There's Something About Mary

 

 

The best thing about Sundays, Chanyeol thinks, isn't really the peace and tranquility that could only be found at The Beanery, or the pleasantly hot caramel latte that warms him up just right in the middle of winter. Neither is it the aromatic scent of roasted coffee beans in the air or the great indie/pop playlist softly playing in the background.

 

Chanyeol's Sundays are complete because he gets to sit in his favourite booth in the quiet corner and revel in the beauty that is Mary. Her name isn't exactly Mary, but Chanyeol likes to think that it is because -- well, she's akin to the girl in the romcom starring Cameron Diaz.

 

There's just something about the way she moves as she goes about her duty, the way she brightens up the room (and Chanyeol's life) with her gorgeous eye-smiles, and the certain airy bounce in every step she takes. Her hair effortlessly falls in all the right places and although Chanyeol has always preferred long, wavy hair on girls, Mary rocks the short crop perfectly well. Her pale legs are smooth and shapely, accentuated by her heels, and she’s always wearing dainty dresses or skirts over a pair of leggings that would show off her amazing body; perfectly broad shoulders that tapers off at her full hips. She’s never seen without the rim of black lining her almond-shaped eyes, and it gives off a feminine yet bold vibe that reels Chanyeol in. The list is non-exhaustive and with every passing Sunday, Chanyeol leaves the Beanery finding that his list has grown comparatively longer as opposed to the previous week's.

 

It's week seven of Chanyeol's routinely visit to The Beanery and much to his disappointment, the sight that greets him is one that is pronouncedly unfamiliar and highly unprecedented. Instead of Pretty Mary, a short owl-eyed boy, no older than he was, stands behind the counter, taking a customer's order. A glance around tells of the girl's absence, a note that doesn't sit well with him. It's not right how Mary's cheerful smile isn't the first thing he sees when he walks through the glass doors, how her chirpy tone doesn't say how it's a lovely afternoon (to which Chanyeol always gives an awkward nod in reply for fear of committing an embarrassing blunder) and asks what he feels like having.

 

On weeks when the number of crap days he has had at college outnumbers that of good days, Chanyeol often navigates his way to the cafe with certainty that Mary could overturn his foul mood. She doesn't even have to look his way; just hearing her tinkle of laughter at a distance and gazing at the way she gaily bounds from one table to another makes his heart flutter, melting all his pent up frustrations like ice that's left out in the sun. Don't get him wrong, he doesnt take to stalking the girl although it's subjective, the fact that he frequents this particular branch just for her. But there's just something about her. Something that makes her extremely attractive in Chanyeol's eyes. That's saying a lot because Chanyeol has always known that he was gay; confirmed during Sehun's 14th birthday bash when he found that he wanted to kiss his senior, Kris, rather than his own then-girlfriend Jinri. But Mary is a girl. So that makes him not gay, right? Or does it just mean that he bats for both teams?

 

There are just too many confusing questions running through his mind and it's disturbing enough that Mary isn't here to ease those thoughts, so Chanyeol figures he would need a dose of something stronger today.

 

"Excuse me, sir, you're holding up the line," the barista says, clearly trying to keep from raising his voice.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'd like a black coffee please." Chanyeol sheepishly rubs the back of his neck as the owl-eyed boy calls over his shoulder to inform the other barista of the order.

 

"No caramel latte for you today, sir?" Chanyeol whips his head around so fast at the familiarly pleasant tone, he swore he heard his neck crack. There, standing in all her flawless glory, was Mary, with her usual green apron wrapped around her petite waist. Chanyeol is quick to notice something missing, though. Her smile is certainly there, but there is a lack of shine in them. They look dimmer than they usually are, and if Chanyeol isn't so observant, he would have missed the growing eye bags under her eyes and the sad weariness laced in her tone.

 

Before he could even gather himself (Mary is staring right at him) she is whisked away by the owl-eyed barista who takes her behind the counter by the arm and talks to her in an urgently hushed tone. Chanyeol doesn't mean to invade their privacy and eavesdrop but he couldn't help himself. For one, they were standing close enough for him to hear every word, and secondly, he is concerned for Mary and what could have caused her to turn up to work looking less like herself.

 

"You know you aren't supposed to be here today," owl-eyed barista chides the other.

 

"Don't be silly. You need all the help you can get here. You and Yixing can't do everything on your own," Mary says softly, her eyes almost pleading.

 

"But you're in no condition to work."

 

"Nonsense," Mary waves a dismissive hand, "I'm fine, Kyung."

 

Owl-eyed boy, who Chanyeol has come to know as Kyung, stares at Mary with a hard, disapproving gaze. Their conversation ends abruptly when the other barista, Yixing, calls out Chanyeol's order of a black coffee.

 

"I'm okay, Kyungsoo," Mary reassures him once more before he reluctantly peels away to return to the cash register. It’s when Chanyeol is clumsily handing over the required amount of won and gathering his cup of coffee in his hand that he sneaks another glance at Mary who throws him a gentle smile, that Chanyeol is reminded of how Mary has committed him and his preference of beverage to memory. The thought sends butterflies to his stomach as he takes a seat at his usual.

 

The rest of the Sunday goes by like it always does, much to Chanyeol’s delight, and it was as if the seemingly important conversation between the baristas had never occurred. Ever since Mary had acknowledged his existence when she had questioned him of his change of usual choice of coffee, Chanyeol is pleased to find that she had been throwing him not-so-subtle glances in his direction, albeit accompanied by shy smiles that are uncharacteristic of her bubbly personality. Chanyeol’s heart beats just a tad bit faster whenever he looks up from his Managerial Economics notes and ends up locking eyes with Mary for a brief second before the girl would look away, hiding a cute giggle behind her small hand.

 

Feeling a surge of boldness from the day’s favourable events, Chanyeol does the one thing he hadn’t been courageous enough to do. He stays till the last few minutes before the little café is due to close. He’s relieved that he is the only customer left, because then he wouldn’t have to care about making a fool out of himself in front of others when he goes up to her and says:

 

“Hey, um, hi, I know this is weird and probably just downright creepy but the only reason why I’ve been coming here is because. Well, because you’re cute. Wait-- that’s not how it’s supposed to go. I mean, the coffee is great, but your presence makes it better because, uh, you’re really attractive and I guess…” Chanyeol trails off, realising a little too late that he’s coming across as a creep and he’s pretty sure his right eye is doing that darn weird as hell twitching it always does when he’s excited or nervous and rambling as he is doing now. It doesn’t help that Mary’s got this small smile on her face that’s almost as if she’s sympathizing with him.

 

Chanyeol hopes that all is not lost when he takes a deep breath to compose himself, and then he’s breathlessly saying, “Your smile is beautiful.”

 

There’s a beat of silence before Mary’s smile widens, the corners of her lips pulling higher up her face till her eyes are creasing in the corners, and she’s flashing him one of her genuine eye-smiles that makes Chanyeol’s heart race.

 

The perfect moment is ruined when owl-eyed boy suddenly emerges from the back room and calls out to the last (unwanted) customer.

 

“Hey, we’re closing. You can come back tomorrow.”

 

Before Chanyeol could say anything, Mary saves him the trouble. “He’s with me, Kyung.”

 

Kyungsoo warily narrows his eyes at the tall lanky boy who’s nervously shifting his weight from one foot to another under the intense gaze. He almost as if he’s scrutinizing every aspect of him, and it made Chanyeol slightly uncomfortable. He does another once over and finally meets Chanyeol’s hesitant gaze.

 

“What’s your name?” He gruffly asks, in spite of his small stature.

 

“Park Chanyeol.”

 

“Are you working or studying?”

 

“First year in Uni. I’m studying Business,” Chanyeol quickly replies to please the boy. Kyungsoo continues to stare menacingly at him.

 

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says, finally letting up his withstanding posture, unfolding his arms to let them fall by his sides. “If you do anything to hurt my friend, you’re dead meat. You got it? I don’t care that you’re a year older than me which technically makes you my hyung--” Chanyeol’s eyes widen in disbelief at this fact “—but I will chop your balls off your sorry excuse of a and feed them to the geese if I find out that you upset her.”

 

Chanyeol is quick to nod in ardent agreement after Kyungsoo’s third-degree interrogation. Mary laughs and does something unexpected. She grabs onto Chanyeol’s forearm and steers him towards the exit.

 

“We’ll be going now, Kyung! See you tomorrow!”

 

“Yah, Park Chanyeol, get her home safely please!” Kyungsoo manages to shout just as they make it through the glass doors and into the silence of the night.

 

“So, Chanyeol, huh?” Mary looks up to him with a hint of a smile, letting go of the arm and shoving her hands into the pocket of her winter coat. Chanyeol wonders what he has done right to finally get a walk home with the girl he’s been crushing on for weeks. But he knows he should enjoy it while it’s happening.

 

“Yeah. And you are?”

 

“I’m…” Mary pauses, as if contemplating something. “I’m Baekhyun.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol grins. “And I’m really sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable. I just didn’t have the guts to talk to you.”

 

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun returns the grin with a coy smile. “Wanna know a secret?”

 

“Yeah. What is it?”

 

“I’ve noticed you since you first came to the cafe. I was just afraid to talk to you too.”

 

Chanyeol feels reassured by her words, all his doubts about her not wanting to be near him because of his weirdness washed away with that shy confession of hers. Their walk is accompanied by Baekhyun’s constant questions about himself, and Chanyeol finds that this, this level of comfortableness that’s often difficult to achieve with someone you’ve just met, is more than he could ever bargain for. Mary is turning out to be even better than he’d imagined her to be. She’s sweet, witty, gorgeous, but also shy and adorable at the same time.

 

Before he knows it, they’ve turned around a corner to a sidewalk that leads to Baekhyun’s place just as Chanyeol ends his story about the horrible food in the cafeteria at the Management building at campus.

 

“Well, this is me,” Baekhyun says, nodding in the direction of a complex that’s painted a new age shade of grey. Chanyeol swallows the slight disappointment that has welled in his throat, looking to Baekhyun expectantly.

 

“Thanks for walking me home. You didn’t have to, you know.” Baekhyun is gazing up at him through her long lashes, a tint of healthy red adorning her cheeks from the half an hour’s walk in the unforgiving temperature.

 

“I did. Didn’t you hear Kyungsoo’s threat?” Chanyeol jokes, picking at his gloves. “Besides, I wanted to.”

 

“Oh, don’t mind that midget. He’s always making empty threats. He’s only like that because people take advantage of his size. He’s not a violent person, I assure you.” Chanyeol laughs along with Baekhyun, though he’s paying more attention to the melodious tinkle of her laughter as compared to his boisterous one that’s more of a low rumble.

 

“I’m really thankful for your help, though," Mary looks like she's batting her eyelids but there's a bashful quality to it that makes Chanyeol wonder if the girl is even real. She's just so... sigh. There were really no words to describe how perfect she was in Chanyeol's eyes.

 

"There’s been an influx of drunkards in the neighbourhood and Kyungsoo doesn’t trust me to be on my own in the dark," Baekhyun continues, "Well, my mum is concerned too but not as concerned as Mother Kyungsoo, apparently."

 

Chanyeol sees this as an opportunity. “I could walk you home every night after your shift ends.”

 

Baekhyun looks thoroughly surprised. “You would do that?”

 

“Yeah, sure. Why not?” Chanyeol shrugs. “They’re right. A girl like you shouldn’t be out alone on the streets at this hour. Especially if you might run into danger.” There’s a flash of apprehension when Chanyeol mentions about her being out alone, but she quickly conceals it with the coy biting of her lower lip. Chanyeol is unable to push away the brief thought of how soft her lips look. In the back of his mind, he wonders how they might taste. Probably like cotton candy, or cherries, or whatever lip balm flavor she uses.

 

“I-I’d like that,” Baekhyun stutters bashfully, and Chanyeol’s heart does that crazy thing again that only happens whenever Mary’s around.

 

+

 

In the next few weeks, Chanyeol patiently (and excitedly) waits for Baekhyun to get off work every Sunday, which happens to be the only day in which her shift ends at night. Chanyeol learns something new about Baekhyun with every walk. He finds out that she’s a few months older than him, that she’s an only child and that she doesn’t go to school but is homeschooled by her mother who used to teach Math at some prestigious school in Canada. She’s not much of a social person, so her circle of friends is made up of that of her colleagues, Kyungsoo and Yixing, and Kyungsoo’s close friend, Jongin. She spends her time practicing her singing and bakes when she’s unhappy or when she’s got a lot on her mind.

 

Chanyeol takes to walking Baekhyun home regardless whether her work ends at night (which means that he drops by every day now) but Baekhyun insists that it’s unnecessary since she hasn’t had an encounter with the drunkards ever since that night.

 

Which led Chanyeol to question, “What happened that night? That Sunday afternoon when you came in late for work looking tired… that had something to do with that night, doesn’t it?”

 

Baekhyun sighs in defeat. There’s no point in trying to lie to Chanyeol because she knows how persistent he could get. It’s been proven in the way he has constantly come by The Beanery hoping he’d catch her attention.

 

“I was walking home that night after an impromptu Saturday night shift and I stumbled into a group of drunken men. I pretended not to notice them when they catcalled me but they got angry that I wasn’t responding so they blocked my path. I tried to get around them but they…” Baekhyun pauses, her hold on her mug of cocoa tightening as she struggles to compose herself. Chanyeol notices the tremble in her body, the way her shoulders shake from the trauma of the memory, and he doesn’t think he has seen her this vulnerable. It’s such a far cry from her usual confident and happy demeanor.

 

“They didn’t do anything to you, did they?” Chanyeol urgently asks, anger suddenly bubbling in the pit of his stomach. To think there were such bastards who would do such a thing to a helpless girl.

 

“No, not anything serious. Just…” Baekhyun trails off, a stray tear escaping her eye. She hastily wipes at it and looks up to meet Chanyeol’s concerned gaze with a forced smile. “I’m fine, Chanyeol. There’s nothing to be worried about.”

 

Chanyeol doesn’t look too convinced, so Baekhyun adds to prove a point, waggling her eyebrows comically to lighten the mood, “You can continue walking me home if it bothers you that much.”

 

+

 

On the third week of bodyguard-ing, as Baekhyun had termed it, Chanyeol dropped by with a bouquet of flowers in tow. Just the week before, Baekhyun had mentioned about seeing a flower in a tree. It was just in passing, and she might not even remember it. But sunflowers were pretty and they reminded him of Baekhyun, and Chanyeol thought, what better way to woo Mary than with flowers?

 

"Are those for me?" Baekhyun asks as she takes a hold of Chanyeol's outstretched arm. Her eyes crinkle with amusement and it makes Chanyeol's throat go dry. Instead of an answer, he presents it to her in a theatrical manner. Baekhyun giggles as she accepts the gift.

 

"They're lovely!" She cries, burying her nose into the flowers. It tickles her nostrils and she ends up sneezing.

 

"Bless you," Chanyeol chuckles, beaming at the way she rubs cutely at her nose.

 

"Lovely flowers for a lovely Mar--" Chanyeol catches himself, biting his tongue before he could let the name slip. It's not right, he realizes. He should really stop painting a picture of a Mary in his head.

 

+

 

 

Chanyeol has never been good at predicting, considering how he lacks in the common sense department, but if there’s something he’s been right about, it’s the fact that Mary – or Baekhyun – is really something special. With every passing day, Chanyeol finds himself falling harder for Baekhyun. It only confuses him further because he’s starting to question his uality.

 

And that’s where things start to go wrong. Chanyeol finds himself desperate for answers to his questions about his uality. Things were normal that fine late December’s day. Until Chanyeol decided that he needs to steer about his problem.

 

Baekhyun had opted to take a shorter route today because her feet were aching from the busy day at The Beanery, with the holidays right around the corner and people wanting to spend some quiet quality time with their loved ones, but Chanyeol shot the idea down. Instead, he offered to carry Baekhyun on his back. Baekhyun hadn’t been too fond of the suggestion but if there’s one thing Chanyeol has discovered about Baekhyun, it’s the fact that she absolutely enjoys being pampered by Chanyeol. She doesn’t say it, but he could tell by the way her mood would go from grumpy to adorably hyper whenever Chanyeol bought her her favourite ddeobokki to cheer her up.

 

Baekhyun has grown extremely comfortable in Chanyeol’s presence, and Chanyeol wouldn’t have it any other way because he likes the way Baekhyun relies on him. She clings onto his neck to keep from falling, her slender fingers digging into his throat whenever he threatened to let go of her. He can’t stop laughing whenever she lets out a high-pitched scream when he suddenly swoops down such that she almost falls off his back. Chanyeol loves it when they’re engulfed in thoughtful silence, with Baekhyun’s soft humming pleasantly filling in the gaps, just as it was now.

 

And then it hits him – he’s been pining for his own Mary, and then Byun Baekhyun comes along. What’s stopping him from doing so now? The fact that he’s gay and she’s a girl? Chanyeol decides he has to confirm his suspicions about liking girls the same way he has always liked boys.

 

So he kisses her. Or more like she kisses him. Right at her doorstep when she’s rewarding him with the usual kiss goodbye on the cheek. He catches her by surprise, angling his face such that she accidentally catches his lips instead. It’s not a full-on, romantic kind of first kiss, but just the grazing of her lip against the corner of his, and it sends a rush of adrenaline through his veins all the same.

 

It was supposed to end there, and she was supposed to slap him in utter shock, but that’s not what she did. She surprises him this time by tugging at the front collar of his sweatshirt, crashing their lips with the force of a hundred snowflakes, kissing him fervently. It takes Chanyeol a moment to register what’s happening before he’s returning the gesture, moving his lips against hers as if it were second nature. But as suddenly as it had occurred, Baekhyun is releasing the hold her lips has over his, and then pushing him away with her small hands pressed up against his broad chest. The confusion and anger in her eyes isn’t one Chanyeol could identify with, and he’s swamped with regret at having done what he had despite getting a clear indication of his feelings. Because now it’s certain that she hates him and his guts, as it’s reflected in her expression.

 

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Baekhyun says lowly. Her lips are pressed into a thin line and she has an arm wrapped around her chest, the other moving to cup as if she was afraid she might start losing it.

 

“I like you, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol confesses.

 

“You can’t.” Baekhyun firmly asserts despite the wavering in her voice. “You can’t like me.”

 

“Why not?” Chanyeol demands. He has been expecting a rejection, but this clearly wasn’t Baekhyun rejecting him. This was her wanting him to reject her.

 

“Because you can’t. I’m not who you think I am.” Chanyeol hates the fact that he’s causing Baekhyun’s eyes to glisten in the moonlight, but he needs to get to the bottom of this. He needs Baekhyun to know that whatever it is, he’s not going to leave her now. He’s still here after weeks of being attracted to her Mary-like charms.

 

“Yes, I do. You’re Byun Baekhyun. You like all kinds of candy and cookies. You like it when it’s sunny out, because it’s warm and it reminds you of your mother’s kindness, and you’d do anything for a container of ddeobokki. You’re just as sweet as how you like your tea to be, and when you’re happy, you smile that beautiful smile of yours where your eyes crinkle at the corners--”

 

“--Stop it,” Baekhyun pleads, but Chanyeol isn’t having any of that. He’s not going to stop because it’s the truth and it needs to be heard.

 

“…And when you laugh at my jokes, you throw your head back as if it’s the funniest thing in the world, even the lame ones. You’re witty and cute when you scrunch your nose in thought, and god, you’re gorgeous just as you are, but if I’d have to choose one thing I love about you, it’d be—”

 

“STOP IT! I said you can’t like me!” Baekhyun’s shout resonates in the quiet silence of the night, and it’s heavier than her usual shrieks of protest. Chanyeol knows he has really done it this time. Her lips are quivering, and he’s certain that it’s not from the cold.

 

“I’m sorry, Chanyeol, but you need to leave. You don’t really like me.” Chanyeol doesn’t protest when she gently shoves him in the other direction.

 

“I hope you find someone better,” Baekhyun says, looking away as she turns around to run away to the comforts of her home.

 

Chanyeol stands there all alone on the doorstep of the complex, feeling as if his unrealistic ideals of Mary have come back to bite him in the .

 

+

 

Chanyeol spends the week wallowing in misery and pondering over what he could have done better so that Baekhyun wouldn’t have had to assume that he expected a lot from her. By the time Sunday rolled around once more, he had made no progress on it. Because he had come to realize that all those times he has spent with her, he hasn’t pegged her out to be somebody she isn’t. He’s been seeing her as Byun Baekhyun, and not anybody else. Especially not Mary. He has fallen for Byun Baekhyun and not some idealistic view of the girl Cameron Diaz had portrayed in that darn movie. Who cares about a silly movie about a guy who can’t get over a seemingly perfect girl? Well, the Chanyeol before Baekhyun. But now that he has come to know of the beautiful personality behind the pretty face, Chanyeol doesn’t want to think of Baekhyun as Mary anymore. That thought should be thrashed, hurled far away into to the mountains of every douchebags’ impractical expectations of the perfect woman.

 

When Kyungsoo sees Chanyeol walking into The Beanery with a somewhat lost expression plastered on his face, the first thing he does is to tell Yixing to man the cash register while he goes to “set the record straight” with someone. He’s considerably relieved that there aren’t many patrons at this hour, though he would have ordered the trainee, Ji Eun, to take over his duties for a bit if there was a line at the counter, for this issue he had to deal with is comparatively consequential because it was the reason why his friend has called in sick the past week and even contemplated on quitting her part-time job.

 

Kyungsoo marches right over to the table at the far corner and glares down at the sitting boy, arms tightly wounded across his chest. Chanyeol has to admit, he looks really intimidating despite his size, but he was too weary to even be afraid of what the owl-eyed boy might do.

 

“Didn’t I specifically tell you not to hurt my friend? Don’t you value your balls enough? Don’t you want to have kids someday?”

 

“I’m gay, I don’t think I could impregnate my partner if he were a guy,” Chanyeol replies as a matter-of-factly, though his voice is lower than his typically happier tone and he sounds very much defeated. “Or maybe I’m bi? I don’t know anymore. I just really, really like Baekhyun,” he adds as an afterthought under his breath.

 

Kyungsoo literally stumbles backward at the unexpected disclosure and his arms fall from his chest, a loud gasp escaping his plump lips before a hand flies up to cover his gaping mouth.

 

“Should have known you were homophobic,” Chanyeol mutters under his breath as he whips his phone out to do his useless customary check of messages from a certain girl. Not surprisingly, there isn’t a call or text from her, just like it’s been for the past week. He feels empty, like a jarred hole in his life, at how his inbox isn’t overflowing with Baekhyun’s emoticon and aegyo-filled texts anymore.

 

“No, no, I’m not,” Kyungsoo rushes to explain, taking a step forward to get Chanyeol’s attention once again, “In fact, I have a boyfriend.”

 

Chanyeol’s eyes flicker up in surprise. “You do?”

 

“Yeah, but please keep this to yourself,” Kyungsoo hurriedly says, his voice dropping to a whisper.

 

“Don’t worry, I will,” Chanyeol reassures him. There was no need for explanations. They live in a society where it’s a sensitive subject and those who don’t stick to the status quo are often shunned.

 

“My uality isn’t the topic here. I’m here to talk about Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo adopts a business-like tone again, but this time, it’s softer and less rigid than the one he always uses with Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol’s ears perk up at the name and he instinctively glances around as if checking to see if she were there. But there’s no sign of her anywhere.

 

“She told me everything that happened.” Kyungsoo frowns. “And she told me of how she felt about you.”

 

Chanyeol sighs, running a hand through the dark locks of his hair. “I know, I know. She doesn’t want me liking her in that way.”

 

There’s a pause in which Kyungsoo watches as Chanyeol struggles to bring his thoughts forth. “I just don’t get it, though. She says I can’t like her. If she’s rejecting me, she should just say that she doesn’t like me in that way, right? Is she just twisting her words and making them confusing for the fun of it?”

 

Kyungsoo’s shoulders sags a little as he pulls up the chair across the table and slides into it.

 

“She’s not,” Kyungsoo says quietly. “She really means what she says. That you can’t like her.”

 

Chanyeol allows himself time to digest Kyungsoo’s words. Things are becoming a bit clearer than they had been as he finally clears his doubts of the truth behind her words. “So she’s not saying that she doesn’t like me? That it’s just me who can’t like her?”

 

“I think you’re getting it.” Kyungsoo offers an encouraging smile. Chanyeol has to bite back a laugh at that because it’s weird to see a smile gracing the boy’s face when all he has ever seen is a scowl on it.

 

“So Baekhyun’s feelings for me aren’t non-existent? She actually feels the same way about me the way I do about her?” Chanyeol’s heart reignites with a small flame of hope. All was not lost.

 

“You could say that,” Kyungsoo slowly says, weighing out the impact of his words, careful not to give anything away.

 

“So what exactly did Baekhyun say?” Chanyeol presses as he leans forward. “If she returns my feelings then why is she pushing me away?”

 

“That’s not something I could tell you. You’ll need to ask her yourself.” Kyungsoo ruefully says. He gets up on his feet and dusts his pants. “You’re a nice guy, Chanyeol. She could really use someone like you in her life.”

 

“She doesn’t open up to people as easily as she does to you. I hope you’ll fight for her, Chanyeol.”

 

+

 

Chanyeol manages to convince Kyungsoo to get Baekhyun to come to the café when it closes on the pretense that he was having an emergency. Kyungsoo was certain that his best friend would turn up, she would never forsake him.

 

Chanyeol hides out in the corner, anxiously sneaking glances at the door, as he awaits her arrival. The overhead bell chimes close to fifteen minutes later and a disheveled looking Baekhyun enters, decked in a pair of black leggings and sweatshirt despite the chilly weather outside.

 

“Oh, Baek, glad you could make it,” Kyungsoo greets him chirpily, not wasting a second as he bounds towards his friend to direct him to where Chanyeol was.

 

“What’s the emergen – what are you doing here?” Baekhyun’s eyes turn wide as she drinks in Chanyeol’s appearance. He doesn’t look that different from her; not a total mess, but not that great either, considering how both their eye bags were anchoring down their sunken eyes.

 

“I…” Chanyeol fishes around for the right words to say, and in the end he settles for, “I came to fight for you.”

 

“No, you’ve misunderstood what I meant. We really can’t be together.” Baekhyun shakes her head. Kyungsoo slowly fades into the background, disappearing into the back to give the two some privacy.

 

“So you’re admitting your feelings for me?” Chanyeol catches onto the words she had let slip. Baekhyun’s lower lip juts out at the realisation of her stupid blunder. She closes her eyes for a moment and shakes her head wearily before turning around and heading out to leave. Chanyeol follows after her, trailing close behind. She’s trying her best to rid herself of him, and it’s obvious in the way her steps are quickening as the leaves beneath her winter boots crackle, but she fails miserably as Chanyeol finds it easy to catch up with her.

 

“Your legs aren’t long, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol teases, falling into step with her, “How long do you think you can run away from me?” He’s referring to all the unanswered texts and calls, and all the shifts Baekhyun has missed over the week. He’s certain that Baekhyun understands just what he means by it.

 

“I’m going to keep running until you leave me alone.” Baekhyun snaps, though it’s not as harsh as she would have liked it to be. The gust of nippy wind is still more callous as compared to her words, just because they both know she doesn’t mean it.

 

“You can run all you want, Baek, but you can’t run away from your feelings.” Chanyeol slows to a stop as Baekhyun halts in her tracks, a few feet away from him.

 

“I just want to know. Do you feel the same way?” Chanyeol ventures. “Does your heart beat as fast as mine does whenever we’re together? Does being with me make you happy like it has made me over the past two months we’ve known each other?”

 

There’s a long, nerve-wrecking pause, and Chanyeol could feel Baekhyun holding her breath just like him. He could almost hear her thoughts whirring in her head, as if struggling to continue her pointless front despite Chanyeol having seen through her and read her thoughts like an open book.

 

Baekhyun slowly turns around to face him. “Chanyeol…”

 

opens as if wanting to say something, but then she closes them again, scrunching her nose like she always does when she’s deep in thought. Just as Chanyeol thinks that she was going to finally make her innermost feelings known, a thunderous shout pierces through the air and they both turn to see a group of three men making their way towards them from across the fairly deserted street.

 

“Look, it’s that pretty girl again,” one of them coos as the other two laugh manically. Chanyeol grits his teeth at the disgusting underlying tone, tearing his gaze away from the men to glance at Baekhyun. He’s mildly horrified to see that Baekhyun is visibly trembling, fear shining bright in her eyes. It doesn’t take an expert to figure out who those men were.

 

“They’re the same men you ran into the other night, aren’t they? The same repulsive ones who disturbed you?” Baekhyun doesn’t look up but she could hear anger dripping from every word he spits out.

 

“Don’t worry, Baek. I’m here. I won’t let them anywhere near you,” Chanyeol says determinedly, moving to stand in front of Baekhyun to create some sort of a barrier between her and the men. A firm hand grips onto his forearm and he inclines his head over his shoulder.

 

“Don’t do anything, Chanyeol. Ignore them. Just take me home, please,” Baekhyun pleads.

 

Chanyeol takes one glance at the panic etched in her features and decides it’s best if he brought her home safely instead of confronting them.

 

“Okay,” Chanyeol nods. “Come on.”

 

He turns away from the approaching men and reaches out for her hand, pulling her along gently. He’s pleasantly surprised when she loosens his grip on her just so she could intertwine their fingers together, pressing closer into his side to seek comfort. They were about to turn a corner when one of the men calls out to them.

 

“Running away like the coward you are, Baekhyunnie?”

 

Chanyeol freezes. He barely registers Baekhyun tensing beside him.

 

"You can change your name and play dress up but you'll always be who you are. Nothing but a ," the man sneers as he flicks his cig to the snow-covered ground beneath. They were clearly not going to make a move, having stopped across the street. Chanyeol is thoroughly confused with the whole situation, but before he could even contemplate on the reason behind it all, Baekhyun starts to tug at his arm.

 

"Let's go," she says softly, clearly trying to hold her tears in. There's also a hint of defeat in her every action, but Chanyeol doesn't question anything, just lets her pull him along. The walk back home has never been as deathly silent as it was now. Baekhyun quietly sobs beside Chanyeol, though Chanyeol isn't quite sure what to do or say, so he just squeezes her hand to let her know that he was right there with her. They finally arrive after what seemed like an eternity of salty tears and edgy silence. Baekhyun loosens her grip on Chanyeol's hand and places some much needed distance between them as she takes an immense breath, clasping her hands in front of her.

 

"I'm sorry you had to hear that," she breaks the silence with a sniffle and an obvious attempt to brighten up. Chanyeol waits for her to do some kind of explanation but she stops right there.

 

"You know who they are," Chanyeol probes. It's not a question because what had happened back there is a clear indication of some unresolved issue between Baekhyun and those men.

 

"Do you want the whole sob story?" She asks, peering up at Chanyeol who looks more than eager to finally know the truth. The steps at the far end of the staircase becomes their makeshift confession zone as they sit side by side, knees bumping against each other's.

 

"I know you'll be mad at me and would probably find me disgusting after I tell you this, and you'd have every right to be."

 

Baekhyun plays with her own slender fingers in her lap, glancing down where she feels her courage is at. "You like her, don't you?"

 

"No, I like you." Chanyeol frowns, not quite comprehending. 

 

"You see, Chanyeol, I'm not a girl." Chanyeol stares at her -- or him?-- in befuddlement. "You only see me as a girl because I dress like one."

 

Baekhyun's voice suddenly drops an octave lower. She doesn't sound like she usually does, but her voice definitely sounds a little more on the manlier side as compared to when she (or he) had faked it to be of a higher pitch. 

 

"How'd you do that?" Is all Chanyeol manages to splutter out in reply.

 

Baekhyun giggles, the same tinkle of laughter he always has. "I've had years of practice.  It's like I have a switch in me. I can turn it on and off whenever I want to."

 

"So let me get this straight. You're a guy?" Chanyeol repeats, not quite able digest a news this colossal. "You, Byun Baekhyun, are a boy?"

 

"Well, as far as I know I've got a and no s or a so, yeah." Baekhyun attempts to joke but he can't stop himself from doings that thing he always does with his lip, destroying the thin layer of skin out of nervousness. 

 

"That still doesn't explain how those men know who you are," Chanyeol points out. Baekhyun sits up a little straighter, just glad that Chanyeol hasn't brunburst out in anger, or worse still, run away, yet.

 

"Right. You know how I'm home schooled?" Baekhyun pauses,  watching Chanyeol nod slowly. "There is a reason why I am. I used to study at a government school, back in fifth grade. I was always a quiet kid, no friends, always that boy sitting all alone in the back of he class. Kids didn't bother me and I was content being all by myself. Then I started to experiment with crossdressing, and I liked how it made me feel. For once, I felt like I could be comfortable in my own skin."

 

Chanyeol stays unspeaking, wanting to hear the whole story despite the flood of questions he has. He sympathizes with the boy. During his high school days, he had often felt like he was somebody else because some of his friends hadn't been too accepting of the fact that he was gay, and he had to pretend that he wasn't. The few who stayed were great, supporting him throughout it all, and he was thankful that he whole incident blew over as quickly as it had begun. Nobody really cared to tease or taunt him for his uality anymore, so he could freely be himself.

 

"So I decided to revamp my whole wardrobe, piling them with girl clothes instead. I turned up for classes dressed as a girl, complete with make up, and most of my teachers and classmates thought I was a new transfer student. When they found out I was actually Byun Baekhyun the freak, they were unforgiving. They teased me for who I was. I was constantly being shoved into lockers and subjected to all the horrible things they'd say about me. I was a in their eyes. The first few weeks, I'd come home crying every day. But after awhile, I got used to it and they barely fazed me anymore. The teachers didn't approve of my crossdressing, but there wasn't anything much they could do about it because my mother wrote them a letter telling them to excuse me. My mother is the only one who truly understood why I did what I did. For awhile, things were alright at school. But then the bullying started again, and this time it was worse. They'd corner me after school and take turns beating me.Those men you saw harrassing me... they were actually seniors from the school who used to bully me as well. I moved here last year, but just recently, I stumbled into them."

 

"Back then, I wasn't as defenseless as I know it sounds. I'd fight back with the Hapkido I learnt, but I was always outnumbered. My mother decided she'd had enough of it when I came home one night with a deep gash on my forehead. It needed twelve stitches." Baekhyun lifts his bangs up with his fingers, revealing a faint scar the length of a pin. Chanyeol stares at the scar. It was prominent but strangely enough he was drawn to it, almost as if it were a reminder of the battle Baekhyun had fought in his earlier years.  "So she took me out of the school and we moved here. She didn't want me going back to school, because she says that the same thing will happen again.  She's more than capable to teach me, so she did. I'm supposed to be in college, but she told me to wait a year. She didn't want a repeat of the bullying in high school. I know she means well, but those men are right. I can't run forever, can I?"

 

Baekhyun lets out a long breath, sighing heavily. "This has turned into a therapy session, hasn't it? I didn't mean to dump my problems on you."

 

"It's fine, Baek. I guess it's just the fineprint that comes with liking you," Chanyeol jokes to lighten the mood, which did. Baekhyun laughs, staring fondly at the way Chanyeol's face lights up with a smile.

 

"I'm curious about one thing, though. Why don't you feel comfortable in your own skin? You're beautiful, Baek. I really mean it." Chanyeol says earnestly.

 

"That's because you haven't seen me without my makeup on."  Baekhyun ruefully says. Wordlessly, Chanyeol reaches into the pocket of his coat to retrieve a hankerchief.

 

(Thank God his mum had forced him to pick up the habit when he was younger)

 

Chanyeol reaches over, cupping Baekhyun’s chin with a hand to turn his face towards him. Their faces are inches away from each other, and Chanyeol hopes Baekhyun isn't able to hear how hard his heart is beating. He keeps a cool facade om the outside, however, remaining as calm and objective as he can. He gently runs the handkerchief on the waterline of Baekhyun’s eye, wiping away the dark kohl drawn on it. He proceeds to do the same for the other eye once he's done till Baekhyun’s eyes are bare save for the light trail of black that stays. 

 

"There," Chanyeol murmurs, pulling away to admire the boy's bare face. "Still beautiful."

 

Baekhyun blushes hard under Chanyeol's intense gaze. Chanyeol makes to pull back but pauses when his eye catches that of a cute little mole right above Baekhyun's lips that makes him infinitely more gorgeous, at least in Chanyeol's eyes.

 

"People aren't very understanding. I like boys, but society thinks it's wrong." Baekhyun admits softly, feeling as if he has just given his heart away. In a way, it's true. He's taking such a big risk, taking that huge leap of faith because he's putting his trust in Chanyeol. Nobody's ever made him feel as comfortable as Chanyeol has. "I'm gay, Chanyeol."

 

There's a beat of silence, in which Baekhyun holds his breath as he waits for the rejection to come. "You can leave if you want to."

 

 

 

 

 

"Is that all?" Chanyeol finally speaks up, rubbing his hands together. "Man, Baekhyun, you can be real melodramatic, you know that?"

 

"That makes a lot of sense," Chanyeol muses, more to himself.

 

"What does?" 

 

"Me liking you."

 

"What...?" Baekhyun shakes his head, still not getting it.

 

"Baekhyun, I'm gay," Chanyeol deadpans. Baekhyun blinks stupidly at Chanyeol.

 

"Now we can be gay together!" Chanyeol gleefully declares as he grabs Baekhyun’s hands in his larger ones and holds them tightly, a wide grin plastered across his face.

 

"What-- Chanyeol-- No, you're not--"

 

"Baekhyun, I've always been gay," Chanyeol interrupts Baekhyun's flustered outburst, "My family knows I'm gay, my friends know I'm gay, the whole faculty knows I'm gay, but what matters is that you know I'm gay because now you won't be afraid to return these feelings I have had for you since day one."

 

"Is this some kind of a joke?" Baekhyun studies the other's face warily.

 

Chanyeol's grin falters, replaced by a slight frown. "I'm hurt you think I would play you that way."

 

Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun’s dazed expression for a while longer and decides that it's the best time for a kiss. Their first official kiss.

 

(because Chanyeol doesn't want to count that one time since it was experimental, and because he's such a girl like that)

 

Leaning in was the easy part, but as soon as his lips brush over Baekhyun's slightly parted ones, Chanyeol begins to find difficulty in regulating his heartbeat and breathing. He's relieved to find that Baekhyun’s own breath has quickened as he moves along to the languid and experimental rhythm Chanyeol creates. Chanyeol does everything by instinct, a hand reaching up to pull Baekhyun in deeper by the nape of his neck, to which the boy  responds by letting out a sudden strangled yelp followed by a giggle into the kiss.

 

Chanyeol has never kissed a boy before, and he believes Baekhyun hasn't either, which makes the moment infinitely times more precious. It was brief, and soft and sweet. In short, in was perfect.

 

When they pull away, Baekhyun's hand is still in Chanyeol’s,  the other subtly resting on the taller boy's thigh as he hides behind a shy smile. 

 

"You're really serious? You aren't going to leave me?" 

 

Chanyeol shoots a disapproving look. "Should I kiss you again to make my point?"

 

Baekhyun laughs, playfully smacking Chanyeol's shoulder. As the latter is busy being mesmerized by the boy's lovely charm, Baekhyun steals a quick kiss from Chanyeol -- just a quick chaste peck to his lips that catches Chanyeol off guard nonetheless.

 

Baekhyun looks pretty satisfied seeing how surprised Chanyeol was. They let the weight of the revelation sink in, the air of uncertainty that once hung over them slowly dissipating to make way for clearer skies ahead.

 

Baekhyun sighs quietly, putting an end to their thoughts. "Nobody has ever stayed for long after they find out the truth about me."

  

Chanyeol turns Baekhyun's hand over in his, a small smile playing on his lips. "Well, then, they don't know what they're missing out on because, Baekhyun,  you're pretty amazeballs if you ask me."

 

"Amazeballs," Baekhyun rolls his eyes, throwing his head back lighty as he laughs. 

 

"It's true. You re better than any old Mary I know."

 

"Mary?" Baekhyun his head to the side. 

 

"Oh, it's just a lame notion I once had about attractive people.practically useless now that I have you."

 

"Oh."

 

"You know, I really thought you were flatchested. I had a hard time deciphering if I was bi because I needed to know if I liked the ies but yours were nonexistent," Chanyeol says as a matter-of-factly.

 

"You !" Baekhyun lightly slaps Chanyeol's cheek as the latter chuckles softly, pulling Baekhyun closer into his side and slinging an arm around his waist. 

 

“Hey," Baekhyun calls out softly, "Remember that time when you were confessing to me?”

 

“Yeah, what about it?” Chanyeol asks, absentmindedly tracing his fingers along the outline of the scar underneath Baekhyun's bangs. They leave a tingling sensation where they graze along Baekhyun's skin.

 

“That one thing you said you loved about me. What was it?” Baekhyun twists in Chanyeol’s hold to gaze at him.

 

“I can’t tell you.”

 

“Please?" Baekhyun attempts to win him over with an adorable pout.

 

“Give me a kiss first.” Chanyeol points to his lips with a playful smirk. Baekhyun complies willingly. Kissing Chanyeol is something he could get used to, despite how new and foreign it is for him who has had to hide who he was. He pulls himself up and presses his lips against Chanyeol's.

 

Chanyeol grins, satisfied, and reaches over to spread his gangly fingers on Baekhyun’s chest, feeling for his heartbeat.

 

"That. I love it."

 

+

END

 

 

Tiny epilogue

 

"For our one year anniversary, I don't want you getting anything for me," Chanyeol declares with extreme surety.

 

"What!? But I've done all my research and I'm having it shipped here this Monday!"

 

"Then you'd just have to scrap all your plans because what I'd really like is for you to get a change in wardrobe." Chanyeol moves from the bed and flings the cupboard open, staring disapprovingly at the countless number of dresses and skirts and heels that hogs the shared space. He randomly takes down a little black dress and swirls around, holding it out.

 

"This, for example, needs to go. You've been doing a good job in wearing my shirts and as good as you look in them, I'd appreciate it if I actually had clean clothes to wear to lectures and not the ones you've worn beforehand--

 

"--why are you even complaning when I do all the laundry--" Baekhyun stubbornly huffs but Chanyeol ignores him.

 

"--Besides, I'd like to be reminded that I'm dating a guy." 

 

 

Baekhyun had been pretending to be a girl to hide his uality for so long he forgot how to dress like a guy. Chanyeol had been really sweet about it, helping and encouraging him to discard of his girly ways. Occasionally, he would still go for a manicure to keep his nails in pristine condition, or match a pair of high cut heels with what little guy clothes he now owns, but that's just because old habits die hard. 

 

Baekhyun scowls. "Isn't my enough reminder? Besides, I need that dress. It's an essential article of clothing in a wardrobe."

 

"Fine, you can keep that if you want. Everything else needs to go," Chanyeol says in finality as he returns the dress and starts throwing everything else onto the bed. Baekhyun sits crosslegged on the bed, watching at his boyfriend in horror.

 

"Yah! I need this," Baekhyun picks up a pair of printed leggings, "and these were expensive!" He clutches a pair of boots close to his chest.

 

"No, you do not," Chanyeol huffs, tugging at the boots despite Baekhyun's relentless grip on them. "Baek, I know it's hard to quit cold turkey but it'll be worth it, trust me."

 

He struggles to pry the footwear out of his boyfriend's hands and finally succeeds in doing so with Baekhyun flying back from the sudden propelling force, causing him to hit his head against the headboard. Baekhyun yelps in pain as Chanyeol drops the shoes to the ground and hurries over to his lover with frantic concern.

 

"Baby, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"

 

", you should have just given me the damn boots, Chanyeol, " Baekhyun grumbles in a half whine, joining Chanyeol's hand that is rubbing againts the sore spot on his head. Chanyeol continuously apologises until Baekhyun's whimpering dies down before kissing the top of his head. 

 

"Let's compromise," Chanyeol offers, feeling sorry for having caused Baekhyun pain? Baekhyun tilts his head in questioning.

 

"I'll let you keep on piece of clothing. One."

 

"One?" Baekhyun's eyes crinkle with mischief. He sorts through the pile till he finds the one he's looking for. He hooks his fingers under the hem and lifts the black lacy skirt up, locking eyes with Chanyeol who gulps. His face is quickly turning red, and he can already feel the rush of his blood down south.

 

Chanyeol grumbles. That godforsaken black lacy skirt they've always had to scrub clean themselves instead of bringing it to the laundromat in case someone questions the white stains on them.

 

Yeah, Chanyeol sort of has a love-hate relationship with the skirt. It's a wonder how they haven't already burned it.

 

+

 

Deleted scene #1

"Quick question," Chanyeol calls out from where he has sprawled on the couch, tab in hand. Baekhyun merely hums a response as he continues to slave over a report at the desk.

 

"How did you pee? Like, in a girl's washroom?"

 

"Chanyeol!" Baekhyun grumbles in a half-whine at his boyfriend's weird thought. "I thought we were past this."

 

"It's a serious question, Baekhyun," Chanyeol presses.

 

"Well, if you must know, I never went to a public washroom." Baekhyun says with a dismissive hand.

 

"Are you kidding? Not even once? Not even when you had too much to drink and needed to go to the loo?"

 

"I don't go out often, Yeol. Even if I needed to go I would have waited till I got home." Baekhyun explained half-heartedly, trying to concentrate.

 

But then a thought sprung to his mind. "Besides," he says, tapping the pencil against his chin in thought, "it would have been weird for me to be in a ladies' washroom, don't you think? I mean, who knows what girls do in there. What if they started stripping right in front of me? What would I do then?"

 

"All you would have seen is s in a bra," Chanyeol says as a matter-of-factly. "And you wouldn't have done anything, because you're gay and you don't like the ies."

 

"Good point."

 

 

 Deleted scene #2

"I like your hands," Chanyeol says with a glance at their intertwined hands swinging in between them. They're soft and pudgy where it counts but his fingers are smooth and thin.

 

"People used to tease me for them," Baekhyun admits, "They said I'm destined to be gay because I've got girly hands."

 

"They're not girly hands. Theyre pretty slender hands that makes for great holding." Chanyeol brings their connected hands to his lips and kisses Baekhyun's knuckles and it makes Baekhyun blush. But more importantly, it makes Baekhyun feel worthy and loved for the first time in his life.

 

+

 

A/N: Thank you again if you've read this, and it's not one of my best but I wouldn't want to add or change anything. (: