“Jessica, open up.”

“Jessica Jung I know you’re in there. Open up.”

“Yah! Jung Sooyeon open the door now!”

“Unnie, please open up?”

“Yah Sica-yah, open the door. I’m hungry; give me food!!!”

“Shikshin, we are trying to make Jessica feel better, not raid her fridge.”

“I know that! I am going to make her feel better!”

“How does raiding her fridge equate to making her feel better?”

“Because eating food makes me happy. So if I eat all her food I’m happy and since I’m happy she should be happy too.”

“I don’t even want to understand your thought process…”

“Jessica-”

The conversations started to fade out as I starred at the ceiling. How long had it been since I’ve been in my room? How long had it been since I ‘ve seen eaten? I was not sure to be honest. Everything seems so irrelevant and so unimportant. I had forgotten when I last ate, when I had last went to work, when I had last gotten out of bed. The only thing that I remembered, the only thing that mattered was that moment when everything I had worked for fell apart.

I lost you.

No, that’s not the appropriate way to describe what happened.

I…let go of you.

I let you slip right through my fingers.

Like a small, immature child with a balloon, I let you go. I watched as you floated higher and higher away from me, feeling the slack-the chances-of grabbing you, stopping you slide through my palms. I watched you fly high until you only became a miniscule speck of pink against the vast blue sky. It was only when I could no longer see you did I realize my mistake. Like a child that lost their most precious treasure, I began to weep. I naively ran, and jumped hoping that I would be able to grab you, to hold you again only to find my hands empty. I desperately began to call your name, screaming it to the heavens, praying that you would hear and somehow come back to me. But all my efforts of course were in vain. I let you go. It was my mistake, and now I have to deal with the consequences.