Songwriting

Writer’s block.

The worst thing that can possibly happened to any type of writer. The terrible feeling when nothing sounds good or interesting to write and the words clog up and everything sound ridiculous and wrong.

Yongguk groans and let his head fall to thump against his desk.

Their company wants a new song for B.A.P's new comeback and Yongguk has gotten the honor of writing and producing their main track all on his own.

Subsequently the only thing he can think of is how tired and stressed he is and how he would rather do Himchan than his song. He's getting nowhere, even when he tries to channel his feeling of frustration into the song he quickly erases everything he just wrote because it sounds to whiny.

The rest of the band seems to have noticed Yongguks frustration ( which isn’t weird since he’s basically been locked into this room for 2 days straight and when he comes out he’s mostly muttering to himself like a mad man) and therefore he's only half surprised when Daehyun and Youngjae disturbs his alone-writing-time with a knock on the open door.

Yongguk always have the door open since he doesn't like writing in complete silence but his band members usually know better than to actually walk in and disturb him. Right now though Yongguk is glad for the intrusion, anything that might help him with his uncooperative brain is good.

"We thought that you might needed some help with your songwriting" Youngjae explains happily after Yongguk has motioned for the pair to come in.

Yongguk nods and smiles even though he doubts Youngjae and Daehyun's writing skills.

And who knows? Maybe they have hidden talents in songwriting!

"Go on" He says and nods once again at them.

”We were thinking about having a song about cheesecake and have a cake concept” Daehyun proposes gravely and Youngjae, the ever supportive boyfriend nods beside him. “Youngjae and I have already started a little with a cheesecake song”

So maybe Yongguk was wrong. He stares at his band members, praying that they’re joking but they both look completely serious.

“Can you see me doing a cake concept?” Yongguk asks with a sigh and rubs his forehead.

Clearly Youngjae and Daehyun hadn’t thought about that because the two vocalists frown and glances at each other.

“You can be like the badass chocolate cake?”Youngjae tries and smiles uncertainly at Yongguk.

“Chocolate cake~” Daehyun mumbles dreamily and stares of into space.

Yongguk stares in horror as Daehyun slowly his lips and Youngjae laughs nervously.

“No, Get out” Youngguk says lowly, not exactly sounding annoyed-only tired but Youngjae immediately scrambles up to his feet.

“What why-“Daehyun starts to question but his boyfriend clamps a hand over his mouth and drags him out of the chair.

“Sorry for disturbing” Youngjae says as he drags his boyfriend out of the door and Youngguk blinks after them.

That was pretty sudden.

Then again a cake concept might just be the worst idea he’s ever heard.

An hour later finds Yongguk in a state of depression with his arms hugging his Tiger and eyes staring into the wall with a look that he would describe as slightly sad and everyone else would describe as murderous. This is the reason to why Zelo hesitates before he knocks on the door and flinch as Yongguk turn to look at him.

“Hi hyung” He says carefully and Yongguk blinks a few times before he breaks into a gummy smile.

“Hi Zelo” He greats and pats on the chair next to him, a lot happier than before now that his favorite member (after Himchan, who doesn’t seem to care about his boyfriend anymore since he hasn't even vistied Yonggukduring the entire day.) has showed up. “What’s on your mind?”

“Well I was thinking that maybe I could help with your songwriting?” Zelo is blushing hard and he seems nervous, like Yongguk would have the heart to throw him off.

“That sounds great” He answers, happily to encourage their youngest member to expand his knowledge and musical talent.

Since Zelo debuted at such a young age Yongguk has always felt a responsibility to take more care of Zelo than of the others, especially when it comes to his development with music. He always felt a certain weird pride when Zelo found a new musical interest or improved his dancing or rapping and this time is no exception. Yongguk tries not to grin too much as he leans towards the other, putting Tiger on the table in order to fully concentrate on Zelo.

Zelo smiles shyly and swallows nervously before he starts to speak.

“I think we should write a song about a boy who is deeply in love with his best friend but too afraid to say something since he’s not sure if his feelings are answered and also because their love is not really accepted in society” He says quickly, all in one breathe, and Yongguk blinks at the deeply blushing maknae.

This is not about improving his songwriting.

This is about hormones.

“I’m not going to write a song about your love for Jongup” he says firmly and Zelo blushes even more. “You’ll have to do that yourself”

“I’It’s n-not ab-bout…I m-mean it-t’s n-not r-really…why?” Zelo finishes his stuttering with a whine and slumps his head. “I can’t do it” I don’t know how people confess their feelings: it’s scary!”

Yongguk leans forward and pats on Zelo’s shoulder.

“You’ll just have to be brave Zelo” He says seriously and Zelo looks up at him with a pout.

“Like you did with Himchan?” He asks slowly and now it’s Yongguk’s time to blush.

“Well actually Himchan kind of asked me out so hrrm” He explains and clear his throat and Zelo frowns.

“But how did he do it then?” Zelo asks and Yongguk stares at him, trying to come up with an answer.

“Well you see…” he starts uncertainly and recalls how Himchan shoved him into their shared bedroom and locked the door. Yongguk is quite sure Zelo can live without knowing what happened next. “Why don’t you ask Himchan? He’s better at explaining these kind of things”

Zelo frowns even harder and Yongguk can feel sweat tickle down his neck as he prays that the maknae will just let it go.

“Okay” Zelo says at last and nods. “I will go and ask Himchan” He rises to walk out and Yongguk heaves a sigh of relief ones he’s out of the door.

Hopefully himchan can come up with a good answer/lie.

Next member to walk into Yongguk’s room is Jongup who comes in with a small smile without knocking and sit down on the chair next to Yongguk, who’s too busy drawing angry circles on his note paper to notice the other.

“Daehyun told me I should help you” Jongup explains with a smile and Yongguk blinks up at him, only now noticing his presence.

“Oh, right. That’s great!” Yongguk says and twirls his chair so that he’s facing Jongup. He prays that this idea will be good because he’s soon been sitting here all day, desperately trying to write more than one word.

Jongup nods one time and then just sit there, staring at Yongguk with his small smile. After a while this starts to become seriously creepy.

“So?” He says slowly.

“So what?” Jongup asks, sounding happy.

“Well help me!”

“How?”

Yongguk heaves a sigh, feeling a headache building up. Sometimes he believes Jongup is actually stupid, even though he’d never admit it to anyone or accept it if anyone else would voice it out.

“Do you have any ideas for a song?” Yongguk asks slowly and Jongup frown.

“Oh, right” He says and thinks hard for a moment “We could write a song that’s really upbeat and with a good choreography. Something where I and Zelo can dance together. And then he can cross-dress, like in something really tight and black and short that shows of his legs and…”

Yongguk decides to stop the dreamy dancer before he gets any uncomfortable images of the maknae.

“Thank you Jongup” He irrupts smoothly and the other stops his babbling. “I will think of that. Now I’m sure Himchan needs help with something so why don’t you go to him?”

“Uhh” Jongup seems slightly disoriented after being so abruptly cut off from his day dreaming about Zelo’s legs. “Yea, Himchan, sure” He mumbles and Yongguk stands up from his chair and Jongup slowly follows his example.

“Yes, be a good boy and go help Himchan” Yongguk says, basically leading Jongup towards the door.

“Okay…wait-“Jongup starts but Yongguk ushers him out of the room and closes the door behind him before he can finish his sentence.

Several hours later and Yongguk is sprawled out on the sofa in his private office, glaring at the still closed door. He swears it’s making his writer’s block even worse but every time he opens it someone comes in with another stupid song idea and Yongguk just can’t handle s and their love for silly things right now. He also feels slightly (really) abandoned and betrayed since Himchan is the only person that haven’t disturbed him yet and he would very much like to be disturbed by his boyfriend.

That’s why he ignored Himchan’s shout that dinner was ready, as a little, pathetic kind of revenge he’d never admit that he took to anyone- not even himself.

He could imagine Himchan explain to the other members that their leader (he probably referred to Yongguk as papa because Himchan is into the entire “b.a.p family” thing) is working and will just have to eat later. It makes Yongguk feel slightly guilty but he ignores the feeling in favor of feeling accomplished at his small revenge.

The feeling doesn’t last long though since he still haven’t written for the entire day and it’s seriously starting to get on his nerves.

He was watching action movies and news reports on his phone until it died and still nothing has popped up. He feels like punching something and would if it wasn’t because he’s too lazy to move and Himchan would kill him if he hurt himself.

Speaking of his traitor (for not giving Yongguk his attention for a whole day, very traitorous) boyfriend, there suddenly is a soft knock on the door and it slowly opens to reveal Himchan standing there with a tray of food and two cups of tea.

“If I knew that you were sulking instead of writing good songs I would have just abandoned you to live in misery and not bring tea and food like a nice boyfriend” Himchan muses with a smirk at the sight of Yongguk.

A worse traitor that Youngjae, that’s exactly what he is. With nice cooking skills.

“I have a writer’s block” Yongguk explains and it’s meant to sound angry but it sounds more like he’s whining and Himchan smiles at him gently.

“Aww, it’s alright sweetie” Yongguk hates Himchan’s nickname for him but he puts up with it because Himchan is Himchan and Yongguk can’t just refuse him (anything) from calling Yongguk what he wants. “I’m sure you’ll get over it, didn’t the others tried to help you? I remembered hearing Daehyun and Youngjae lowly singing about cheesecake and Zelo asked me how I asked you out for no reason. Oh, and then Jongup actually asked if he could help me with anything! This is a day for the history books!” Himchan exclaims dramatically as he puts down the tray on the table in front of Yongguk.

He then pokes the grumpy songwriter until he sits up and proceeds to smoothly pick up two cups of tea and handle one to Yongguk, who accepts it gratefully.

 “So what did you tell Zelo?” Youngguk says wearingly and takes a gulp of his tea as Himchan sits down next to him, curling up at his side

“The truth of course” Himchan says smoothly and wrinkles his nose when Yongguk spits out the tea all over himself. “That’s gross sweetie”

“You told him the truth?” Yongguk screeches and Himchan rolls his eyes as he reaches for one of the napkins on the table.

“Of course not, I am a good mother after all. I told him I gave you flowers and asked you out on a date, surprisingly he believed me! I can only imagine your face if I tried giving you flowers” Himchan snorts at this before he continues. “But I do hope he give Jongup flowers, can you imagine how cute that would be? The two of them blushing as Zelo shoves the flowers towards Jongup and..” Himchan sighs dreamingly and the other smiles his gummy smile at his boyfriend’s weirdness. Himchan then remembers the napkin and quickly brushes it all over Yongguk’s front, collecting almost all spilled tea.

Yongguk watches him with a small smile and reaches down to kiss him when he’s done. They share a sweet kiss before Himchan moves up to throw the napkin into the bin. He smoothly clinks back next to Yongguk after that and sits as close as possible to his boyfriend.

“Sadly I’m not the best songwriter” Himchan starts lowly and gently Yongguk’s hair away from his eyes. “But at least I can keep you company until you throw in the towel for today” He whispers and plants a soft kiss on Yongguk’s lips.

Yongguk smiles gently down at his boyfriend and from there on they small talk as Himchan sips his tea and Yongguk digs in on the leftovers from dinner Himchan brought him. The conversation flows freely with small, comfortable silences in between and although Yongguk doesn’t even touch his note paper for an hour he doesn’t feel uncomfortable or stressed. Himchan is half lying, half sitting as he leans on Yongguk’s shoulder and Yongguk can feel himself relaxing at the familiar weight against it, sweeping his stress and frustration away together with all his problems.

Later that night when Himchan has gotten too tired from taking selfies and is asleep on Yongguks shoulder, Yongguk realises that it doesn’t matter if he’s gotten a writer’s block.

He’ll have inspiration as long as he have Himchan.

“This is like the most romantic thing ever” Himchan sighs and leans against Yongguk who simply grins happily. He has just handled out their new song lyrics to the rest of the members and they all seem satisfied.

Except Zelo

“Not fair! How come you can write about your feelings for Himchan but not about my feelings for Jongup?” the maknae says angrily and frowns deeply, completely forgetting that Jongup is standing right beside him.

The dancer stares at Zelo as the rest of them goes quiet, smugly watching the two youngest members.

“What?” Jongup asks quietly, eyes fixated on Zelo.

The other seems to finally realize what he just said at that and he blushes furiously. He quickly glances at Jongup before he darts his eyes away, avoiding eye contact

“Oh, Jongup-hyung! Errr, I mean…uuhh…well ” Zelo stutters and on the side Youngjae laughs at him.

“I think our maknae’s need some time alone” Himchan says and grins excitedly.

“Clear the room” Yongguk agrees and Zelo looks outright horrified.

Yongguk smile assuringly at him and thinks that Zelo won’t look so terrified soon and happily close the door to the practice room, leaving Zelo and Jongup alone.

He then gets pushed away quickly so that Youngjae and Daehyun can lean against the door and try to listen to Zelo’s and Joungup’s conversation.

Yongguk let them be, knowing that the rooms are sound proof, and simply sighs and shakes his head.

“I really, really liked my song though” Himchan whispers next to him and kisses Youngguk’s cheek lightly.

And that, Youngguk thinks, is all he really needs.