Warnings: minor language

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Isn’t always a little strange and uncomfortable when you first meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Whether it be a best friend or a significant other, the first meetings are always the most awkward. It’s only until you are comfortably settled in with the person that you forget all the awkwardness of the beginning. This is especially true for Jongdae.

Jongdae was a high school junior with an honoree medal in being the ultimate prankster. Jongdae and his friends were the well-known pranksters of the school, but Jongdae was the one who tried to keep up a good work ethic during school as well. He was not necessarily a trouble maker in school, but he did like his fair share of being a charismatic trickster.

The one thing he didn’t want anyone from his school to know was that he secretly was a nerd. He was a nerd for books and anything literature. He loved sitting in the corner of the public library all alone with the words on the pages to keep him company. Despite being the culprit of elaborate pranks, he still kept coming back to the library for entertainment. But he did so in secret to keep up his reputation at school.

Jongdae loved the library, contrary to his rambunctious behavior at school. It was where he could find peace through all the chaos. It was the place where he could settle in, calm his racing heart, and slow the adrenaline rushing through his veins.

One day, his heart starts beating a little faster when he finds a boy his age in the opposite corner from him, tucked in with several books around him. He had a black fringe swept across his forehead. His body looked small since his knees were pressed up against his chest, and his arms scrunched up so that the book sat comfortably above his knees.

Although the boy’s face was hidden behind the book, Jongdae could tell that the boy was a student just like Jongdae, but he didn’t have the same uniform. Instead of the wearing gray slacks and a red blazer that Jongdae was always wearing, the boy wore khakis and a blue sweater vest that donned the colors from the private school on the other side of town. Jongdae blinked, the mystery boy was getting more enticing.

Being the naturally curious boy that he was, Jongdae slinked back to his corner where he proceeded to watch the new boys’ moves. Jongdae’s thoughts immediately told him that this was an ultimate low. He was stalking an innocent reader in the corner of the library, too afraid to introduce himself in fear of being recognized.

It wasn’t his fault, really. Jongdae had been caught off guard by this new boys’ entrance, and he wasn’t necessarily sure what to do with it. He had never met anyone his age that liked reading in corners as much as he did. Any confidence Jongdae had at school was deflated at the library, and now he his self-esteem dwindled down to an all time low. There wasn’t a chance that he could just casually stroll up to the new comer now that he was self-conscious.

Jongdae decided that it was best to just slink back for the day, nestle in his current book, and keep a watchful eye on the new boy huddled in the corner.

-

The next day was a little bit better for Jongdae’s ego. This time he was prepared and wasn’t caught off guard by the presence of another boy that curled in the corner with reading material. Jongdae’s self-confidence was through the roof today when he automatically stepped into the library at his regular time, plucked his favorite book (It was a collection of poems called “Self Indulgent”) from its dusty shelf, and made a bee line to the opposite corner where he would find the other boy sitting comfortably amongst the books.

It’s when Jongdae found that black haired boy sitting in the corner staring up at him with disinterested, dark eyes that he panicked. He quickly turned back on his heel and released an embarrassed shrill that was muffled by his shirt. Out of the corner of Jongdae’s eyes, he could see the boy shrug and return back to his nest of books.

Jongdae swore to try to be more confident the next day.

-

Jongdae proved himself to be successful after several times of slapping himself with cold water beforehand. He was refreshed and feeling a lot more relaxed when he walked to the back corner and found the wide eyes not paying any attention to him. It made his stomach churn slightly.

“Hi, I’m Kim Jongdae!” He blurted out a little loudly, almost stumbling hard on the simple introduction. Whenever Jongdae got nervous, he would start to blurt out things without a filter attached. He tried to not be as nervous in front of the potential friend, but he started off on the wrong foot when he released his loud, boisterous voice (because God knows he gets loud when he’s nervous and his heart beats a thousand miles a minute).

Jongdae anticipated kind, understanding eyes, and perhaps a nervous laugh if he was lucky, but no such thing happened. The boy with wide eyes paid no attention to Jongdae at all, almost as if he didn’t exist. Jongdae’s nervousness sank deep within him even more as the eyes that were scanning the pages flickered up to Jongdae for a moment, and Jongdae’s breath caught in his throat.

A mere squint of the boys’ eyes sent Jongdae off running with an embarrassed blush and a flurry of apologies. This was going to be a lot harder than Jongdae initially thought.

-

The next week came with the same nervousness bubbling up whenever Jongdae gazed over to see the black bob of hair nestled in a book. Jongdae never felt this nervousness so hard before, and maybe it was because he couldn’t let his pride down. He had a reputation to uphold, yet he couldn’t hold it for even a second when he came face to face with the mystery boy.

But it was time for that to change.

Jongdae came bouncing in through the public library doors, a broad smile on his face as he greeted the friendly librarian. Jongdae had a plan that was foolproof. Nothing could go wrong.

Jongdae slid over to the counter where the librarian assistant usually worked at by sifting through the returned books. Jongdae and the librarian assistant were pretty close ever since Jongdae was a shy, little freshman, and the assistant would always write Jongdae first on the list for incoming books.

“Ryeowook-hyung!” Jongdae called, giving the librarian assistant a small hug when he passed by. Ryeowook smiled lightly and gave a hum of approval when he looked through his sorted books and found one that Jongdae was anticipating for a couple of months.

“Here you go, Jongdae. Enjoy!” Ryeowook smiled, handing over the new book to Jongdae’s hands and returned back to his work.

“Actually, could I ask you a favor, hyung?” Jongdae felt a little nervousness bubble up again, but he let it subside when his hyung gave an award winning smile.

“Anything for my favorite little nerd,” Ryeowook ruffled Jongdae’s hair and Jongdae pouted from the name calling.

“Do you know the name of the boy who comes to the library every day? He’s about my height with black hair, and goes to the private school,” Jongdae described the boy, but he didn’t notice the mischievous glance Ryeowook gave Jongdae.

“Ah, of course! That’s Do Kyungsoo, and he’s a regular just like you. He’s a cutie, isn’t he?” Ryeowook laughed as Jongdae perked up at the name and instantly blushed.

“Hyung! Don’t say things like that. I was just curious,” Jongdae muttered, his face flushed with embarrassment as his book was held against his chest. As if on cue, the said Do Kyungsoo walked in with his school bag hung on one shoulder loosely. Jongdae thought he looked cool walking in with an emotionless face, and Jongdae wished he could look that cool and confident in the library.

A confident spark is what drove Jongdae to jump over to the new boy with a blinding smile. Kyungsoo almost seemed to not notice the ball of energy bouncing over to him, but he paused once Jongdae blocked his view from his spot in the corner.

Up close, Jongdae almost burst from the nerves sparking inside of him. The wide eyes of Do Kyungsoo were daring, yet collected and cool. Jongdae could get lost in them if he stared too long. An obvious cough from the encouraging Ryeowook snapped Jongdae back to reality and he grinned a little too widely. Kyungsoo looked yet again disinterested.

“Hi Kyungsoo-ssi, you remember me, right? I’m Jongdae!” Jongdae’s tone was increasingly bright and high pitched, borderline sickening as his nerves were bursting through his pores. He hoped that Kyungsoo wouldn’t notice. “I asked Ryeowook for your name because I think we can be great friends!”

Jongdae did notice the way that Kyungsoo’s lips were big and pressed together accompanied by a blank stare. Sweat was starting to pour as Jongdae fidgeted underneath the bored gaze, and now Jongdae was praying that Kyungsoo couldn’t smell him.

Jongdae quickly handed out the book he had been waiting months for as a kind gesture. Jongdae’s cute smile didn’t even falter when he begrudgingly handed his favorite book out. “Here, I want you to read this book. It’s one of my favorites, and I’ve been waiting a long time for the book to come in. I want you to read it first so I can get your reaction. What do you say, friend?”

Kyungsoo took the hard cover book in his hands, tossing it over in his hands to inspect every inch. A curious brow on Kyungsoo’s forehead was raised as he spotted the embossed title on the hard cover and ran a single finger through the indents. Internally, Jongdae thought he was going to implode as he patiently waited for a reply.

Instead of the expected thankful reply he was looking for, Kyungsoo turned toward the book return slot and made sure that Jongdae watched as he deposited the book carelessly down the chute. Jongdae choked on his spit that collected in his mouth.

“Hey!” Jongdae cried as Kyungsoo walked away with no more than a bat of an eyelash. The librarian turned around and gave the boy a hard, “Shush!”

Ryeowook sheepishly looked back between the almost bottomless chute and Jongdae and muttered an apology. Jongdae just dropped to the carpeted floor and whined as he clawed at the chute doors, the book now lost until Ryeowook decided to fetch the dusty books. He realized that Do Kyungsoo was not an easy person to warm up to.

-

Jongdae was almost discouraged from befriending Kyungsoo since the last embarrassing moment (which involved Jongdae’s malfunctioning water bottle and a wet Kyungsoo), but an idea sprung into his head at night when he was finishing his homework.

At the corner of Jongdae’s desk was a stacked pile of post-it notes that his mother bought in bulk. The truth was that his mother would buy school supplies for both him and his older brother, but his older brother hated the bright colors so he gave his share to Jongdae. Jongdae never used them either, but the pieces of paper were colorful decorations. They also happened to be wonderful idea starters.

When he went to school the next day, he was in a mathematics class when he opened his back pack. All of the post-it notes poured out of his backpack, like a rainbow. His best friend, but also a royal douche, Byun Baekhyun almost snorted water up his nose once he saw the colorful mess.

“Jesus. And you said I was the kleptomaniac,” Baekhyun laughed as he picked up a wad of neon pink post-it notes. Jongdae gasped and snatched the wad away from Baekhyun’s thieving fingers.

“I’m not. It’s for a project,” Jongdae muttered, turning back to the assignment given in front of them. With the end of his pencil, he tapped on Baekhyun’s blank mathematics worksheet. “You should start it so you don’t have loads of homework tonight.”

“I could care less. I’m a mathematical genius, remember? I’m acing this class,” Baekhyun rested his arms above his head as he stretched. Baekhyun peeked over at Jongdae’s worksheet and then back to the colorful pieces of paper in his backpack. “What kind of project?”

“What?” Jongdae asked mindlessly, his focus on the worksheet at hand. When he saw Baekhyun take a post-it note off the wad it was attached to, he almost flipped his desk. Jongdae cried, “Byun Baekhyun, that’s not yours!”

“Come on, it’s just a piece of paper,” Baekhyun rolled his eyes as he handed it off to Chanyeol on the other side of him, who quickly turned it into a mini pink paper airplane. Baekhyun gave Jongdae a pointed look and crooked his finger towards the post-it notes. “You’re going to have to tell me about your secret project.”

“Some other time, Baek,” Jongdae muttered, shifting his backpack so it was out of Baekhyun’s reach. He went back to his work and blocked his view of Baekhyun’s pouty face.

-

After school, instead of going with Baekhyun and Chanyeol to their house, he rushed over to the library without being followed. It was sometimes a hassle to get to the library without anyone catching him, especially when Chanyeol could out run him with his stupidly long legs. But today, Jongdae made it in one piece.

Jongdae quickly rushed to his usual back corner of the room with a book that he took off the shelf from his favorite literature section. He glanced over to see Kyungsoo in his usual corner with only one book in his hand today. Jongdae could feel himself smile as he tried his best to write neatly on the neon pink paper on the wad of post-it notes. This was his grand plan in action.

Jongdae pulled himself toward the opposite corner, where he sat right next to Kyungsoo on the floor. If Kyungsoo noticed Jongdae, he didn’t show it since he continued to scan the pages with his eyes. Jongdae could feel his heart flutter as he hid the pink note in his own book, waiting for the right time to strike.

When Kyungsoo flipped to the next page, the paragraph on the new page was obstructed by the disgustingly bright pink post-it note with black ink scribble. Jongdae slapped the note on the page, and grinned to himself when he hid inside his book to hide his face from Kyungsoo. He was too afraid of revealing his embarrassment that he couldn’t even consider his plan a failure. Which it was. It was a complete failure.

Jongdae peered from his book to watch Kyungsoo peel off the pink note, crumple it in his hands, and throw it down the German history section. Jongdae was too struck to do anything but gape at Kyungsoo’s rude action. All Jongdae wanted to do was be Kyungsoo’s friend, but the guy wouldn’t even give him a chance. And Jongdae was trying really hard, didn’t this guy see?

Jongdae’s stare became hard as he scribbled on another pink post-it note, ripped it from the wad, and slapped it onto Kyungsoo’s book messily. Kyungsoo rinsed and repeated, the pink note floated to its brethren in the German history section. Jongdae wasn’t even surprised, and continued to write messages on pink notes and slapped them onto Kyungsoo’s reading.

After about a half hour of the struggle back and forth without any verbal confrontation, Jongdae gritted his teeth as he messily wrote a rude message on the pink post-it note and slapped it in the middle of the current page Kyungsoo was on. Jongdae huffed, folding his arms as he watched Kyungsoo, his book long forgotten.

Surprisingly, Kyungsoo’s eyes stopped scanning the page and Kyungsoo just glares at the bright pink post-it note that blocks the entire paragraph about Kazakhstan under the Soviet Union. Jongdae watched as Kyungsoo fished out something in his pocket, it was a blank ink pen. Kyungsoo scribbled on the pink post-it note, and Jongdae felt giddy when Kyungsoo passed the note in between his fingers. Jongdae felt his heart pound in his chest as he anticipated a beautiful script from Kyungsoo.

He opened it and blinked passively.

I hate pink.

Oh.

This was a problem.

-

This became a habitual process every day for Jongdae. It goes on for days, weeks, months, until Jongdae realizes that he can’t even remember the first day he saw Kyungsoo. It wasn’t any less awkward, but at least Jongdae changed his routine to blue post-it notes when Kyungsoo revealed he hated the bright pink.

The smallest change of colored post-it notes had brought out a change in Kyungsoo that Jongdae could visibly see. Kyungsoo was allowing Jongdae to come into his staked out corner of the library, which was a huge step. Jongdae knew that he would never let anyone come near his turf, so he was a little surprised when Kyungsoo willingly scooted over so that Jongdae could sit beside him on the carpet.

Jongdae could also see that Kyungsoo was accustomed to the note exchange that Jongdae had created. At first, he would throw away or ignore all the questions that Jongdae would manage to scribble and slap into his book while he was reading. But Jongdae almost cried the first time Kyungsoo responded on the blue post-it note question.

What’s your favorite ice cream?

Strawberry.

Kyungsoo replied, his fingers lingering on Jongdae’s pages. They locked eyes in that moment, and Jongdae couldn’t contain the squeal he held in before. Kyungsoo’s eyes were a little wide and dull, but Jongdae knew that one day he could make Kyungsoo’s eyes shine.

Their new found routine would always start and end the same. Jongdae would get to the library first, and hide in the opposite corner and furiously write on blue post-it notes until Kyungsoo arrived. He would wait patiently as Kyungsoo grabbed books off the shelves and placed them in his secluded corner. Jongdae would run over to the books with prefilled post-it notes in hand and a recommended book in the other, and fills each of Kyungsoo’s books to the brim with questions, but mostly one sided conversations. It was a lot more fun for Jongdae to see Kyungsoo read through his book and stop at the blue post-it note bookmarks to answer his ridiculous questions.

Kyungsoo never complained, but he never praised Jongdae either. In the three months that they spent together hiding out in the library until closing time, their only conversations were written on blue post-it notes. In fact, Jongdae never heard Kyungsoo speak. He would always try to listen to hear if he even spoke to Ryeowook, but they only spoke with nods and gentle smiles.

Jongdae was okay with having conversations through notes though. It was nice to settle into the silence of the library, but to ironically have loud conversations through paper. It was like a loophole in the library’s silence policy, and Jongdae loved it. They were in comfortable limbo with each other, and Jongdae was happy because he never found another person that liked the secludedness of the library as much as he did, and ironically, he liked that he could share it with someone.

Their conversations were sometimes boring, but usually turned fun since Jongdae’s brain was full of hypothetical scenarios. All the introductory questions were boring and gotten out of the way at the first chance.

Where do you live?

Gyeonggi-do.

Ah! Me too. We should hang out sometime <3

Jongdae found out that Kyungsoo was in the same grade as he was, although he was a year younger than him. He went to the private school, like Jongdae guessed by his attire. Kyungsoo was an only child, and Kyungsoo was a lyric tenor in choir.

Questions that were basic like that weren’t glossed over. Jongdae kept them treasured, and made a mental note to want to hear Kyungsoo’s voice.

Then the questions started to get weird, personal, and sometimes borderline creepy. Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow at one of today’s blue post-it note bookmarks and turned to Jongdae, who was faking the interest of the latest novella in his hands. Jongdae secretly hid behind his book and spared a few glances at Kyungsoo, who gave Jongdae a pointed glare.

Would you rather give me a titty twister, or be stuck on an island with cannibals?

Jongdae’s heart flutters every time Kyungsoo would look up from his book to give him a glare. He trusts there isn’t any foul intentions behind it, but he likes the mystery behind them as well. Jongdae pushes Kyungsoo a lot, asking bolder questions and getting pathetically witty responses like I’d rather die than give you a titty twister.

Jongdae beams and suppresses the gigantic snort of a laugh. Despite the glare Kyungsoo gave, his wide lips were itching at a smile and the laugh behind his teeth. Jongdae noticed, and went to comment on it, but Kyungsoo quickly turned to his book and his chuckle died in his throat. Jongdae pouted because he would rather Kyungsoo laugh in his face than not laugh at all.

-

After being accustomed to someone every day for so long, the absence of them seems like a tragedy. Today, Jongdae was internally panicking when he found that there wasn’t a fort of books in Kyungsoo and his now shared corner. It was like a bomb went off in Jongdae’s head, and he was scrambling for answers. He asked Ryeowook and the librarian and the middle school students who sat at the computers every day, but no one knew.

Jongdae slumped sadly in the corner with Kyungsoo’s current book in his hand. He had memorized the books that Kyungsoo had stacked up for months, and secretly put blue bookmarks through each of them. Jongdae opened to one of Kyungsoo’s favorites, smiling when he saw the blue bookmark that Kyungsoo didn’t take out lodged in the middle of page 114. It had a mess of hearts and stars drawn all over it because Jongdae got easily bored when Kyungsoo wouldn’t write back.

What is your dream?

I want to be a singer

Really? I’d love to hear your voice. I want to be doctor.

Jongdae found out two days later from insistent texts to Kyungsoo’s phone that he was sick and couldn’t travel all the way to the library. Jongdae felt bad, and stuck a blue post-it note on the innards of Kyungsoo’s current book.

Feel better, okay? Fighting! <3

-

One day, Jongdae gets bold. He picks up another poem collection, and hastily writes scribbles onto a blue post-it note. At this point, Kyungsoo put his book down and stared curiously at Jongdae’s furious writing. Kyungsoo always expected Jongdae’s questions to come in the form of bookmarks now, so he was surprised when Jongdae slapped the blue note in the middle of his page.

Jongdae sits back with his arms crossed and his eyebrows knitted. Jongdae blamed his bad mood on the weather. Kyungsoo scoffed at Jongdae’s childlike behavior and returned to the blue note.

Why is it that we write like this? I know the library is supposed to be quiet, but we can whisper, can’t we?

Kyungsoo pauses at the blue square with the horribly messy characters and stares blankly at it. Kyungsoo slowly closes the book, the blue square providing a bookmark for when he returns. Kyungsoo turns to Jongdae, his eyes gazing slowly over cheekbones, curled lips, and anticipating eyes.

“‘I think a lot, but I don’t say much’,” Kyungsoo whispers, and Jongdae cannot express the explosive feelings inside as the smooth voice hits his ears.

“Anne Frank?”

“That’s right,” Kyungsoo’s lips form a sheepish smile, like he’s embarrassed. “I’m kind of obsessed with World War II literature. Her diaries are kind of my favorite to read.”

Jongdae laughs, and not in a way that pokes fun at Kyungsoo’s nerdy confession (because Jongdae has become kind of obsessed with Kyungsoo). Jongdae’s laugh is harmonious and gentle, one that makes Kyungsoo flush.

“I know. You told me that two months ago,” Jongdae beamed, remembering the post-it note clearly. He remembered keeping it on his desk next to the one that had Kyungsoo’s birthday, just to remind himself to get Kyungsoo a ticket to Anne Frank Museum. “But I like hearing it come from you. It’s a nice change.”

“You don’t miss bothering me with your sticky notes? You know the stickiness leaves a mark, right?” Kyungsoo’s tone was on the border of serious, and Jongdae kind of liked that he couldn’t pin point Kyungsoo.

“You were bothered by it? You could have told me to stop,” Jongdae whispered, suddenly feeling very shy. He was never shy at school, but with Kyungsoo he became a blubbering mess.

Kyungsoo blushed, his eyes growing wide and darting back to the floor. Jongdae never saw Kyungsoo so expressive before. Kyungsoo would usually just give Jongdae a glare or a disinterested look while he wrote a witty response back in perfectly lined characters. But this time, his voice was small and shaky, “N-no, I liked it.”

Jongdae couldn’t get rid of the smile on his face or the beat of the drum thumping in his chest wildly. Kyungsoo’s voice was not exactly how Jongdae pictured it in his head, but he did like the tone and inflection when Kyungsoo gave a snotty reply. It was the right amount of sarcasm and seriousness that Jongdae liked. It kept Jongdae on his toes. It was kind of beautiful, Jongdae thought.

Before Jongdae would respond back, Kyungsoo just turns back to his book with the blue bookmark hanging out.

-

Even though they did speak with each other, they continued their blue post-it note ritual. Jongdae would greet Kyungsoo with a smile, and Kyungsoo would grumble as he opened his first book with a sticky note attached to the second page.

If you were to be a dinosaur, what kind of dinosaur would you be?

The replies come back slow unlike conversations, but Jongdae anticipates them like a Christmas gift. Usually they are witty, so Jongdae coughs up a laugh and leans onto Kyungsoo’s shoulder for support. Kyungsoo would allow it, and would sigh into his sitting position on the floor as he nestles into his book.

On page 11, Kyungsoo writes his response on the blue post-it note bookmark.

Spinosaurus

Why?

Because they are vicious. And that fin thing is cool too, I guess.

-

School was a drag. Jongdae had finally entered his senior year of high school and was ready to start the process of picking colleges and starting a future for himself. It was scary, but unlike his friends at school, he had someone to talk to that was just as intellectual as he was.

He had told Kyungsoo all his fears about going away to college to become a doctor. He feared that he would fail his entrance exams, and that he would bring shame upon his family. He feared that he would be alone. Kyungsoo, in his odd charm, wrote him back with an already used blue note.

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be” –Anne Frank

You’re not alone. You can always come back to the library. You can always come back to me and be alone with me.

-

Baekhyun was the first one to notice Jongdae’s odd behavior.

Jongdae had always come into school with his haughty presence, like the rest of the school was below his worn sneakers. Jongdae was part of the prankster trio, but he was also very smart. He paid attention in school and had a great work ethic. But recently, the pranks slowed down, and the snotty remarks dwindled.

Baekhyun wasn’t going to lie, senior year was a tough year. You had to decide your future in less than a year. But that wasn’t an excuse to not have fun. That’s why when Jongdae entered senior year, Baekhyun watched him like a hawk for any suspicious activities.

Baekhyun kept an eye on Jongdae for a while, and gathered that Jongdae’s backpack was always full of papers and books. But one day, curiosity struck him when Jongdae went to the bathroom and left his backpack ped.

Baekhyun pried the backpack open carefully, with Chanyeol snickering behind him as encouragement. When Baekhyun opened the backpack, he was expecting text books and assignments, but instead he was faced with bunches of blue squares with black ink scribbles and hearts.

Jackpot.

After Jongdae came back from the bathroom, everything seemed to be normal, but the look that Baekhyun was giving Jongdae had him second guessing himself. His hair wasn’t out of place, and his fly wasn’t undone. What could Baekhyun be smiling at? He couldn’t figure it out until the end of school when everyone was going home

It hit him like a tidal wave when Baekhyun uncovered Jongdae’s hidden backpack and picked a blue note from his desk between his fingers. Baekhyun opened it curiously as Jongdae’s eyes went wide.

Baekhyun’s smirked lips sounded out loudly in the empty room, “I like this quote a lot: ‘Whoever is happy will make others happy too’. I hope to be happy all the time.”

Baekhyun picks up another and grins widely, “I don’t know how to say it eloquently, but I like you and your brain. Intelligence is y.”

Baekhyun laughs as Jongdae scrambles to pick up the sacred blue notes and stuffs them into his backpack that is now fully out of Baekhyun’s reach. His blush doesn’t go unnoticed as Baekhyun pokes his cheek and coos.

“What’s with all the nerdy crap, huh? Intelligence is y. Who even says that?” Baekhyun prods Jongdae’s cheek more, and Jongdae quietly wails. Chanyeol rumbles a low laughter, joining in with the cooing.

“That’s you saying all those things, right? Who’s are you smashing tonight?” Baekhyun grinned as he poked at Jongdae’s rib and Jongdae squirmed at the sensation.

“Is it Jinri? Oh, wait! Nah, it’s definitely Soojung!” Chanyeol chimed in with a low grumble of a laugh.

Jongdae felt like crying when Baekhyun , and he didn’t know why. He’s put up with Baekhyun his whole life and handled his teasing with smart remarks. Maybe it was because his best friend just read his stashed private blue notes that were only meant for his eyes(and maybe Kyungsoo’s) aloud.

“Please, just leave me alone,” Jongdae muttered, slinging his backpack on his shoulder and running out the school doors. He ignored the calls he got from Baekhyun and Chanyeol and ran home. He skipped the library since he knew Baekhyun would come running after him with Chanyeol in tow. Jongdae couldn’t handle being upset in front of Kyungsoo and fully embarrass himself or let his school friends embarrass him.

He was just too upset to handle anything, and he texted Kyungsoo that he was sick so that the other boy wouldn’t worry.

-

It took a couple of hours for Jongdae to keep to himself before Baekhyun and Chanyeol came barging into his room with force. Jongdae almost died of shock when they busted through the door, and he only had a ruler to defend himself. Even after moments of breathing and silence, Jongdae whacked Baekhyun hard with the ruler.

“Hey! Hey! Knock it off!” Baekhyun squeaked when Jongdae furiously hit his friend with the ruler while shouting obscenities. Chanyeol was behind Baekhyun and smoothly came to Baekhyun’s rescue as he wrapped his long arms around Jongdae’s torso and hugged him until Jongdae became calm and limp in his arms.  

With a defeated sigh, he gave Chanyeol the weapon and sat down on his bed with a huff. Chanyeol released his friend and gave Baekhyun a straight look. Baekhyun scoffed, rolled his eyes, and then sighed with defeat.

“Sorry, Jongdae,” Baekhyun muttered, but Chanyeol elbowed him and Baekhyun winced. “Fine, okay. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have gone through your stuff like that.”

Chanyeol hummed and apologized as well, deeming Baekhyun’s apology to be acceptable. Baekhyun wasn’t the best at apologizing, especially when his mouth didn’t have a filter.

“But, as your best friends, I think we deserve the right to know what’s going on. That’s what friends do, you know. Share secrets, and crushes, and at video games together,” Baekhyun sat next to the folded over Jongdae and patted him on the back lightly. “I’m not pushing you, but I kind of want to know.”

“And you know he won’t shut up about it until you do,” Chanyeol whined as he sat in Jongdae’s chair that was at his desk. Jongdae groaned, completely agreeing with Chanyeol. Very much like Jongdae, Baekhyun would do anything to get what he wanted if he was really that curious about something. This was no exception.

“Promise not to tell?” Jongdae whispered, his voice quiet and timid. Baekhyun gave a rare, genuine smile that didn’t have ill intentions behind it and nodded patiently. Chanyeol sat at the edge of Jongdae’s chair and widened his eyes in anticipation.

Jongdae sighed. He couldn’t turn back now.

-

When Jongdae stepped through the library doors, he found Ryeowook smiling at him, handing him the latest requested book (it happened to be another copy of the Anne Frank diaries because Kyungsoo doesn’t like to share). Jongdae seemed a little more fidgety than normal, but Ryeowook shrugged because Jongdae was probably going through some teenage angst.

Jongdae walked past all the shelves of books he had walked by for years, and finally reached his destination in the corner that Kyungsoo allowed Jongdae to come into. It was no longer just Kyungsoo’s space, but their space. Jongdae didn’t have to hide his inner nerd to Kyungsoo, and he could finally be himself in their shared space.

Not to mention, Kyungsoo was one of the few individuals that Jongdae could really call his friend. Kyungsoo was not like Baekhyun or Chanyeol, and he never would be. Kyungsoo was his own nerdy, beautiful self, and Jongdae loved everything about the guy. He had the exterior a childish brat, but the mind of a genius. Kyungsoo was someone Jongdae could find himself conversing with, even if they were in complete silence.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo’s voice rang out as he looked up from his book and gave a quick lipped smile. It was the weekend so Kyungsoo was dressed down. Kyungsoo was wearing a simple sweatshirt that was a little big on him and jeans, but Jongdae thought he shined brighter than any star.

Kyungsoo was surrounded by a fort of books for the weekend reading and beckoned his friend to sit next to him. Jongdae complied, sitting down with his book next to Kyungsoo’s hip. They were relaxed next to each other, and the silence grew between them as they read in silence together.

At the corner of Jongdae’s eyes, he could see Baekhyun and Chanyeol at the computers, not subtly peering over each other to catch a glimpse at the famous Do Kyungsoo. Jongdae flickered his eyes back to his reading and continued to ignore his friends’ poor attempts of being helpful.

After an hour of silent reading, Kyungsoo placed his book down onto the floor and furrowed his brows in confusion as he picked up a second book without thought. His voice sounded a little loud against the silence, “I was looking forward to questions today.”

“Y-yeah. Sorry, I forgot,” Jongdae whispered back sheepishly. He hid his face behind the book he was reading, hoping that Kyungsoo wouldn’t notice the lie. Jongdae never forgot about the questions, but he did leave his embarrassing blue post-it notes in his backpack at home in order to try to forget the feelings that bubbled up.

Even though he had nervous bubbles in his stomach about Kyungsoo’s response, he was thankful that Kyungsoo just shrugged and started his second book. Jongdae flickered his eyes back to his friends at the computer, and, as if it was a teenage drama, they raised a wad of blue post-it notes in the air for Jongdae to take.

Jongdae groaned and shrank behind his book as his friends snickered and then proceeded to get shushed by the librarian about their obnoxious behavior. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were not accustomed to the strict rules that came with the public library.

“Everything okay?” Kyungsoo asked, peering over to where Jongdae was hiding from. Jongdae gasped and pushed Kyungsoo back lightly in fear of Kyungsoo seeing his dumb friends.

“Ah, yeah. Everything is great. Spectacular. Fantastic. Wonderful,” Jongdae began to feel himself sweat as Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes at Jongdae’s hands gripping his narrow shoulders. Jongdae immediately released his hands as if they were on fire and quickly got up. “I just have to … uh, use the restroom? Yeah, uh… I’ll be back!”

Jongdae raced up onto his feet and was gone for about two seconds before he came racing back and peered around a bookshelf. Jongdae called out nervously to Kyungsoo, “Don’t move, okay?”

“Okay?” Kyungsoo raised an amused eyebrow toward Jongdae and nodded him off. Jongdae disappeared for maybe a millisecond before whipping his head around and calling out again.

“I’m serious. Don’t move,” Jongdae’s look was pointed, trying to mask the embarrassment he felt.

“Okay, okay. I’m staying here. Now go before you piss your pants,” Kyungsoo giggled to himself as Jongdae finally left.

Jongdae tiptoed quietly across the carpeted floor of the library until he was close enough to whisper to his friends. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were eagerly stationed at the computers playing World of Warcraft while Jongdae was relaxing with Kyungsoo, but they were also trying to be very sneaky to catch glimpses of Kyungsoo.

“The hell are you guys doing?” Jongdae stage whispered to his friends, who beamed idiotically.

Chanyeol held out the blue wad of post-it notes and grinned, “Here. You almost forget your cute little post-it love notes.”

“Oh man, you would be smashing so much with these cute notes. Girls love that cute crap. Too bad you’re such a nerd,” Baekhyun patted Jongdae’s shoulder as he sat back down. The face that Jongdae pulled made Baekhyun instantly wince and apologize, “Oh, sorry. Nerd is probably your trigger word, or something.”

“It doesn’t help when you repeat it, idiot,” Chanyeol grumbled lowly, smacking Baekhyun on the backside of his head. Baekhyun couldn’t help but dumbly grin.

Jongdae sighed, retrieving the blue post-it notes from Chanyeol’s grip and slipping them into his pocket. He quickly tiptoed back to his position in the corner to get away from his two idiot best friends. However, he couldn’t make it back without Baekhyun shouting, “You’re welcome!” across the library floor. He immediately got shushed once again.

Jongdae plopped back down on the carpeted floor where Kyungsoo shifted closer to Jongdae. Jongdae’s breath hitched in his throat as Kyungsoo’s hip connected with his and Kyungsoo transferred his book over to Jongdae’s lap. Kyungsoo pointed to a line in the book and smiled softly.

“Isn’t it crazy that these words came from a human conscience? ‘I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart’. That’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Kyungsoo hummed as he took hold of Jongdae’s slim wrist and placed his fingers against the pages where Kyungsoo read the quote.

“She was fourteen and she seemed like she had the world figured out. I’m eighteen and I can’t even decide whether I want Lucky Charms or Fruity Peebles for breakfast,” Jongdae commented slyly, and he received a snort and a light shove against his head. But Kyungsoo giggled and settled himself against Jongdae’s shoulder comfortably.

“Yeah, she did seem like she had the world figured out, but that’s to be expected. She was going to die, so she was forced to figure out what this sick, horrible world was really about. It’s sad, but true. And I think you and I are doing a good job of figuring out the world with what we have,” Kyungsoo lifted his heavy head from Jongdae’s shoulder and smiled weakly. Jongdae was too mesmerized in Kyungsoo’s beautiful observations to notice that Kyungsoo was brushing through Jongdae’s fringe.

Jongdae blinked at the closeness he was caught in and he tried to calm his heart that throbbed through his chest. If Kyungsoo got any closer, he would be afraid that his heart would leap out of his throat. To try to combat his awkward little heart, he pulled out his wad of blue post-it notes and ripped one off to slap onto the book.

Kyungsoo blinked at the sudden awkward tension between them and silently examined the blue bookmark. Kyungsoo is bewildered.

“Jongdae, this one is blank.”

“Yeah, there’s a reason for that,” Jongdae’s voice shook slightly as his nervousness was not bubbling, but boiling. It was uncomfortable and almost intolerable.

“That is…?”

“I ran out of questions. And you never ask me any questions. Aren’t you dying to ask me a question?” Jongdae pointed to the blank blue post-it note and blocked out any insult about himself that came from Kyungsoo’s lips. It was true though. Kyungsoo never asked about Jongdae because he willingly gave out information. Every question asked by Jongdae received an equal answer by Jongdae.

Kyungsoo sat back, his book forgotten as he tapped his chin in thought. Jongdae, still showing an embarrassed blush, just resumed his reading after a half hour of staring at Kyungsoo to write down a response.

Jongdae was wallowing away in anticipation for Kyungsoo’s question. If it was possible, Jongdae would be throwing up the butterflies fluttering in his stomach. His nerves were bottled up and about to explode every time he looked over to see Kyungsoo deep in thought, hovering over the post-it note.

Jongdae curiously looked over to see Baekhyun and Chanyeol now asleep at the couches in the corner that were supposed to be for reading. Although Jongdae was reluctant to share his double life to his best friends, they were surprisingly supportive of everything that Jongdae had shared.

Jongdae revealed that he frequently went to the library alone to escape the prankster lifestyle he had at school. The public library and reading were his escapes, but they were associated being with nerdy, so he always went in secret. The library was his oasis until Jongdae discovered Kyungsoo.

He became a little obsessed with becoming Kyungsoo’s friend, and he definitely had a strange relationship with the other boy for about three months of no verbal exchanges. But Jongdae liked the uniqueness of his friendship with Kyungsoo, because Kyungsoo wasn’t so normal either.

Jongdae had always thought the flutter in his chest was just his nerves about becoming friends with Kyungsoo, but once he started writing love confessions on their sacred blue bookmarks, it started to get confusing. The line between interest and infatuation was grey and foggy, and Jongdae couldn’t tell if he had fallen in love with a friend or a potential lover.

“Dude, you’re definitely gay for this Kyungsoo kid,” Baekhyun had said nonchalantly as he looked through the blue confession pile. Jongdae had blushed when Chanyeol agreed with an excited nod.

“But I’m not gay,” Jongdae admitted shyly. He was pretty sure he was straight since he liked skirts and girls, but he was confused because he also liked tight jeans and Kyungsoo.

“Yeah, tell that to your love confessions,” Baekhyun held out a blue post-it note with the direct words: I can tell you ‘I love you’ a thousand times, and it still won’t express the feeling I have when my heart pounds whenever you’re near. Jongdae flushed at the disgusting confession and wailed.

Baekhyun gave Jongdae a pointed look and sighed, “Hey, the heart wants what the heart wants. Maybe you’re not gay for his body, but his mind. There’s nothing wrong for being a little gay.”

“Are you projecting on me?” Jongdae peeked through his fingers that covered his face to see Baekhyun flush a little.

“That doesn’t matter! What matters is you and your knight in shining armor. This has nothing to do with me,” Baekhyun tried to get Jongdae back on the subject, but the flush on Baekhyun’s face gave him right away. Baekhyun sighed pathetically, his bright smile coming back on his face, “What matters is about what you feel, and how you want to pursue it. You love Do Kyungsoo, that’s obvious. But what you have to decide for yourself is if you love him like you do with Chanyeol and me, or if it’s something entirely different.”

Jongdae hadn’t really thought about love that way. Love wasn’t just a thing you gave out to boyfriends or girlfriends. You gave love to your parents, siblings, friends, teachers, pets, and all the important people in between. It was okay to love your best friend. It was okay to want to love a friend even more than friends.

Jongdae wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to be with Do Kyungsoo, but he was excited and nervous for the future.

After hours of reading and little fits of fluttering in Jongdae’s chest, it was almost closing time. Jongdae had given up the idea of Kyungsoo writing a question on the post-it note when he saw that Kyungsoo was fully engrossed in the last pages of his favorite novel. Jongdae looked over to his two friends who camped out in the library with a pack of cards, and he instantly felt bad about ruining their Saturday by spending the whole afternoon in the public library.

Jongdae turned to Kyungsoo, who was finishing his last page on the novel before turning back to Jongdae and giving him a wide stare.

“It’s almost closing time. We should get going,” Jongdae said softly, his voice dipping slightly in disappointment. Jongdae was about to hop onto his feet when Kyungsoo’s hand shot up and tugged onto his shirt to sit back down. Before Jongdae could even respond, Kyungsoo slapped his book and closed his own.

Jongdae looked down and blinked. There was the blue post-it note bookmark smoothly pressed into his books innards.

Want to get dinner with me?

Jongdae almost splutters in reaction, but quickly composes himself and turns to face Kyungsoo. His heart almost stops in his chest, and sweat was threatening to drip down his face. Jongdae’s mind races a thousand miles a minute, and he lets his body take control and make his decision for him. The heart wants what the heart wants, right?

There, he nods and Kyungsoo sprouts a smile that Jongdae hadn’t seen before. His lips curved wide over his teeth and stretched out that it revealed Kyungsoo’s shining eyes. It was a heart shaped smile.

Jongdae tried to match his excitement, but his lips couldn’t fold over like Kyungsoo’s. Instead, he wrapped nimble and shaky fingers through Kyungsoo’s and led them over to the book return. Jongdae felt bubbly and giddy in Kyungsoo’s palm, and thought that this must be one of the gayest things he’s ever done. And he was completely okay with it.

Out of the corner of Jongdae’s eyes, he could see a sleepy Baekhyun being dragged by Chanyeol, who was giggling while tailing the duo. Jongdae grinned as he reached over Kyungsoo to deposit the books without leaving the comfort of Kyungsoo’s hand. If Jongdae dared to look over at Kyungsoo’s face, he would notice the nervous smile and the blush across his face.

Before leaving the library for the night together, Jongdae slipped the two copies of the Anne Frank diaries through the book return chute, the blue post-it note bookmark forgotten in between their favorite quotes.

---

A/N:

yayy for chensoo! I love this ship even though it's semi-underrated (with all the kaisoo and baekchen, I can understand)

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Until next time~!