18 years of friendship….

 You would've thought that would've meant something. But nope. It obviously didn't. I love you. Yes, I love my best friend, sounds kinda clichéd doesn't it? But I do, or at least I think I still do. Honestly, I can't really say anything right now because, I'm not entirely sure about my feelings anymore.

Why?

Because it's more like a love and hate relationship now.

I don't whether you were oblivious to my feelings, or you just simply chose to ignore it. You've always been the better actor out of the two of us Jongin, as much as I hate to admit it.

But whether you knew or not, it feels good to finally have that heavy weight lift up from my heart. I don’t intend to make this sound like some sort of self pity thing or point out faults, but I just wanted to tell you how I felt during this whole time, about you, and well, Jimin.

Honestly, I couldn’t stand the two of you.

Haha :)

When you first started hanging out with her more and ditched me a couple of times, I could handle it. The times you dropped everything, even, our major dance project just to rush to her side, I could still endure it. But to tell me that the two of you were going out and to throw away our friendship like that? No. I couldn’t take it. And I hated you for that. For being insensitive, for being such a jerk.

For 18 years I stuck by your side. For 18 years, I have danced, sang, acted, laughed, cried and grew with you. You knew me inside out, you were the only person who I allowed in, one of the very rare people in the world who I gave all my trust, but yet, you just gave it away like it was  one of those annoying flyers that we get from Myeondong that both hate.

You promised that you'll never leave my side, bros before hoes remember? Of course, I obviously never expected you to keep such promise, but at least, the girl had to be decent. I know I'm not one to judge harshly, but Jimin?. She's no angel, she's a devil in disguise, and I'm not saying that just because I like you or because it looks like she "stole" you away from me. No, I'm saying this because no matter what, you're still my best friend and you have the right to know.

The times when I pushed or bullied her? That wasn’t me. It was actually the other way around, and that "Incident"?  You should've known me better than that Kim Jongin. I don’t take from people, of course I would've defended myself, of course I would've fought back. Yet, you never even bothered to hear my side of anything and you know what? It's okay, because I knew you were blinded with love.

Is she really your soul-mate Jongin? Or is it "Kai" like she calls you now?  You asked me one time why couldn’t I be more like her,  I couldn’t answer then because I had no answer at that time, but now I do. My answer?

 Simple.

I'm not her.

I'll never be like her.

 Ever.

Ever since she came, the best friend I once knew and loved has been lost. Lost in your messed up mind. Seriously Jongin, you used to have the brightest smile that made my day, you used to dance, sing and act with me, you used to comfort me, you used to cheer me up when I was sad, you used to listen and speak up for me. But now? You don’t even look my way.

I'm tired Jongin.

I'm tired of being hurt all the time. All those times you have left and dissed me, the times you snapped and said harsh things to me.  I've come to the point where I cant handle it anymore. I have nothing to say, except maybe this.

Anneyeong Kai.

I'm walking away now. It's what you wanted right? I promise you'll never see me again, just like you and Jimin wished for. I promise I won't hold you back anymore. I won't be that lump of nuisance.

But just one more thing before I go. 

Remember that song that we both betted that  I'll never finish?

Well I finished it, and now I'm giving it to you, this is the last thing that you'll ever get from me.