Reboot - shesamytheu
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Reboot is a pretty common word but there’s something about it being a technical word that makes it interesting to me. The word reboot also tells me that the main characters have already met previously though it can also signify a fresh start.
Unfortunately, I didn’t see a connection with the title and the story, but I’m guessing it’s because I didn’t read enough.
The description caught my attention the first time I read it but it’s a bit blocky, like it sounds awkward and unnatural.
Original: As the news—or false accusation, as she insists—of her bullying a student spreads widely, the school takes initiative and puts her as the manager of a never-heard-before school band.
Suggested: As the rumor of her bullying a student spreads widely, the school takes initiative and puts her as the manager of a never-heard-before school band.
I chose the word rumor because it makes the whole sentence less wordy and it makes it flow more naturally.
The font style and size are readable. There aren’t necessary formats that take away from readability.
The plot is light-hearted, and the “girl meets boy as part of punishment” isn’t new to me but you’ve given this your own flavor by adding the injustice bit. It was also unexpected how the band .
You also tagged this fic as romance and comedy. For the romance bit, I’m guessing that will come in the future but as for the comedy, I didn’t once think that the fic is funny.
There were details but somehow it feels like the way you narrated the story (with the main character always in her thoughts) hindered you from establishing imagery. It's not that bad though. There were also some really glaring adjectives that feel out of place which I'll talk about below.
I believe it’s best to omit ‘pretty much’ as it makes the speaker sound unsure and unconfident.
Didn’t that flow better?
“My thoughts were disturbed as I heard the sound of glass being broken into pieces.”
Mega means huge, but even then, I still don’t know how that word fits in this sentence.
In the three chapters I read, I didn’t see much development in the characters or the plot. The flow is slow and there were parts that I deemed were unnecessary.
Truthfully, I had a lot of expectations because your foreword/description sounded really promising. I guess I was thrown off because the description was in third person but the actual chapters are in first person? But that was just one of my few first impressions. After that, it was just very difficult to immerse myself in the story because of the language. Like, I get that the main character is thoughtful, but most of the time, her train of thought just feels out of place. Your wording is very unnatural, thus not helping in making the story be more believable. I couldn’t get past the language and I’m sorry about that.
I only read until chapter three, then skimmed over chapter four to see if there were any significant developments (both in the plot and in the characters), but I found none, so I stopped there.
I'm so sorry if I was harsh in any way. I saw in your feed updates that you are discontinuing the story. I'm not sure what to say about that...but if you asked for a review, then it means you want to better yourself, right? I really hope I was able to help.
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