Why does it have to be him, why not me? Kyungsoo has never done anything wrong, why is he the one suffering?

I would do anything to take his place, hell i'd take a bullet for him.

I sat back down in the semi-comfortable chair next to Kyungsoos bed. I lost track of how many days i've spent staying the night watching over him, hoping he would wake up, sadly he never did. I grabbed a tissue off the table and wiped the tears streaming down my cheeks. No one understands how badly I need Soo. I need him in my life, without him i'm empty inside, a piece of my heart feels like it's missing without Kyungsoo. Besides the fact that I miss him to death, I also miss his heavenly cooking.

Flashback~~~~

I tiptoed silently into the kitchen, hoping to use the element of suprise on my Oppa. As I neared the boy focused on cooking, I inhaled the scent of fresh kimchi frying in a pan and I got hungrier by the second. My stomach grumbled violently, I felt like a hungry wolf on the prowl. I knew this would be a fantastic meal because literally anything my Soo cooks is the best. I'm suprised he doesnt't have his own cooking show.

When I stood directly behind Kyungsoo, I wrapped my muscular arms around his ice cold, delicate body. Apparently I startled him because he dropped his stirring spoon on the floor.

"Oppaaaa" I whined, trying to make him seem guilty for dropping the spoon. As he bent over to pick it up, I poked his cute little , causing him to jump(again).

"Yahh! Kim Jongin stop that i'm trying to cook." 

I snickered "Am I distracting you, Oppa?"

My eyes focused on his plump, heart shaped lips. I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself much longer, I needed a taste of him.

"As a matter of fact you are, now go set the table." Kyungsoo tried to say in a stern voice, but I knew he was just messing around. I smirked as I seductively danced my way out of the kitchen carrying the plates, making sure to catch his attention.

He stopped what he was doing just to say "Kai, you are a y dancing machine."

I felt my cheeks heat up, I love it when he calls me y, I don't know why. 

We sat down at the table together, then I started devouring his delicious kimchi. Although the kimchi hadn't satisfied my real hunger(for him), I was still pretty satisfied.

I studied Kyungsoos delicate facial features, along with his soulful chocolate brown eyes. Really this boy is beautiful, like an angel sent from heaven to tame the beast, which is me. 

I couldn't control myself anymore, I abrubtly stood up from the table and lunged for Soo. Our bodies pressed together as planted my lips on his, sending a tingling sensation all over my body. I ran my fingers through his tousled hair, he moaned softly as the kiss became more intimate. Finally we broke apart and Soo looked up at me with an adorable eye smile.

"Saranghae, Jongin." He whispered as I rested my head in the crook of his neck.

End of Flashback~~~~

Right now I just wish I had some of Kyungsoos delectable kimchi melting in my mouth instead of the ty hospital food i've been eating for days. I glanced over my shoulder and realized the flowers I had brought Soo awhile ago were wilting and shriveling up, I tossed them in the garbage. It felt like I had been sitting by Kyungsoos side for almost a lifetime, four months feels like forever.

Why wont he wake up? I stared out the window at two birds perched on the window sill, they reminded me of Soo and I. One was bigger than the other, the bigger one is like me and the smaller like Kyungsoo. Suddenly the smaller bird took off and left, the bigger bird sat there all alone, waiting for the smaller bird to come back but it never did. Maybe thats how it will be with Kyungsoo and I, he will never come back, leaving me all alone.

I turned around to look at Kyungsoo still laying in a trance, I stared at his paler than usual face thinking three words: please wake up. 

Just as I thought those words the heart monitor started beeping rapidly.

"HELP!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

The doctors rushed in like a herd of cattle attempting to stabilize Kyungsoo, they charged the defibrillator and pushed it down onto his chest a few times, he didn't even budge and I knew why. I watched in sadness as the doctors took off his breathing tubes, the heart monitors beeping slowed down until it came to a complete stop.

"I'm sorry, theres nothing we can do. He's gone." A nurse calmly stated.

I collapsed down onto my knees. I wanted to rip my own heart out and die, just to be with him, nothing pained me more than seeing Kyungsoos body lifeless. 

"He's dead." I choked out.

Salty tears flowed down my face like a river, how will I live without my oppa? I sobbed. A few minutes later Kyungsoos parents walked in, both with heartbroken-looking faces. Soo's mother patted my back trying to comfort me as I kneeled on the floor in front of the love of my lifes bed. 

"I'm so sorry." I whispered as I put my palms over my face.

All I wanted was to go home and find Soo in our bed sleeping peacefully, still living. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare, without Kyungsoo my life is utterly and completely meaningless. No more delicious kimchi, no more cuddles, no more kisses, nothing. Absolutely nothing. Without Kyungsoo, theres nothing. People may tell me 'carry on' or 'keep your head up' but no, I can't without him, those words are meaningless if he's gone.

I left the hospital not wanting to be in the room where the love of my life passed away anymore. When I arrived at our shared apartment I bolted straight to our bed. His scent was still imbedded in the sheets, it felt like he was still in my prescence even though hes not. Hes gone forever, I thought as I sobbed silently into my pillow wishing I was the one who died instead of him. I finally calmed down and sat up.

I noticed someting on the nightstand that wasnt there four months ago, It was a folded piece of notebook paper. I grabbed the paper and hastily unfolded it.

'My y dancing machine, Jongin.♥

I just wanted to let you know in sickness or health, I love you with all my heart.

Thank you for making so many happy memories with me. 

You make my life complete.

With love, Kyungsoo'

I felt a smile start to spread across my face as I read the letter over and over again. He really did love me, I thought. After setting the note down I decided to go to bed to try and escape the sadness i've been feeling the whole day.

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Dream sequence

I rubbed my eyes and lifted my head up, looking to where Kyungsoo sleeps.

"Good morning love." Kyungsoo sweetly said.

I rubbed my eyes again, is this real? I touched Kyungsoo's angelic face with my hand, his face feels real.

"Are you okay Jongin?" Kyungsoo questioned after seeing the puzzled look on my face.

"Yes I'm fine, I love you so much Soo." I replied as I embraced him tightly.

"Love you too Jongin, I have to tell you something."

All of a sudden I was transported to the top of a mountain, Kyungsoo was at the edge gazing out over the endless horizon. I walked over to him and pressed my lips against his cheek. As I did so, dazzling flakes of snow started drifting down from the sky. 

"We have to talk, Jongin."

"Yes?" I responded curiously.

"I'm dead. What you are seeing is my spirit."

I stepped back scared of what Kyungsoo would do to me, and why he had brought me here.

"Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you. I just needed to see you one last time before I..."

"Before you what?" I asked, still afraid.

"Before I cross over, to the other side. He whispered

"What?"

"You will soon understand, but we won't ever be able to see eachother."

"What! No, I need you Kyungsoo, please stay." I said as I wiped an icy cold tear from my face.

"I have to, Jongin. Please remember that I will always love you." He held my face in his ghostly hands and kissed me softly on the lips.

He broke the kiss, said one last goodbye and then vanished into thin air.

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Three weeks later

It had already been three weeks since Kyungsoos death, and after he came to me in a dream. Today is his funeral, and of course I had been invited by his parent to attend. I crawled sorrowfully out of bed and slipped on funeral appropriate clothes. Part of me didn't want to attend because I knew I would have a mental breakdown in front of everyone, but I knew I had to go there to pay my respects. 

I dragged my feet to where the funeral was being held, the graveyard was close to my apartment building. I gazed up at the sky, it was dark, cloudy, and gloomy. It's almost like the sky knew my mood, pained and depressed. Three weeks without Soo had been really rough, I really don't know how i'm going to survive without that boy who owns my heart. I finally made it to the area where Soo was being lowered into the ground. 

My heart ached as I neared the lifeless body, who had been alive just four months ago. I stood silently next to Kyungsoo's parents, who were balling their eyes out, I tried to contain my tears until I finally couldn't hold them back anymore. Staring at his grave made my heart feel like it was being torn in two. I listened to the service, it was very nice really, but I just wish Soo hadn't died so young. We had plans for the future, we were supposed to grow old together and spend our lives happily together. As the service went on I remembered all our happy times, thats when I realized there would be no more happy times in my life. 

Kyungsoo was the light and now my life is darkness,  I would rather be stabbed with a thousand knives than live without my Soo.

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A year after the funeral 

I stood at the top of the bridge staring down at the waves crashing vigorously against the shore. 

I love you Kyungsoo.

Those were the last words that came out of my mouth before I stepped off the platform, soaring into the oceans depths.

I'm in a better place now, with my Soo.♥

 

 

Author Note: Ahh sad ending, but I thought it should end this way because now Jongin is with his love. In my eyes Jongin had no one and without Soo he didn't wanna live but now he is happy in heaven with Soo. Thank you for reading! Currently working on a Xiuhan fic btw :D link for it here: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/788063/forever-keyber-jungli-exo-luhan-xiumin-xiuhan-chanhun