The sun filtering in through the window slanted across his face, waking him up. Tao glanced to his left and sure enough, Sehun was still asleep on his arm, nestled into his side, a hand resting under his cheek. Like this, he looked much younger than his twenty years; and much more vulnerable. As gently as he could, Tao brushed the hair that had fallen into Sehun’s face away, causing a frown to mar his brow before bright brown eyes stared back into his own.

“Good morning,” said Tao softly, as if he were still trying to not disturb the other man’s sleep.

“Mornin’.” Sehun rubbed his eyes and snuggled closer into Tao’s bare chest, burying his face into the crevices, taking a deep breath as he did so. “Mmm. I like the way you smell.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Like…happiness.”

Tao chuckled. “I didn’t know you were so fanciful and romantic.”

Embarrassed, Sehun shoved a pillow into Tao’s face and rolled out of bed. His back was sore. Placing a hand on the small of his back, he stretched the muscles in an attempt to relieve that soreness.

“There’s a bruise forming…here.” He could feel Tao’s warm touch on his shoulder blade. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“But you’re fragile, I was too rough.”

Turning to face him, Sehun looked Tao in the eyes. “Don’t be sorry. I want your roughness, your gentleness, give me everything. I’m selfish. I want to possess everything, be everything to you. So give me everything you have and don’t be sorry.”

Tao stared at Sehun, taking in his visage and noting the way that he wouldn’t look him in the eye. Not for the first time, he felt an overwhelming surge of emotion stirring in his chest. He knew he loved him, but he couldn’t say it out loud. Saying it made it too real, made their eventual end too real, but he needed to express that tenderness too, so Tao reached out with a hand and tipped Sehun’s face up to his where he placed a soft kiss on those cherry red lips.

“I’m yours.”

***

Once they returned to Seoul, Tao started working part time as a delivery boy, so Sehun didn’t see much of him. He wouldn’t tell him why he suddenly needed the extra cash because as far as he knew in their many conversations, Tao’s family was loaded and he got a very generous monthly stipend from his parents since he’s an only child and was basically spoiled rotten. Although, Sehun didn’t really have room to talk about spoiled people. His own father was generous with his allowance and with his situation…well, he was allowed to be as selfish as he wanted without guilt. But he missed Tao. He missed their conversation and his scent. He missed being able to curl into that big warm body and falling asleep listening to his strong, steady heartbeat.

“Ugh! When did you become so emotional or attached?” Sehun said to no one in particular as he pushed his coffee away from him.

“Do you talk to yourself often?” The voice came from the next balcony. For a second, Sehun thought it was Tao, but the voice was softer, more melodious, very unlike Tao’s raspier one. “Luhan, I’m Tao’s roommate. I don’t think we’ve officially met.”

The other man extended a hand and Sehun took it, surprised by the firm grip that greeted him. Luhan had a face with soft features that were almost feminine in nature, but his grip was strong, masculine, a clear contrast to his face.

“So…”

“…so…”

“Is this what you normally do? Sit around and pine after some guy when he doesn’t call?”

“I’m not pining.” Even Sehun could hear the pout in his voice. He could only hope the other man didn’t.

“Do you ever wonder what’ll happen to Tao after you die?” The bluntly asked question made Sehun pause. The truth was, he hadn’t thought about Tao after his death. Or how it might affect him. He’d truly been selfish, enjoying the warm fuzzies of being in a new relationship, not giving a thought to anything beyond how he felt about the whole situation and how Tao made him feel. “By your silence, I guess you haven’t. But hey, it was nice meeting you.”

Sehun didn’t say anything as Luhan returned to the apartment he shared with Tao and he was left there to stare at his cold cup of coffee. Yes, he is a selfish person. And no, he hadn’t thought about how his death would affect Tao. To be honest, he didn’t think about his dying often. Was it so bad that he didn’t want to spiral into a depressed mess so he avoided thinking or talking about his eventual death? What did they want him to do, start coffin shopping? He’d much rather live in the moment and enjoy life and if he was selfish for doing that, then so be it.

I want to see you.

Sehun’s finger hovered over the send button for a long minute before he gave up and closed the messenger tossing his phone on the table. He needed a distraction from his thoughts and he knew just who would be perfect for that.

“Donghae hyung, treat me out to dinner.” Sehun said as the call was picked up on the second ring.

“Sehunnie, I don’t hear from you in weeks and this is how you greet me?”

“I’m hungry.”

“Then go make something to eat!”

“Hyung…” Sehun made sure to add just enough of a note of self-pity to his voice to tip the scales in his favor. Donghae was easy to manipulate because he didn’t really want to say no, he just needed a reason to say yes and what reason was better than the “woe-is-me-I’m-dying” card?

“Aish! Ara, ara. What do you feel like eating?”

Sehun broke into a smile. “Meat.”

Sehun met Donghae outside the Gangnam station where they walked to a 24-Hour BBQ restaurant.

“Order whatever you want,” Donghae said as he poured himself a shot of soju. “It’s too bad you can’t drink. Nothing sadder than drinking by yourself.”

Sehun watched as he threw back the shot and hissed at the burn. They spent most of the evening eating, catching up, and Sehun watched as Donghae sank deeper into his cups. He wasn’t ready to return to his empty apartment, but Sehun could see that Donghae was in no shape to continue, so he put him in a cab and sent him home.

Alone, he began to wander. Eventually his feet carried him to where he wanted to be. Sehun stood outside the store front of the shop Tao worked at and like a stalker, watched the man smile, greet, and serve customers. He was beautiful even as he wore the ugly yellow uniform of the fried chicken shop. It did not escape Sehun’s notice that his female coworkers and customers were giving him appreciative glances as well.

The longer he stood there, the harder he gripped the railing he leaned against, an ugly jealousy he didn’t know he possessed stirring in his chest. He didn’t like how that girl leaned a little too close to Tao, brushing her against his arm. Or how Tao didn’t push her away or refuse her obvious advances. The jealousy stirred in him until he was dizzy with it. But he didn’t march into the chicken shop the way he wanted to. There were rules to this game they were playing. And one of them was secrecy. He was dying, he didn’t care what people thought of him, it was one of the great benefits of this entire situation, but Tao was different. Even if he was a selfish person for keeping Tao close to him, he couldn’t ruin him by being so open.

“Sehunnie!”

“Yo.” Sehun waved casually at Tao as he exited the chicken shop at the end of his shift. His gaze moved to the girl beside Tao, whose arms were linked together. She was petite, only coming to his shoulder with long black hair that hung straight down her back. She had a heart shaped face and for a second, Sehun wondered how much the cosmetic surgery cost her parents. He pushed the mean thought away. Just because she was cute didn’t mean she had work done.

“What’re you doing here?”

“Ah, I was nearby,” lie. “So I thought I’d come and see if we can walk home together, but I see you have a friend.”

“Oh. Sehun, this is my coworker Park Eun-Ji. Eun-Ji, my neighbor, Oh Sehun.”

Sehun shook the girl’s hand, making a note of how she never disengaged her arm from Tao’s. That ugly jealousy he felt earlier reared its ugly head and all he wanted to do was pull Tao away from her.

“Since your friend came all the way here to pick you up, I’ll just head home on my own. It’s not that far to the station from here so I’ll be alright.” Even her voice was soft and cute. Nothing like him at all. Sehun hated her.

“Are you sure? Let us walk you to the station at least. I’ll feel better once I see you on the train headed home.”

She nodded her head and off they went, Sehun trailing behind them on the street. It wasn’t a far walk to the station and after they put her on the train home, Tao turned his attention to him. Finally.

“C’mon,” he said as he grabbed Sehun’s wrist and turned him about, half dragging him out of the station and back to street level.

“Where are we going?” Sehun asked.

“On a date. It’s not every day your boyfriend comes pick you up.”

Boyfriend. That word reverberated in Sehun’s head and he couldn’t help but smile. Tao called him his boyfriend. Boyfriend. They never talked about labels before. He didn’t realize how important labeling their relationship was until Tao uttered that word. They were dating. It was exclusive. Tao wanted to be with him.

“What do you want to eat? Please don’t say fried chicken. Or chicken.”

Sehun had eaten enough to feed four people earlier when he was with Donghae, but he was happy in this moment and didn’t want it to end. “Tteokbokki and fish cakes.”

They found a street vendor that sold what he claimed to be the best tteokbokki around. And though Sehun could barely taste it he was so giddy, Tao ate with gusto. He liked watching his boyfriend eat. Just thinking the word made him blush.

“Tao, home’s that way.” Sehun pointed in the opposite direction of where they were headed.

“We’re not going home yet. Do you trust me?”

“With my life.”

Tao stepped behind Sehun and with a handkerchief he kept in his pocket, tied it around his eyes. It was a dark night, the blindfold blocked out all light until Sehun was standing there, in the middle of an empty street, his other senses straining to make sense of his surroundings. But he didn’t panic. He knew Tao would never let anything bad happen to him. That complete trust coming from the memories of how gentle he was with his body that first night they were together. It came from his promise that he wouldn’t leave him alone. Sehun could feel Tao’s heat as he wrapped his arms around him from behind, resting his head on his shoulders. He could feel his breath fan the sensitive skin on his neck and Sehun shivered at the sensation.

All too soon, Tao pulled away, but he didn’t go far. He slipped his hand into his and gently pulled Sehun up the inclining road. They walked for quite a bit in a comfortable silence. And just when Sehun thought they’d end up walking forever, Tao came to a stop. He grabbed him and positioned him, he could feel the wind on his face as Tao removed the blind fold and a vision of sparkling lights greeted his eyes. Seoul was laid down before him, all the city lights twinkling like a sea of stars from their vantage point.

It was much, much later before they were lying side by side in Sehun’s bed, Tao holding him pressed to his side, his hold possessive. Sehun watched as sleep begin to claim him, his eyes blinking slowly before closing.

“Tao, why are you working part time at that shop?”

“Hmm. Because.”

“Because…” It was probably not fair to ply the man with questions when his guard was down, but Sehun didn’t want to waste whatever time he had left waiting around. He wanted to spend every minute of it with this man and he couldn’t do that if he was otherwise occupied. Again, selfish. “Tao?”

“Because…I want to give you something from my own hard work…”

Sehun was surprised by that answer. Didn’t he realize that all he wanted was his time? He didn’t need material things, but time, time was different. You couldn’t get more of it if you run out, just look at him with his ticking time bomb.

“Babo. Just spend time with me. I don’t need anything or anyone else if you just give me your time and look only at me.”

Sehun laid there for a long while watching Tao snore slightly. He was so beautiful that it almost hurt to look at him. In sleep, his features softened and the fierce gaze he had while awake melted to a childlike countenance. Sehun couldn’t help it, he reached out a cold hand and brushed the hair away from his face.

“Tao…”

“Mmm.”

“I think…I love you.”