It's three in the morning when Jongin's eyes flutter open and he sees an angel-like face lying right next to him, limbs entangled with his own. Jongin smiles to himself seeing Kyungsoo's face as soon as he wakes up, happy to know that Kyungsoo is there beside him, but then guilt suddenly builds up in his chest when he realizes that he has to go and he slowly untangles Kyungsoo's arms from around his waist and removes his leg from in between Kyungsoo's thighs. 

Jongin slips his jeans back on, grabbing his shirt from the side of the bed and the rest of his belongings, then slides out of the window just as if he was never there. This is a routine for him and Kyungsoo, and as much as Kyungsoo hates it, he can't help but let Jongin leave over and over again because the way that Jongin his arm and kisses his neck as he falls asleep soothes Kyungsoo, and he figures that it was totally worth it even if he did have to wake up to an empty bed in the mornings.

Kyungsoo likes to sleep like a baby koala, tangling himself around Jongin and hugging him with all his might, scared that Jongin might leave in the middle of the night, which Jongin does all the time without reason. Although Kyungsoo is scared, he knows that that won't stop Jongin from leaving and it bothers him more than anything else in the world. It's like everything is fine when they fall asleep next to each other, whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears and then all of a sudden in the middle of the night, Jongin decides to flee and ignores Kyungsoo for a couple of days only to come back to him a few days later, striking up a conversation as if he wasn't just avoiding him a couple days before.

Kyungsoo hates it, he really, really hates it. It confuses him. It disappoints him. It angers him. He wishes Jongin would tell him why he always fled in the middle of night leaving Kyungsoo all alone. He wishes Jongin would tell him why he thought that leaving Kyungsoo was okay because just when everything was going so well for the both of them and when he trusted Jongin to stay, Jongin would always end up leaving. He wishes Jongin wouldn't let him down and disappoint him, but no matter how much he wishes, Jongin always disappoints him and in the end Kyungsoo always wakes up in his bed alone with the lingering smell of Jongin's cologne on his pillow and his clothes.

Jongin doesn't leave a note. He doesn't text Kyungsoo, leave a voice mail, or kiss him right before he leaves because he's scared that if he does, he'll just fall harder in love with the elder than he already was. Jongin didn't want to get hurt, but everytime that he left, there was an aching pain in his chest that kept telling him that he should go back, he should go back to Kyungsoo and wrap him up in his arms. Jongin ignores the pain. He continues walking.

The next morning when Kyungsoo wakes up alone, he isn't even surprised or disappointed. He just feels normal. So many times he has woken up in the morning with high hopes of Jongin being there beside him, but everytime that he wakes up, Jongin is nowhere to be found and Kyungsoo has eventually gotten used to it. Kyungsoo doesn't mind Jongin leaving that much anymore. The only thing that really bothers him about Jongin leaving is the fact that after Jongin leaves, he'll ignore Kyungsoo for a couple of days to a week and then just come over out of nowhere with food and movies, expecting Kyungsoo to forgive him just like that. Kyungsoo does forgive him, but he doesn't forget the pain that he feels when he realizes that by the next morning, Jongin will be gone again and the routine will just keep going on and on for God knows how long.

The next day when Kyungsoo goes to work at the Cafe, Jongin shows up. Jongin doesn't mean to come to the Cafe, but he just couldn't help it because he misses Kyungsoo so, so much and all he wanted to do was go see him. That's a new record, Kyungsoo thinks to himself as he sees Jongin approaching him. Jongin usually never comes to see him at work. Jongin usually never comes to see him at all. Usually after Jongin flees in the middle of the night, it isn't until after it's been three days of ignoring Kyungsoo that he all of a sudden comes back, but there he was, right in front of Kyungsoo's eyes, smiling at him with the prettiest smile that Kyungsoo has ever seen and it makes Kyungsoo forgive Jongin all over again because no matter how disappointed he is in Jongin, the younger male will never fail to make his knees go weak with just a smile.

"Hey, hyung." Jongin says as he casually sits down in front of Kyungsoo, grabbing a menu.

Kyungsoo sighs, eyes scanning Jongin up and down from his tousled hair to his fingers that are gripping onto the menu so tight that it could possibly evaporate into thin air.

"Jongin, what are you doing here?" Kyungsoo asks. Jongin doesn't look at him, eyes still scanning the menu.

"I wanted to see you." 

Jongin still doesn't look up from his menu, his palms are slowly starting to sweat and Kyungsoo is annoyed because Jongin was acting like nothing has happened, once again. No surprise there.

"I'll have the-"

"Sehun will take your order, I'm taking the guy over there." Kyungsoo says instantly cutting Jongin off. Kyungsoo gives Sehun a look, nodding his head towards Jongin and Sehun nods back at Kyungsoo, obeying his silent order as he grabs a pen and walks towards Jongin.

When Kyungsoo walks towards the guy sitting at the table all the way in the back, something in Jongin steams and he wants to leave. He didn't actually come for coffee, he just wanted to see Kyungsoo, but it certainly didn't seem like Kyungsoo wanted to see him. Jongin didn't blame him.

"May I take your order?" Sehun asks. 

Jongin shakes his head, getting up, "Here." he hands Sehun a $10 bill. "I don't have an appetite for anything anymore, so just do whatever you want with that." Jongin smiles politely as he pats Sehun's shoulder. He tucks his hands in his pocket, walking out of the Cafe. Kyungsoo watches him, eyes not once leaving Jongin's back as he takes his customer's order.

When Kyungsoo returns to the counter, Sehun is standing there observing the $10 bill as if it were some sort of bomb.

"That guy just gave me $10 without ordering anything." Sehun tells Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo nods, telling the younger boy to keep it and then gets back to work. Jongin doesn't leave his mind all day.

 

When Kyungsoo returns home from work, he opens his textbook and all he can think of as his eyes skim over the words in his literature book is Jongin. Jongin, Jongin, Jongin. He wants more than anything to stop thinking about the younger boy, but he can't help himself because he misses Jongin's arms around him so much that he wants to cry. Kyungsoo grabs a fist full of his hair frustratingly, banging his head on his textbook. Jongin, Jongin, Jongin. That's all he can think about. Kyungsoo groans when his phone starts to ring and oh, what a coincidence- it's Jongin. The name lighting up on his phone screen makes his heart leap and when he answers, he can literally feel himself shaking as he grips onto his phone tighter than he should.

"H-Hello?"

Jongin doesn't call him often, only sometimes just to tell him that he's coming over and Kyungsoo really hopes that now is one of those times, even if that does mean that Jongin will leave him again in the morning. He just misses him..a lot. 

"Kyungsoo? Are you okay?" Jongin asks. 

Kyungsoo's face scrunches up at this, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you look like you're about to cry. Are you okay?" Jongin asks again.

Kyungsoo's head snaps towards his window, and there Jongin was. He was sitting on a tree branch that was next to Kyungsoo's window. Kyungsoo still has no idea how Jongin climbs up and down that tree all the time, but that was the last thing that mattered to him right at that moment.

"What are you doing here?" Kyungsoo gets up from his desk to walk over to the window, opening it to let Jongin in. Jongin steps in and hangs up, tucking his phone back in his pocket.

"I wanted to see you." 

Kyungsoo's lips curve into a small smile, but then he's back to normal again as he walks back to his desk. 

"I brought our favorite movie." Jongin announces. This doesn't phase Kyungsoo one bit.

Jongin bites back a frown and walks over to Kyungsoo, he grabs his hand and wants to tell the elder that he loves him more than anything else in the world, but Kyungsoo doesn't even spare him a glance.

"Are you upset with me?" Jongin actually frowns this time.

"No." Kyungsoo shakes his head, pulling his hand away from Jongin's. 

"I know you're upset with me."

"Then why'd you ask?" Kyungsoo snaps, grabbing his pencil and pretending to scan through his textbook.

"Kyungsoo," Jongin calls his name in a way that Kyungsoo's never heard before. Kyungsoo looks back at him and stares into Jongin's eyes, he wants more than anything to tell him how disappointed he is in him, but at the same time, all he wants is for Jongin to hold him and let him fall asleep in his arms.

"Why do you leave? Why do you constantly leave me alone all the time in the morning when you know that I hate it?" Kyungsoo asks.

Jongin doesn't do anything but stare back at him, a blank expression on his face.

"You're never going to tell me the reason why, are you?" Kyungsoo asks again. 

Still no answer.

"Do you even love me?" Kyungsoo's voice breaks, and Jongin wants to say yes, yes he loves Kyungsoo. Yes, he loves him more than anything in the world but it's scary for him to fall in love because love isn't something that Jongin has ever felt before.

When Jongin doesn't give Kyungsoo an answer, Kyungsoo sighs.

"Alright." Kyungsoo gets up, leaving the conversation at that.

"I'm sorry." Jongin replies, but Kyungsoo isn't taking any of it.

"You're sleeping over tonight?" Kyungsoo guesses.

Jongin nods.

"Will you stay until morning?" 

Jongin bites his lip, looking down.

"Jongin, are you staying or not?" he repeats himself.

Jongin nods his head slowly and Kyungsoo knows he's getting his hopes up too high.

"You're staying?"

Jongin nods this time, a bit less hesitant than the first.

Kyungsoo smiles, arms wrapping around Jongin and face burying into Jongin's collarbones, pecking at it.

"Really? You're really staying?" he asks again just to make sure.

Jongin nods, smiling a little bit at how cute his hyung was.

"You won't leave me, right?" Kyungsoo whispers against Jongin's collarbones.

"I won't." Jongin says.

"You'll stay?"

"I'll stay."

With that, Kyungsoo quickly pecks his lips and leaves to go take a shower. When he comes out of the shower, Jongin is sprawled across his bed, arms and legs spread apart everywhere like a starfish of some sort. His shirt is off, leaving him in his jeans. Kyungsoo smiles, because Jongin saied that he'll stay and he's never said that before. Maybe this time will be different from the others, Kyungsoo thinks, but he's clever and remembers not to get his hopes up.

He slips under the covers, tangling himself with Jongin, legs draped across Jongin's and arms hugging Jongin's head, hands burying into his hair, it lightly as he presses his nose against Jongin's neck. He smells like cologne and musk. Kyungsoo's addicted to this smell.

Kyungsoo feels Jongin's hand come up to his arm that is draped across Jongin's torso and smiles as he falls asleep.

 

In the middle of the night, Jongin's eyes flutter open and he stares at Kyungsoo, who has his face buried into Jongin's neck with his fingers tangled in his hair.

Jongin scoots closer to Kyungsoo, pressing a kiss onto his lips and his hair for a couple of minutes. Something takes over Jongin again and he realizes that as much as he loves this, as much as he loves Kyungsoo, he's not ready to stay with Kyungsoo until the morning. He's not ready at all. He's afraid of this feeling. He doesn't know what love is and he doesn't know why he's here with Kyungsoo. He doesn't deserve Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo sure as hell deserved better than him. He decides to get up to grab his shirt. Kyungsoo shuffles around in his sleep and then opens an eye, peeking out of it to see if Jongin was still there. He sees Jongin's figure in front of him, grabbing his shirt and slipping it on.

Kyungsoo gets up, there are tears b his eyes as he realizes what Jongin was doing. He's leaving me. He's not staying. At that very moment, Kyungsoo feels stupid for ever trusting Jongin's words. Kyungsoo stares at Jongin with wide eyes and when Jongin notices that Kyungsoo is awake, he freezes in his spot feeling more than guilty. He feels like dying because he promised to stay, and now he was leaving. Kyungsoo has never caught him leaving before, so Jongin isn't really sure what to do at that moment except to just stare back at the older male who is holding back tears.

"You're leaving?" Kyungsoo mutters, voice hoarse. He wipes away the tears in his eyes, hugging his pillow tighter to himself because No, No. Jongin can't be leaving me. He can't leave me here all alone by myself. He can't. He just can't. Kyungsoo's pillow still smells of Jongin's cologne and when he clutches at it, squeezing it with all his might, he feels a tear stream down his face.

"I-I have to go, I'm sorry." Jongin says, voice deep.

Kyungsoo thinks enough is enough. He thinks that if Jongin leaves tonight, it's officially done between the both of them. He thinks that this is it. If Jongin really does leave, he's never letting Jongin come back and never forgiving him.

"Okay, then." Kyungsoo shrugs. "Go." 

Jongin feels awkward, so he just stands there staring at Kyungsoo, who stares right back at him. 

"Aren't you going to go?" Kyungsoo asks, gesturing towards the window. He's hoping that Jongin will say no, but what are the odds of that? He knows Jongin's going to go, and he knows that he'll wake up tomorrow, regretting ever letting Jongin go.

Jongin looks at the window and then back at Kyungsoo. He nods, and then opens the window, climbing out.

Jongin disappears from Kyungsoo's life for a whole week. Kyungsoo is tired of it all, so he ignores the pain in his chest, carrying on with school and work. 

 

Jongin appears back a week and five days later, the longest he's ever gone without seeing Kyungsoo since the day that they met. Kyungsoo sees Jongin in front of his door step after returning home from work. Jongin's sitting on the steps with his hands clasped together, resting in between his thighs.

Kyungsoo slowly steps out of his car, approaching the younger.

"Why are you here?" Kyungsoo asks, voice like venom.

"I wanted to see you."

This time, Kyungsoo doesn't accept it.

"I don't want to see you." Kyungsoo says, stepping aside and walking past Jongin, towards his door. He pulls out his keys to unlock the door but suddenly drops them when he feels arms wrap around his waist, pulling him close.

Kyungsoo's back is pressed against Jongin's chest, now. He feels Jongin's heart beating against his back and he gulps because his heart is beating just as fast.

"Let go of me." Kyungsoo says calmly as he removes Jongin's arms from around his waist. Jongin lets go immediately.

He wants to plead Kyungsoo not to be like this, but what right does he have? Kyungsoo deserves more than this. He deserves more than the bull that Jongin's giving him.

"Kyungsoo, please give me one last chance. I can do this." Jongin begs. I can do this. I can fall in love with Kyungsoo and it'll be okay, because Kyungsoo loves me. He loves me, Jongin reminds himself.

"Shut up." Kyungsoo scoffs, grabbing his keys from the floor.

Jongin is scared, he's so scared of losing Kyungsoo that he's willing to get on his knees and beg, but he knows that won't do anything.

Kyungsoo walks into his house, shutting the door behind him. He doesn't lock the door however, because this was Jongin. And when it came to Jongin, Kyungsoo was willing to give Jongin a second chance as many times as he needed it because Jongin was the center of his world.

Jongin sighs, opening the door and letting himself in. He walks towards the kitchen, where Kyungsoo is making hot chocolate for two and grabbing a pack of popcorn to put in the fridge.

"You're giving me a chance?" Jongin brightens.

Kyungsoo looks at Jongin. He looks at him in a way that Jongin has never been looked at before. It makes Jongin's heart pound against his chest. It makes his palms sweaty. It makes his ears turn red. Kyungsoo looks at him so lovingly and Jongin is falling, he's falling so hard.

"I'm willing to give you as many chances as you need." Kyungsoo tells him. "I'm willing to forgive you. I'm going to forgive you, over and over again, no matter what you do. You could screw me over time and time again, leave me all alone to wake up to an empty bed with you nowhere to be found, and I'll still give you a chance." 

"But I need to know that you love me, Jongin. Do you love me?" 

Jongin hesitates for a second, but then he's grabbing Kyungsoo's hand and placing it on his heart. He presses his lips against Kyungsoo's and wraps and arm around his waist. Their chests are pressed together with Kyungsoo's palm placed on Jongin's heart, and Jongin's hand right on top of Kyungsoo's.

When Jongin pulls away, he feels something that he's never felt before. He loves me. This is what love feels like.

"I'm okay with falling in love with you, as long as you'll be there to catch me." Jongin says.

Kyungsoo looks at him with the brightest, most beautiful smile that Jongin has ever seen. Jongin gets dizzy seeing it because holy , is Kyungsoo mesmerizing or what? 

"You won't leave me, right?"

Jongin shakes his head.

"So, you'll stay? For real this time?"

"I'll stay. For you."

"When I wake up tomorrow, you'll be right there?"

"Right beside you. All yours."

And that's all Kyungsoo needed to hear.

 

 

a/n: squeals oh god man what did i just write