“My sweet little flower, I have a surprise for you when we get home!” My mom said excitedly as she gently touched my tiny nose.

“Mommy, there’s more?!” I asked incredulously, jumping up and down in the back seat of our car as we headed to our abode. “But we already went to the amusement park, wasn’t that my birthday gift?”

My mom and dad laughed, though I couldn’t see their faces from the view I had from the back seat. Despite the little distance between us I still felt comfortable being with them. Listening to their soothing voices. They were the best! I loved them and they loved me too, I was their only child so I was their entire world and they were mine.

“But that was a gift by your daddy, now isn’t it my turn?” my beloved mother replied cheerfully as she enjoyed my joyousness.

In those moments of our drive we heard the clap of thunder.

“Mommy what’s that sound?” I asked a little frantic.

“Don’t be afraid, it’s ok. It’s just thunder and lightning. It's about to rain.”

Dark clouds could be seen if I focused on the black night sky, their outlines not being much prominent over the dark horizon. To be honest, I didn’t mind the rain, it was just another weather to enjoy in life with my parents.

Later, we arrived to our destination; our home. I literally skipped and hopped after my mom, towards our house as I continuously screamed,
“Birthday present, Birthday present!”

None of my parents worried about the noise I was making, that it might disturb the neighbors who were likely to be asleep at this time of the night. This was because we didn’t have any neighbors. We lived a mile away from any residential areas, more close to the natural, beautiful and peaceful part of Korea.

Soon enough I received my present. My mom made me close my eyes when she handed it to me. It felt warm and hard against my hands. I opened my eyes to find an opened red velvet box in which a gold heart-shaped locket was placed.  It had a message on it in Korean. It was truly beautiful. In those moments my happiness could not be contained.

As the thunder and lightning continued to crack outside, my mom standing behind me whispered softly into my ear,

“Happy 4^th Birthday, my sweet Hana.”

Strangely, I don’t to know what happened next…………

The next thing I knew, I was running around the house looking for an exit. An exit to escape the fire surrounding me. A huge fire had engulfed our entire house. A woman screamed my name from the other room; my mother. Her cries clearly portraying the pain she was in.

I ran towards her voice, trying to dodge the blazing fire and the falling debris and wooden beams. The necklace loosely hanging around my neck was continuously hitting my chest as I ran. I didn’t know where my father was, couldn’t even concentrate on my path as all the cruel possibilities of his death popped in my mind. I was too panicked…….

But I desperately reached for my mom, I couldn’t lose her too. I was crying and hurt, but felt a little hopeful when I saw my mom. I quickly hugged her trying to seek an escape from this hell in my mother’s arms. But she drew me back,

“Hana, sweetie you have to find a way out!” She screamed.

“No I’m not leaving you!”

“Sweetie,” she tried her best to calmly explain but her voice kept cracking and she finally broke into tears. “You can’t help me, my legs are stuck under the debris. I can’t get out! You have to go!”

That was when I had realized that she was right, most of her body from her waist below were deeply buried under wooden beams and debris, I could even see some splotches of red within the pile; her blood.

“I don’t care! I will free you and we will escape! Together!” I answered as I started digging through the pile of plaster and trying my best to lift the heavy beams. Desperate. But.......It didn’t even move, not even a millimeter. The only result this action produced was my little hands getting badly burnt.

I caught a glimpse of lightening from the tightly shut window.

“Mommy it’s going to rain soon anyway, the fire will die down!” I continued crying as I gave us hope, still trying to push away the beams. But I was interrupted as my mother shouted at me like she had never before. A very desperate shout,

“Hana please get out now! Go please, just go! Face it we both can’t survive this. If you even manage to free me, I can’t run, my legs have been crushed. You have to live!”

Tears fell non-stop from my face as I stared at her, in a trance. All memories of my mother’s hugs and kisses from the time I could remember till today flooded me. How she gifted me the necklace which now clung to my neck, it felt tighter than ever as if it was choking me. Her final word pushed me off of my memory train and snapped me out of my trance,

“GO!”

I was on my feet, running, my eyes desperately searching for an exit, but the only thing in my vision was the spreading hot, orange blanket, which had seemed to burn all the wooden furniture and most of the house visible in the range of my vision. The only smell filling my nostrils was the smell of hell and my mouth had completely gone dry.

The only sound audible to my ears; the crackling and sizzling of the fire, the thunder and lightning. And my own whimpers.

I covered my ears and closed my eyes as I cuddled up in a corner, trying to escape the horror somehow by shutting my senses. I had by that time completely given up hope. I cried and howled in pain for all the losses until my tears completely dried out and my voice completely faded due to the dryness in my throat.

Gratefully, soon I lost consciousness as something hard fell on my head. I can’t describe the next scenes that occurred. Just that……….

 I opened my eyes to an open sky above me. Lightening frightening as ever shone and disappeared giving the impression it would rain soon but it was all a LIE. It never rained, not even a single drop. In those moments of fading in and out of consciousness, with my foggy vision I was able to see two heads looking down at me, the last thing I heard before I completely drowned in blackness was a voice of a little kid,

“Hyung, is she alive?”

“Yes, she is.”

I woke up with a jolt. Panting heavily and trying to recover from the shock. Still hadn’t gotten used to it.

This was all I remembered, from my haunting past. Since then till now it was still fresh as the events recurred every night in the shape of my nightmare. The worst part not only being the events from the night I had turned four, but also the incapability to remember the things after that.

Twelve years have passed, since that night. I remember that moment in hell clearly also the moments created with my uncle living in USA when I was five but the memories that tortured me the most, refused to come to mind, they were the memories of the year from the night I was rescued by someone. I can’t remember a whole year except one name from that time………… Junie.