(1/2)

delirium.

(Unbeta-ed)

 


Depression, maybe that was the reason why Mark was here, confined to this room. To this four white walls, cold tiles, curtains as translucent as water over the windows.

That and that his mother finding him playing with a razor making traces in his arms, because he read that pills were a slow option to make him forget.

Depression, the state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect your thoughts, your behavior, feelings and your sense of well-being. The funny thing is that the human brain can't feel pain, Mark had read that. The brain, the seat of all joy and worry and love and sorrow and whimsy and fear is itself insensible to injury. He darkly chuckled, unfair.

But the pain that can cause- the bottomless well of grief, the blackness- is something on another level. An intolerable pain, unbearable anguish that won't go away. That ty voice in your head that says I can't take this anymore, I must do something.

It's the same voice that appears in your life daily, it's like you're standing at a precipice and look down and then a quiet sound telling you jump.

But Mark didn't want to die, or maybe he did. He doesn't know anymore, he just wanted to take away the pain; he wanted to take all away.

He still could hear the screeched scream of his mother when she opened the bathroom door that he carelessly left unlocked.

 

“Mark hone-'” she immediately saw the droplets of red liquid running from his arms to the floor and bathtub, horrified she turned her gaze to him, "oh my god, Mark! What are you doing?!"

“Hi mom” he tugged a broken smile

“Honey, help!"

 

This was the first time he meets Dr. Jang, to say that Mark was unamused and bored was an understatement, pointless. Dr. Jang was a man on his mid-thirties or last twenties, young. It could be Mark's friend if they had met in other situation, outside of here. He was no much taller than himself; shiny brown hair perfectly combed to the side, with a friendly face, small eyes that transformed in crescents when he smiled. He wore the distinctive lab coat, impeccable white. He was actually sitting in front of him writing some things in his notebook before looking up and smile softly at him.

 

"So, you did this to yourself? The cuts on your arms and legs?"

"I thought it was obvious"

"Just checking' he chuckled like he was, was that amused? Because this isn't funny "so, Mark, or you want me to call you by your Chinese name?"

"Just Mark" he said softly

"Okay, I know it's uncomfortable to talk so openly about your issues because it's the first time we're meeting but I’d appreciate your cooperation"

"Yes, especially when you sound so amused by all of this" Mark spit annoyed

"Oh," he looked genuinely surprised "I'm sorry, I didn't want to come off like that, it's my face, it ruins everything"

“Excuse me?" Mark didn't understand

"I look like a comedian, don't I?"

Mark scrutinized Dr. Jang's face again and let out a softly chuckle, he definitely was trying to joke with him and make him more comfortable, because the older face was far from looking like a comedian.

"Why did you not talk about this with anybody?" the older questioned while looking straight to Mark eyes changing the topic completely

They have their own lives to take care of. He can't bother them more than he already is, because he knows that right now that's what he is. A bother, to his friends, to his parents. They want to talk everything through; of course, they want Mark to talk about it. To analyze and hypothesize, to help him. But the only thing that could help Mark is not something he could just verbalize. He just wanted his brain to shut off and leave him alone for once.

He really wanted to say all that, but one thing was what he was feeling and other was what he was saying.

"I didn't want to sound like a like a whiny unappreciative brat"

"This isn't about being whiny Mark, having suicidal impulses is a very delicate issue and especially when you try to end up your life"

"I know" it came like a whisper, a soft mumble, almost inaudible.

Suicidal impulses

End up your life

He really wanted to end his life? Mark remembers the erratic heartbeat he felt that day, how that day everything seemed like it was the end for him.

The constant headache, the tears streaming down his face, feeling so helpless and incredibly alone. How he asked himself almost every day why, why did it have to happen, why can everything be just like before?. He was lost in his thoughts but he could barely register a soft voice, so he looked up and notice that Dr. Jang was telling him something he couldn't hear, so he cleared his throat getting rid of the lump that was forming.

"What?"

"Do you still want to end with everything?" Dr. Jang asked again

He remembers vaguely the soft throbbing of his pulse as blood was pumped out of his wrists, and somehow he felt relieved. Mark began to think in that moment that physical pain was more bearable that mental pain, and obviously better than heartache. But none of that could get rid of the images in his mind.

All the smiles, all the laughs, all the moments.

Why did you leave me alone?

And it hurt, it hurt so much that he wanted to grab the razor and cut again. With more strength, to dig deeper until all he could feel was pain from his arms or legs. But it wasn't going to work, and he suddenly felt a sense of helplessness building in the pit of his stomach and in his lungs making it difficult to breath.

"I want to die"

 

Wednesday, 10:00 am.

He has been talking to Dr. Jang just 20 minutes, about everything and nothing. It was like more like a game, give and take was it called? He made the questions and Mark limited to answer. Some of the questions were simple; how are you today? , what it's your favorite color?, what you like to do?, do you listen music often? Which genre? And Mark didn't know why he has to answer them, to him were unnecessary, but again, who was Mark to know about anything?

Mark told him everything he could. In fact his life was rather simple, he was born abroad and his family came here when he was eleven or twelve; his parents were happily married, they were a very caring and understanding parents if he could add; they're always for him and support him whenever he needed. At first it was tough for Mark to adapt when he first came to Korea, he was the quiet type of guy and didn't talk much; he was shy but he made some good friends who made everything bearable and he grew closer to them like they were family. Especially with one of them, who were the first guy who dared to talk to him since he always sat at the back of the classroom, it was quite awkward their first meeting but soon they grew joined to the hip. Mark joined the arts club just because he didn't want to join the basketball or volleyball team; not that he was bad at it, simply put there was so much competition between team mates, and really, Mark wasn't much on the competitive side. They graduated together, well almost, two of his friends were younger than them and it took them one more year to graduate from high school.

He enrolled in the same college with his high school friends, but in different careers. He took a English major, since he was multilingual, and had a passion for languages.

He moved in with his best friend, they shared an apartment near the campus since they didn't want to live in the dorms.

Too stuck up and mainstream for us, Marky his best friend told him that time.

In fact, was him who encouraged him in joining the arts club in college since he knew that Mark was quite fond of painting and drawing from all those years in high school.

"Don’t you miss it?" asked Dr. Jang interrupting Mark's line of thoughts about his past

"What?"

"Painting"

 

That was another thing Mark used and liked to do, painting, even when he was not that good at it. He was no professional; he did it for entertainment, like a hobby. When he was feeling stressed it would give him a feeling of relief, like gulps of fresh air that traveled from his nose to deep in his lungs with every trace of the paintbrush against the blank canvas. His paintings were more like abstract combinations of colors fusioning in weird ways, he didn't really painted sceneries or objects, because he always had problems in capturing the essence, he could feel it but couldn't plaster. Mark sometimes draws too, portraits more of all. He loved drawing faces, especially eyes and smiles.

To him, the eyes were the most beautiful feature of a person; meanwhile the smiles were the purest. He liked to draw his friend’s features, even when they felt embarrassed when he asked for them to stay quiet when he was doing so. But his favorite eyes and smiles were his best friend eyes. Jackson's eyes were almond shaped, not big but not small either, his irises at first glance looked dark, but if you detailed were a fusion of chocolate and brown. But wasn't the color what Mark liked the most, it was the passion and charm that flooded from them, powerful and poise.

A suddenly pang of longing set pace in his chest, he missed Jackson. He wondered if he was allowed to have visits. Also wondered about how Jackson was, what he was doing? Was he eating well? Or had he gone back to eat whatever crosses his sight just to get rid of his hunger because Mark wasn't there to cook a proper meal?.

Jackson

On second though he hoped Jackson actually wanted to visit him. Dr. Jang let out a soft cough startling Mark, the brunette looked again at the older one, he totally forgot that he didn't answer.

"Sorry, got caught up thinking" Mark apologized softly receiving a small wave of hand dismissively

But, he missed painting?

Sometimes, it used to give me peace Mark wanted to say, but instead replied "I wasn't good anyway"

Doctor Jang stared at him long enough to make Mark kind of uncomfortable, not that he was judging him but because he was trying to read him, and even when he liked Dr. Jang it wasn't very pleasant to be watched like that and the later took notice of this, relaxing his facial features and giving Mark a soft smile.

"Sorry, force of habit," Mark nodded in understanding "but you know, I really think you should try painting again"

"Why?"

"So that you can be distracted from this," he said signaling the room "I know you don't like it here, but it was the best choice for you to recover quickly from depression" he said nonchalantly while finishing writing on his notebook.

"So I heard," mark mumbled "maybe I’ll try"

"Hmm?" Dr. Jang directed a glance towards mark distractedly

"Painting, maybe I’ll try painting again"

"That’s good to hear Mark" Dr. Jang gave him a soft smile "it could be relaxing, you've been pretty tense lately"

Well, it was almost two weeks since he entered here and he hasn’t seen anybody aside from Dr. Jang. Talking about his life before entering the institution caused him to miss everything. He missed the times where his only worry was waking up early to go to classes, pass his exams and make proper meals for him and Jackson; and obviously make sure Jackson would do his part of the cleaning. Which he hated by the way

“Do I really have to clean the bathroom?" Jackson whined with pouty lips at Mark, which wasn't a really comfortable sight. Jackson was quite muscular and his face was very masculine to try to act with cutesy. Not to mention it did things to Mark chest, and he didn’t like it.

"Yes, Jackson, you have to. I did it last week, and the week before" Mark sighed irritably

"But Maaaaaaaark," he screeched his name to give more emphasis "I reeeally reeeeaaaally hate cleaning"

"No buts Jackson, do your part of the work"

"Well that's a ty part of the work" Jackson whined "and you're a ty friend for making me doing it" he said trying to sound offended causing Mark to laugh

"That's not gonna work with me, the only in this relationship it's, unfortunately for you obviously, you" Jackson opened his mouth to retort just to closed it immediately, sticking his tongue instead

"That's totally mature Jackson, I’m surprised" Mark laughed

"It's not like you are any different, asswipe" Jackson retorted putting some gloves and picking the broom and sponges from the floor and going to the bathroom

He really missed that

"I have a question" he muttered shyly

"Go ahead"

Mark fidgeted with his shirt and nibbled his bottom lip, a nervous habit. He wanted to ask if he was allowed to see his friends or his parents, if they were allowed to come here and make him some company. If the answer was no, he could always just say it was out of curiosity.

"Can I... " Dr. Jang gave him a soft smile as in cue to make him continue, mark sighed "can I have visitors?" it seemed like the question didn't surprise the older.

"Well, it’s all up to you; you want to? Do you feel like you’re ready to face others again?" he replied instead

"Mhm... yeah"

“Who do you want to visit you the most?” asked the older with an easy smile

“Jackson,” Mark replied maybe too quickly for his liking, at first Dr. Jang frowned but almost immediately put on a smirk on his face “and my parents” he added, but it was too late anyway. It wasn’t like he didn’t miss them, it’s just… he can’t even explain it

“I see, well… I didn’t know how that the bond between you guys was this close,” Mark wanted to slap himself for his big mouth because he could feel how the tips of his ears started to turn red and how his blood seems to travel to his cheeks, too “your parents were planning on coming this weekend anyways”

“Oh…” was all that he could muster

“Now I don’t know about Jackson…” the older trailed making Mark unconsciously slump his shoulder in, was that defeat? “I mean, he can come if he wants, and if you want him to come”

The alarm clock ringed signaling that it was time for Dr. Jang to go and attend another meeting; he stood up giving Mark a soft smile before excusing himself and exiting the room. Somehow he was happy that he could see his parents, he felt ashamed for what he had done, he hurt his parents the most doing this to himself. Being sincere, right now, he didn’t know why he did it, he knew in that moment was the only scape the could find. But why he couldn’t make out what was the reason that made him do that? It was all blur.

He remembered the pill he started to take since he came here. One in the morning, one at lunch and two before sleeping. He didn’t ask what it was; he just accepted and began to take it. It helped him to sleep but he felt incredibly moody, numb and dizzy. It was uncomfortable.

But again, the answer that Dr. Jang gave him, it wasn’t bad. He wasn’t opposing at Jackson coming here, but why his answer felt out of place? Like he was forcing Mark to decide. If he was asking was with a reason, it was obvious he wanted him to come.

But why it felt weird? Why?

His thoughts were interrupted when a soft knock was hear and somebody was opening and standing at the door

“It’s lunch time Mark” it was one of the nurses or was assistant? Victoria was her name; she was in charge of giving him his treatment and make him go outside to eat. She was beautiful, with black and long hair, patient, nice and with a smile on her face all the time. Mark felt at ease with her, she was a good woman and he felt embarrassed that the first time he met her he was so unwilling to go out that she had to force him.

“Okay” he replied softly with a smile standing from where he was sitting and following her outside.

 

 

“Wake up, you sleeping beauty!”

Mark scrunched his eyes, it was him or somebody was shouting at him? He grabbed the covers and pulls them above his head, he didn’t know what time is but it wasn’t definitely time for him to wake up yet.

“Come on, rise and shine beautiful!”

Mark was sure he was dreaming, it wasn’t possible that the voice coming from somewhere disturbing his sleep was the person he was thinking. Because, one: it was too early and two: it was too early. Simple, he rolled to the other side of the bed ignoring again the source of the annoying noise.

“Okay, you asked for it little ”

Mark didn’t know how but all he could feel was how the cover were pulled off of him roughly and he was rolling out of bed almost falling to the floor, he grabbed tightly the bed from prevent him from falling and when he was steadied enough he shot his head up to see who was disturbing him this early making him become irritable. He hated being woke up in the morning. But when he could recognize the perpetrator of his morning misery he widening his eyes in shock

“What the heck? Jackson!?” his voice coming out a few decibels deeper than intended

“No Sherlock,” Jackson smirked triumphantly “I know you hate being woke up like this but I asked nicely, twice” Mark glared at him “but you were being a little princess”

“Is that what you called nicely? You were shouting at me!”

“Little details, and don’t raise your voice like that, there’s people sleeping” Jackson put his finger to his lips as signaling him to shut up and went to sit in the couch near the bed

“Obviously there are people sleeping! I should be sleeping too if it wasn’t for you!” Mark whined and stumble back to bed before quickly registering what was happening, he almost jumped out of the bed “what are you doing here?” he asked a little alarmed

“I’m quite hurt for that tone you’re using right now” Jackson faked a hurt expression “what do you think I’m doing? I’m visiting you, you ungrateful brat”

Mark opened and closed his mouth a few times until he could talk

“I can see that, but…” Jackson gave him a pointed look making him shut whatever he was gonna say.

They keep gazing at each other until Mark looked away, he wanted to see Jackson but he didn’t know why having him here was making him feel uneasy. More like he was having problems controlling his nerves, the palm of his hands started to sweat under Jackson’s intently gaze, he was looking at him carefully and that was making the older nervous. It wasn’t like it was the first time this happened, but it never felt this tense before. Jackson sighed pulling his snapback off and ruffling his hair in what seemed in a frustrating way, which made Mark tenser than before. Jackson put his snapback on again and looked at him again but this time more softly, tenderly.

“You know… eh, I’m not… I’m not gonna ask you why but,” Jackson started stumbling a little with his words and his bottom lip in a nervous manner “you could have talked to me” he sighed

Mark felt his throat constrict, he hasn’t talked to Jackson since the accident that brought him here, and now looking at Jackson’s worried eyes it made him feel guilty. Because he was right, they could have talked. Mark was confused again, he suddenly felt the desperation build up in the pit of his stomach like that time, frustration and a sudden pain in his chest he couldn’t describe. A lump in his throat and the urge to burst out in tears, he didn’t know why he felt this way. He nervously started to scratch his bandaged wounds nervously, it itched him, and he bit his bottom lip hard trying to prevent crying. Jackson took notice and a scandalous look crossed his eyes, he stood up from the couch and went to Mark’s side carefully sitting beside him.

Gently he took Mark’s hands in his and intertwined their fingers, Mark let a few tears scape his eyes but lowered his head trying to avoid Jackson gaze. He felt so vulnerable, he didn’t understand himself. Mark felt a sudden wave of embarrassment for his nonsense, and guilty for drawing Jackson to this. But it was also embarrassing how much he craved for Jackson presence; he never had a problem being alone but confined in this four walls he just felt lonely. Forgotten.

Why did you leave me?

Shut up, he scrunched his eyes hard trying to get rid of that voice in his mind. Why it was coming back now? Jackson slung an arm around his waist bringing him closer and Mark like a reflex snuggled against Jackson. He always felt secure with Jackson, even when he was younger than him. Jackson had always protected him, and maybe he failed being the responsible one, because Jackson had stolen that.

“Yien,” Jackson whispered softly, but Mark knew he was being extremely serious right now, Jackson only used his Taiwanese name when he was talking seriously or extremely angry with him; he nodded to make Jackson continue “don’t do that to yourself again, please” it came out so softly but laced with worry, and Mark can only manager to nod, he couldn’t muster a word in fear of bursting out in tears.

“You did not just hurt yourself, you hurt me doing that,” Jackson keep whispering “you’re worthy, and most important, you’re special,” Mark keep nibbling his bottom lip but snuggled closer to Jackson if that was even possible “at least to me, okay?”

Even when for an unknown reason he felt so broken, being in Jackson arms listening to what he had to say made him feel serene. He felt giddy and just wanted to keep in this position for the rest of the day without doing anything, just with Jackson warmth embracing him. He felt like he belonged there.

“Jackson,” he called in mumbles, making the younger nod “have you been eating outside or have you actually cooked for yourself?”

 Jackson explodes in chuckles in shortly after he was hitting Mark playfully making the older laugh along.

“You’re an ,” Jackson stated when he stopped laughing “you should not worry about me, but yourself”

“Isn’t like you’re any different, and show some respect, I’m older than you!” Mark whined pouting, Jackson looked at him darkly before pinching his cheeks

“I’ve been trying to eat healthy, mom” Mark scoffed at him “but what can I do? I only like your food, I at cooking”

“For god’s sake, can’t you do anything without me watching over you?” Mark tried to reprimand Jackson, only having him sticking his tongue out again

“No, I can’t” Jackson replied honestly “but, can you? Can you do anything without me watching over you?” he questioned playfully. Mark just scoffed, but he can’t deny that he had missed him. Jackson always brings his mood up. Even in his worse days.

Which lead him to think, why he hadn’t talk with Jackson? He could easily have prevented Mark for doing anything, or even thinking like that. Was he really that hopelessly broken that he couldn’t even bring himself to seek help with Jackson? He just remembers feeling so numb, and cold. Alone, lonely, hurt, broken; where were Jackson that day? That time? There was so much questions that he couldn’t simply answer because every time he tried it was this blur coming to his mind again making him dizzy and groggy. So he just avoided thinking that, at any cost.

He felt a hand taking his and intertwining his fingers again, looking up he found Jackson looking at him fondly and tenderly again which made him smile.

“Don’t think too hard” Mark chuckled softly; it was so rare to see Jackson being this tender. Don’t take him wrong, Jackson was a sensible and very good friend, he always took care of those one who were important to him. But somehow he always tried to help Mark being that conceited little prick making jokes, it worked though.

“But you’re right, I can’t” Jackson for a moment looked surprised, but at the second his expression was replaced by a smug smirk and Mark regretted ever saying anything “you’re not gonna leave me live that down right?”

“You know me so well Marky” Jackson chuckled pinching his cheek once again, Mark smiled inwardly and hit Jackson playfully but without pulling his hand off. Instead he held Jackson hand more tightly.

“Thank you” Mark whispered

“Jackson is always gonna protect Mark, remember?” Jackson smiled sweetly at Mark making the other blush, but didn’t look away.

 

 

Unlike some other days this time Jackson stood in the door for one second or maybe one hour, he couldn't tell, but he felt the piercing stare towards him. Mark was in those days were he was sulking in one corner of the room, more like fuming in discomfort. And it doesn’t take a genius to know that Jackson was so perceptive of those things.

"You’re upset today"

Like always it didn't take long for Jackson to notice Mark's mood, or problems. Mark didn't know if it was for knowing Jackson for so long they learned to sense how the other was, or maybe it was a Jackson thing to read Mark like an open book. He felt good, not having to explain himself to Jackson because he always knew.

"I want to go out of here, I’m sick of this" Mark spit

Jackson sighed and slowly walked towards the bed; he sat and gets rid off his shoes to later look at Mark with inquisitive eyes, "what happened today to make you upset?"

Mark frowned and didn't want to answer; he knew that he was being childish, again. But he couldn't help it, some days he woke up feeling like he could spend all the time that he needed to be in the institution; even though he doesn't think he needs to be here. But some days, like today, he felt completely sick and tired of being confined in some cheap room for the mentally unstable people who were in there. Why he needed to be here anyways? He is fine; he isn't in need of some sort of psychological help; yes, sometimes he was depressed. But it wasn't that bad. As long as Jackson was there he didn't felt depressed.

He was tired of waking up feeling groggy because of the sleeping pills, it makes him feel numb all day and his eyes stung until noon. He was pissed off.

And obviously he was tired of talking every Monday, Wednesday and Friday to the goddamn doctor to assure that, yes, he was okay, he was sleeping okay; that he wasn't feeling suffocated anymore and answering his stupid questions. Because to Mark they were stupid, how telling him stories about his life and was gonna help him get out of here?

Jackson crawled next to him and got under the covers but Mark hadn't said anything yet.

This was one of those days when the only thing Mark needed was the warm of Jackson body next to him telling him how stupid he was being or maybe just Jackson because he was sure of the later.

The black-haired boy intertwined his right hand with Mark's left and with his free started tracing lines in the back of the hand he was holding, Mark turned his vision towards their hands. How their hands fit each other, how Jackson rough hand matched with his, and how he played with his long fingers. Jackson’s touch sending shots of electricity to his spine and making him a little giddy, instantly feeling a bit better.

"Mark," Jackson softly whispered making him change his vision towards the owner of the husky voice "you're being stupid"

"I know" Mark inwardly smiled making Jackson let out an airy laugh, he switched his position making himself comfortable in the crook of Jackson's neck trying to no let go of the later hand

"Today was a bad day for you, but remember that by tomorrow, today will have ended and it's gonna be better," Jackson whispered while Mark's hair helping him relax “but you already know that, you just want me to tell this to you” finished the younger one making the brunette laugh.

"Jackson," Mark called against Jackson’s neck "you remember when we went to Taiwan?"

"Yes, how could I forget when you talk about it at least once a month? It was like you never went on vacation before, funny thing is that you always go on vacations trips all over the world with your parents since you’re in your mother’s belly" he retorted with an amused voice

"Shut up, it was the best vacation trip I had okay?" Mark whined puffing air knowing that Jackson was ticklish and making him squirm

"Stop that," he stopped but grinned "what about it?"

"I want to go again"

"I kind of figure that out," Jackson chuckled softly “of course you want to go”

"With you" Mark could feel embarrassment take over him and a blush creeping his neck and face when he heard Jackson voice an oh, he started thanking internally his face was buried in Jackson’s neck.

"Do you mean, alone? Just the two of us?" Jackson asked now snuggling closer to the brown haired boy; Mark couldn't answer but managed to nod "I’d like that"

“But…I don’t think I could get out of here by the next holidays” Mark said pitifully

“It doesn’t matter, there’s Christmas Holidays” Jackson shrugged it off

"I love Christmas”

“I know, that’s why I’m planning to take you somewhere nice when it comes” Mark could notice how his heart swelled with joy when he heard Jackson making plans ahead of time for the both of them. It give him a sense of assurance for the future, it was Jackson way of saying that he’d be a part of Mark’s life now and then; he was relieved and happy, Jackson had his way with words and actions, it never fail to bring Mark’s mood up.

"You just wait whiny kid, when you go out we'll go to Taiwan"

"I’m not whiny, and definitely I’m not a kid; I’m older than you Jackson!" Jackson chuckled while ruffling the other hair

“You never act like you’re older than me, you’re always like this when I’m with you” Mark at least had the decency to look embarrassed, but to be honest he was not. He acted like he was younger than the black haired boy just to wake the protective side of Jackson, he felt secure and well taken care of.  And it was like he was reading Mark’s thoughts because Jackson let an airy laugh before talking

“You’re so disgustingly cheesy, but I admit it’s kind of cute”

“You know that I don’t ing like being called cute” Mark pouted

“That’s even more cute, you are swearing while pouting, you’re supposed to look pissed when you’re swearing Mark” he keep laughing like an annoying hyena, which he was kind of was.

“Shut up, every time you laugh I go deaf and one of my neurons dies, your laugh is awful” Of course that didn’t stop the younger from laughing, if nothing, it make him laugh even more noisily.

“Jackson” Mark said against the other neck trying to get his attention to the main topic again, receiving a hum in response he continued “you promise?”

"Yes, I promise"

 


oh my god, what did i just....

Okay, first of all i want to apologize for not updating sooner :( I'm sorryyyyy, college was taking a lot of my time and just know I had a little time to write and publish :( 

I know i said this was gonna be an oneshot but i decided to split it in two parts.

I'm sorry for grammatical mistakes, as I stated at the start of the story I'm not an english native speaker and I don't have a beta to help me with this :( I tried to correct everything meticulously but yeah. 

Feel free to comment or give me advices :) I'll be happy to read all of them. I'm very surprised that some of you suscribed to this story (I was squealing to the moon and back i swear) and I'm very thankful for that. This idea it was just to satisfy my need of Markson (omg i love them ;u;). I'll try to update the next part as soon as I can 

I hope you all like it, or feel free to throw rotten tomatoes at me lol.

 

 

 

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Cecemin #1
Chapter 2: It doesn't matter how many time I read this...I cry everytime TT_TT
Sawaii #2
Chapter 2: It was seriously one of the best things I've ever read. Kudos for researching the illness and keeping as true to fact as possible. You don't really see anything like that often. So, thank you for writing this and posting this up! I have a question, though. Maybe two, if that's okay. Did they have a car accident? And, did Jackson know, before he died, of Mark's feelings towards him?
Green_Bamboo #3
Chapter 2: Aaaaaaand....... Cue the crying. Oh my god. It was so real. I can actually feel the pain right now...... Ugh.... And I have school tomorrow. Poop.
azuresky0127 #4
I just can't stop crying while reading part two!!!!
harinyy #5
this is amazing well done author i love it ;;
cymsapphire
#6
Chapter 2: i cried hardly ;____; really love this one!!! omg omg ;-;
mizzsuzy #7
Chapter 2: i cried!! it's really sad when you lost someone that you really love and you can't let he go..it's really painful..you make me cry at 3 a.m
Cecemin #8
Chapter 2: I cry a lot!! It's so unfair!!! so damn unfair!! My Marky Mark ;; boe?? ...but the end is bittersweet, you know part of him will always know it's just an hallucination but it what keep sane and alive so it´s okay...I love it! even if I cry ;;