You are My Music

---

Title:  You are My Music

Genre: Angst, Romance

Rating: PG

Paring: Jongin/Kyungsoo, KaiSoo

---

Light kissed the window which started illuminating the room. The body entangled with the sheets stirs followed by two doe eyes slowly opening. Kyungsoo turns to his left to see if his boyfriend is still there, only to realize that the action is quite silly because the part of the bed next to him is always like this every morning:

EMPTY.

Jongin left early to go to his dance studio, AGAIN. Kyungsoo should be used to it by now but no, call him an idiot but he never stops hoping that one day he will wake up and Jongin’s sleeping form would be next to him, just like before.

---

More that four years ago, back at college where they started dating, holding hands, stealing glances and kisses whilst whispering sweet nothings, Kyungsoo knew that there is no secret that Jongin loves to dance and he was actually very good at it so it’s no surprise that there are many big companies that wanted him to be part of their team and being the good boyfriend that he is, Kyungsoo is very proud and supported Jongin all the way.

They decided to live together after they graduate. Jongin choose SMEnt as the company to work for while Kyungsoo chooses YG Company as a song writer. He just sends them his composition that’s why he is always at home and only went to the company when needed for seminars and lectures. The first year was very amazing for the two of them; going out on Fridays, lazing around on weekends, kissing, cuddling, making love and simply enjoying each other’s presence. When they both received their first pay check, Kyungsoo decided to cook them a hearty meal while Jongin bought dessert. Life back then was simple. Life back then is happy. Life back then is

PERFECT.

PERFECT…

Who was he kidding? People tend to change for the better and both of them are no exceptions. Yes, for the better. NOT! It’s obviously a lie. People don’t just change, they change when they realize they are left out, they change when they get bored.

Is Jongin bored of me now?

Shaking the bad thoughts out of his head, Kyungsoo slowly makes his way towards the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. Checking the cupboards for a mug, he spotted something standing out among the eating utensils of black and white. It was two brightly colored mugs with smiling characters in them: The blue mug with a happy looking penguin and a green mug with a grinning crocodile in it. Kyungsoo took both cups from the confinements of the cupboard and placed them on the table.

---

“You’ve got to be kidding me…” Kyungsoo says exasperatedly to Jongin while eyeing the cups the latter was holding.

“Aren’t they cute?! Hyung! Let’s buy them!” Jongin beams excitedly.

“No way! Can’t you see that it’s meant for 7 years old kids?!” Kyungsoo replied, trying to push some sense into the mind of his still-so-childish boyfriend.

“Yes way! And can’t you see the “+” sign next to the number 7? It means that it’s meant for ages 7 and up; we could be the up part hyung! Come on! Look! They are Pororo and Krong! PORORO AND KRONG HYUNG! PORO—“

“Aish! Okay! Okay! FINE! But you’re paying for it! I don’t want the cashier to think I have some kind of ‘weird cartoon’ obsession.” Kyungsoo cuts Jongin off so that he would shut the hell up because they are starting to get attention from the other shoppers.

“Sometimes you’re so firm, you know that? But don’t worry; I love you just the same!” Jongin said and kissed Kyungsoo on his temple making the latter blush.

“You’re so cheesy!” he replied while pushing Jongin slightly but the smile in his face gave him away.

“After we pay for them, let’s use it every day as our couple mug!” Jongin suggested and Kyungsoo nodded in agreement.

And just as Jongin say, they use the character mugs every day. They might look like crazy grown-ups as they drink coffee from overly bright mugs but they don’t mind, they are happy. Pororo and Krong are best of friends just like them, best friends who level up into boyfriends but still consider each other as best friends. That is

ENOUGH.

Before that was enough.

Kyungsoo was snapped out of his reminiscing when he realized his vision was starting to be clouded and a fat tear fell on the surface of the table. He immediately wiped his eyes using his sleeve and started putting coffee on the Pororo cup.

How long has it been since the last time he used the said cup? It was so long it felt like a faded dream. When the coffee was done, Kyungsoo sat down on the table and looked at the character on his mug. The smile on its face seems foreign and when he glances to the character of the cup next to it, the grin also felt distant. It was as if the characters are sad, like they have been forgotten…

Am I already forgotten by Jongin too?

---

Jongin came home late, as usual. They eat dinner in silence like they don’t even realize the existence of each other and only the faint clatter of utensils and soft chewing sounds can be heard. And just as usual, Kyungsoo tries to engage Jongin into a conversation which runs like:

“How’s your day?”

“Fine.”

“Did you meet new people today?”

“Maybe.”

“Do you want to talk about them?”

“No.”

“Do you—“

“Kyungsoo I’m tired. I’m going to bed now.” Jongin cuts him off and walk towards the bedroom. Jongin was out of sight so he didn’t hear the question Kyungsoo was about to ask.

“Do you still love me?” his words are hanging into thin air.

---

After doing the dishes and drying them off, Kyungsoo stride towards their bedroom only to find Jongin sleeping on his side of the bed. Kyungsoo manages to get a quick shower and slowly crawled into the sheets and wraps his arms around Jongin’s waist and buried his face on the back of his shoulders.

“I love you…” he whispers in his ear only to receive a soft snore as a reply. His arm tightens around his boyfriend not because he’s clingy, but because he wanted to make sure that his boyfriend is still there.

---

Kyungsoo wakes up extra early today just to catch his boyfriend before he leaves again. Well, it isn’t just any day, it’s their five year anniversary and he is ecstatic about it. Jongin was surprised to see his boyfriend up when he walks out of the bathroom.

“You’re up…” he said matter-of-factly but Kyungsoo didn’t mind it at all for he is in a very good mood. He immediately throws himself to his boyfriend and pecks him on the lips. Screw morning breath!

“Happy five year anniversary, baby!!!” he happily beams.

“Y-yeah… you too…” Jongin replies as he tries to compose himself it’s obvious that he forgot but Kyungsoo didn’t say anything about t.

“Will you come home early?” I was planning to cook your favourite dishes to celebrate!” he asked while looking at Jongin expectantly.

“Yeah, sure…” Jongin replied absent-mindedly and slowly disentangled himself from Kyungsoo because his phone started to ring.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m on my way…” Kyungsoo hears his boyfriend say to the other person on the phone. Jongin took his backpack and puts on his sneakers and was about to leave when he felt soft hands grasp his wrist loosely.

“Promise you’ll be back early…” Kyungsoo said while his eyes full of hope and expectations.

“Okay.” Jongin answered and went out the door in a hurry.

---

Kyungsoo spent the whole day cooking. He wants everything to be perfect.

He cuts the onions and meat meticulously while humming a happy tune. Maybe after this they will be okay, things would go back to the way it was before.

Kyungsoo’s smile is very wide that when someone walks pass him they might think that he’s a creep but Kyungsoo didn’t mind, as long as he’ll have his Jongin back.

He will be okay.

---

Kyungsoo is in the verge of completely breaking.

He is staring at the clock for almost five hours. Five freaking hours and still there is no sign of Jongin.

“Please be here, you promised…” Kyungsoo keeps telling himself like a chant in hopes that it will bring his boyfriend to him.

‘Please…’

‘Be here…’

‘You promised…’

It was almost 2 am when the door swing open spitting a very tired looking Jongin. He didn’t expect to see his boyfriend curled up in a ball at the corner of the grandfather clock he got from his father. His knees are pressed to his chest and his face is buried in his crossed arms.

As if on cue, Kyungsoo slowly lifts his head but only his eyes can be seen. He eyed Jongin from head to toe.

He looks tired.

No flowers, no gifts.

He doesn’t look sorry.

Jongin saw the helplessness drawn clearly in the eyes of his boyfriend. His gaze is not like the ones he always offers him. They are not loving and gentle instead, his gaze is that of judgement, disgust and he looks very tired.

Tired.

“K-Kyungsoo I’m sorry I for—“

“You promised, remember?!” Kyungsoo couldn’t hold up any longer and blurted out his emotions.

“Something came up at work and it’s very important so I have to sta—“

“What about me then? Am I not important to you?” Kyungsoo is so fed up with his lame excuses and don’t want to be ignored anymore.

“Let’s just talk about this tomorrow Kyungsoo, I’m tir—“

“No Jongin! We will talk about this right now and don’t give me that ing excuse of you being tired because I feel the same! I’m so ing tired also!” Kyungsoo shrieks out and tears started to blur his vision.

“Then what now?!” Jongin spats. He is annoyed that his body is aching badly and he expected to have a rest at home only to be disturbed by his nagging boyfriend.

“What am I to you now, Jongin-ah…” the shift from loud shrieks to almost a whisper caught back Jongin’s attention.

“You’re my boyfriend.” He deadpans because clearly, he is not a dramatic buffoon and he wants to finish this argument once and for all.

“Then why are you so…distant? I woke up every morning just to see that you’re not there. I call you at work to check on you but I’m always answered by the voice mail. I miss you so much that it’s driving me crazy…” Kyungsoo manages to say in between his sobs.

“But don’t I come home to you? Don’t I sleep in the same bed as you? I’m right here Kyungsoo. I’m ing right here!” Jongin is pissed. Why is his boyfriend being like this in ungodly hours?

“Yes, you come home to me but you are never really there. You sleep in the same bed as me but I don’t really feel you there… it’s cold Jongin… so cold…”

Jongin doesn’t know what to say. Seeing his boyfriend like this, so broken, so lost gives his heartstrings a hard tug causing for it to shake. Kyungsoo is always smiling, he is not like this, no, he was never like this.

“Jongin…”

The said boy turns to his boyfriend and was surprised to see the look of longing and hope clearly stated on his beautiful face.

“Please stay, even just for today… don’t leave…” he’s voice shakes as he begs.

“I-I can’t… tomorrow, no, later, the head of the company will be choosing the representative for the upcoming competition and you know how much I dreamed of this Kyungsoo… you know that dancing is my life, my passion…”

“Just for today... forget about dancing…”

“If I ask you to do the same on writing songs, what will you answer then?”

“Writing songs is my only escape from reality…”

“Tsk, you’re just saying that. Besides, writing is so different from dancing. I express my passion through every sway of my hips, every of my limbs. It’s easy to let go of something that is actually pointle—“

“I write them for you.”

Jongin was snapped out of his speech when Kyungsoo manages to interject.

“What—”

“I write songs about you, my feelings for you and my love for you… and here you are saying that it’s pointless. Don’t you see? I write songs about my dreams too, what I yearn for, things that I’ve always wanted… Jongin, you are my music…”

“We are not making any sens—“

“Then choose.”

Jongin looked at his boyfriend with shock. The tone of finality is evident in his soft voice.

 “We don’t have to—“

“Choose Jongin! That dancing of yours or me?!” Kyungsoo cries out. His mind chanting his mantra hoping Jongin can pick them up:

‘Please choose me Jongin… Please pick me…’

After a moment of silence, Jongin finally replied.

“Dancing.”

Everything seems to lose its ability to produce sounds. The only thing Kyungsoo can hear was his heart shattered into pieces.

The only thing Jongin heard was a door shutting close.

Love is not always about happy endings…

---