Seungri has loved Jiyong from the very beginning.


It was when he was 16 and Jiyong was 18. The little Seunghyun went to Seoul all by himself with sparkling ambitious eyes and a hope to change his life, and so fate let him meet Jiyong.

At first, little Seunghyun thought it was normal, all the weird feelings he felt in his stomach or the way his heart tightened and his face became red whenever he see Jiyong, it was all because little Seunghyun had always admired Jiyong so much, because he thought that Jiyong was perfect. But Jiyong wasn't. Jiyong made mistakes during the dance lessons all the time, Jiyong sometimes cracked his voice when he sang, Jiyong kicked when he slept. Jiyong was not perfect. It took the youngest quite a while to realize that, but goddamnit, little Seunghyun still felt the same thing whenever he was near Jiyong, or saw Jiyong, or even when he thought about Jiyong. Then Seunghyun realized it was love. Lame, cheesy, cliché, but it was still love, however, only a one-side love.

“Hyung, I love you.” Was the first thing little Seunghyun said to Jiyong when he found out that he had made it to be in Big Bang.

“Congrat, Seunghyun. I love you too.” And he remembered Jiyong rubbing his head and messing with his hair while smiling brightly at himc.

“No, hyung. I love you.” Little Seunghyun looked at the leader with determined eyes, as if he didn’t scared of anything. Heck, he was freaking scared, but Jiyong didn’t notice Seungri’s trembling fingers behind his back.

“I’m sorry, maknae.” Jiyong took a while to say those three damn words, but little Seunghyun felt like it was a century, and he thought those three damn words might have some kind of a magical power, because they made the little boy's heart sunk.


So little Seunghyun decided to keep his feeling in no matter how hard it was, however, things have never been so simple when it comes to Jiyong.



Little Seunghyun then became Seungri. Victory. To remind him that he couldn’t lose. But Seungri lost all the time over Jiyong. He told himself to keep what he felt inside, tried to calm himself and clenched his hands into fists as he saw Jiyong with others women. He even tried to avoid Jiyong so maybe he’d not feel those stupid feelings anymore. But it's Jiyong we're talking about, and he had always had his own ways to screw Seungri up.

“Hyung?” Startled as Seungri felt something warm lying next to him on his bed, he realized as it was Jiyong.

“Sleep, maknae.” A pair of hands was crawling down to Seungri’s waist, tugging against his bare skin under his shirt and holding him loosely, but Seungri felt like he could hold on to it forever.

“But I thought you said-“

“Shut up”

“What about-“

“Sleep.” Jiyong cut Seungri’s words, leaving the young boy with his own confused thoughts. At that time, Seungri felt something warm in his heart, but somewhere in his mind, he knew this wouldn’t last long. It was only the push and pull game, between him and Jiyong, after all.
 

Seungri wants to hate her. He wants to curse the woman who is with Jiyong so bad. But goddamn he can’t, because she has nothing for the young boy to hate, well except the fact that she has Jiyong. But otherwise, Seungri can’t hate her. Jiyong dates, let’s just say, he dates lot. But all the dates Jiyong had, they never lasted long. Until her. Seungri doesn’t feel jealous, he only feels hurt. Seungri doesn’t want to remember the way Jiyong’s face changes when he hears someone talking about her. Seungri doesn’t want to remember how he has to fake a smile when Jiyong’s eyes stop at him, but his arms are over her.

“How can you do that?” Then one time, she asked, and Seungri honestly didn’t know what she was talking about, so he raised his eyebrows, and tilted his head to one side “You know, how you can make Jiyong’s eyes sparkle when we talk about you, and how he can talk about you all the time?”

“What? I don’t even know-” Seungri was surprised, of course he was. He didn’t realize anything, but knowing that Seungri was still something to Jiyong, the youngest knew that he couldn’t get rid of those feelings toward Jiyong anymore.

“He doesn’t love me, Seungri.” She smiled, and Seungri didn’t know if he should laugh or cry to be honest. “But I won’t give up.” She said, that Seungri thought, I won’t give up, either.
 

Maknae is mine. How many times has Jiyong said this phrase? Too many to count, even though, each time Jiyong said it, Seungri couldn’t help but smiling brightly. But there is a thing that Seungri has only realized until now: Seungri is Jiyong’s, but Jiyong has never been Seungri’s.

A flight to Japan, maybe it’s for the best, Seungri smiles bitterly to himself, as his fingers running through the fabric of the armchair in the studio, the one Jiyong sits on all the time. Seungri is not running away from here, he’s just running away from Jiyong for a while. How ironic is that, huh? Well, what would he supposed to do when he saw a