It was almost two in the morning, as I was surfing the internet, desperate for some entertainment when I came across it.

In bold, it clearly stated that Kris had started solo activities. I felt my chest tighten as I clicked on the link, as my curiosity builds. I found myself thinking back to the day where he left us, although it wasn’t all that long ago, and the other members are trying their hardest to move on, and stay strong as a family, my emotions wouldn’t let me do that.

“According to Chinese media source Sina, Kris will start solo activities and take part in the recording of the OST for Chinese Film, Tiny Times 3.”

I scrolled down more, as I found that it had been updated since the original post had been posted. Down at the bottom, it had a link to the OST. I sat there, staring at my screen for a few moments before finally deciding to give it a listen. As he started to sing, I could feel all the memories of when he left flooding back to me. Just something simply like this, a song, was enough to make me shed a few tears.

“We promised not to leave each other,
must always be together,
even though we had to fight against time,
even though the whole world turned its back to us.
Snowflakes are blown into shining pieces by wind.
Our hairs are whitened.
We said that we would venture into the world together.”

At around that point, all the tears that I had been holding back spilled out of my eyes. They were so similar to the words that he not only told EXO, but me. Kris, or should I say, Yifan, meant the world to me. Heck, he still does. I don’t think that I’ll ever find someone quite like him ever again. But I don’t want to ever forgive him for hurting me, and the others like this. But I sure know that with one quick look in the eye, and a soft smile, my heart changes purpose and instantly falls for him once again. If I ever meet with him again, I want to stay strong. But in my current state right now, I think I’d be more ashamed for him to see me like this.

Because there’s one thing I’m sure of.

I love Wu Yifan with every little thing I’ve got, and that’s not going to change anytime soon, and I hate that. I hate that so much. I hate that I had to get so attached to someone that thought of me as only their younger brother. I hate that I had to get so attached to someone that would only just leave me in the end, just like everyone else does. I hate that now whenever I even think of wearing, or buying Gucci, it just reminds me of you.

And I hate that very much. Everywhere I go, I’m being reminded of you. All I want right now is just to forget, forget about everything. Forget about you. But I’m foolish, I know that I can’t do that.

And before I know it, more tears are rolling down my face and I can’t stop them as I sob uncontrollably, hugging my hands to my chest, pushing my laptop away.

It’s just so unfair.

That night, I fell asleep with tears staining my cheek, curled up into a ball. Now, I’m starting from step one, once again, the wounds still feel as they are fresh.

But the one thing that bothers me most, is that I never once told him how I felt, and I’ll never get that chance to.

I think it’s for the best, though.

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I hope you guys enjoyed it! Please don't ask, I was so tempted to write something about Kris's OST I just couldn't help myself ahaha. It's strange though, considering I'm not a huge angst fan. But, comments would be highly appreciated! <3