Sometimes Seungri feels tired, and so he wants to run away.

Sometimes Seungri is tired, because he doesn't understand, what is 'Seungri' really to Big Bang? Is he really in Big Bang, or is he is just there to be the maknae, the one who is supposed to be made fun of, to be laughed at? He is tired of being that. People say he is arrogant, people say he is over-confident, people say that he is just an ungrateful attention , that he should have learnt from his hyungs, that he should have worked harder. But he did. No one will ever knows how hard the boy tried to fit in, to satisfy every one, but no one can see, no one can ever see or even try to see his effort. And maybe, a little part of Lee Seungri is too tired of trying too hard that he wants to give up.

Back to the day, the day he was almost eliminated from Big Bang. It has been such a long time, but until now, the boy still remembers every second of that time, every day he remembers to thank God for giving him a chance to be in here, from a little boy came from a small town who loved to dance, to Big Bang’s Seungri. But no one wants to be the second pick, and a little tiny part of Seungri, too, even though he has been trying so hard to deny the fact. Lee Seunghyun was only a second choice. The sentence is too familiar to Seungri, and it’s hurt, but it’s true, except that he doesn’t understand. It was only 10%, and Seungri made it. He thought what he had proved was enough, and he thought everyone would support him, even though he was only a second choice, but it seemed like he was wrong. Everything was still standing up against him, and he couldn’t figure out why, when he was giving all of his best but his best was still not enough. Seungri felt tired, because whatever he did was not enough, he wanted to break. And many times, Seungri cried hard, but now he doesn’t anymore, not because people have finally understood him, not because he’s not tired anymore, but because he’s getting use to it.


Sometimes, Seungri is lonely. He looks around the big room, is only Seungri alone, and he wonders if he is being left out again. It is not that Seungri doesn't want to get along, he loves his hyungs, how can he not to be honest. He came to Seoul by his own when he was 16 for God’s sake, when every kid at his age was busing making new friends from highschool, 16-year-old Lee Seunghyun was fighting his off to be a singer. He didn’t have enough friends, he didn’t have anyone to joke around, or anyone to would be there to support him, he only had his family back home in Gwangju who had his back, but it wasn’t enough. And so the YG had been his family in Seoul, Big Bang was everything he had in Seoul, everything he had been proud of.

But then, everyone had something else, Big Bang also had their own friends out of the company. Everyone was out for their own lifes, so little Seunghyun was left out, because his life was with Big Bang. For the first time the little boy was left alone in the emptiness, for the first time he ever felt lonely, and he didn’t like it, no one ever likes it. He saw his hyungs with their friends who he didn’t even know, and somehow feeling pity for himself. “That’s the price for being a singer, Lee Seunghyun, don’t be ridiculous and get a hold of yourself!”- Seungri used to tell himself but that clearly didn’t make it better. He was still so lonely, and scared, afraid of the thought that maybe he was something redundant, he was something did not needed. Then so Seungri tried to make friends from everywhere he went, he met thousands of people, asked for their phone numbers, and tried to be friends to all of them, because he thought by doing that he wouldn’t be so lonely again when his hyungs weren’t around anymore. He knew people and people from all over the places that everyone starts to think that he wasn’t care about Big Bang, that the only thing he had ever wanted in the first place was being famous. What the hell, seriously, what the hell? Seungri, no, Lee Seunghyun was just a boy who scared of being alone, who couldn’t stand of the loneliness. And, even right now, when he has thousands of friends in the whole wide world, Seungri still finds himself sitting alone in the big room, feeling the loneliness eating him up inside, it’s just like being back to a 16-year-old Lee Seunghyun who scared of being left out. But Seungri isn’t scared of being lonely anymore, not because he’s not lonely, but because he’s getting use to it.


Sometimes, Seungri feels lost. Honestly, Seungri feels lost all the time. He felt lost when he realized that dancing was not this best talent anymore, Youngbae has been so much better than h