Joonmyun let Jongdae drag him around Seoul. It was a date after all, and Joonmyun was never one to say no to anything. Jongdae was kind, handsome, funny, successful and patient; the perfect boyfriend that everyone sought for. He was patient enough to spend months beside Joonmyun as he slowly tried to piece himself back together. He was kind enough to never yell at Joonmyun, no matter if Joonmyun was unresponsive and cranky. He would constantly crack lame jokes in an effort to lift Joonmyun's low spirits. 

 

And yet, why don't i love him the way he loves me, Joonmyun questioned himself.

 

"Yah," a gentle hand touched his arm. "Joonmyun, do you want boba?" Jongdae asked with a beautiful smile that anyone would have fell head over heels for. His hand lingered on Joonmyun's arm.

 

The older managed a polite smile, as well as a nod. "Coconut, please."

 

"Sure," replied Jongdae. "I'll be back. Don't run away," he joked with a grin. He leaned forward to kiss Joonmyun's smooth cheek before walking towards the boba stand and waiting patiently in line.

 

Joonmyun plopped down on a bench nearby. It felt nice to finally sit after walking around the city all day. As much as Jongdae was kind, he was also just as energetic; if not, more. You're just getting old, he would tease Joonmyun with a mock sympathetic pat on the back.

 

He couldn't help but let a small smile tug at his lips when he saw the younger male fumbling to pull out his wallet from inside the tight pockets of his skinny jeans. He faintly heard Jongdae sputtering sheepish apologies to the man running the boba stand. The man laughed and waved his hand, as if dismissing Jongdae's difficulty with his wallet. Once Jongdae managed to retrieve it, he pulled out a single bill and bowed before handing it to the man. He accepted it with an assuring smile. Joonmyun watched him hand Jongdae two cups of boba and thank him.

 

A string of loud honking brought Joonmyun's attention to the road. After noticing it was just another typical traffic jam in Seoul's busy streets, he glanced back at Jongdae just in time to see the younger turn around too fast and crash into another customer behind him. 

 

"Jongdae..." he mumbled with a sigh. As the boba went tumbling out of Jongdae's hands, he realized how grateful he was for the plastic sheets covering the top of the cups, or else the two other men would be soaked with coconut and honeydew flavored boba. He rushed over to his boyfriend, wanting to prevent any further embarrassment the younger could cause to himself. 

 

He put an amused smile on his face. "Jongdae, you klutz," he teased, walking towards said boy and the two other men beside of him. He bent down to grab their cups of boba laying on the ground. With Jongdae's cup in his hand, Joonmyun tucked his own cup in the crook of his elbow. He reached for the straws in Jongdae's other hand, stabbing the plastic sheet on top of each cup.

 

Joonmyun turned towards the other people with his signature dazzling smile. "Are you two okay? Please forgive my friend here." He handed Jongdae his cup of boba on cue.

 

The taller stranger, slim with dark brown hair casually slicked back, shook his head. "It's no big deal."

 

Joonmyun fixed his attention towards the second guy, another apology fluttering on the tip of his tongue, when he noticed the stranger's radiant eyes staring right back at him, acompanied by a familiar dent in the right side of his cheek.

 

Joonmyun felt his eyes widen. His heart slammed against his chest as he suddenly forgot how to breathe. Both his hands flew up to constrict the cup of boba in a meager attempt to control his trembling hands. The white liquid sloshed around the inside of the cup, looking like waves caught in a hurricane. Jongdae observed Joonmyun's shaking hands and used his free hand to squeeze the older's elbows, trying to soothe him of his abrupt anxiety. The dimpled man frowned, puzzled with Joonmyun's quick change in behavior. Jongdae shot the the two men an apologetic grin before tugging Joonmyun out of line so that they could order. 

 

To his shock, Joonmyun, whom was always well-mannered and gentle, shoved Jongdae away from him with glassy rounded eyes. Jongdae almost fell onto his bottom if it were not for the bench right behind him. Joonmyun stared at him for a second longer, pupils blown and his chest heaving rapidly, before charging towards the dimpled stranger. Jongdae grasped the back of his shirt just in time to yank him back, catching Joonmyun in the process. 

 

"Yah, Joonmyun!" he hissed. He spun the frantic male around and gripped his shoulders firmly. "What's wrong with you all of a sudden? Are you okay?" Joonmyun only shook his head, causing his hair to flop around his forehead. 

 

"What's wrong?" he reiterated with a concerned frown.

 

"Nothing!" Joonmyun squirmed in his hold. "Stop, stop, stop," he whined while thrashing his legs. When Jongdae held him tighter, Joonmyun pounded his fists against Jongdae's chest hard enough for his breath to stutter. Still, he refused to release him. "Let me go, Jongdae! I want to - I have to tell -" Jongdae, being the stubborn man he was, didn't budge. "Let....me....go!!" Joonmyun exclaimed through each heaving breath. He knocked Jongdae backwards with a rough shove. This time, he fell onto the cement with a grunt.

 

Joonmyun bolted towards the dimpled stranger and his companion. The two had almost vanished around the corner of the street, when Joonmyun reached for the shorter man's arm and tugged on it. Both of them stopped walking and peered behind them, drinks in hand. Dimples, stopping because Joonmyun wouldn't let go of him, and the tallest one stopping when he heard panting from behind them.

 

"Uhm," the dimpled man said.

 

An irritated scowl appeared on the tallest's face. "Hi," he greeted coldly. "Can we help you?" He tore Joonmyun's hands off of the dimpled man and stepped forward, towering over Joonmyun. However, Joonmyun wasn't looking at him. He was focused on the shorter male, lips parted and eyes hazy. 

 

"Joonmyun!" Jongdae shouted from a few feet away.

 

The tallest rose an eyebrow. "Oh, Joonmyun, is it?" He slithered a protective arm around the dimpled man's waist. Joonmyun eyed it, noting how wrong it looked. "I'm Sehun. Do you need something?"

 

Yes, he mentally answered. i need him i need him i need him i need him. i need to talk to him, ask how's he's been, why he's back, why why why why why why how how how how how

 

Nothing came out of his mouth. He stood in front of them, mouth continuously opening and closing like a fish. "Joonmyun!" he heard Jongdae shout his name again. He came running up to the other three young men, slightly out of breath. "Sorry about him," he spoke, stepping up beside Joonmyun. He dug his fingernails into the older's elbow with a hard smile directed towards the other two men.

 

"Oh no, no. It's fine," the shorter one replied with a small smile. A dimple flashed, then vanished.

 

Jongdae sighed, "I hope he didn't hurt you."

 

i would never, Joonmyun thought.

 

"I'm fine, really," the dimpled man insisted. The arm around his waist pulled him closer.

 

"If you don't mind, could we leave now? We're kind of busy," Sehun piped up with a tight smile. The delicate man in his arms looked upwards at him with a disapproving frown. Sehun kept his eyes trained on Jongdae and Joonmyun. 

 

"Of course!" Jongdae began pulling Joonmyun back. "Sorry for wasting your time," he bowed and Joonmyun's head down to bow as well. "Have a good day." He his heels, heading the opposite direction from Sehun, when Joonmyun smacked his hand away. "Yah-"

 

"Yixing," Joonmyun whispered; strained, broken, and almost inaudible.

 

However, the dimpled man still whirled around with his eyebrows raised. "You know my name?"

 

Joonmyun nodded. He felt hot tears stabbing the back of his eyes, threatening to spill at any second. "Don't you know me?" He forced himself to smile cheerfully through his teary, blurred eyes.

 

Yixing untangled himself from Sehun's hold, giving him an assuring look; Who in return, reluctantly sighed and released him. Yixing let his eyes travel across every detail of Joonmyun's face. Joonmyun tried to wait patiently, letting the dimpled man's eyes bore into him. "We've met before," Joonmyun informed him through the agonizing silence. He resisted the urge to fling himself at Yixing in desperation to relieve himself from the anguish eating him from the inside out.

 

"I'm sorry, but I don't recognize you at all."

 

 

Today, i fell in love and said farewell, just like before.

 

 

/ /

 

 

Yixing stepped closer to him, feeling cold, hard metal press into the thin fabric of his tshirt. "Shoot me."

 

Joonmyun felt his blood run cold. "I can't and I won't," he said firmly. The shaking of his hands gave away his false bravery. Yixing took the pistol in his graceful hands, guiding it to the area directly over his heart without ever lifting it off his shirt. Joonmyun bit back tears, as well as a sharp gasp. 

 

"Joonmyun, please. Do it for me," Yixing smiled, but there was no dimple. "If you love me-"

 

"Don't say that!" Joonmyun shrieked. He lowered the pistol to his side, hands trembling wildly. "I do love you, but I'm not going to..." He swallowed thickly. "I'm not going to shoot you."

 

Again, Yixing guided the gun to his chest and pressed the barrel against himself, harder than before. "You don't understand."

 

Joonmyun threw the gun down onto the floor. "I do understand, Yixing!" he cried. He felt a lump lodge itself in his throat. "You're tired and you want to die," he sobbed, but no tears fell. He let Yixing cradle him close to his chest as he could only whimper and wrap his arms tight around the taller. He felt that if he stopped hugging him, Yixing would vanish into thin air. "Don't leave me," he whispered into Yixing's warm chest. 

 

"Joonmyun, look at me." 

 

Said boy slowly willed himself to let go and obey. 

 

"I have been on Earth for almost four hundred years." Joonmyun's breath hitched at the reminder. Yixing spoke quietly as if he didn't want to recall any of the memories. "I have seen death, disease and crime. I watched as each and every one of my friends grew old and died. I watched human kind adapt and shape who they are today. I watched as men slaughtered each other because of pointless things, over and over and over." He cupped Joonmyun's cheek with a gentle hand. "I'm so tired of everything. I don't have a reason to live." He gave Joonmyun a peck on the corner of his mouth. "Except for you."

 

"Then, why?" he croaked. He laced his fingers through Yixing's thin, slender ones. "Why do you still want to die?"

 

Yixing pressed their foreheads together, eyes glistening for an unknown reason. "All these years, I watched each person I loved die and leave me." He squeezed their interlocked hands. "I've had enough of it. I can't watch another time. Joonmyun, I love you too much to watch you die." Yixing closed the distance between them with a firm, but tender press of lips.

 

Once they pulled apart, Joonmyun blinked multiple times, forcing his tears back down. He would not cry now. Yixing wanted this, so he would be strong for Yixing.

 

"I-I-I can't do it," the older weakly whispered. A small smile grazed Yixing's lips for a second before his lips curved downwards again. "I can't."

 

Yixing released Joonmyun's hands and bent down to grab the gun laying on the floor. He slapped it into Joonmyun's palm, determined. "You can't, but you will." Tears appeared at the brim of his eyes. "You will do it for me, because I won't stand by and watch you die like I did everyone else," he repeated the words with a fragile, shaking voice.

 

"Why don't you get Luhan to do it, then?!" Joonmyun shouted in frustration, voice cracking at the end. "I can't do this, Yixing! This is against my will!"

 

Yixing pressed his lips together, dimple flashing, before answering him, "Luhan is immortal, too. Immortals can't kill other immortals. Only mortals with this specific gun can kill us," he curled Joonmyun's fingers around the gun, pressing them on the weapon tightly. He forced himself to ignore the frightened whimper that escaped his lover's lips. "I spent my whole life searching for this gun to end my misery. Only last month did I finally find it." His eyes seemed to glow in the dim warehouse, pleading. "Joonmyun, I'm begging you."

 

Joonmyun gripped the pistol hard enough to turn his knuckles white. He closed his eyes; inhaling and exhaling, inhaling and exhaling. He was willing to shoot and kill Yixing in order to end his eternal torment. 

 

Zhang Yixing had spent too much time on Earth, helplessly watching and suffering as the days kept passing. He would do it because he loved Yixing and wanted him to be happy. He wanted the best for him.

 

But, what about afterwards?

 

The guilt he would feel constantly. The gut-wrenching nostalgia. The severe hatred he would feel for himself. The pain of feeling alone and being abandoned, only to realize it was his own fault. That he had put it upon himself. 

 

"Okay," he said simply. With quivering hands, Yixing cupped Joonmyun's face before pressing their lips together. He tasted the warm wetness of salty tears that had trickled from his own eyes. Joonmyun was the first to pull away, feigning a bright smile. "Don't cry," he cooed, wiping Yixing's tears away with the pads of his thumbs. Yixing sniffed and gently pushed Joonmyun's hands away, using the back of his hands to wipe his eyes instead.

 

"I don't want to leave you, but I don't want to watch you leave me," he admitted with watering eyes again. Joonmyun only nodded, cocking the gun and pointing it at Yixing.

 

"Yixing," he began in a low voice. He harshly dug the barrel of the gun into said man's chest, struggling to keep any expression off his face. "I hope you will be happy," he concluded sincerely with a finger dancing on the curve of trigger. The gun wobbled as Joonmyun's hands shook with fear and his eyes stung with tears begging to spill from the corners of his eyes. He inhaled deeply and squeezed his eyes shut.

 

"I love y-"

 

Joonmyun pulled the trigger.

 

 

When he opened his eyes again, Yixing was a crumpled mess on the ground, arms and legs sprawled in various directions. A thin trail of blood trickled out of smiling lips; Those lips that used to sing his name while strumming a guitar, those lips that were always slightly tilted up in a laid back smile, the same lips that had just kissed him minutes before.

 

"Yixing?" His dull, black eyes stared lifelessly at Joonmyun.

 

Joonmyun felt his bottom lip tremble once, twice, and before he knew it, a fat tear fell from each eye and rolled down his cheeks. He slammed the pistol against the wall, feeling a wave of satisfaction when he heard it shatter to bits and pieces. He collapsed on his knees, leaning over Yixing's lifeless body. "Yixing," he wailed. His hands ghosted over Yixing's cheeks as the tears he had been holding eventually dripped down his face and chin, falling on Yixing's cheeks. "Yixing," he repeated his lover's name with a heavy heart. His vision blurred form the flow of tears. "Yixing, I love you, too."

 

 

/ /

 

 

Joonmyun studied the map in his hands. It was his first day at his new job and he was hopelessly lost. He wasn't familiar to Seoul, seeing as he had been born and raised in the more rural areas of Korea. He ran his hand through his hair, struggling to think of different ways he could ask a stranger for directions.

 

Someone collided into his back, causing him to almost fall face first into another pedestrian, were it not for the stranger's hands steadying him. "Oh god, sorry about that," a soft, accented voice apologized. Joonmyun turned around to face the stranger.

 

"It's fine," he assured with an upwards tilt of lips.

 

"I wasn't watching where I was going," the stranger paused to gesture to the cellphone in his hands, "...and before I knew it, I ran into you. I'm sorry!" He spewed out another apology, this time, followed by a polite bow. "I hope you're okay?"

 

Joonmyun smiled. "I'm fine, no worries." The stranger grinned in relief, revealing a cute dimple on the right side of his cheek. "Could you help me though?" he asked, rubbing his neck nervously.

 

"Sure! It's the least I can do," he replied, dimple flashing.

 

Joonmyun rotated the map so that the other man could see it from his angle. "I'm kind of lost and need help getting somewhere," he explained. "Do you, uh, know your way around here?" he inquired the stranger while recalling the slight accent he carried.

 

Again, the stranger's dimple emerged on his cheek as he chuckled, almost bitterly, Joonmyun noticed, before answering. "I do. I've lived here for a very long time."