Hey... how have you been? I hope you are alright. Me? Well... I still am mad at you... You... You are so unfair... Leaving me like this!

Your tears started to fall.

You promised me you wouldn't... You promised me! You in' promised me! Now could you even blame me if I blame myself for what happened? Huh?

There was too much pain. Even until now.

I told you not to go.... I told you it was fine. But you were too stubborn! You were too damn in' stubborn! If you'd only listened to me... if you only did.. then maybe... maybe...

Your chest was aching. Your tears were unending. Your eyes were starting to swell.

It's been a year, sweetie. And yet, here I am... still at the same place. I don't think I can move on like everybody tells me to do so. I can't move on. Not without you. Even if I know you're not coming back. I just can't, honey. I can't... I am unable to move on... move on with my life without you. And I blame you for this! You made me get used to having you around... now tell me.. how am I supposed to go on, huh? You left all of a sudden.. without warning... and now, I am left with my heart shattered into pieces! And I am sorry... I don't think I can fulfill my promise to love again. I told you you are the only one for me... and you will be...

You literally wailed as you held your chest because it is hurting so much.

I still think of you everyday... I still keep your pictures.. your gifts, your clothes, your shoes, all your things are still in my room. I still live in our apartment. The members almost dragged me out of there but I told them I still cannot leave that place. They told me I am torturing myself. Maybe. But it's where you are.. where your memories are. I feel like you are still there with me.  I miss you, Siwonnie... I miss you so damn much...

You lowered your head as you so bawled out loud once more.

I love you, Choi Siwon. I still do... even after you've gone. I dunno how to let go, sweetie... please tell me how to let go of you... it hurts to much now, Wonnie... why, Siwon... why did you have to go so soon... I miss you.. I love you.. I miss you Siwon...

A pair of hands brushed your shoulder. One on the left. One on the right. You looked up. You saw your two oldest members behind you and the rest of Super Junior behind them.

I knew we'd find you here, brat... Heechul ran his hands through your auburn hair.

Kyuhyun-ah... are you still blaming yourself? Your leader asked. Please don't, Kyu...

Hyung... we lost Siwon because of me...

No! Donghae interrupted. It was an accident, Kyu. You should stop blaming yourself.

No, Hyung. If I didn't hiss at him for being late for our anniversary celebration, he wouldn't hurry. He wouldn't meet that car on that curve. He should still be here...Siwonnie...

Eunhyuk knelt and hugged you. Siwon wouldn't like that you're blaming yourself.

You held on to him so tight. Hyung.. I couldn't move on.. I can't move on... I still love him, hyung. And I miss him... I terribly miss him.

We know, Kyu... and we understand. And you know we love and miss him too. Leeteuk sat beside you and placed his hands around your shoulders. You have to learn how to let go. So Siwon can be happy. So you can be happy.

Siwon-ah... Donghae, one of his closest friends, faced the tombstone with CHOI SIWON etched on it and started to talk. We know you are in peace now. Help Kyuhyun, man. Help him live his life without you.

Yesung followed. We miss you. Watch over Kyu from heaven, okay.

The rest of the members were silent, with only sobs heard.

You reached out to touch his name and placed the bouquet of his favorite flowers beside it.

I'll try to go on with my life, sweetie. It may take me a while but I will try. I'm sorry... for everything. I miss you. I'll see you in time. I love you. You will always be my Choi Siwon. I could never replace you in my heart...

Donghae and Eunhyuk squeezed both your hands.

You faced Donghae and felt your knees weakened. You grabbed onto him and hugged him tight before you fall down. Eunhyuk joined in the hug, feeling your pain.

Annyeong, Siwonnie. Leeteuk said, as he rubbed your back. We'll see you again next year.

The members started to lead you out of the field where Siwon was buried in that mountain. You were almost climbing down when you stopped.

Wait, hyung.

You ran back to where Siwon laid and cried one last time.

Goodbye, sweetie. I'm saying goodbye now... I'm letting you go now.... but I will come over if I get lonely though. I love you, Siwonnie... I love you.. very very much.

Author's note:

Huhuhu.. I literally cried buckets as I was writing this. I didn't think I would cry this much when this story popped in my head. And I am sorry for the sad theme.. dead Siwon. :((

Thanks again, guys! Your comments are once again appreciated.