A.N.: Hi people! So sorry it took me so long to write this. I’ve been super duper busy and had no time to write at all. Thanks for taking the time to read and subscribe. Thank you very much for being so patient. This is a bit rushed, I may edit it later. This is unbeta-ed so please ignore all mistakes in grammar and plot. Better yet, please tell me. Hope you like it! Tell your friends! Hahaha…As always, comments and ideas are welcomed.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I don’t get why I had to come along.

I mean, he could have asked BamBam. He likes to shop just as much as hyung does.

Why did hyung have to drag me…. :(

I’m sorry babe, maybe he wanted to spend some time with you? Did you ask Jinyoung to go back early?

Reading the text message, Yugyeom blushed at the nickname. Ever since ‘the Incident’ (as Jackson likes to call it), Jaebum has been much sweeter (a bit too sweet as Jackson would say while fake gagging with Mark). He would let Yugyeom sleep in more by waking him up last, use the shower before him and even occasionally turn a blind eye when he catches Yugyeom eating something he wasn’t allowed to. It might seem weird to call those gestures sweet. But when you are living the life of an idol, there is nothing sweeter. 

No…I mean, he looks so happy! I can’t make him go faster but it’s already 6 and I wanna go home.

Haha, do you want me to tell him come back? I could go all leader on him..  >: [

No! Don’t do that!

Umm…Call a fake emergency?

No…

Then…What do you want me to do? (@_@)??

I don’t know…

I’m calling him.

No!

Hyung!

NO!

Yugyeom waited for a reply but it never came. Instead, he could hear another phone to his left ringing. The same direction that Jinyoung is standing at, going through racks of sweaters. Oh.no. He did not. He heart sinks a little as he watches Jinyoung slide his phone out of his pocket, hoping and praying it wasn’t who he thought it was. I mean, Jinyoung-hyung has a lot of friends. Anyone of those could be calling him now.  His boyfriend shouldn’t be dumb enough to actually do it…right?

“Hello leader! Miss me already?” said Jinyoung with a smile, “I found the perfect sweater for you.”

Oh god, Yugyeom groaned internally, I can’t believe he actually did it.

“Huh? I’m being mean?” Jinyoung said, voice slowly going higher, “To Yugyeom?”

Groaning internally, Yugyeom could only give his slightly livid-looking hyung a small smile while putting on what he hoped to be an innocent confused face.

“I didn’t torture him! I only made him carry the bags,” Jinyoung is practically hissing into the phone right now. As angry as he seems, his hyung is still very aware of his image. It won’t do to have a fan filming him shouting in a store.  Rolling his eyes Jinyoung said, “They are like small bags! Well, yeah, most of it is my stuff but I bought him things too…Yes! I fed him! I’m not evil! He said what?! That is such a lie. Yah…I did not make him pay for anything. Well, ok, I didn’t have enough for ice-cream. It’s just ice-cream! Fine!”

Yugyeom could only sigh in despair as he watches his hyung angrily hang up and practically stalk out the store.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was the longest taxi ride of his short life. His hyung had practically ignored him when he chased after him to apologise. All Jinyoung did was huffed, flagged down a taxi and told the driver the address. Those were the last words he spoke the whole trip. No matter how many times he apologised, begged and pleaded, his hyung just totally ignored him. When they reached the dorm, his hyung just gave him the shopping bags (“Could you please bring this up? I mean…If it’s not too much of a burden.” Jinyoung had said) and walked away.

Staring at the front door, Yugyeom’s mood swing between feeling sad about the situation with Jinyoung and angry at Jaebum for causing it. Yugyeom settles on being angry. There is nothing he could do about his hyung until he cools down but he could deal with his boyfriend who caused all this.

“Hyung! I can’t believe yo…” shouted Yugyeom as he opens the door but all the angry words Yugyeom had for his boyfriend were promptly forgotten as he takes in the sight in front of him. The living room floor was completely decorated with white candles.  There are candles everywhere. In between and around the candles, red rose petals were thrown haphazardly. A clear pathway has been made with the candles so that you have no choice but to go to the middle of the living room. The table that once occupied that space has been moved and a blanket was in its place, inside a circle of more candles. On the blanket is what looks like a picnic spread, complete with a bottle in an ice bucket. He didn’t even know they have an ice bucket. It looks like one of the covers for the romance novels that Youngjae secretly likes to read but won’t admit to.

Yugyeom just stood shocked at the entrance, trying to absorb what he was seeing. He thinks his mouth is opened wide but he can’t be sure, his brain was too busy processing other things. Things like Jaebum looking dashing in formal shirt and jeans, in the middle near the blanket, a red rose in one hand. Jaebum is chewing his lips. He only does that when he is nervous. Then Jaebum is fiddling with his bracelet and he only does that when he is really nervous. It’s the fact that his fearless boyfriend is actually that nervous that breaks him out of his trance. Of course, that doesn’t mean he could actually produce a coherent sentence yet.

“I…Wha…I…Um…What?” stuttered Yugyeom.

“So, do you like it?” said Jaebum softly, as if he is unsure.

Looking around again, Yugyeom could only nod. Jaebum lets out something that sounds like relief and his shoulder loses some of its tension. Obviously gaining back some of his confidence, Jaebum give Yugyeom a flash of his trademark smirk smile. “Babe, are you going to let go of the shopping bags? I promise I won’t hurt you.” said Jaebum.

Looking down, Yugyeom realised that he was clutching the shopping bags tightly to his chest. Instantly, he lets go and the bags drop to the floor like stones. Belatedly, he hopes that Jinyoung didn’t buy anything breakable; he can’t afford to make him madder. He was already in enough trouble.

“Hey,” said Jaebum softly. Looking up, he realise that while he was busy worrying about breaking things, Jaebum had walked across to him. Smiling gently, Jaebum takes his left hand in his right. Looking directly into his eyes, Jaebum slowly kissed the back of his hand. The action had his heart beating 100 miles an hour and he is pretty sure his face is the same shade as Mark’s hair. Still giving him that smirk smile, Jaebum brings the rose in his left hand and slid it in place above Yugyeom’s right ear.

Face definitely burning now, Yugyeom quickly snatched the flower from his hair and said “Yah, hyung. I’m not a girl you know.”

Giving a soft snort, Jaebum just guides him along the candle lane to the blanket. Once they were closer, Yugyeom realised that what he thought was an ice bucket was actually once of their cooking pot filled with ice. He saw that the picnic spread consisted of a chocolate cake (Jinyoung’s recipe he later found out after being reassured that the whole "get angry at Yugyeom" was just an act), a few sandwiches and what looked to be French toasts. Although scarce, Yugyeom couldn’t help but feel loved. It is not a secret that Jaebum hates cooking. The fact that he actually made any effort at all made him feel special.

“So, I made a couple of different sandwiches. I wasn’t sure which one you would want,” explained Jaebum as he looks down at the food, “Umm…there are chicken, tuna,…” Jaebum continues to list down the sandwiches but Yugyeom wasn’t listening to him anymore. All he could think about was how good Jaebum’s lips look, how…kissable. Still filled with happiness, Yugyeom did something he never had courage to do. It was always Jaebum who initiated it.

He kissed his boyfriend on the lips.

Smiling shyly after the deed, he said “Um…I think I’ll have the chicken.”

__________________________________________________________________________________

After dinner, Jaebum suggested they watch a movie. He just got some new movie from Junho-hyung and was really eager to watch it with him. Yugyeom readily agreed and was left to clear up the plates while Jaebum fetched his laptop. After setting up everything and blowing out all the candles (they made a game of it. Yugyeom won of course, though he suspects it was because Jaebum wanted him to) Jaebum said he had forgotten something important from his room. Even though Yugyeom said he would wait, Jaebum strongly insisted he start watching the movie first. Not understanding why his hyung was so adamant on him starting first, he agreed. Jaebum walked quickly to his room, almost like he was running away for some reason. At the doorway, he stopped and turned as if to say something before deciding against it and entering his room. Chalking it up to Jaebum being Jaebum, Yugyeom settles himself comfortably to watch the movie as it starts.  

To say he was surprised to see his name on the screen was an understatement.

To Yugyeom

“What the….” Yugyeom didn’t finish his sentence as his name was replaced by a nervous Jaebum on the screen.

Two weeks ago.

“Umm…Is it recording?”

“Yes hyung, it’s recording. Just talk hyung.” replied Youngjae behind the camera.

“Alright, umm...thanks Youngjae. Can you…Can you go now? This is embarrassing enough. Thanks.”

"No problem hyung. Hwaiting!" said Youngjae, giving his hyung much needed encouragement.

Looking around the room after Youngjae leaves; he can’t believe that he is actually going to do this. Deciding that he has put it off as long as he can, Jaebum clears his throat nervously and stares at the lens of the camera in front of him.

“Yugyeommie…Um…*cough…Ok…Baby, I’m sorry I have to do it this way but we both know I at talking about feelings. I figured…well…I figured I could maybe be better if I could do it this way.” Gathering his courage, Jaebum exhale once and continues, “I’ve been a horrible boyfriend. I haven’t been taking care of you like you deserve and I don’t know how you put up with me. I mean, I even forgot our special day and it took Jackson to remind me. Jackson! Do you realise how bad it is when Jackson, the wild and y, has to remind you of something. I should never have forgotten it in the first place. I shouldn't have to be reminded at all.” Looking down at his hands, he remembers yesterday, how wretched he felt when he realised his mistake. How hard his heart was trembling when he saw that Yugyeom wasn’t there. He didn’t even realised he had left. What kind of a boyfriend does that! He had to search several places before he remembered about the park. The immeasurable relief he felt when he saw his love sitting at the bench, looking at the sky.

Pulling himself out of the memory, he looks back at the lens. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers softly, “I’m so sorry. About a lot of things, for everything. I know words are hollow and I’m changing. I swear.” At that, Jaebum had to pause and give himself a self-deprecating laugh. How many times has he broken a promise? More than he would like. “No, I won’t swear. I shouldn’t. I'm so bad at keeping them. Instead, I’m going to show you. I won’t make you as sad as you were yesterday.” Looking down again, he can’t help but play with his bracelet. It was a habit he developed while he was a trainee to deal with nervousness. Although he had mananged to control it over time, the habit tends to surface whenever his emotion spike up to much. Sighing, he continues, still avoiding the camera, “I’m sorry you’re stuck with me Gyeommie. Maybe I shouldn’t have accepted your confession. Maybe then you would have met someone better. Maybe even a girl.” It’s difficult to get out. Tears are starting to form and he hates it. He hates looking weak. “I guess…I guess the reason why I’ve been acting like I have was that…maybe deep down…I hoped you would leave and then fall in love with a girl. Then you won’t have to hide all the time.” He couldn’t stop it. A tear falls as he blinks, a sob leaves his lips as he takes a breath. He figures it is a lost cause and just looks up at the lens. He can only give it a hollow smile.

“You shouldn’t have to hide the fact that you’re dating someone Gyeommie. It's not fair to you. You shouldn’t have to hold my hands under the table where no one can see. Or kiss me on the cheek and pretend it was ‘fan service’. Do you know how much it hurts to see you reaching for my hand in public and then taking it back because you wanted to avoid rumours? Or how much it hurts when I have to do the same? I hate myself that I can’t just take you on a date to the restaurant, or walk along the river with you, or introduce you to people as my boyfriend. We were lucky our group members are so understanding and accepting. I hate that you had to suffer with me.” The tears are flowing freely now. The more he talked about his regrets, the less control he had. But damn it, he has to get it out.

“You should be going to the amusement parks for dates or riding one of those ridiculous couple bikes. You know, the one you called the caterpillar bike because it looks like a bug…You should be free. You should be happy.” Closing his eyes, he takes a few deep breaths to calm down. Once he felt like he won’t breakdown, he continues, “But I can’t let you go baby. I realised that yesterday when I thought you finally left me. I almost went crazy. I felt like a part of me died. Just thinking about it...I just can't, its too hard.  I’m so sorry baby. I’m sorry but I’m going to be selfish. I love you too much to give you up. You’re still young. Maybe in a few years you will leave me but until then, I won’t stop loving you.”

Looking at the lens, he hopes his conviction gets through, “I love you Yugyeom. And I will make it my mission to make you happy. Even when I can only do it in the shadows or behind closed doors, I’ll make you happy. So please, just bear with me for a while more.” Smiling a little now, he makes a heart with his fingers and blows it to the lens, “I love you.” Reaching for the camera, he turns it off.

The screen goes black but Yugyeom doesn’t really notice. His eyes are red and tears are falling. His heart is feeling all kinds of emotion and his mind is racing with all kinds of questions. At the forefront was how long has he felt that way? He understood that they needed to keep it a secret. Homouality is still a taboo subject here, even more when you’re an idol. He understood that they can’t just behave like other couples. He didn’t like it but he accepted it. Mainly because Jaebum looked so confident about it, like it didn’t matter. He was a bit cold at times, yes, but he always thought it was just Jaebum being Jaebum. A stern and strong leader. He never suspected this.

“Gyeommie,” says a voice in front of him. Concentrating, he makes out Jaebum’s silhouette.

“You’re an idiot you know that,” he said softly. He wipes away the tears in his eyes and stare so hard that Jaebum wilted a little under it.

“I know,” Jaebum replied.

“No, you don’t,” said Yugyeom. Reaching out, he holds Jaebum’s face gently in his hands so he could stare into his eyes. “You’re an idiot because you should know that I would never leave you. You could push me away, again and again; I’ll still come back to you. I’m young but I know what I feel. What I feel is that I love you.”

He stops; searching Jaebum’s eyes, making sure the older man is listening and understanding him. Once he finds it, he continues, “I don’t care if I have to keep it a secret my whole life. I don’t have to do all those things that other couples do. Dinners at a fancy restaurant and dates at the amusement park are overrated anyway. Do you know how many have done it? It is so outdated. What we are doing; the covert kisses and dates, now that is exciting. Who needs biking along the river when you could be running away from fans together? How many couples can say that?” That earned him a smile and a small laugh.

He takes Jaebum’s hands and kissed it, like the older man did with him before, “I don’t care if we decided to tell people and have everyone hate us. I have you. That’s enough. If you think that isn’t, we have my parents. Yes, they know and they don’t care. If that is still not enough, we have our dumb friends here. They know and they accept. That should be enough right?”

He waits for Jaebum to nod before nodding himself. “You are an idiot. But I love you” Then he kissed him to make sure that message was received.