“Do you know that boy?”

A tiny spark appeared from five meters away, where a young man’s eyes were locked on Tao’s face.

Tao was silent. Maybe if he didn’t say anything, the boy wouldn’t see him. Mouth agape and body trapped in place, Tao forgot about everything. Except for him.

He was sitting crouched over in a leather jacket, dangling hair tickling his eyes. Sehun’s sleepy stare was so familiar, but Tao felt a gaping hole in his chest where it was forgotten for so long.

Tao froze in time.

--

“I don’t think I could possibly feel lazier than this,” he sighed into the damp locks of Sehun’s hair, which looked from up close like dewy, uncut grass. No other sound but the fluttering blue curtains penetrated the warm silence that stuck in the air like his clothes clung to his body. Just minutes ago, the long and hapless efforts of the room’s only electric fan had driven the thing to cough and wheeze until it could churn no more hot wind. Two bodies sat, leaning equally against each other, on the couch in front of a black TV screen. The screen in which he often got lost, his thoughts and vivid imagination taking him wherever he wanted to be. But right now, he was already there.

“I don’t think that’s true,” replied Sehun. “You’re pretty lazy every damned day.” He felt a sharp and tickling pain below his rib cage where two fingers pinched him. Behind his long, black bangs, Tao’s eyes pierced right through the calm in Sehun’s. “You know that’s not true. Who the hell just did your dishes for you when they came in today?”

“It’s not my fault I can’t find a roommate to do my for me.” 

Sehun’s hand found a new rest on Tao’s neck. He started massaging it gently while scanning the cluttered room. It was an explosion of worn clothes, comic books, shopping receipts and last night’s take-out garbage that told the beautiful story of the last two weeks chez Sehun. Although the boy wasn’t expecting so much to happen in his simple and often lonely apartment, the first two weeks of that summer had left a fresh, buoyant feeling in his heart and had given him more than one reason to wake up every morning. Especially since the word “morning” meant more than just the sun rising; it was the rising of his chest in a sigh of both elation and relief every time he opened his eyes to the innocent glow of Tao’s sleeping face.

--

Sehun’s sleepy stare was so familiar, and Tao felt a swelling in his chest of comfort and desire. Tao took his time waking up. His eyes opened very slowly, taking in a little more blurry light and a little more of the blurry-faced boy sharing his pillow. The light scent of laundry detergent from Sehun’s fresh pillows was momentarily cut through by the pale-skinned boy’s acrid morning breath. Tao let out a soft cough and it was clear that he had made a displeased face when Sehun’s eyes shifted away from Tao’s gaze and turned to face the ceiling again. Tao navigated his hand in through thick sea of sheets and it Sehun’s arm apologetically.

--

Sehun’s hand cupped Tao’s face apologetically. “Hey, we don’t have to make this a fight.”

“Sehun!" Tao barked, slapping the cold hand off his cheek. "Just tell me what the hell is on your mind! You’re acting like a total .”

The words hit Sehun’s ears like a sudden and jarring blow to the face. He looked down at the dark pavement, hoping that the clenching feeling in his stomach would disappear with a few deep breaths. However, his breaths were shaky and short and his ability to find words that would better the situation dissolved along with the feeling of security he always felt when he was with Tao.

Tao’s taut voice stung in his ears. “Are you...embarrassed? Of me?”

Sehun looked up at a teary-eyed Tao and realized moments later that he would hate himself for weeks to come for not saying anything in reply.

--

It was a peacefully slow, rainy morning that passed by as if every drop on the bedroom window was a trickling hour. Sehun was nestled in his sheets, not thinking of coming out any time soon, while Tao produced a heavenly smell from the kitchen across the hall. The grayness of a sky blurred by rainclouds was more beautiful to Sehun than any sunny, cloudless day. Covered in a thin layer of dust, his polaroid camera sat on his nightstand, looking hopeful. He picked it up, captured the rain-specked window and watched as the strip of white slid out of the camera.

Blank. In moments, it would be a picture. But for now it was a clean slate. He thought of the first time he saw Tao at the shop. And how every time after that, the picture of the boy became clearer. His world shook more and more every day. The picture became more and more vivid as he inched closer and closer to that boy sipping his sweet, iced coffee. And now he was here in Sehun’s doorway, both angelic and y in a clean white tank top and light blue shorts.

“Breakfast in bed, Sehun. Life doesn’t get better than this.” He walked in grinning and carrying a tray two plates and two little mugs of tea. Sehun rejoiced at the smell of omelettes and sweet porridge.

“Where were my breakfasts for the last 20 years of my life, mom?” 

“Shut up. Don’t pretend like you haven’t dreamt about this! A y, older man bringing you green tea and omelettes in the morning,” Tao joked as he slid onto the bed and placed the tray on top of their thighs, "is all you ever wanted."

“You’re like my housewife,” Sehun quipped. He caught Tao mid-frown and pushed the corner of mouth up into a smile with his thumb. “Do I need to teach you how to smile?”

“Don’t be an . Just eat your breakfast.”

Sehun pulled up his camera and snapped a close up of Tao’s fake pouty face.

“I want to remember this moment.”

--

“Come on, Sehun! Where’s that americano?!” Soojin yelled over her shoulder. Even longer than the line up to order was the line up of people waiting for their orders. Sehun wondered what mysterious force was driving everyone and their mother to buy coffee on this particular day. When foam spilled all over his fingers instead of into the cup --for a drink that was over ten minutes late-- he realized that all his wondering was detrimental to the coffee business. I wonder if he’s here today. I wonder if I can sneak out for 15 seconds to find him at his table. I wonder if he forgot about the offer.

“SEHUN! Are you alive? God, do I have to run this place myself?”

Jin escaped from her post to finish making the next three drinks. Sehun watched in awe as she worked the machines and assembled the cups and lids with incredible speed and cleanliness. Realizing the increasing noise in the cafe, the boy stumbled to fill the empty space in front of the cash register.

“Hey, you.”

A pair of familiar, cat-like eyes made contact with his own. It was him. That Chinese kid whom he'd been waiting for all afternoon.

“Hi.”

There was a brief moment in which Sehun didn’t know what to say or do. Should I take his order? Sehun hated the awkward nature of acquaintances. It was impossible for him to tell what level of friendliness was appropriate and how long a stare could be held without it being conducive to a long, uncomfortable silence.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to say anything. Tao whipped out something from his pocket, waved it in the air and slammed it on the counter.

“Your ticket. Consider it the payment for my iced coffee.” 

A smile creeped onto Sehun’s face. He looked at the smooth and gleaming Girl’s Generation concert ticket and slipped it into the front pocket of his apron. The tall, dark man winked and pursed his lips at Sehun as if he were posing for a picture and disappeared.

Jin shoved Sehun over to the side and reclaimed her post. “Go make that iced coffee now,” she ordered. “Your boyfriend is waiting.”

--

For once in what seemed like an eternity, Sehun had a day off work. The thick smell outside was indicative of rain, but the sun was still dauntlessly poking its head through the grayish clouds of the afternoon. Sehun lost track of time staring out the shop window.

The sight of the pearly-skinned boy out of his green work apron caught Tao by surprise. With one hand twirling his wristwatch and the other leaning on the back of his chair, Sehun looked like a clothing model. He seemed so mesmerized by something outside the huge window that Tao was hesitant to approach him. Nevertheless, the sweet smell and the promise of cold coffee drew him into the shop.

“Whatcha lookin’ at?”

Sehun blinked and came back to earth. “Oh, hi.”

Tao raised his eyebrows.

“Um, I just-- the weather’s really nice.”

“You think so?”

Sehun’s breath quivered. Why did he have to say that? He always felt so pressured to sound friendly and cool, but tended to crumble under pressure.

“Thanks so much for the ticket.”

“Hey, what are friends for?” said Tao. “Was it awesome? Everything you’ve ever dreamt of?”

“Are you kidding? It was the best concert ever. I was so close to stage, I actually couldn’t believe it. Taeyeon was so--” Sehun caught himself before he got too excited about it. “I owe you bigtime, man,” he chuckled.

“Don’t worry about it, Sehun! I’m just glad you had fun.”

Sehun smiled. Tao smiled. They both laughed.

--

They sighed simultaneously in exhaustion after dropping the very last box on Sehun's apartment floor. "Are you sure this is the last one?"

"Positive," affirmed Tao with a little smile. "The trunk is empty!"

"Now, do I have to help you put away your -ton of clothes?" Sehun scanned every cardboard box in the room. "Jesus, how many of these are clothes, anyway?"

"More than you need to know," Tao whispered into Sehun's ear. Sehun felt a hand sliding in the crease of his waist and slowly down to his thigh, and he turned his head to find Tao's face extremely close to his. The warm air between their lips was only in the way of Sehun's temptation for a second, before he closed in for a long "welcome home" kiss.

"Let's do it."

"Now? What about my stuff?"

"Tao. It can wait a few...hours."

"You lazy." Kiss. "Little." Kiss. "."

"Is it bad." Kiss. "That I just." Kiss. "Wanna kiss you all day?" Kiss.

"Shutup and--"

Kiss.

Knock.

"Damn."

Their lips parted reluctantly. Sehun reached for the door handle, but stopped himself to wipe the saliva off his face.

"It's me! Open up."

Sehun opened the door. Jin, of short stature and vehement presence, stood cheerfully at the door carrying a basket filled with plastic wrapped gifts. She held it out to him immediately.

"Take this. My mom's back in town and she brought a bunch of presents for all my friends, so consider it your lucky day 'cause I know how much you love free lotions."

"Uh, thanks!" Tao peeked out from behind Sehun and his eyes met Jin's.

"Hey, it's Iced Coffee! Is he your new roommate, Sehun?"

Sehun hesitated, though he didn't know why. "Yeah, he just moved in today. Jin, this is Tao."
Tao was still hanging back behind Sehun. His hand reached out for Jin's as he flashed her a friendly but self-aware smile.

"Tao, you are a very good-looking man. Keep this one lots of company, okay?" She flashed them a playful smile and took off.

A prolonged silence.

"What the hell did she mean by that? Does she know...?"

Door slam.

"Maybe she noticed that I never take my eyes off of you at work," replied Sehun in a low, mock-y voice.

Kiss. "Never." Kiss. "Do that voice again." Kiss.

--

Faint lines, blue halos softly gracing the edges of every invisible object in the room, painted a moonlit silhouette of the desolate room that had been enveloped in darkness as Tao began to feel disconsolate about the loneliness of nighttime. He could have sworn that darkness, as abstract a concept as it is, had a physical feeling. Sometimes it felt like the icy touch of a stranger’s hand all over his body. On most nights it did. But the indiscernible meaning of darkness further distanced itself from him on nights like this, when his body objected to the idea of shutting down. As if words helped gave definition to something impossible to wholly define, Tao brainstormed, pooling together somewhere in his buzzing mind all the adjectives he knew relating to darkness.

mysterious. scary. uncomfortable. heavy. empty.
lonely.

He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to create a canvas out of the abysmal blackness beneath his eyelids. For moments he saw spurts of color; rings of green, splotches of indigo. Further into the abyss he saw white. A pure, crisp image of the pure, crisp sheets of Sehun’s bed.

And darkness’s opposite gave him a strange feeling, too. Upon seeing the white-hot image that burned through every other thought in his mind, his body hollowed out and he became a shell; there was a biting wind passing through his insides followed by a heaviness where, anatomically, his heart should have been. Whether it was actually there or left back in Sehun’s room, tightly cradled in the warm and judicious hands of Sehun himself, was a mystery. However, Tao’s eyes flung open with the frightening realization of something he did know: he was never supposed to depend on anyone.

As though the very thought of those words had summoned it, his phone rang.

Tao answered the phone, realizing much later that he would hate himself for the years to come for not being able to fall asleep that night.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Tao? … It’s Kris.”

--