"I do" the man beside me answered with a contented smile on his face, followed by happy cheers and the loud clapping of hands from the people at the back. There was a short pause as the wedding officiant turned to face me.

"Do you, Sandara Park, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do you part?"

I could not even quite recall how many times I have drawn this scene in my mind, just to say ‘I do’. How difficult could it be? Yet here I am, completely paralyzed, finding it unbelievably hard to utter the same words I had excessively practiced to memorize. I tried to let the words out however I might have turned deaf and mute, I didn't answer...I just couldn't. 

Seconds passed by, yet the question left hanging in midair. Quiet murmurs began to break the deep silence enveloping the room. Everyone was growing impatient waiting for my reply, to seal the vow and say the words ‘I do’. 

Despite the efforts I made to put up a brave façade in keeping myself from breaking down, I couldn’t contain the emotion storming within me as a tear began streaming down my face.

Yes, it only takes two words, with just three letters. Very short indeed, yet it could make my whole world shatter into nothing but broken dreams and promises.

I was lost in my own thoughts when a loud coughing pulled me out from my trance, only to realize the growing tension which continued to build up inside the room in every passing moment. The wedding officiant might have understood the mental struggle going on in my head when he coughed to halt the unnecessary thoughts from coming through.

I slightly bowed down to wipe my tears and buy myself a few seconds to recollect myself. As I raised my head, my eyes landed onto the person infront of me to whom I conveyed a voiceless consent of 'you may proceed'. 

He repeated the exact same line, this time emphasizing each word, he spoke clearer and louder to get everyone's attention and to stop their rumblings.

"Do you, Sandara Park, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do you part?"

I reluctantly turned my head and dragged my gaze to the man standing right beside me. As my eyes met the faltering smile he strenuosly painted on his face, I could only feel his discomfort and anxiety. There were many things I wanted to ask him but I never had the chance to. His reason in doing this was never really clear to me and I despise him for doing so. This would not have happened if he never came back.

I braved myself and took a quick glance over the spectators eagerly waiting for my reply, yet I saw nothing but his face among the multitude - him whom I truly love, the man I wished is the one standing beside me - Donghae. 

The sadness was evident in his eyes and I couldn’t bear knowing that I am the cause of it. I just wanted to run away and throw myself into his arms, to feel the warmth of his embrace and tell him I love him. But, to be with him is like a curse that would surely destroy everything he has, so I could only leave. I chose to be coward who did not fight for his love. I am so afraid of risking and completely losing him. So if it takes to break my own heart just to save him, I would willingly do it. I would rather suffer without him than to make him suffer with me.

I looked away, repressing the throbbing pain which torments my whole being, yet again another reckless tear escaped my eye. 

My body grew weak...

My arms fell limply...

Both eyes slammed close refusing to see the reality and the future that lies ahead as I finally muttered the words...

"I do…..."