There’s that one moment in time where I promised myself that I wouldn’t let him fall without an assurance that I’d be on the other side, waiting patiently with my arms spread wide open to catch him. I failed to do it once, and I swore never to break that promise again – purposely or not, never again.

I almost had a heart attack when Kyungsoo’s body lifelessly fell, and it was pure instinct working as I moved to enclose his falling figure in the safe haven of my arms, the fear of the flames for a moment was forgotten and altered by the irreplaceable mindset of keeping him safe, of catching him before he reach the ground. For a moment everything seemed to have slowed down, too slow I thought they had ended up standing still, only regaining myself when a hand gently slaps my back and all my senses started to work all at the same time that my head started to throb. My breath was halted as my eyes focused on Kyungsoo’s limp body in my arms, waiting for the disintegration I’ve been anticipating since Jongdae introduced himself to Kyungsoo and almost collapsing myself as I noticed the steady movement of his chest.

He was breathing.

He was alive.

And I didn’t think I could have moved quicker than I had, lifting Kyungsoo up in my arms and making my way to the nurse’s office. I didn’t think I had to knock; I opened the door, entered and beeline my way to one of the empty beds. Kyungsoo wasn’t heavy, he almost weighed nothing, or maybe it was just my body saying it had still remembered how much strength to use when it comes to Kyungsoo – gentler, more caring, more lovingly.

“What happened?” a soft voice asked, and I didn’t have to think to figure out who it was; the motherly tone was enough of a hint – Joonmyun.

“He passed out,” I replied, eyes unblinkingly trained on Kyungsoo’s body, still waiting for the final phase of something happening so many times you would have thought I’m used to it by now. But I still haven’t and it’s the only reason my existence is still being lived halfway – if it’s at all called living.

“What happened?” Joonmyun asked again, asking me to tell him what actually happened. I shook my head because I honestly didn’t know; I lost the ability to think when the pained expression appeared on Kyungsoo’s face.

“Jongdae talked to him,” I explained if it’s at all called an explanation. It didn’t answer Joonmyun’s real question and it definitely didn’t answered my own confusion. I didn’t think Jongdae had hinted anything too much, but he had always been a risk taker, only because he believed that Kyungsoo had been ready, it was just something else that’s holding him back all this time.

It only made the pain worse each time though.

“He’s fine Jongin,” Joonmyun said as he placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder, gently pulling me away from Kyungsoo’s sleeping figure. A huge part of me wanted to stay, to hold his hand until he wakes up but a bigger part of me screamed that distance was better for now, so I let myself be let out of the room. “Just let him rest, the color’s back on his cheeks.”

“Please, make sure he’s fine.” I pleaded, looking Joonmyun straight in the eyes before glancing at Kyungsoo one last time.

“He’s fine Jongin, I promise.”

Keeping those words in my head, I walked away.

===============

It had been weeks since that incident and about the same length of time when Kai had started avoiding me like the plague.

It was the school nurse that greeted me when I woke up, telling me that in order to make me feel more at ease I was to call him Joonmyun, or Suho, which I preferred before he was asking how I was feeling. He told me that it was probably stress that had caused the sudden headache and passing out and I was given permission to have the next day off, practically making Chanyeol to frantically wave his hand around in our dorm room after telling him what happened, mumbling something about me being lucky to have a whole day off school and how I should be taking enough rest. Baekhyun came over our dorm room the next day at lunch, deciding he and Chanyeol would eat with me. The next day had been relatively normal too though Sehun, Tao and Lay’s addition in our small lunch table at the far end corner of the cafeteria had gained us more watchful eyes.

The only thing that changed was Kai, and I didn’t know where that slight pinch at the heart had come from with his every avoidance of eye contact, with his keeping his mouth shut, or with him just walking away when I was walking anywhere in his general direction. It was confusing as well as frustrating knowing that someone was upset with you or worse – hated you. I planned to confront him about it, but so far my every attempt has been avoided so much that it was starting to get annoying.

Or maybe I was just being sulky, because the small amount of time I spent with him was something I started to miss terribly. I missed all the small talks, all the subtle touches of our skin, the velvety sound of his voice; I missed everything.

I missed Kai.

I sighed heavily.

“It’s official, he totally hates me,” I told Chanyeol. It was Friday night and I was feeling too lazy and exhausted to start on any homework so I opted to lie down on my bed instead and try to come up with reasons about Kai’s actions.

If my memory serves me right, it was him who had brought me to the clinic considering it was him  who was beside me before I completely out. If the incident had upset him in any way I didn’t mean to. How was I supposed to know that I’d be having such an unexpected headache? No matter how much I tried to think of other rational reasons that must have caused his sudden coldness, I had nothing a