It was stone cold. The airy winter breeze filled the silent night with uneven whistles that hit every canopy. This year was worse; the snow was heavily falling, forcing everyone to remain in their houses, with a book, a cup of tea or their loved ones. Some people love winter because of the warm sensation of family that it brings, but some people hate it. Especially, when it makes you feel colder than ever.

Her footsteps were slowly dragging her away. Away from everything. Sometimes, things go hard and we don't know what we've done wrong; we may think that we never did something wrong, but the truth is that we did. Truth be spoken, she knew what she did wrong, but she was too afraid to blame herself for it. She refused to, she got through that phase, days ago, weeks ago, months ago... years ago. Everything was too familiar: the theater's red curtains, the theater's soft cushion chairs, that coffee shop across the street with its teddy bear 'open' sign, the apartment block straight to the right. Everything was so painfully familiar, and it was easy to realize that this was wrong, the sense of familiarity. Her long black hair was professionally pinned into a bun, her eyes were beautifully outlined with black eyeliner, and she didn't know if there was still her behind the mask. Was this what she wanted? Snowflakes started to come down timidly, slowly setting themselves at the edge of her eyelashes, and on the fine fabric of her black ballet tutu. With both of her hands, she reached to the sky, hoping to catch them all. But, the truth is, you can't always grasp everything. You have to let some things slip between your fingers to earn something else, and the struggle is that you will never know which one of them could have been the best for you. The thing with life is that we never recover from our past. It will always come back, each time stronger than the last. It would have been simple to choose, and live our happily ever after with our choice, but it never happens because ghosts never leave. They always linger.

She turned around, facing the big theater and sighed.

It was the last fouetté en tournant of the thirty-two. Her expression was still fit, she triumphantly held her posture, momentarily standing on flat foot, her supporting knee bent. Her other leg whipped around to the side, and she spun one turn. That working leg was then pulled in, it touched the supporting knee, and she rose up en pointe on the supporting foot. Perfect. Her eyes moved to that one right person holding her gaze. There were so many things that were left unsaid, but with every movement she hoped he understood everything that she hadn't been able to say. His reaction was something she always dreamt of; would he congratulate me? would he tell me he understood? Definitely, she didn't expect this response. By all odds, she didn't expect for it to hurt like this. It felt like her heart had been squeezed, and all the blood stopped circulating. Unknowingly, a tear slipped on her right cheek.

He was following her again. It had become a habit now. Honestly, the studying hours have become even more stuffy and he felt more suffocated than ever, but he always found time for her. Let's call it a getaway; his getaway. The cherry blossoms were bathing the lonely streets, and Jongin laughed to himself as he was almost caught by his beautiful long-haired classmate. It was crazy, if someone saw him right now he would be mistaken for a stalker. Maybe, he was one, his shy personality wouldn't allow him to be something more. And, he was okay with this: studying all day, following her after school ends, watching her practice, and then going home to get scolded by his mom because he was late again. It was okay. This routine helped him cope with all the stress, and all the long hours of study disappeared into the shadows the moment he saw her dance. Hidden behind the middle row of chairs, with his eyes trying to get a better glimpse of her, Jongin smiled. He smiled because Seulgi was cutely furrowing her eyebrows trying to do a pirouette, or at least that's what he thought it was called since he wasn't familiar with ballet terms. It was something to see Seulgi scowling since she always had a smile plastered on her face, and Jongin didn't know if he liked it that much to see her so annoyed, but nevertheless, it was endearing.

That was it, she was trying the fouetté en tournant now. Exhaling heavily, she took her position, she stood on flat foot, her supporting knee was bent, she took one spin and she completed it successfully. A smile made its way upon her face. Now, the second one, the third one, the fourth one, the fifth one, the sixth one, the twelfth one, and she fell. Jongin flinched, he hardly stopped himself from running towards her. But how could he do that? How would he explain his presence there afterwards? He had to be patient and endure. That was one of the cons of loving in silence. Seulgi hit the stage's ground in annoyance, and groaned. It felt like thousands of needles were prickling at her ankle and it hurt like hell. But she wouldn't stop, she never did. Therefore, she tried it again, and again, until her ankle was swollen; sensing the danger of an injury, Seulgi finally stopped, and Jongin let out a relieved breath that he didn't even now he was holding in.

Pain is indispensable. For it to be success, there has to be pain too. Slowly limping, Seulgi makes her way out of the theater. Her bag feels heavier than ever, her ankle hurts. Her pointe shoes swing themselves along with her, as she tries to make her way home. Jongin quietly follows her from behind, debating over helping her or making himself gone. But what if she figures out that he had been following her? Still, it could have happened for him to be casually walking the same path as her, right? Yes, he must help her.

At that moment, Seulgi halts, causing Jongin's train of thoughts to halt as well. Where to hide to?

"Would you mind helping me?", she says turning around and fully facing Jongin, who was only a few meters away from her. Jongin's breath hitches, and he thinks she is beautiful covered in the streetlamp's light because it does justice to her gracious features. "Please?" Frozen in place, with his breath taken away, Jongin hurries to her.

That night, Jongin walked Seulgi home, with his bag and hers casually pulled over his shoulders, with a blue umbrella in his left hand. She laughs a lot, as she only does, but Jongin was proud because he knows that this time she was laughing thanks to him. He started to fall deeper and deeper, getting more absorbed than ever by chestnut eyes, pink lips and fair skin.

From that moment on, it started to be about Seulgi and Jongin. They started to get closer, and Jongin realized that he wants her. He wants to call her his, and so he started to approach her slowly, but securely. Seulgi's laugh was intoxicating and he found himself entangled in her words, whispers, smiles. And as for Seulgi, she entered a new world. A new world in which she didn't have to try because everything was given to her. Jongin was giving his everything to her, and she felt herself charmed by his personality and shy glances. Jongin always said to her that he doesn't particularly have a talent, that he envies her for having one, and that the only dream he ever had was to go into space. Seulgi laughed, but she also knew that he was special, more special than she could ever be. Jongin had the gift to make you dream, he took your hand and made you feel like the sky is yours. In the cruel world of lost chances and broken dreams, Seulgi found an escape. An escape she couldn't and shouldn't have afforded.

Jongin's retreating figure made her heart ache. Memories lingered in the air, and she felt like going back to then. To that 'then', when things were easy, when she was allowed to feel; when she still had that choice. Jongin's steps were full of confidence, and with each and one of them he was pushing down the walls she had built around herself all these years. Seulgi knew that the Jongin she saw walking outside the theater was still the same Jongin; and she hated how weak that thought made her.

"Jongin, please, understand." She finally told him. After weeks of avoiding the subject, Seulgi decided to tell Jongin everything. It happened two months ago, when she had her fourth representation at the school's theater. Their ballet teacher announced them that if they do well, there was a possibility to be scouted, and Seulgi really did well. She gave everything, and she was the chosen one. Suddenly, years of hard work started to pay off and she was thanking the Heavens for giving her such an opportunity. It was her dream. There are moments in life that make you feel alive, that's what ballet meant to Seulgi - the opportunity to feel alive, to fly. However, this chance meant more sacrifices; one of them was moving to Milano, with a scholarship.

"No, you're not going anywhere.", Jongin's vision was blurry. He realized that all this time, he had been falling without a parachute. He never thought that he would be at the brink of losing Seulgi. They were at the ironically placed across the theater coffee shop, and what seemed to be a perfect night out, turned out to be a total fiasco. He was selfish, he knew it, too, but he couldn't understand why Seulgi couldn't do ballet there, in Seoul. Why did she have to leave?

Seulgi would have laughed at Jongin's stubbornness if she hadn't read the seriousness in his eyes. Jongin wasn't a possessive boyfriend, not at all. Since they got together, she felt happier than ever. She loved reading his 'good-morning' text messages, she loved talking to him until late in the night. She loved everything about him, but her love for ballet was different. Some may consider her a bad person, a selfless person, but she only followed her heart. She didn't know if what pushed her more towards that path was merely her passion, or if Jongin's opposition was also a pushover; she still doesn't know. It wasn't like things literally changed between them. Across the table, in front of her, stood a desperate Jongin. His want of never losing her was endearing, but it was also nerve wracking. Her boyfriend, more than anyone, should understand; she understood when he suddenly decided to dye his hair into a dirty blond, and started to play electric guitar with an underground band. It was strange, indeed, considering Jongin's IT abilities and the endless possibilities that could have come with it, but she still didn't argue it. It was just a phase, people change.

"You're being unreasonable."

Upon hearing Seulgi's statement, Jongin's eyebrows furrowed, but his eyes never lost their softness. He loved her so much that he couldn't think of losing her. Especially, when he had her like that in front of him. How could he live without those eyes, without the touch of those lips? He sighed, and looking down, he said, "You are aware that the choice you're making isn't between Seoul and Milano, right?"

When Jongin raised his eyes and looked at her, Seulgi felt her whole world crumble. Right then, she thought of re-considering her choice. Jongin meant future lazy mornings, sweet words, warm sheets, but ballet meant motion, action, dreams. Jongin was part of her, but ballet was inside her. Jongin felt in love with that, too. She was aware that Jongin felt in love with that hardworking image of her that only ballet rehearsals could pull out. Even so, he was making her choose. The boy she loves was urging her to choose between love and the only thing she was good at.

"You're still being unreasonable, "she whispered; her lower lip was trembling. Out of nowhere, Jongin got up and almost knocked down the boy who came to ask for their order.

"I suddenly lost my appetite.", Jongin said looking at Seulgi's back, as she refused to face him. Tears started to unknowingly make their way down Jongin's cheek, and he left chanting inside his head that men never cry. Truth is that they do, they really do.

"I think I made him cry,", actually, she was crying too. She was, in all the possible ways, causing all of this, but she was crying too. "I did ,didn't I, Sehun?"

Always, after a performance, you get that feeling of fulfillment. The smile upon your face is always genuine because you know how much time you invested in every move, every position. Ballet means perfection, it means hours of practice. It's like a minefield; you have to take careful and slow steps. You also have to accept that there might be people better than you, that maybe, at this moment, you are the best, but in the next second there will be another best. That's how the world rolls, and the acceptance makes it all less painful. This was Seulgi's moment of glory. She was finally playing Odette's role, she was the lead ballerina. Truthfully, there were moments when the only thing she wished for was to book a ticket back home, and sleep into a warm embrace. She spent countless of nights sleeping in the airport, pretending that her flight would be called next. It all passed, she finally got the role, and she was doing representations all over the world. Everyone knew about Kang Seulgi, the charming Korean ballerina that conquered thousand of hearts with her performance. Loneliness was unavoidable. Even though her mom was always with her, she missed Jongin. She would rarely admit it, though, but she did miss him. When Seulgi found out that she would come back to Korea, in Odette's role, she couldn't help but get uneasy. Everyone's expectations of her were high, the hall would be filled of people she grew up with, of people she loved and still loves. Often, she would daydream about they way their lives evolved, about the way Jongin's life evolved. When she spoke with some of her friends from home, they would always avoid that topic. His name became foreign to her ears, but not to her lips. Years passed. He probably has a girlfriend, maybe a kid or two. A family. He must have a family and a big house, and a garden full of flowers where the kids would play with their two dogs... She needs a tissue, her eyes are stinging again.

Her make-up is completely removed, her ballet tutu replaced by some worn-out jeans, her tight bun turned into a loose ponytail. The Seulgi in the mirror is so different that she almost flinches when she meets her reflection. So young, but at the same time, so old and tired. In the right corner of the room are countless bouquets of flowers. She smiles. It's always there; the satisfaction, the people's love. She feels less lonely at these times. She approaches them, trying to touch them. A bouquet of white roses from her mom as always, a bouquet of lilies from Sehun, countless of other flowers she doesn't even know the name of and, among them all, a little red box. Puzzled, Seulgi picks up the box. The moment she opens it, she gasps, taking a few steps back.

It is a necklace. The necklace had attached to it an umbrella pendant. The pendant was so beautiful: vintage style, sterling silver. Seulgi's hands started to tremble. She was desperately trying to catch her breath, but she couldn't stop herself from shaking. From her bag, Seulgi took out her red umbrella.

Taking several steps back, she sought for the door, in a breath.

Mistakes are something common. We all make mistakes. Also, we are always told that we should accept that, that we should accept our mistakes and reflect over them rather than pulling our hair out every time we make them. However, it doesn't work like that. When we make a mistake, we feel miserable, we have a bitter taste in our mouth and tears fall without us knowing. It's mostly guilt, but also regret. We think of ourselves as useless, we want to give up, we think of disappearing. At those times, we need someone to hold our hand. Believe it or not, someone always happens to appear at that time, in a way or another.

"It's raining." Jongin sat next to Seulgi on the bench. In the summer, the school's grass field, was even more beautiful than usual. It had a shade of green that mesmerized you immediately, and when it rained it was ten times more beautiful. Seulgi found her calm every time she watched that grass field. It kept her alive, it made her remember who she was, who she wants to be.

"Do you always carry an umbrella with you?" She asked, when she felt the umbrella's shadow covering her head. It wasn't even a cold rain, it was one typical for summer days. Though, it was true, Jongin always carried an umbrella with him. Even if it wasn't raining. On sunny days, on rainy days, he always carried an umbrella with him.

"Someone has to protect you, right?", he playfully said, but unintentionally it became more than that. It was one of the moments that made Seulgi fall even deeper for him. She knew that allowing herself to fall in love with Jongin, was like willingly entering an unending maze. It was confusing and it didn't provide an exit.

"I was scolded.", she still allowed it. We humans, should realize that loneliness is the thing we must avoid because it makes us weak. Loneliness is our weakest estate. "She said I won't ever be a lead ballerina if I don't try harder.", Seulgi started to bit her lower lip in nervousness while she recalled those moments, "But, the thing is that I try, Jongin. I try so hard."

"I know.", Seulgi didn't question his answer, she just let her head fall on his shoulder. It was a moment of truth and she knew that he knew. She wanted him to know. Of all people, she wanted him to know her for completely, without holding back.

We can never be certain that what we choose is the right thing. It's true that we should do what our heart tells us to do, but that is such a difficult thing that I doubt there are a lot of people who manage to do that. Actually, there's such a fine line between ration and heart that we often get confused ourselves. Seoul's roads were slippery. The snow was continuously falling. Footsteps could be heard on the field full of grass.

"Jongin, wait!", Seulgi quickly caught Jongin's hand. The autumn breeze was chilly, and Seulgi found herself shiver, but her gaze didn't waver.

"Why do I have to always be the one who does the waiting, Seulgi?"

She was caught off guard by his question, and she realized that, maybe, she didn't deserve him. Jongin was so loving, but she neglected him most of the time. When you choose such a complicated career, there is no time to give something to each person, you give something to the whole public. Seulgi was giving so much of her time to her public that she forgot about the only spectator that needed her attention. The only spectator that cheered for her, and gave her the greatest gifts of all: a sincere heart.

"Waiting... Do you know how much waiting have I done?", Jongin approached her slowly, the soft gaze not changing for a bit, "There were times when I wanted to cry in your embrace, too. There were times when I also needed someone to protect me.", Jongin's cheeks were stained by tears and Seulgi found herself guilty, "I still didn't give up on you. I still won't. If you plan on leaving, then leave. But don't expect for my wounds to ever heal."

Jongin's retreating figure gave her more chills than the cold raindrops that started to fall. After that, days passed and Jongin was nowhere to be seen. She hoped that in the end, he understood that it wasn't because she didn't love him, but because she knew that she would be nothing without ballet.

The red umbrella, was calmly resting on her lap, as she looked at Seoul's night view. She only hoped for the taxi to arrive quickly at the destination. The snow started to fall again, but it wasn't as cold as before.

The airport was filled with unknown faces. They were all in a hurry and Seulgi felt dizzy realizing that soon, all of this would be just a memory. She was awkwardly standing outside the building, taking a breath of Seoul's air. Her right hand was suddenly claimed by Jongin's left one.

"You're not going anywhere.", he was harshly pulling her down the stairs. She noticed his messed up hair, his rumpled shirt, stopping him and pushing herself in front of him, she also noticed his puffy eyes, his chapped lips, his pale complexion. Seulgi reached out for his face, and slowly caressed him, she realized that she has made the right decision. Jongin has to learn; he has to learn that life doesn't resume to a single person. Life is much more than that.

"I have to.", she whispered. "Jongin, let's break up."

It was harsh, but she had to do it. She felt out of breath when she started to walk away. She prayed for her legs to not give up on her, for her heart to not take her back to him. But then if she did, she would realize again that she was no good to him. She expected him to scream at her, to say something; nothing but silence came back. Silence had never been so painful before.

She felt out of breath as she started to run. The heavy winter air wasn't helping either. It was a crazy possibility she was betting on, but she still went on. As she reached the bench, and saw that no one was there she felt disappointed. It was a crazy guess, anyway. She sat down, and sighed heavily, reminiscing the moments she spent with Jongin here; it was all a memory, now. Like it should be. When her eyes landed on the grass field in front of her, she saw him staring right at her. She couldn't help, but notice how young he looked with his hair dyed black and styled upwards, how little did he change, how much she missed him.

She suddenly got up and took fast steps towards him. Her heart was pounding, and she didn't know what would his real reaction actually be. She wondered about that time at the coffee shop, too. If there weren't all those people around them, what would have been his real, raw reaction?

Next to him, she felt so small. Jongin grew so tall, but he also had such a confident and strong aura around him that she was forced to let her guard down. His expression didn't betray any emotion, but his eyes were as soft as always. Seulgi opened the red umbrella.

Jongin took the umbrella in his hand, and their fingers brushed together, causing them to tingle. Her gaze fell upon his hand and the silver ring around his ring finger. At that moment, she knew that Jongin forgave her. She didn't know if she was to feel relieved or pained, but she did feel at ease. The years of guilt washed away, and her heart felt light again.

She pulled herself in his embrace, her fingers slightly clinging to his jacket. The red umbrella protected both of them, and Jongin's hand found its way between Seulgi's tangle of brown hair. There wasn't much to be said between them.

Words are useless, at time.

We need hearts to communicate, and silence.

Silence makes room for hearts to beat faster, and love to speak clearly.

Sorry, I don't even know what this is. It came out of nowhere, to be honest.

Thanks goes to everyone who subscribed to this story without even knowing what it's all about.

I'm forever thankful, and I really hope that you enjoyed it.

I would also love to hear your opinions, suggestions, questions.

Thank you!

I was deeply inspired by this song:

Bobby Kim - Stranger