I’ll back off so you can live better.
Paradise Lost
The smell of bacon wakes you up. Pulling your pillow over your head, you delve further into your comfy blankets. This is the worst dream ever, you thought sleepily. Who dreams about bacon. The smell is getting stronger, overpowering your senses. Why is it so.....real. In the faint distance, you hear voices talking and laughing.
What the.....
Without bothering to wash your face or brush your hair, you tumble out of bed, your feet smacking the wooden steps as you rush downstairs.
“Morning!” a cheery voice greets you, a tall lanky male turns, dressed in a frilly pink apron.
“SON DONGWOON!! What are you doing here! How did you...?”
“How do you think?” A melodic laugh comes from behind you, wiggling a set of keys.
“Gina unnie...?!” Your mouth drops open, as the pretty singer pulls you in for a big hug.
“Remember you kids gave me a set of keys to watch your house that summer when you guys ran away to Japan? Still have them.” she laughs, trying to brush down your hair. "Oh, that summer. Your manager questioned me for hours like I broke in!" You laugh, remembering how you lied and told your manager you guys were going out for ice cream and left for two weeks. Pretty sure car privliedges were taken away for a month, but well worth it.
Without bothering to wash your face or brush your hair, you tumble out of bed, your feet smacking the wooden steps as you rush downstairs.
“Morning!” a cheery voice greets you, a tall lanky male turns, dressed in a frilly pink apron.
“SON DONGWOON!! What are you doing here! How did you...?”
“How do you think?” A melodic laugh comes from behind you, wiggling a set of keys.
“Gina unnie...?!” Your mouth drops open, as the pretty singer pulls you in for a big hug.
“Remember you kids gave me a set of keys to watch your house that summer when you guys ran away to Japan? Still have them.” she laughs, trying to brush down your hair. "Oh, that summer. Your manager questioned me for hours like I broke in!" You laugh, remembering how you lied and told your manager you guys were going out for ice cream and left for two weeks. Pretty sure car privliedges were taken away for a month, but well worth it.
“Umm.. “ Gina pulls you to the side frowning, “Not to be rude but... your..hair is sort of wild...”
You gasp in horror, looking at Dongwoon’s still smiling face. “Um, I’ll be right back.”
“Why does she need to put on makeup,” Sungyeol mutters, laying on your bed with Woohyun. “She looks perfectly fine and it’s not like she needs to impress anyone.”
Woohyun cracks up, relieved that the fight from last night did not carry over into the day. His left foot kicked lazily at the bathroom door, he could get it to nudge just a little. “Don’t be so jealous.” He kicks harder, the bathroom door sways just a bit. You pause from washing your face, rolling your eyes. “Woohyunnie. I know it’s you.” You smile just a little, putting on a little bit of blush to brighten up your face. “Stop before unnie thinks I’m crazy.”
The two boys chuckle.
Skipping back downstairs, you gape at the feast of scrambled eggs, bacon, fruit and pancakes. “Did you make all this?” Dongwoon nods handing you a heaping plate. “Your mom called us and said you were..OWW.” he yelps, Gina not so discreetly jabbing him in the side.
“What he meant was, we just haven’t seen you in a long time and we wanted to come say hi.” The blonde hair girl looks at you sincerely, “We ARE still friends right?”
“Of course!” you smile sweetly, nibbling on your bacon. It was....good. You don’t remember the last time you ate hot food. Dongwoon smiles at you from across the table, his brownish red hair shining in the light, he reaches over to feed you a strawberry. You chew and blush looking away. The three of you chatted away happily, and before you knew it, you had eaten your entire plate.
“I haven’t... ate like this in a long time. Thank you!” You nod your appreciation, the foreign looking boy winking back. Gina smiles knowingly looking between you two, “Here, let me take the plates.”
You hop up to your feet, “Unnie! Let me do it.”
“I’ll help too!” Dongwoon pipes up, reaching for the stack of plates in your hands. His fingers graze yours as you exchange the dishes, the sudden contact making you nearly drop everything. You look around nervously, wondering if your oppas were watching.
“Well, you kids take care of it then.” Gina laughed, putting on her sunglasses.“I have to head to Cube anyway. How much longer are you here?” She asks, glancing around at the clean, pristine home.
You smile genuinely, “Actually...manager oppa told me I can stay if I want to now. Says I’m ‘happier’ now or whatever.” You rolls your eyes jokingly, “I think he just remembers how much money he poured into building this place.” You pause, pulling at your sleeves, “But...”
Gina brushes a strand of hair away from your eyes, smiling, “That’s good. You’ve always loved this place. But....maybe a change is good. You can always come live by us. I know a certain someone who would like that a lot.” She winks at Dongwoon. “YAH!” He splutters, his eyes wide, blood rushing to his cheeks.
“Take care of yourself ok?” She adds, a worried look passing her face. Leaning in to give you a hug, she paused and whispers, “It’s ok to move forward.” You pull back, a confused expression on your face, and nod gently. “I know, unnie.”
You turn around to see Dongwoon staring at you. “What?” You smile, digging under the sink for a sponge. You haven’t done dishes in a long time, there was never a need for it.
“We haven’t see you in a while. That’s all.” He says simply, leaning against the tiled counter. He traces his finger over a red coffee mug, Sungyeol’s favorite.
“I just.. been busy, that’s all.” You reply neutrally, keeping a smile on your face. Taking the mug out of his hands, checking it for fingerprints, you carefully tuck it back in the cupboard. The boy looks at you amused.
Anyways..” you stammer, aware of your awkward behavior. You can’t help it. You don’t like people touching their things. “Thank you for cooking. I don’t... really...you know.. cook anymore.”
Dongwoon rests his hand over yours in a friendly way, “I’ll cook tonight then.”
“What? No.., it’s ok. You’ve done so much.” You protest, shaking your head. His chocolate eyes sparkle, challenging, “What are you going to eat then? Cereal?”
“Hey!” you frown, a smile threatening to form on your lips. “Cereal can be very delicious.”
He laughs, throwing an arm around you for a tight, comforting hug. You hug back reluctantly, surprised at the mixed feelings running through your mind. “I’ll be back around 5PM ok?” Letting go gently, you smile and nod. “K... see you tonight.”
“Is this a date?” L mutters, watching you get dressed later that evening. He does not approve of this. “Leave her alone.” Dongwoo laughs, “This is the first friend she’s had over in years.” “But why does this friend have to be a ..male?!” L whines. Dongwoo rolls his eyes, wrapping his arms around the moody visual. “Silly babo.”
Dongwoon arrives promptly at 5, his hands filled with groceries. “You look pretty.” he says honestly, admiring your cream colored sweater and short, beige skirt. “You should dress like this more often. You know, brush your hair.” He winks.
“Well, you need to come over more often then.” You giggle, then stop. Oh my god, am I flirting?
He laughs, his whole face shining with delight. “I’m going to hold you to that, you know.” Chuckling, he pulls out a bag full of meat and vegetables and starts prepping expertly, rinsing the tomatos, cutting the lettuce, measuring the perfect amount of sauce.
“How do you...” you ask, nibbling on a clean baby tomato, your long legs swinging from the counter. You always sat on the counter when Woohyun oppa cooked, the two of you would get full from eating all the ingredients before food was even ready. You missed this.
“How do I know how to cook? I’m the maknae, remember? I’ve been well trained..” he jokes, dropping the pasta into a boiling pot.
Sunggyu nudges Sungjong, “See? Maknaes cook and clean.” Sungjong throws him a dismissive look, “Whatever. Quit spying on their date.” “YAH! Talk to me like that again, Lee Sungjong!” Sunggyu snaps, chasing the younger boy.
You help Dongwoon dish out fresh, piping hot portions of pasta, baked with cheesy goodness. “Mmmm, it smells so good.” You gush, unable to resist taking a huge forkfull. “Ouch!” you wince, sticking our your tongue. “Hot.”
Dongwoon laughs handing you a glass of ice water, “Here, here.” He fishes out an ice cube pressing it against your pink tongue. He stares into your eyes, his fingers gently touching the smooth tip of your tongue. His eyes seem to sparkle as he keeps his finger there, lingering.
“I think I’m better now...” you push back gently, moving away from his touch. The boy smiles bashfully, circling to the other side of the table. “Let’s eat then.”
During dinner, you can’t help but feel a sharp pang every time you laughed at a joke, enjoyed your food or shared smiles with the boy across from you. It was guilt. Mixed with remorse, sadness and happiness. Why did you get to live? Be happy? You would gladly sacrifice yourself for any of your oppas to live on, they deserved it so much more than you.
“You guys did a lot with this house.” Dongwoon comments interrupting your thoughts, waving his hand at the Victorian furniture, the carefully selected art on the wall. You smile, glancing at the random framed poster of KARA on the far wall. You remember how you and Sungjong fought the others on that so hard. “It’s tacky!” you had complained, Sungjong nodded his head furiously. “Besides, Sungjong is SO MUCH PRETTIER.”
You gasp in horror, looking at Dongwoon’s still smiling face. “Um, I’ll be right back.”
“Why does she need to put on makeup,” Sungyeol mutters, laying on your bed with Woohyun. “She looks perfectly fine and it’s not like she needs to impress anyone.”
Woohyun cracks up, relieved that the fight from last night did not carry over into the day. His left foot kicked lazily at the bathroom door, he could get it to nudge just a little. “Don’t be so jealous.” He kicks harder, the bathroom door sways just a bit. You pause from washing your face, rolling your eyes. “Woohyunnie. I know it’s you.” You smile just a little, putting on a little bit of blush to brighten up your face. “Stop before unnie thinks I’m crazy.”
The two boys chuckle.
Skipping back downstairs, you gape at the feast of scrambled eggs, bacon, fruit and pancakes. “Did you make all this?” Dongwoon nods handing you a heaping plate. “Your mom called us and said you were..OWW.” he yelps, Gina not so discreetly jabbing him in the side.
“What he meant was, we just haven’t seen you in a long time and we wanted to come say hi.” The blonde hair girl looks at you sincerely, “We ARE still friends right?”
“Of course!” you smile sweetly, nibbling on your bacon. It was....good. You don’t remember the last time you ate hot food. Dongwoon smiles at you from across the table, his brownish red hair shining in the light, he reaches over to feed you a strawberry. You chew and blush looking away. The three of you chatted away happily, and before you knew it, you had eaten your entire plate.
“I haven’t... ate like this in a long time. Thank you!” You nod your appreciation, the foreign looking boy winking back. Gina smiles knowingly looking between you two, “Here, let me take the plates.”
You hop up to your feet, “Unnie! Let me do it.”
“I’ll help too!” Dongwoon pipes up, reaching for the stack of plates in your hands. His fingers graze yours as you exchange the dishes, the sudden contact making you nearly drop everything. You look around nervously, wondering if your oppas were watching.
“Well, you kids take care of it then.” Gina laughed, putting on her sunglasses.“I have to head to Cube anyway. How much longer are you here?” She asks, glancing around at the clean, pristine home.
You smile genuinely, “Actually...manager oppa told me I can stay if I want to now. Says I’m ‘happier’ now or whatever.” You rolls your eyes jokingly, “I think he just remembers how much money he poured into building this place.” You pause, pulling at your sleeves, “But...”
Gina brushes a strand of hair away from your eyes, smiling, “That’s good. You’ve always loved this place. But....maybe a change is good. You can always come live by us. I know a certain someone who would like that a lot.” She winks at Dongwoon. “YAH!” He splutters, his eyes wide, blood rushing to his cheeks.
“Take care of yourself ok?” She adds, a worried look passing her face. Leaning in to give you a hug, she paused and whispers, “It’s ok to move forward.” You pull back, a confused expression on your face, and nod gently. “I know, unnie.”
You turn around to see Dongwoon staring at you. “What?” You smile, digging under the sink for a sponge. You haven’t done dishes in a long time, there was never a need for it.
“We haven’t see you in a while. That’s all.” He says simply, leaning against the tiled counter. He traces his finger over a red coffee mug, Sungyeol’s favorite.
“I just.. been busy, that’s all.” You reply neutrally, keeping a smile on your face. Taking the mug out of his hands, checking it for fingerprints, you carefully tuck it back in the cupboard. The boy looks at you amused.
Anyways..” you stammer, aware of your awkward behavior. You can’t help it. You don’t like people touching their things. “Thank you for cooking. I don’t... really...you know.. cook anymore.”
Dongwoon rests his hand over yours in a friendly way, “I’ll cook tonight then.”
“What? No.., it’s ok. You’ve done so much.” You protest, shaking your head. His chocolate eyes sparkle, challenging, “What are you going to eat then? Cereal?”
“Hey!” you frown, a smile threatening to form on your lips. “Cereal can be very delicious.”
He laughs, throwing an arm around you for a tight, comforting hug. You hug back reluctantly, surprised at the mixed feelings running through your mind. “I’ll be back around 5PM ok?” Letting go gently, you smile and nod. “K... see you tonight.”
“Is this a date?” L mutters, watching you get dressed later that evening. He does not approve of this. “Leave her alone.” Dongwoo laughs, “This is the first friend she’s had over in years.” “But why does this friend have to be a ..male?!” L whines. Dongwoo rolls his eyes, wrapping his arms around the moody visual. “Silly babo.”
Dongwoon arrives promptly at 5, his hands filled with groceries. “You look pretty.” he says honestly, admiring your cream colored sweater and short, beige skirt. “You should dress like this more often. You know, brush your hair.” He winks.
“Well, you need to come over more often then.” You giggle, then stop. Oh my god, am I flirting?
He laughs, his whole face shining with delight. “I’m going to hold you to that, you know.” Chuckling, he pulls out a bag full of meat and vegetables and starts prepping expertly, rinsing the tomatos, cutting the lettuce, measuring the perfect amount of sauce.
“How do you...” you ask, nibbling on a clean baby tomato, your long legs swinging from the counter. You always sat on the counter when Woohyun oppa cooked, the two of you would get full from eating all the ingredients before food was even ready. You missed this.
“How do I know how to cook? I’m the maknae, remember? I’ve been well trained..” he jokes, dropping the pasta into a boiling pot.
Sunggyu nudges Sungjong, “See? Maknaes cook and clean.” Sungjong throws him a dismissive look, “Whatever. Quit spying on their date.” “YAH! Talk to me like that again, Lee Sungjong!” Sunggyu snaps, chasing the younger boy.
You help Dongwoon dish out fresh, piping hot portions of pasta, baked with cheesy goodness. “Mmmm, it smells so good.” You gush, unable to resist taking a huge forkfull. “Ouch!” you wince, sticking our your tongue. “Hot.”
Dongwoon laughs handing you a glass of ice water, “Here, here.” He fishes out an ice cube pressing it against your pink tongue. He stares into your eyes, his fingers gently touching the smooth tip of your tongue. His eyes seem to sparkle as he keeps his finger there, lingering.
“I think I’m better now...” you push back gently, moving away from his touch. The boy smiles bashfully, circling to the other side of the table. “Let’s eat then.”
During dinner, you can’t help but feel a sharp pang every time you laughed at a joke, enjoyed your food or shared smiles with the boy across from you. It was guilt. Mixed with remorse, sadness and happiness. Why did you get to live? Be happy? You would gladly sacrifice yourself for any of your oppas to live on, they deserved it so much more than you.
“You guys did a lot with this house.” Dongwoon comments interrupting your thoughts, waving his hand at the Victorian furniture, the carefully selected art on the wall. You smile, glancing at the random framed poster of KARA on the far wall. You remember how you and Sungjong fought the others on that so hard. “It’s tacky!” you had complained, Sungjong nodded his head furiously. “Besides, Sungjong is SO MUCH PRETTIER.”
You guys lost.
“Yeah...” you trail off. “It’s pretty isn’t it.” Glancing up at Dongwoon, he pulls you out of your seat and holds you fragilely as if he was scared to break you at any moment. He holds you comfortably, the both of you silent but each tight squeeze is a mutual understanding, a silent language passed between the two. It’ll be ok.
“Thank you for cooking tonight..” you whisper, your arms hanging awkwardly, stiffly at your side.
“Anytime...” he replies gently, his fingers your hair. “Do you.... want to go out sometime? Like... on a date?” He asks, shyly, hugging you tighter, a cold chill shivering down his spine.
“I...ummm ... I.” You stumble over your words, suddenly feeling a bit frantic, confused. “I....I’m not ready yet.” you admit, unable to meet his eyes. He must think you were such a mopey loser.
There was a long pause. He squeezes your hand sincerely, kissing the top of your head.
“I’ll wait.”
______________
That night, Sunggyu laid with you, watching your nose twitch when you were sleeping. Your eyelids fluttered every few minutes, your pink lips opened slightly. He wonders what you're dreaming of tonight, he could watch you sleep forever.
“Yeah...” you trail off. “It’s pretty isn’t it.” Glancing up at Dongwoon, he pulls you out of your seat and holds you fragilely as if he was scared to break you at any moment. He holds you comfortably, the both of you silent but each tight squeeze is a mutual understanding, a silent language passed between the two. It’ll be ok.
“Thank you for cooking tonight..” you whisper, your arms hanging awkwardly, stiffly at your side.
“Anytime...” he replies gently, his fingers your hair. “Do you.... want to go out sometime? Like... on a date?” He asks, shyly, hugging you tighter, a cold chill shivering down his spine.
“I...ummm ... I.” You stumble over your words, suddenly feeling a bit frantic, confused. “I....I’m not ready yet.” you admit, unable to meet his eyes. He must think you were such a mopey loser.
There was a long pause. He squeezes your hand sincerely, kissing the top of your head.
“I’ll wait.”
______________
That night, Sunggyu laid with you, watching your nose twitch when you were sleeping. Your eyelids fluttered every few minutes, your pink lips opened slightly. He wonders what you're dreaming of tonight, he could watch you sleep forever.
But..
“I have to let you go baby.” He says reluctantly, his words jilted, pained. “We have to let you go.” He nuzzles his face in your hair, wishing that he could feel that warmness again. Feel you.. without sacrifice.
“So you can let go of us....” Sunggyu looks up and sees Woohyun standing in the doorway, finishing his thought.
Wordlessly the thin singer lays on your other side. You lay between both your oppas, the temperature dropping slightly making you pull your blanket over your neck further.
Sunggyu places his hand over Woohyun’s, his face overwhelmed with regret, his voice cracking. Tears pour from both their eyes.
“I have to let you go baby.” He says reluctantly, his words jilted, pained. “We have to let you go.” He nuzzles his face in your hair, wishing that he could feel that warmness again. Feel you.. without sacrifice.
“So you can let go of us....” Sunggyu looks up and sees Woohyun standing in the doorway, finishing his thought.
Wordlessly the thin singer lays on your other side. You lay between both your oppas, the temperature dropping slightly making you pull your blanket over your neck further.
Sunggyu places his hand over Woohyun’s, his face overwhelmed with regret, his voice cracking. Tears pour from both their eyes.
“We have to leave her. For good.”
Comments