“You only have 6 months left.”

Jongdae nodded, slightly shifting his gaze from seeing the look that the man who was in his mid-50 had in his eyes.

The pity.

Jongdae didn’t need that, the pity, he didn’t need that. He felt sick of himself enough and he didn’t need the pity from everyone because it just made him feel pathetic.

For the next few days, he spent his time in his so-called new home, wandering around with concern looks and gazes followed and trailed behind him. He tried not to care, though.

The first day he toured was boring.

As well as the second day. And the next days that followed.

Nothing really happened; the pity looks were still there, the whispers of the nurses asking why bad things happened to good people were still there, the sayings of ‘stay strong’, ‘you’ll be alright’ and ‘God knows best’ were still there. The cycle went on every day and he actually wondered was the day really passed or no. Same old, nothing new.

It was during the 15^th day when he stepped out to the small park behind the hospital, he wondered why the sky was bluer than the any other days. He wondered why the birds were chirpier than the days before. He wondered why everything seemed to be livelier that day.

He smiled, thinking that that day would probably be better than the 14 days before.

It was.

He saw her, in her white hospital clothes (if that was what people called it), leaning down and plucking down daisies and collected them in the basket she was carrying.

He didn’t know what urged him to approach her, but he did.

“Are we even allowed to do that?” he asked, startling the girl.

The girl froze for a millisecond before she broke into a smile, her eyes turning to crescents with such gorgeous twinkles that Jongdae never knew one could had.

Realizing that Jongdae wore the same white clothes as her, she answered, her eyes pierced into his. “We’re going to die soon, so why not?”

Jongdae then knew he was never alone as he thought all this time.

Since that day, they spent their time every day together. Sometimes in Jongdae’s room, sometimes in her room, sometimes at the park, anywhere; because they knew they only had each other and they knew their time was limited and they were just waiting for that day to finally come, to finally escape from the labyrinth.

“Where’s your family?” she asked.

“I don’t have one.” He answered truthfully even he did have a family, but was a family really called a ‘family’ when they didn’t look for each other?

“Me too.” She nodded. “But it’s alright, at least we do have one another now.”

Jongdae couldn’t be grateful enough.

It was funny how a stranger could sometimes be your family and a family could be a total stranger.

But she wasn’t just a stranger; she was more than that, a beautiful stranger, Jongdae secretly thought.

Jongdae then knew her name. It was Liyin and he wondered whether the name itself or Liyin herself was prettier.

He chose the latter.

“I have another 5 months.” He said one day.

Liyin nodded. “It’s either you or me that’ll be going first.” She chuckled and Jongdae smiled.

He felt good to know that he wasn’t alone. When he thought that he was all alone and life was bad only to him, Liyin came along and indirectly told him that he wasn’t alone and life was bad not only to him, but to her also.

Maybe after all this time, he didn’t need the reassuring. Maybe all he needed was “It’s either you or me that’ll be going first.”

“I have another 4 months.” She said as she munched on her chips that she secretly asked from an old ahjumma who occupied the room next to her and she couldn’t thank her enough. Hospital’s food was and she held herself from asking why they gave her all the healthy food and vitamins and medicines when they knew there was no hope left. She had 4 months and that was that. Nothing could change and she didn’t even try to change it either.

“You’re not alone, girl.” He smiled and he noticed how the girl’s lips twitched up, forming a small, genuine smile.

It was funny how they could smile when they were actually counting their remaining days before their departures. Reality bites, truth hurts, enough said.

“Jongdae,” she called and when she received a soft ‘hmm’, she continued. “What do you want to do?”

Jongdae didn’t hesitate to answer, as if he was waiting for the girl to ask that question from day one. And he listed out what he wanted to do; from trying all the food all over the world to cross-dressing as a girl.

When he heard her wholehearted, so adorable laugh with her crescent eyes over his last answer, he mentally added ‘to love’ into his wish list.

He wished he could do that at least, before he went off. To love.

She was crying during the 117^th day since their first meeting and he immediately pulled her into his arms; his hand creating a soothing rhythm on her back as another one was her hair, indirectly told her that he was all there for her and she didn’t have to worry about that.

Jongdae didn’t ask why to understand. She was lack of love as well, just like him.

“Life isn’t fair.” She said, her voice cracked slightly due to her heavy crying. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red and Jongdae found it was ridiculous how she was beautiful even when she had all her hair stuck to her wet face.

He reached out and gently removed the hair from her face.

“No, life is fair,” he said with a soft voice, his eyes were fixed to her. “Life is fair. You see here, life isn’t fair to you. Life isn’t fair to me. Life isn’t fair to all the people here, in this hospital. Life isn’t fair to all the poor and imperfect people out there. Life isn’t fair to everyone and that’s,” he leaned in and kissed her eyes and rested his forehead against hers. “what makes life fair.”

She chuckled before she let out a soft laugh. “You’re crazy.”

She knew she fell in love with him and his words right away.

Their lips met for the first time that night, their hearts were connected and they were no longer two but one and they found a new hope in the dark hopelessness.

“We only have less than three months.”

She nodded. “, huh? Now that we’ve found each other.”

Jongdae smiled and squeezed her hand lightly, showing that he loved her much as she loved him.

“It’s alright. We’ll die together, anyway.”

“Stop it, Romeo.” She rolled her eyes. “I think I’ll cry if you don’t.”

He smiled (he smiled so often lately, thanks to her) as he ran his fingers through her hair.

“I’m going to miss you.” He whispered. “Seriously.”

“I’m going to miss you too, Jongdae.” She closed her eyes as she could feel the clear water started to pool in them. “Seriously.”

Jongdae noticed how hopeless her voice was and no matter how much he wanted to convince her that they’d be fine, he couldn’t; because he knew they were hopeless. They were helpless. They were at stake and their time was almost up. All they had now was each other and that was it.

It was funny because he remembered when the doctor told him he only had 6 months left, he wished that the 6 months would come fast so that he could just die and when it finally came approaching, threatening him, he wished he could have more time longer than a 6 months.

“I want to live.” He said. It was during the last two months.

“You’re living.”

“I want longer.”

She took his hand into hers and intertwined their fingers together. “Time is never enough.”

He nodded, letting his head fell on her shoulder. “I know but somehow I couldn’t stop myself from wishing more.”

“I know. We’re humans after all.”

He suddenly laughed and she wondered why.

“Have you noticed that everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die?” he asked.

She laughed too. “Now that you said that, I just noticed.” She let out a bitter smile. “It’s stupid but it’s true.”

“Reality bites.”

“Reality bites.” She nodded, didn’t realised she was already crying but of course, Jongdae was there to catch her tears. He always did.

Liyin was just having her usual medical check-up and again, she wondered why she needed that, especially when she was left with a month. She was about to eat her lunch the hospital prepared when Jongdae came with a big box in his hands.

“Hey there, Juliet.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled anyway. “Hey there, Romeo.”

Jongdae took a seat on the chair and he put the box on her bed.

“What’s that?” she asked, her eyes peeking inside the box.

“I wanted to make 1000 pieces of origami.” He said, finally revealing the content of the box and her eyes widened in delight.

“They’re so pretty!” she exclaimed as she took one out.

Jongdae chuckled. “I know right. I’ve made around 400 so let’s help me to make the remaining ones.”

“Why 1000 though?” she asked as she took the paper and began to fold them according to the instruction that Jongdae prepared for her.

“I read somewhere,” he said, taking a glance towards her. “that if we make this up until 1000, we’ll be granted a wish.”

“And you believe that?”

Jongdae shrugged. “I don’t know. But I do believe in one thing.”

“And what is that?”

“That I want to spend time with you and I came up with this.”

She laughed wholeheartedly, knocking his head lightly with the paper. “Possessive much?”

Jongdae looked at her right in the eyes; his hands stopped folding the paper before he said honestly. “Would you blame me?”

Jongdae noticed the blush that crept on her cheeks and he couldn’t help but to kiss her right away.

They wondered were sick people felt so healthy when they were with their loved ones? Or was it just them?

“If you could make three wishes, what would that be?”

She didn’t take time to answer. “That you will be healthy, that I will be healthy, that we could live together forever.” she answered truthfully with a dreamy smile, but Jongdae didn’t fail to notice the glint of sadness in her eyes. He knew she knew that that could only remain as wishes.

“Forever?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I don’t know how long forever is, but if it’s with you, I hope it’d be a very, very long time.”

Jongdae kissed her again right after that because he couldn’t help it. He fell hard for her and so did she. It was funny how fate was playing with them. They found each other in such terrible hopeless and taught them to believe again, only to see the newly found hope crashed in front of their eyes.

“I’m afraid.”

It was their last month.

Liyin didn’t need to explain for Jongdae to understand her. He understood her always.

“Don’t be.” He said, taking her hand into his and played with her knuckles, giving her comfort that she really needed at that moment. “I’ll be there.”

“But what if I’m the one who’s going first?”

“Then wait for me.” he replied. “Wait for me and I’m going to find you. One way or another, we’ll be together again, alright?” He didn’t know how he could be so sure, but he was sure that was what he really wanted and that was what he’s going to get.

They were counting days now. They spent their last times together all the time as if it was never enough; it was never enough. Time was never enough since they found each other. Jongdae also would slip out from his room to hers during the night time and slept with her. Sometimes they didn’t sleep and just talking or didn’t say anything at all. And if they slept, they would drift off with such mixed emotions, afraid that that would be the last night they’d be seeing each other. The thought of they could die only in their sleep was childish and wasn’t rational, but they couldn’t help it. Come to think again, death could be anytime and anywhere and that was that. They couldn’t be grateful enough every time they took a breath.

“Liyin.” He called softly. They were in her bed that time.

“Hmm.”

“I love you.”

“I know.” She replied, kissing his hand that was wrapping around hers. “And I love you too.”

Another day passed and they were still there, hand in hand as they slowly walked to the park where they first met.

“Do you still remember?” she asked.

Jongdae chuckled. “Of course.” He took a look of her by his eyes. “We’re going to die soon, so why not, huh?”

Her eyes lit up, happy because she thought he didn’t remember but he actually did.

They sat on the bench and she looked at him. His skin was getting paler from the days and months before, she noticed, and it was ridiculous how he was still pretty even when he looked like a walking zombie. His lips cracked and dry but she could still remember how soft it was when they kissed the night before. His eyes were still twinkling despite how lost and distant they were at the moment.

He was in a deep thought and she knew what it was about, but she didn’t interrupt him; not even when he was frowning and creases formed between his brows. She just gave him a light squeeze on the hand, indicating that she was there if he ever felt like to talk.

She was almost asleep when she felt one, two droplets fell on her head. Looking up, she noticed that the sky was dark and no longer blue, the clouds were grey and no longer whitely fluffy and before she could react, it was already raining ever so heavily.

She got up immediately and grabbed Jongdae’s hand to pull him up with her but Jongdae didn’t move even for an inch. “Jongdae, it’s raining! Quick! We might catch a cold!” her voice was louder against the heavy rain.

“Let’s play.” Jongdae said, a cheeky smile formed onto his lips.

“What? No, it’s raining and it’s cold!”

“We’re going to die soon, so why not?”

Liyin knew she just lost.

They ran and ran and ran around the park, in the rain, splashing the puddles to one another. Their laughter and screams could be heard and the nurses who noticed them wanted to stop them, but seeing the happiness that radiated from the two lovesick stopped them from doing so. They didn’t have much time, they knew, so they just let them be.

Liyin kicked the puddles so hard and it splashed to Jongdae’s face and before she could utter an apology, Jongdae was already running on his feet towards her and she immediately ran away.  Jongdae’s moves were fast and big and it took him around 5.6 seconds to finally catch her in his arms.

Liyin let out a high-pitched squeal when she felt a presence of a pair of hands on her waist, catching and pinning her down onto the grass. She closed her eyes, trying to catch her breath before she opened them again, and she was breathless for the second time.

Jongdae was hovering over her and looked at her ever so intensely. The tiny droplets from his hair kept falling onto her face.

Jongdae leaned down slowly and whispered. “Have I ever told you,” he locked his eyes into hers. “that you’re beautiful?”

Liyin laughed, her eyes turning to crescents but Jongdae didn’t fail to notice the string of tears flowing out from her eyes.

She was crying.

“I’m sure as hell I looked like a mess right now, Jongdae.”

He kissed her eyes. “You are beautiful, Liyin.”

He didn’t lie. In Liyin herself, he saw something more beautiful than the stars.

She laughed again, laughing and sobbing loudly at the same time and she didn’t hide it from Jongdae, didn’t mind that she was looking like a mess because she knew she was always beautiful in Jongdae’s eyes and that was all that matters.

“You’re crazy.” She muttered.

“I’m crazy of you.”

She couldn’t help it when she heard that.

“Oh God,” she was crying her heart out this time. “I love you.” She said between the sobs. “I love you so much.” She laughed again with tears kept flowing from her eyes. “I love you, Jongdae.” She cupped his face with her small hands. “I love you. I love you.”

She kept saying that because she was afraid she might not have enough time to say it later on. She was almost there, Jongdae was almost there too. They were slowly approaching the end. In her and Jongdae’s face she could even see it. They were getting paler, their skins were so much whiter than daisies, and their dark, red blood could be barely noticed even on their palms as if it was out from their body. Their hair weren’t like before, they kept falling off from their scalps and it scared her to death. It was like a reminder that their life would be taken away from them very, very soon even though she didn’t need any reminder to remind her. Everything was taken slowly from both of them and she was left with a wish that they won’t be taken from one another, just take them both so that they won’t be alone like before.

“I love you too, Liyin.” He was crying as well, but still, he laughed. Nothing was funny but he didn’t know why he was laughing. “I love you so much, so much than you can’t even imagine.” His tears fell onto her face, joining with hers’ and the rain. “I’m so so glad I met you and I couldn’t thank God enough for that.” He gently wiped the tears on her face even when he knew his tears would fall onto her again. “I love you, Liyin. I love you.”

Diagnosed with cancer was terrifying. One won’t feel the pain but it was there, cruelly spreading wide into any other parts of your body and didn’t stop. It was painless pain. You didn’t know when it will attack you and suddenly you were already on stage 4 and that was how dangerous cancer is.

Death was indeed the same thing. You didn’t know when it will come and suddenly you were already gone from this world.

God did listen to her wish.

“Don’t die in front of me.” Liyin said one night when they were lying on the grass.

Jongdae chuckled. “Does it really matter?” he searched for her hand through the grass and intertwined their fingers together. Her fingers were cold, he noticed that, and his were cold too and he wondered which one was colder.

“Of course. I don’t want to witness it.” her voice was slightly trembling, but it was still soft and a music to his ears. “It is scary.”

“So you’re saying that you don’t want to see me for the last time?” he asked, turning to his right and facing her.

“You know I didn’t mean it that way.” She let out an almost audible sigh. “I just-“ she looked at him. “It’s scary, don’t you think? I mean—“

“Liyin,” he called softly, reaching out and put the strand of her hair that fell onto her face to the back of her ear. “If dying is the last thing that could make you to be the last person I ever seen, then let me be.” He said, his hand was now caressing her soft skin. “To die beside you is such a heavenly way to die, please remember that.”

Liyin rolled her eyes, supressing herself from crying. “I hate you and your words.”

“I love you too.”

Jongdae looked at her as if it was the last time. Her hair, her eyes, her nose, her lips, all of her. He cherished it all, remembering every little detail of her features. He smiled faintly. He would never get tired of this girl, seriously, even if he was given a lifetime to spend his life with her.

It was indeed the last time.

“Liyin,” he called as he pulled her closer by the neck.

“Hmm?”

“I love you.” He whispered before he gently pressed his lips on her forehead. “I love you so much.”

He rested his chin on her head before he continued. “I’m sorry that this is all I could ever give to you, my short lifetime. I’m sorry that I ain’t healthy like any other people. I’m sorry I couldn’t take you out to dinner. I’m sorry I couldn’t take you out to movies. I’m sorry I can’t take you out to picnics. I’m sorry I could only share my hospital food with you. I’m sorry the movies we could ever watch were at the lobby. I’m sorry the only picnics we had were at our ward. I’m sorry for all of that.”

Liyin was crying by now. “Shut up.” She lightly slapped his face. “Shut up, seriously.”  

He looked at her, smiling and frowning at the same time.

Smiling because she was so adorable at that moment, frowning because he could feel it coming. The breath was choking him, and his lung hurt. The air suddenly felt so suffocating and he knew that was it. It finally came and he didn’t know he was already crying.

Liyin thought he was crying because she was crying but heck, she had no idea. Not yet.

“I hope when I died, I’ll go to heaven, whatever the hell that is.”

“And I’ll be waiting for you.”

“So please, be safe here.”

“I love you.”

Liyin slapped him hard this time. “Can you please shut up?!”

Jongdae didn’t know she was suffocating as well; over her almost-up time, over her hurtful breath, over his words.

Liyin could feel it too.

“We’re almost there, Jongdae! And I don’t need that! I don’t need you to be sorry over everything, because I,” she sobbed loudly, her hands tugging onto the hem of his shirt. “would definitely be sorry if I didn’t meet you.”

“I love you, Jongdae.”

She finally looked up to see him. 

She let out a faint, sad smile. Jongdae didn't able to hear her last words. 

Jongdae’s asleep, she thought.

She looked at him. He looked so beautifully peaceful. His pale skin glowing under the moonlight, his lashes casted a slight shadow on his cheeks, his lips were white and his body was cold.

Jongdae was completely gone and Liyin swore she could hear a cracking sound inside her.

It was her heart.

She knew it was going to be hurt but she didn’t know it’d be that hurt. It hurt because it mattered.

But, God did listen to her wish.

Liyin could feel it was coming, that she was finally reaching to the death’s door and she was glad because she knew Jongdae was just right behind it. And if he wasn’t, he promised that he’ll be going to find her and she would wait. She’d wait for him until he came, until she couldn’t wait anymore, which was never.

She buried her face on Jongdae’s chest with all the last energy she had in herself.

“I love you, Jongdae.”

Death wasn’t painful as she thought. She thought that it’d hurt her very much, that she would be sweating and freezing at the same time, that her lung will be burning with such terrible and fast breathing, that she would be choking on her own breath, that she would be stuttering saying her last words, but it wasn’t like that. She was taken away ever so gently, so calm. Maybe it was because God loved her, or maybe it was because she knew there was someone who waited for her in her afterlife. She knew she won’t be alone and that was why she was ready.

With a last, soft breath, she then, was asleep as well.

“At some point, you just pull off the band-aid,

and it hurts,

but then it’s over and you’re relieved.”

-John Green, Looking For Alaska.

+++

this is my first attempt and its , i know, lol

but i hope you guys do enjoy it.

thanks for reading and if you don't mind, please drop a comment also. ^_^