression, although Jongin seemed uninterested in what was going on at the party. He wore distressed jeans and a red flannel button-up shirt and had one hand in his left pocket with the other hand holding a drink. Hyunji wasn't much of a conversation starter, but she managed to awkwardly grab his attention with, "Is red your favorite color?"

Jongin turned around after finishing his drink. "Not really. But I've been told I look good in it," he casually replied with a smile.

Hyunji couldn't help but agree.

They maintained contact for months after the party, sharing text messages and phone calls to each other. It had gotten to the point where eventually Jongin decided to ask her out to dinner one day. He decided to bring Hyunji to his favorite hotdog joint. Though it wasn't much for dinner, Hyunji verified that they were indeed the best hotdogs she had ever had in a long time. She wore a casual red dress to their first date and Jongin couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked that night. 

It was the following Christmas Eve that Jongin had planned something special for Hyunji. At this stage of their relationship they had grown comfortable with each other and many of their friends lightheartedly teased them for being a couple. It was after that particular Christmas Eve that Hyunji soon found herself really falling for Jongin. Their first kiss under the mistletoe, the warm snuggles with hot chocolate, sitting by the fireplace. Everything made Hyunji feel so close to home, and it was because of Jongin that she treasured the wintertime. 

Jongin and Hyunji truly loved each other as the months went by and turned into years. But little did they know that while their love burned red, the winter wind grew colder and colder until their faces turned blue.

Like every couple, Hyunji and Jongin had their differences. Hyunji found that Jongin had quite a tendency to stay out late whenever he was with his friends, and Jongin found that Hyunji doted on him like his overbearing mother at times. Usually they had their own little disputes over their opposing habits, but having known each other inside and out they resolved their issues politely and in a mature manner. But the longer they stayed together, the less tolerant they became with each other. Distance grew between the two of them; Jongin didn't talk to Hyunji as much as he used to, and Hyunji never heard any "I love you"s from him anymore. At this point Hyunji began to worry, but she hoped that everything would be fine and maybe Jongin would come around to talking to her again.

It was on a late night that Jongin had come home drunk and Hyunji had to tend to him. His breath reeked of whiskey and his lips were swollen. While Hyunji didn't approve of his habits, she was more than willing to take care of him and help him. She understood that everyone had their own ways of dealing with their personal problems and Jongin's remedy just so happened to be alcohol. Hyunji was a little bit hurt that sometimes Jongin wouldn't talk to her like he used to, but her non-confrontational self prevented her from talking to him about it. 

And it wasn't like Hyunji could get away, either. Whenever Jongin got drunk one second he would wail on and on about how much he loved her, and then the next he would rant about how ty his life was and how much he hated his job. Occasionally Hyunji would take some lashes from Jongin, falling down to the floor every time she felt a blow. At first Jongin only gave her slaps to the face, but the more often he went out, the more drunk he got, and the more severe his lashes were.

Slaps turned into punches, and punches turned into kicks, and yet Hyunji still bore the pain for him. There were moments when even after the beatings, Jongin would burst out crying and start hugging and kissing her, apologizing for hurting her and promising to never do so again. And Hyunji would be okay with everything, because in the end, she still believed that Jongin cared for her and loved her.

Hyunji couldn't even go out and talk to her friends and family the way she used to. They had approved of their relationship so long before, and she was afraid of being pulled away from him when they find out what he had been doing to her. Besides, she thought that they would never understand that somewhere underneath his drunken rage, there was still the gentle, sweet man she knew. 

Whenever Jongin was sober, he was the loving and charming boyfriend that Hyunji remembered when they first met. He pampered her and showered her with love every day. Unfortunately, Hyunji found that she couldn't see past that and look at the monster he had become when he was drunk. Because no matter what he did to her, Hyunji would always stay with him during the winter months, celebrating Christmas by the fire and snuggling together and kissing under the mistletoe. 

By the time they had celebrated their third Christmas Eve together, Hyunji had gotten in too deep to get out. 

Things had taken a turn for the worst on their fourth anniversary together. As usual, Jongin had come home late, forgetting that today was a very important day. The next thing Hyunji knew, Jongin barged in to the house in his usual drunken state, two bottles in hand. He looked awful with his hair disheveled, his off-balance walk, and the stench from his breath coming from the soju he had consumed. In between his mouth was an unlit cigarette and he held a lighter in his pocket.

"Come on, Jongin," Hyunji went up to help him, "let's take you to your room now."

In response, Jongin knocked Hyunji off. Hyunji approached him again, but Jongin managed to hit her with an open bottle he held. Pieces of glass flew everywhere and blood began to drip from Hyunji's head as she fell back. "Get your hands off me, ," he spat out at her.

Hyunji looked up at him. "Jongin, please," she pleaded before Jongin kicked her stomach hard. Hyunji felt the pain in her abdomen, yelping in lapses from the excruciating pain. Not giving a care, Jongin yanked Hyunji by her hair, not paying attention to her screams as he slammed her against the wall. The look in Jongin's eyes as he looked down to her scared Hyunji, for the loving, soft brown eyes she remembered were replaced by fiery orbs of anger and drunkenness. His eyes were bloodshot and unable to tend to the frail, weak, and crying body beneath him. 

No matter how badly Hyunji pleaded and begged Jongin to stop, she knew it was no use. By the time Jongin was through with her, Hyunji was too badly beat up and weak to stand. She was too tired and broken to notice that Jongin had poured the rest of the soju on the floor, making sure to cover her as well.

The last thing Hyunji remembered was fire.

There was fire burning everywhere where she laid down. Chaos surrounded the atmosphere as hot, orange flames flooded her vision. Hyunji found it had to breathe; the smoke was suffocating her and she couldn't see beyond the flames that threatened to consume the rest of what was left around her. She couldn't remember what happened, but the next thing she knew she was dragged away by paramedics and given air to breathe. Hyunji felt weak and badly burnt, and all she could do was lie down, look up and see the snow fall. 

It took Hyunji months to recover from the incident. She had been hospitalized for a month due to treatment for her third-degree burns after the fire. When she was discharged from the hospital she discovered that a lot of things had changed. The winter time wasn't as welcoming to her as she remembered, and she found that she didn't welcome the cold months the way she used to. Her fondness of the winter developed into an utmost disgust for it.

After the fire, Hyunji would never associate the winter with the warmth it used to bring her. And it was all because her heart had burnt up into ashes in the fire.

Whenever Hyunji reminisced about the past, all she ever felt was happiness and love. But now she had realized that perhaps that was all she saw, unable to look past their good memories to see that Jongin had always been angry, whether it be at her or at his life or at himself. Still, even though Jongin had indeed hurt her, called her names and made her feel worthless, Hyunji realized that she had always been by his side because she wanted to help him. His drunken rages never stopped her and neither did they stop him. And even after he was gone from her life, never to hurt her again, Hyunji realized that there was no one else there would be in her heart but him. Hyunji hated herself for being so loving and kind, because Jongin had treated her harshly and full of hate.

Their love had once burned with such fiery energy. Hyunji wondered where and when all of that had changed. Maybe she had already lost Jongin a long time ago. Maybe Jongin felt like he couldn't deal with any stress in his life. However way it went, nothing could ever ease the pain in her heart after being stuck so long with him.

Jongin left her burned and scarred for life, but there would never be one single moment where Hyunji regretted ever falling in love with him. She would never forget the winter months that they spent together, the way their love blossomed. But she would also never forget the pain she bore when she took blows for him. Although those physical scars were temporary, what she was left with now was something she knew would never go away.