unlearning 101
Just a Feeling (Wenrene/Sonbae Collection)
A/N: College is one hell of a roller coaster ride.
there are a lot of things that i learned in college that i want to unlearn.
i want to unlearn being late for class.
i want to unlearn advanced calculus that i never found to be relevant.
i want to unlearn procrastinating projects and cramming homeworks.
i want to unlearn the sounds of my roommate and her boyfriend having in the next dorm so early in the morning.
i want to unlearn the warmth of your hand whenever you held mine during cold nights.
i want to unlearn falling in love.
i want to unlearn falling out of love.
i want to unlearn your voice and the way you say my name in the silence ("Wendy," you say, so soft and so quiet it feels like the wind carries my name).
i want to unlearn the sound of my mother's shouting voice whenever we fight on the phone (muffled and full of static, but loud and angry, still).
i want to unlearn how to drink.
i want to unlearn getting drunk.
i want to unlearn hangovers and throwing up in the toilet so early in the morning that it makes my head spin so badly.
i want to unlearn that longing look in your eyes (you once told me that mine look so distant).
i want to unlearn the bad aftertaste of vomit left on my tongue after my head stops spinning.
i want to unlearn the outline of your body on my fingertips.
i want to unlearn sleepless nights and too much coffee.
i want to unlearn the taste of your skin and your lips on mine.
i want to unlearn failure.
i want to unlearn the desperate need for you (so desperate that it frightens me).
i want to unlearn the feeling of people being disappointed in me.
i want to unlearn the late realization of how important you really mean to me.
i want to unlearn the feeling of disappointment in myself.
i want to unlearn going after you.
i want to unlearn the uncertainty of a future (if there even is one).
i want to unlearn shouting your name when you didn't hear me.
i want to unlearn everything, but i also want to unlearn starting over.
i want to unlearn the feeling of losing you.
i want to unlearn the pain.
i want to unlearn how to miss you.
i want to unlearn loving you.
i want to unlearn you, Bae Joohyun.
but i never can.
i'm trying to learn how to move on, though.
i'm still not sure whether i want to unlearn that or not.
END
A/N: Another short writing exercise. Wrote this at 2AM this morning out of the blue, for no reason at all. I just felt like writing something. This one is really weak but I'm having a really hard time trying to write well nowadays.
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