Fix A Heart

A e.

Kim Ryeowook chuckled darkly as the word repeated itself in his head over and over again, he was used to the word—after all he had been in the industry for years now—and it had etched itself deep in his skin, deep in heart. But not his soul, no not that. They could take away his body, his free will, but not his soul. Never his soul. The grime and dirt that surrounded his world was more than enough to make his heart bitter and cold. He stared out of the window, his eyes dull and dead—everything in his past, his experience, and his job had numbed his sense and made him cold to the world.

“Wook, time to go out.” Ryeowook bit his lips hard and tried to take a deep breathe in. Be calm and breathe, he repeated to himself. Just like what he’d always repeat to himself every night.

“Right,” He nodded as he took one last look at himself in the mirror, giving himself a sad and pitiful smile—just like what he did every night. “Time to go out.”

The street was foul and dirty Ryeowook noted, rats were scurrying around and cockroaches were littering the streets. He gave a small grimace of disgust as he pulled the thin cloth of his clothes closer to him. It was cold, it was dark, and it was tiring to stand so long. But he merely shrugged all of his concerns and continued to stand there; looking at each passerby with the same seductive look he’d give. Luring them into his trap, telling them to come to him.

Ryeowook sighed heavily as he leaned on the stone wall, hissing a little when the coldness touched his skin. He’d rest for now, he thought, it was tiring to keep on walking. He looked up to the sky and smiled slightly. Despite the stale air, the dirty streets, and the coldness that pricked his skin. The stars were his part in what seemed like such a dark world. It twinkled and shined so beautifully, hanging itself in the black backdrop. Sometimes the moon would be bright, giving him light but Ryeowook didn’t like that because the stars would disappear. Ryeowook hated the moon, it was too bright for him.

“Are you free for tonight?”

Ryeowook raised an eyebrow and turned around. A smile tugged on his lips as he looked at the man in front of him, knowing all too well what he wanted.

“Yes I am,” Ryeowook echoed, going into the parroted and scripted part of his act. A e, he would repeat over and over again, quieting that annoying voice deep in him. “Fifty dollars.”

Ryeowook’s smile dropped a little when the man shook his head, looking straight into his eyes. “I want you for the whole night.”

Damn, Ryeowook thought. He hated these types of costumers. So clingy and so overly confident of their ability in bed.

“Not interested,” Ryeowook shook his head, ready to move away from the stranger when he suddenly reached out and took a hold of his arm. Ryeowook glared.

“I’ll give you a thousand dollars to spend the night with me,”

Ryeowook’s eyes widened a little. A thousand dollars. A thousand freaking dollars. With that money alone he could afford to stay off the streets for a few nights, maybe even buy himself a nice meal at a restaurant. Ryeowook bit his lips and looked at this stranger in the face. He had dark eyes, his hair dark as well. He’s complexion was pale in the night. He wanted to refuse, he wanted to refuse so badly. But the temptation was too much, it was calling out to him—pulling him in.

The stranger reached into his pocket and pulled out a thick wad of cash placed it in Ryeowook’s hands. Ryeowook sighed, feeling like the scar of his heart getting bigger and bigger. “Alright, I’m yours for the whole night.”

What was taking him so long?

Ryeowook huffed annoyingly as he sat on the bed, with only the white sheet covering his lower torso. He could hear the man, rustling and moving around the other room and almost immediately his annoyance turned to fear.

He had always heard about stories of es getting killed or getting tortured to death. He’d never met them such people (luckily) but he was afraid that his luck was starting to run out now.

“Hey! You okay over there?” Ryeowook called out, trying to calm himself as he gripped the white sheets a bit too tightly.

“Yes just a moment please, I’m almost done!”

Done with that? Ryeowook asked himself as shifted uncomfortably on the s, trying his best not to appear nervous. Looking at the door to see that it was unlocked. Good, he said to himself, if he needed to run away he wouldn’t be stopped by a locked door.

“Sorry to keep you waiting! Okay let’s start.”

Ryeowook’s eyes widened when the man, wearing a dirty shirt, started moving something into the room.

“Umm…what’s that?” Ryeowook asked as the man started to place the object in front of Ryeowook, adjusting and moving its three legs.

“It’s a canvass—for painting!” The man shouted, excitement lacing his voice as he sat down of the canvass and looked at perplexed look on Ryeowook’s face. The man tilted his head to the side, his black hair slightly illuminated by the stars light outside the window. “You don’t know what a painting is?”

Ryeowook was annoyed. Of course he knew what a painting was! He wasn’t an idiot.

“I know what a painting is,” Ryeowook answered with a huff. “I’m just wondering why you brought a canvass in here.”

“Well…to paint.” The man answered plainly making Ryeowook madder.

“Aren’t we going to have ?” Ryeowook asked, anger clearly evident in his voice.

“Hmm no we’re not,” The man answered back as he took a paintbrush and dipped it into some paint. “Now don’t move, stay absolutely still okay?”

“Why did you pay me if we aren’t going to have ?” Ryeowook persisted, gritting his teeth in anger. The man sighed and shake his head—regarding Ryeowook as if he was a child that needed to taught what was white and black.

“Because you are my model,” The man held up a hand when he saw Ryeowook about to open his mouth. “Let me continue. You see I am a painter and I need models for my painting—sadly models aren’t abundant so I’m asking you to model for me. Well. More accurately paid you to model for me. My name’s Jongwoon and you are?”

Ryeowook’s eyes narrowed a bit, glaring at Jongwoon a little. No one had ever asked his name before nor had anyone introduced themselves to them. It was purely just . Nothing more, nothing less.

“Wook,” Ryeowook simply answered, feeling uncomfortable at the man’s gaze—a gaze that looked like it was trying to uncover him. Trying to get to his soul.

“Can I have your real name?”

“No you can’t,” Ryeowook replied instinctively. To protect their identity from their normal lives, most es created fake names. To some it was just to protect their identity but to Ryeowook it WAS his identity. He had given his body, his dignity, his dreams and his worth as a human being. But there was one thing they could never take away from him and that his name. His real name.

“Alright, I’ll call you Wook then,” Jongwoon nodded with a small smile as he dipped his paintbrush into some paint and started to dot his canvass and create something Ryeowook couldn’t see. “Why are you here Wook?”

“You paid me didn’t you?” Ryeowook answered, trying not to move but fascinated all the same at the hand movements that Jongwoon was making on the white canvass.

Jongwoon laughed and shook his head. “I meant how did you get here? What’s your story?”

Ryeowook’s eyes widened a bit, his heart beating a little fast. What did this man mean by story? Why did he want to know?

“Why do you want to know?” Ryeowook asked as Jongwoon dipped his paintbrush again into another shade of color.

“Because we’re going to be here for a long time before this painting is finished, might as well make light conversations don’t you think?” Jongwoon answered back as Ryeowook bit his lip.

This person was weird, Ryeowook thought. He paid a e a thousand dollars to model for him and now he wants the same e to tell him his story?

Ryeowook scoffed a bit and shook his head. “Would you even care?”

“I’m asking aren’t I?” Jongwoon said as he stopped his brush and stared at Ryeowook in the eye. “So tell me.”

“I wanted to be a singer,” Ryeowook bit his lip, almost drawing blood. Why did he say that? No one knows about that. No one.

Jongwoon nodded and went back to his canvas, continuing to paint. “So what happened?”

“Not enough money to support myself, basically I just gave up. This is easier—it gets the bills paid.”

“Then what happened to the dream of being a singer?”

Ryeowook shrugged a little and turned his head slightly to the window, his eyes becoming sad.

“The moon took it,”

“The moon?”

“Yeah,” Ryeowook nodded as he refused to elaborate more, and stared at the stars that hung in the sky. He had only realized now that they were on a really high building because the stars that seemed so far away on the street seemed so closer from where he was right now. A small smile graced his lips at the thought of the stars being so close to him.

“Do that, don’t move.”

“Huh?” Ryeowook turned his head slightly to the direction of Jongwoon as Jongwoon tsked in disapproval, dipping his brush in the paint and seemingly looking like he was furiously trying to redo something. Ryeowook bit his lip. “Sorry.”

“Stop biting your lips,”

“Oh sorry,”

“And move your head to the window a little, stop trying to make me redo this,”

“Sorry…”

“And stop apologizing!”

“Sorr—”

Jongwoon glares at him.

“Okay.”

“Good,” Jongwoon nodded in approval as he continued to make careful and precise brushstrokes on the canvass.

“Why are you doing this anyway?” Ryeowook asked, generally curious to the intentions of the man. “Wouldn’t be worth your money more if we just had ?”

Jongwoon scoffed and rolled his eyes a little. “Why are you so eager for us to have ?”

Ryeowook furiously tried to push down the blush that was trying to take hold of his cheeks (he didn’t want to ruin the painting). “That’s….I’m just trying to ask a question.”

“You’ll get your meat later, since you want it so much” Jongwoon said causing Ryeowook to almost choke on his own spit at the vulgar and straightforward way he had said it.

“R…right.”

Jongwoon merely nodded as he continued to work in silence, Ryeowook on the other hand continued to stare at the stars outside the window. Doing his best to calm himself and immerse himself in the silence.

Three hours in and Ryeowook could already feel his back aching.

“Can…can I move now?”

“I’m almost done, be quiet.” Jongwoon ordered as Ryeowook rolled his eyes and almost scoffed. That’s what he said an hour ago.

Ryeowook silently groaned as he felt his back ache, his hurt, and his neck stiff from not moving in his position for so long.  Worst, he was getting sleepy. It was hard to keep his eyes open and as much as he loved looking at the stars it was getting a tad bit tiring.

“I just need to add one more thing, don’t move.”

Ryeowook almost sighed in relief when he heard those words, finally being able to relax and massage his aching back, neck and .

“Done.”

“FINALLY!” Ryeowook shouted in relief as he fell back on the bed, his arms spread wide, and his eyes shut tight. Then he heard footsteps, opening one eye he saw Jongwoon making his way to him. “Wait, wait are we doing it now?! Let me rest for a bit—”

Anything Ryeowook had to say was stopped as Jongwoon scooped him into his arms and gently placed him on top of the bed. Ryeowook’s eyes widened a little as Jongwoon went into the closet and pulled out a thick blanket and placed it on top of him.

Ryeowook watched intently as Jongwoon started to pack up his art materials and slowly moved the canvass out of the room.

“W…wait aren’t we going to have ?!” Ryeowook shouted as Jongwoon looked back at him and laughed.

“No, you go to sleep.”

Ryeowook tilted his head and stared at Jongwoon. “You do know you only have me for the night right?”

“Oh I know,” Jongwoon smiled at him and nodded, tucking the canvass underneath his arm and moving to Ryeowook. He reached out and slightly ruffled his hair, causing Ryeowook to whine in protest. “Good night Wook.”

“It’s Ryeowook,” He blurted out, slightly blushing at the surprised look on Jongwoon’s face, even he himself wasn’t sure why he had told Jongwoon. “My name, my real name. It’s Ryeowook.”

Jongwoon smiled softly and nodded. “That’s a nice name. Ryeowook.” He chuckled softly as he shook his head and made his way to the door, closing it softy before muttering to himself, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Ryeowook stared at the closed door in disbelief as different thoughts raced into his mind. Why did he tell him his real name? What was the painting for? And was Jongwoon really going to leave him alone for the night?

Ryeowook groaned in frustration as he turned to his side, hugging the blankets close to him and trying to fight off the sleepiness but as the minutes passed he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore and he went to sleep.

Ryeowook woke up with the sun hitting his face. He groaned in frustration as he pulled up the blankets to his face, trying to block out the sun and—it had worked? Ryeowook opened his eyes a little and felt the blanket in his hand, finding it soft and thick and—not his blanket. Ryeowook’s eyes shot open as the events of the night before replied in his head, he quickly sat up from the bed and looked around the room—his eyes in panic.

He looked around for his clothes, realizing that he was , and saw them on a chair near the bed neatly pressed. He reached for them and quickly put on his clothes, feeling horrible but well rested. His nose then caught onto something—something delicious.

He moved towards the table and his eyes widened, there on a pristine white plate was a piece of perfectly cooked steak. Ryeowook his lips in hunger and started at the steak with longing, his caught onto the white card next to the plate and he picked it up, reading it.

Here’s your meat—as promised. Follow your star Ryeowook. You’ll get there sooner or later.

~Yesung

Ryeowook stared at the card and back at the steak on the plate, he rolled his eyes and let out a laugh as he shook his head. He picked up the plate and stared at it for a good minute before moving to the trash bin and dumping the steak and plate in the bin.

“Who are you Yesung?” Ryeowook smiled lightly as he looked at the card briefly and reached into his pocket and took out his phone. He dialed a number and waited for the other person to pick up, once the person had picked it up Ryeowook smiled a little.

“Hey…I’m quitting. Huh? No no, yeah don’t worry you’re getting your cut. What do you mean where am I going?” Ryeowook chuckled briefly as he looked at the card and traced the name of at the bottom with his thumb, a full smile blooming on his lips. “I’m going to go follow my star.”