As Yunho paced in circles around the living room, Yoochun watched with sad, weary eyes. He hadn’t meant anything to happen this way, hadn’t wanted it to be like this.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into the space between them, needing to say something to break through the thick tension hovering in the air. Yunho’s gaze snapped to him and Yoochun shrank away from the ferocity in his eyes.

“You’re sorry?” Yunho asked incredulously.

“Yunho, I…” Yoochun didn’t know what to say. What could he say? He knew nothing would make this better, knew it was pointless to even try. And yet, Yoochun wanted to try, he had to. He couldn’t stand seeing that dead look in Yunho’s eyes. “We, Jaejoong and I--”

Mentioning Jaejoong’s name was obviously the wrong thing to say. Yunho’s entire body had gone taut and a sneer began to curl at the corner of his mouth.

“I don’t want to hear anything about Jaejoong,” Yunho said, his voice cold.

“This isn’t Jaejoong’s fault!” Yoochun yelled.

“It was his idea,” Yunho said through clenched teeth.

“It’s not like he held us at gun point, Yunho. Junsu and I chose this. We wanted this!” Yoochun’s chest was heaving and his palms were sweaty. He felt like he was about to have a panic attack. “Yunho, please,” he said, pleading with his eyes for Yunho to understand. He lifted one shaking hand to Yunho’s shoulder, to clasp him in an embrace, but Yunho pulled away from him.

“Just tell me why,” Yunho said, all trace of anger bleeding out of his voice to be replaced with a weariness Yoochun knew was born from endless nights of little to no sleep.

“I just…need to be free,” Yoochun said.

Something in Yunho’s eyes shattered. He gasped in a short, shaking breath and exhaled it on a long sigh. Yoochun had never seen Yunho so close to the breaking point before.

“I’m really sorry,” Yoochun repeated and turned to go. If he looked at Yunho much longer, he would cry. He’d spent too much time crying lately.

He was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He turned back and leveled his gaze with Yunho’s. They stared at each other for a few seconds, both drinking in the sight of the other, both knowing it might be the last time they saw each other for a long time. When Yunho pulled Yoochun into a tight hug, he couldn’t hold it in any longer. Yoochun began to cry, his tears soaking the fabric of Yunho’s thin shirt.

“Take care of yourself,” Yunho whispered in Yoochun’s ear before he pulled away. Yoochun watched him go but before Yunho reached the door, he paused.

“Tell Junsu for me that I…miss him,” Yunho said.

“Okay, hyung. What about Jaejoong?”

A sardonic look crossed Yunho’s face and he shook his head. And then he was gone.

He left then, closing the door gently behind him. Yoochun continued to stand there for a few minutes, staring at the spot Yunho had so recently vacated. When it was clear to Yoochun that Yunho wouldn’t be coming back, he gathered his things and left the apartment. In a daze, he walked towards his car. Everything felt so strange. His body was heavy, and the air he was drawing into his lungs felt sticky and wet. It was only when he was sitting in the driver’s seat of his car and could look into the rearview mirror that he noticed he was still crying.

Yoochun collapsed against the steering wheel, pressed his face against the cool leather and let his sobs wash over him. He wanted to rewind time, take it all back, return to the time when his friends and the music were enough.

His cell phone rang: it was Jaejoong. Yoochun answered the call. At first they didn’t say anything, just took comfort in the sound of each other’s breathing. Finally, Yoochun decided to break the silence.

“It’s going to be okay, Jaejoongie,” Yoochun said.

There were no more words after that, just the sounds of Jaejoong’s quiet sobs on the other end of the line and the crackle of a bad connection. After a few more minutes, they ended the call. Yoochun leaned back against the seat and wiped his cheeks dry on the edge of his sleeve. They would be okay, Yoochun thought. Things would hurt for a while, but they would get through it. Yoochun knew this was the best thing for them, for all of them. They had all hurt for so long and it was time to take a step back, spend some time away from each other, and think about what really mattered to them. It was time to heal.