Once the actual filming of Dream Team started, there wasn't much for me to do. Basically I just sat back and tried not to get in the way of the camera crew and the program's staff.

I did look after the guys, though. I watched them carefully, trying to tell if maybe the audience would be able to see the tension. They were good actors, though. Better than they gave themselves credit for, I couldn't help but think. I could tell, at least slightly, but that was only because I spent the vast majority of my day with them. My job was based off of reading their expressions, trying to determine what they were thinking or feeling. It only made sense that I'd be able to tell.

I continued working on my report, focusing entirely on the facts of what had happened. But we moved quickly from location to location as the filming went on, and it was hard for me to work on the report, move around repeatedly, AND keep an eye on the SuJu members, so I ended up giving up on the report for the time being. 

I held my notepad under my arm, watching the competition go on. There was lots of shouting, and cheering, and sweating. Men are disgusting. Of course, it wasn't really any worse than the smell that wafted through the air at Karate matches.

I wrinkled my nose and tried to concentrate, watching Eunhyuk run. He was actually pretty fast, I couldn't help but admit. And his face was red, and I was pretty sure he was crying.

He reached the end, crossing the finish line for the winner, and immediately ran to Leeteuk, shouting in victory. They had a group hug, still excited for themselves.

It's amazing how all of the stress, all of the tension, just melted away. Just like that. I didn't really understand it, but it was incredible, somehow.

They really did depend on each other, more than anything else. And when they needed to rely on each other, they would. I don't know why I had doubted them. I'd known it all along.

I swallowed, hard, and turned around so that the staff couldn't see my face. I began to head back to the van, wiping away a stray tear.

~

"Heeyung-noona!" was the only award I got before I was tackled with a sweaty hug. It was Eunhyuk, squeexing me tightly and lifting me up off the ground. "Everything's okay now! Thank you, thank you so much!"

I struggled in his grip, choking. "Lee Hyukjae, put me down this instant!"

He oblidged, his smile melting away. I straightened my suit, and then looked up at him and said, "You smell horrendous. And now you've covered me in that stench."

I grinned up at him, though, and he realized that I was teasing. "But congratulations. I don't know why you're thanking me, though. I didn't actually do anything. You did it yourselves..."

He shook his head. "No! You were right! We just needed to remember that we're a team, and that if we relied on each other this far, then we just need to rely on each other to go a bit farther."

I half-smiled, then closed my eyes, shook my head, and said, "Just get in the van, Hyukjae. The sooner you get back to the company, the sooner you can take a shower."

Instead of doing that, though, he hugged me again, but a bit calmer. "You're not so bad, Noona."

"I'm not that much older than you..."

"I'm calling you Noona anyway."

"Well, it's about time," I replied. "You're not so bad, either, Lee Hyukjae. None of you are," I said, seeing Leeteuk and Sungmin over his shoulder.

And I meant it.

~

"Heeyung-noona, can we go out for Ramyeon after this?" Sungmin asked me, turning around in his seat in the van.

"Don't ask me, I'm not your manager," I replied, crossing my arms and raising an eyebrow at Manager Kim.

"No, no, I mean, we want to go to eat Ramyeon anyway, but do you want to come with us?" Leeteuk asked, his smile as bright as I had ever seen it.

I blinked. "Me?"

"Well, you're on our team, aren't you? Everyone worked hard today, even though we disappointed you. We want to apologize," Sungmin explained.

I shook my head. "You don't need to apologize. I can't expect you to get along all of the time."

"No, no, but we want to!"

I bit my lip. "Alright, I suppose I can join you. But only because you asked me to. Not because it's payback for anything. If you want to apologize to me, then do better with your promotions in the future. Make your upcoming music video even better. Can you do that?"

They all nodded, and then began talking animatedly about the concept for the repackage, "A-CHA".

I guess maybe the group wouldn't be disbanding anytime soon.

~

"Here, Noona, say 'ahhhhh'!" Eunhyuk pestered, holding up a chopstick load of noodles. 

I pushed his hand away so that the noodles slapped him in the face. "I'm not your girlfriend, sister, mother or grandmother, Hyukjae. Keep your affections to yourself." But seeing the sauce splashed on his face, I laughed.

"Heeyung-noona, we just want to make sure you eat! You rarely eat anything!" Leeteuk declared.

To be honest, I rarely ever felt hungry. I ate because that's what I was supposed to do in order to stay alive, but I never really felt any desire to eat.

Today, though, I was starving. Not that they had noticed, but I had cleaned out two bowls of ramyeon already, and was starting on the third. It was no wonder I always seemed to be a bit fat. 

But instead of mentioning it (since they were paying for my meal, after all), what I berated Leeteuk for was his use of the word "noona."

"Eunhyuk can call me 'noona' because I'm a bit older than him. Park Jungoo-shi is several years older than me."

His eyes widened. "No... I thought you were older than all of us!"

I scowled at him. "Are you saying I'm an old woman, Leeteuk-shi?"

He waved his hands in front of him. "No, no no! Of course not!"

"We should celebrate with a shot!" Sungmin offered. "Ahjumma, can you bring us some soju, please?"

She announced her assent, and the guys turned back to me. A few of the other staff members had attended, but they sat by themselves, while the guys had insisted that I sit with them, since I had been such a big help lately.

"Heeyung-shi, can you drink?" Shindong asked, ready to take a big slurp of his noodles.

I cringed. "Me? I don't really drink alcohol. It tastes like pig urine."

Across the table, Yesung half spit out his water, laughing. "Pig urine?!"

"Yes. Pig urine. And don't get too drunk. I don't want to have to carry you home."

They all laughed, but didn't insist that I drink with them. Which I was glad for. If I had, I may have started spilling all of my feelings. And I couldn't have that.

~

"Heeyung-noona, we love you sooooo much!" Donghae remarked, his speech slurred, attempting a hug. I stepped aside, and he ended up falling on his face. 

"Enough of that. Are you sure you're okay to walk home alone?" I asked them. "The only one who seems alright is Ryeowook, and maybe Eunhyuk, since he didn't drink very much." Although, to be honest, I had no idea why it seemed like Ryeowook was perfectly sober, since I knew that he'd drunk just as much as the rest of them. It made me wonder how much alcohol he drank normally...

"Awww, we'll be FINE," they replied, laughing.

I pressed my fingers to my forehead, sighing. "You know what? I'll go with you. Just to make sure."

Manager Kim had abandoned me with them, saying that his contracted time was over, so now he had to go to bed early, because he had a breakfast date planned for the next day.

To be honest, I'd had no idea that he had a girlfriend of any sort. He just did such a good job being there for the guys that I forgot that he had a life outside of the group. I should probably learn from him. 

Still, it left me with the responsibility of baby-sitting the drunk people. Wonderful.

Still, as we slowly made our way to the Super Junior dorm, I wondered what it had been like for the man that had helped make sure that I'd gotten home safely. He must have felt then how I felt now. Worried that if he didn't something horrible might happen. That I must have been annoying, but maybe it was a bit joyful to take care of me. Well, maybe not. WHen I had been drunk, I had done nothing but spew nonsense. These guys, though, did nothing but tell jokes and laugh at the stupidest things.

"Here?" I asked Yesung, who was doing his best to keep up with me. He turned to me, a bit blurry-eyed. 

"Where?"

"Your dorm. Is it here? This is the address you gave me, right?"

"Huh? Oh... yeah. And up, up, up the stairs with Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyung!"

He sang my name as he opened the door, high-pitched and off-key. I rolled my eyes and fought back a grin, but made sure the guys all made it into the building.

It took Leeteuk a while to open the door, since he stumbled so much, but eventually I was able to shuffle half of the group in, while the other, more sober half, went up to the other half of the dorm, an the floor above us.

"Now make sure you all drink some water before you go to bed, okay?"

I stepped in, looking around. It was actually... really nice. Clean.

I set my purse on the couch and began to explore while they got themselves some water, unable to help myself.

The walls were decorated with posters and photographs. Family, friends. Their favorite moments. There were more pairs of shoes than I could count. And one corner of the living room was dedicated entirely to gifts. Boxes and boxes of gifts. I could see them spilling out, even without looking closely. Plushies, fanarts, receipts of album purchases.

"You actually keep all of them?" I asked out loud, a bit breathless. I felt a bit tight in my chest, and wondered if maybe I'd eaten too much.

It was Siwon who answered. He didn't live in the dorm, but he was sleeping here just to be safe. "Of course we do! We can't just throw their presents into the trash! They put a lot of work into those!"

I bit my lip, hard, looking away. "We should help everyone to their bedrooms," I thought aloud, beginning to assist Ryeowook in carrying Yesung to their shared bedroom. When that was done, I made sure Eunhyuk was okay to go to bed, which he was. But when I walked down the hallway towards him, I had to stop. It was the hallway of Leeteuk and Eunhyuk's rooms, and...

It was covered in trophies. "Sorry Sorry" this, and "Bonamana" that. Golden Disk Awards, Music Core, Inkigayo... there were just so many.

Smiling, Leeteuk walked up to the shelf, and, pulling out the trophy from the win that day, slid it proudly onto one of the few empty spots. "There, that looks good, right?"

I was still staring at the walls. "People thought that you'd never succeed," I blurted.

He laughed. "We didn't think we would, either!"

"But with this many awards... does it ever get, you know... a bit... old?"

He shook his head. "Nooo... We never thought we'd succeed. So every success still feels like a miracle, you know? Like we were never meant to make it, so one day we'll have a comeback and people will just stop caring. We keep expecting it to happen, but instead, we keep getting better! So it still feels special."

I bit my lip, then crossed my arms and said, "that's great, now go to bed, Leeteuk-shi."

"Okay, Heeyung-shi," he replied, yawning. When I heard him collapse onto his bed, I carefully closed the door behind him and listened. 

The dorm was silent, and I could tell that most of them had passed out. I sighed in relief, then headed to the door.

No... wait...

I turned back, and then went to the kitchen. As quietly as I could manage, I found glasses and plates. I worked quickly, making a pot of savory porrige. I put it in the fridge with a note on top. On the outside of the fridge I taped a note that said, "eat this when you get up. It should help you feel better, but it shouldn't make your stomach upset."

Then, I filled the glasses with water and carried them, one at a time, to the table. Finally, I put another note in the center of the table, that said, "Make sure you drink plenty of water. It should help with the hangover."

I wondered if maybe I should sign it, but I eventually decided that they'd probably be able to tell that it was me. So I left the note as it was, and quietly made my way out the door.

~

It wasn't until I got up the next morning that I realized that I'd left my purse in their dorm. I'd stuck my keys in my jacket pocket, so I'd been able to get into my apartment, but my purse held everything from my personal effects to what little money I actually had.

And I'd left it in their dorm. Which I had absolutely no access to.

But I couldn't afford to worry about that. There were things to do the next day, schedules to finish, meetings to attend. I only hoped that I would be able to get it back soon.

I got to the company well on time, despite not having my bus pass and having to walk there. But when I tried to punch in, I was stopped. "Excuse me, how did you get in here?"

"It's me, Heeyung!" I replied. "I'm an employee here. Under the Artist Manager. Heeyung, Han Heeyung."

The manager scowled at me. "Then where's your employee tag, Han Heeyung?"

"I... I just..." Who knew what he would think if I told him that I'd left my bag at the Super Junior dorm?! But, then again, they couldn't think of it as a scandal, since there was no way on earth that any of them even remotely thought that way of a girl like me.

"If you don't have your employee ID, Heeyung-shi, you're going to have to leave. Company policy."

"But I have a meeting with the Artist Manager!" I argued, struggling against his grip on my arm. "I have work to do!"

"You shouldn't have forgotten your ID, then. Come with--"

"Heeyung-shi! You forgot your bag!" a male voice interrupted from the lobby entrance.

It was Siwon, who swiftly jogged up to me. "You left it there. I thought it would be important, so I wanted to give it to you."

The Manager looked back and forth between the two of us, eyebrows furrowed.

"Oh God, thank you so much, Siwon-shi!" I remarked, taking the bag from him and digging through it. Finally, I found the ID, and pulled it out and showed it to the manager. "See? Han Heeyung. I work with Artist Management. For the time being, I'm assigned to work with Super Junior."

He looked at the ID, then handed it back to me. "You should be more careful in the future," he declared before walking away.

I exhaled, then turned back to Siwon. "You really saved me, Siwon-shi."

"Thank you for the water, and the porridge. We were really surprised."

I blushed, thinking about how motherly it must have seemed. "It was really nothing. I just didn't want you all to be hung over at work today."

He leaned over so that he was looking me in the eye. "You were worried. Admit it."

"I was not."

"You were. You care! I win!" He laughed, and I cringed further.

I set my face into a scowl, hugging my purse to me. "Just because I did something for you, and I'm grateful to you for returning my bag, does not mean that I have any emotional attachment to you."

He straightened up, raising a bushy eyebrow and half smiling down at me. "But you're going to be upset when we leave? Go to the military, one by one..."

I felt a little stab in my heart. I remembered when Kangin had left to go to the military, how that had made my little childlike heart feel. Like I was not going to be seeing an old friend for a very, very long time.

That was past now, though. I straightened up, looking him in the eye as best as I could. "I won't feel anything more than inconvenience."

He shrugged. "Alright, I admit defeat for now, Han Heeyung. But don't forget about our bet."

"Technically I never actually agreed to it," I shot back, but he was already leaving, heading towards the practice rooms.

~

I exited the Artist Manager's office, sighing to myself. She'd been cold as always, her eyes digging into my skin. The last thing she had said to me was to remind me not to forget that my next report was due on her desk in two weeks.

"Heeyung! Are you busy tonight?!" It was Mi Cha, her usual bright smile on.

I bit my lip. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I wanted to know if you wanted to work out with me! You know, like buddies."

"Work out?"

"You know... go to the gym, get some exercise..."

"Well, I..."

"Great! I'll pick you up at six!"

"Wait, Mi Cha! I already--"

But she was already gone, skipping off down the hallways.

~

"Oh wow..." I remarked, looking around at the multitude of machines in the gym. All of the girls with perfect, muscular butts on the treadmills, all of the scrawny guys under the bench presses. "I haven't been here in a long, long time."

Mi Cha looked at me like I was crazy. "You mean you've been here before?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Is there something wrong with that?"

She shook her head. "N-no... it's just that I didn't think you were that kind of person. That's all. So,you want to run for a while?"

"Is that a punching bag?" I asked, looking over at the corner.

She nodded. "Yeah. I hear some of the Karate students come here whenever they're not at the dojo.

She was right. looking at the padded area in the back, next to the punching bag, I could remember myself here. Only about twelve years old, sparring against some orange belt, while little Shin cheered me on. He was still little back then. Still with all of his baby teeth, his eyes big, his voice high pitched, encouraging me to "beat him up, Noona! Smash him! Come on, you're being too nice!"

The memory made me smile. Almost absentmindedly I walked up to the mats, looking around. Right then there was no one even back there, everyone too occupied with their leg and workouts.

Put your whole body into it, my Sensei had always told me.

I leaned back, and, putting my feet into position, swung forward with all of my strength.

The bag shook, not enough to swing backwards. It was a good one, too heavy for a little punch to move easily.

"Wow, you're pretty strong, Heeyung-shi!" Mi Cha cheered, just off of the mats.

"Do you even realize how much you look and act like a kid?" I punched the bag again, once for that , Kyubong.

Once for the managers at SM, who only hire girls like Mi Cha and me because we aren't pretty enough to distract any of their precious idols.

Once, twice, three times for all of the male-run companies I had applied for that had rejected me because I wasn't pretty. 

Soon, I was hitting the bag without thinking about it. I was sweating. But it felt good. God, it felt good. The way the impact force travelled up my arms and into my shoulders, the way my whole body shook, the way every punch, every kick, seemed to convey a different thought.

I stepped back, and, swinging around, cracked the side of my leg against the bag, sending it swinging backwards. And then I started laughing.

Not crying. Laughing. Because I hadn't done any of this since I had quit Karate. Why had I quit?

I looked back at Mi Cha, who was staring at me in awe. "Heeyung-shi... were you in martial arts?"

I nodded, still gasping for breath. "Yeah. I even used to come here." I laughed, thinking again to those days, all of the adrenaline. The pride.

I don't know why you still waste your time with Karate, Appa had told me. Everyone else your age already has their brown belt, and you're still working on your red.

I frowned, and fell to the ground, clutching my chest. I'd been behind. I was always behind. Because I wasn't actually good at Karate. That was an obvious fact. But... I'd enjoyed it. And nobody at the dojo seemed to care that I was no good at it. They always cheered me on. Shin had always cheered me on. But I had quit.

"Heeyung? Heeyung, are you okay?" Mi Cha asked, running up to me.

I laughed, letting her help me up. "I am. I don't know why, but I feel... okay. For once. I feel fine. Like... melting ice."

"Just because of a punching bag?"

I shook my head. "No... not because of the punching bag. Something else."

She furrowed her brow. "Well, maybe you should take a break for a while. Lift weights or something. Your laughter is kind of scary."

~

When I returned to my apartment, my legs and arms ached. I had practiced kicks and punches until the gym had closed, almost wishing I had had a sparring partner. I probably wouldn't have won, but it wouldn't have hurt to try. I was horribly out of shape to be doing karate. Still, it felt good. 

I smiled, even while taking a shower, letting the hot water rush over me. I ran my fingers through my hair. It didn't feel so bad, down, like it was. Like freedom. Maybe it would be okay to just leave it that way tomorrow.

I would regret working out so hard the next day, I knew, as I sat down on my bed, doing stretches. I counted out loud, thinking about the next few days. We'd be working on "A-CHA" soon. And then Heechul would be going to the military. Two years without Heechul.

I wondered what it would be like without him. I couldn't tell if it would be better for Leeteuk, or worse. Despite being one of the older members, Heechul tended to make the dongsaengs MORE likely to get in trouble, instead of less.

Still, he would be leaving, and we would have to adjust. It would be fine.

I had fallen in love with those guys, once upon a time. At one point in my life, I had worked incredibly hard to make sure they had won those awards. I had sent them presents, begged them for their signatures. That's what had suddenly occurred to me, when I had been in their apartment. In some, small way, I had helped them win their awards. Maybe, just maybe, hidden in those boxes of fan gifts, way down at the bottom, would be one of the things I had sent to them.

I guess maybe the box just reminded me that I was right back where I started, in a way. Back then, those boys had been my whole world. I had wanted nothing more than to help them succeed. And now I was again finding them dominating my thoughts, my time. But in a whole different way. I wanted nothing more than to succeed alongside them.