ⓧⓧ Dancing on Wheelsⓧⓧ

 

 

 

“Do you want to know a secret?” Yi Fan asks, caressing the cheek of a sleepy Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo nodded lightly and placed his head on Yi Fan’s chest. “Do you know what my favorite constellation in the galaxy is?”

 

Kyungsoo shook his head with closed eyes. All he could hear was Yi Fan’s rough voice and his slow breathing. Damn, it was better than any song he had ever heard his entire life…

 

“It’s your eyes...Those pair of beautiful, white rich, peanut, squishy eyes. My favorite constellation is the Kyungsoo eyes.”

 

Kyungsoo just smiled, his eyes still closed—it was a joke and he knew how bad Yi Fan was at them—so greasy but he loved it. He didn’t have to see Yi Fan’s expression to confirm that he was honest because he knew, by the tone of his voice, by the way he breathes, by the way he plays with his fingers and by the way his heart beats—he just knew.

 

“Your eyes are like stars…I’m happy I have seen them, this close at 3 in the morning, peacefully shining and shining only for me.”

 

Kyungsoo wasn’t responding anymore and all Yi Fan could hear was their hearts beating together and for the first time in his life he desperately wanted Kyungsoo to stay with him…forever.

 

 

 

“AHHH!” Yi Fan grumped in pain as he reaches for the handrail. It was his twenty first attempt to take a step but he still can’t bring his legs to do it. “Stupid legs, stupid ing legs!” he exclaimed, anger rising so fast within him, his brows scrunching into knots as he tried to pull himself up but still couldn't succeed.

 

By the door, a man with an average height but not so average eyes, stood and looked at him meaningfully. He watch the tall man struggle to stand on his legs. He didn’t know when or where it started, but he just knewthat this man, who was struggling to stand, was the best thing that happened to him. Wu Yi Fan…what am I going to do with you?

 

“Hyung…” He finally called out after a while of staring at the angered man by the handrail. Yi Fan looked up and saw Kyungsoo walking towards him,an adorable smile softly imprinted on his lips.

 

“K-kyungsoo…” he blurted, his eyes widening in surprise. Kyungsoo bends down and held his hand out, his eyes digging holes in Yi Fan’s face causing the angry man to blush and have his eyebrows weakened until they were right back, arching softly above his eyes. Yi Fan coughed shyly, his eyes blinking away and his head hanging low.

 

Kyungsoo loved the fact that he could make him blush, that he could soften him, that he could shy him away just like that. He loved it.

 

“W-why are you staring like that?” Yi Fan stuttered, still not meeting Kyungsoo’s eyes. Kyungsoo just smiled and lifted Yi Fan’s chin up. “I told you I’ll be back in a while, why are you so stubborn hyung? You could’ve just waited for me you know...”

 

Yi Fan sighed in defeat. Yes, he believed Kyungsoo would come back in a while but he just couldn’t help it. He wanted to walk again and go wherever Kyungsoo went. He was tired of being stuck in a wheelchair; he was tired of depending on somebody to take care of him. Even though Kyungsoo didn’t mind, Yi Fan did.

 

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to try to—”

 

“Hush Hyung…don’t say that. Let me help you.” Kyungsoo said, cutting Yi Fan’s sentence. He didn’t like it when Yi Fan apologizes for something that wasn’t even his fault. He knows, he knows too well behind those peach eyes that if he could walk just like before, he would—he really would walk with him to the ends of the world.

 

He then reached for Yi Fan’s waist and tried to carry him back to the wheelchair. It was hard for Kyungsoo to be the one lifting him every time he was on the ground but he still did, every damn time, he carried Yi Fan. Although he was too heavy for him to carry, he still did and along with Yi Fan’s body, Kyungsoo unnoticeably lifted Yi Fan’s heart every time.

 

“Thanks…” Yi Fan said, in a low whisper, it sounded tired but grateful. Kyungsoo just smiled at him, looking into his eyes and beyond. “No problem hyung…”

 

He walked behind Yi Fan and pushed the wheelchair out of the room, Yi Fan would insist on using his controllers to make the wheelchair move but Kyungsoo liked pushing his wheelchair sometimes, especially in moments like this. This happened not once, not twice, not thrice but almost often. How often?

 

It’s when Yi Fan feels that he was being a burden to Kyungsoo. It was every time he felt scared that he might just leave him just like that, it was every time that he wanted to walk with Kyungsoo, it was every time he was curious about how tall he was, if Kyungsoo’s head reached his chin or not, it was every time he wanted to dance with him. It was every damn time he wanted Kyungsoo to stop lifting him on his wheelchair and insist to push him around.

 

It was almost every day—Yi Fan wanted his legs back so badly, as much as he wanted Kyungsoo.

 

Like any other stories, they also had a finite past, a beginning and it happened on a normal Monday—somewhere in late February.

 

They were unintroduced strangers, wandering inside the white walls of  Seoul Medical Institute. Mondays were dull for Kyungsoo, he didn’t like the idea of being around with the head medical technician since he always gets to do everything for him. Bossy was even an understatement—if you really look at it seriously.

 

He once complained about this to Yi Fan, saying he didn’t sign up for that and just earned a chuckle from him. He asked him what’s so funny and Yi Fan just continued laughing— making Kyungsoo laugh too. Kyungsoo couldn’t believe someone could laugh like an angel with a gummy smile and it was his first time to see wrinkles by the side of his eyes. He must be really happy…

 

Mondays for Yi Fan wasn’t all that dull because there was always a hint of hope in them. He went to the Medical Institute for his check-ups and therapy. Although there was a faint glimpse of hope, he always went home with another crack forming in the walls of his heart.

 

One normal Monday in late February, Yi Fan found himself staring up at the stairs, while waiting for his brothers to pick him up. They weren’t usually late, but today, they were. But he wasn’t mad, because it gave him time to ponder on things for a while.

 

Sitting comfortably on his electronic wheel chair, he pressed the controllers and found himself at the tip of the stairs, wondering if he ever will be able to climb up the stairs again. He looked at the stairs for a while, his mind travelling far, far away.

 

In that same normal Monday in late February, Kyungsoo wasn’t in his usual unamused and upset mood because the head medical technician was out for a seminar in Japan and he had the week alone in the laboratory which made him feel excited after a very, very long time. He excitedly hopped his way off towards the elevator to take his lunch early. After he walked out his eyes accidentally spots a guy in an electronic wheelchair, looking up at the stairs, his mind somewhere far off.

 

“E-excuse me? Do you need help?” he asked and the man was back to his senses again. Yi Fan turned his head and when he did, he saw the most dazzling eyes one could ever have. He swore he lost himself for a moment there, all he could see was his eyes and how beautiful they were. I-is this even possible?

 

“N-no.” he managed to reply, his heart beating uncontrollably.

 

“A-are you sure?” the man, in a blue medical uniform asks again. Yi Fan nodded his head a bit too much; startled by the way his heart was reacting. He knew it wasn’t normal; his heart was beating so fast without a reason or rather was beating for a very strange reason. The man, wearing a blue medical uniform, smiled and then walked away.

 

And Yi Fan was left alone again but his heart wasn’t the same any longer. That was the very first time fate knotted their paths together and everything just fell into place.

 

Yi Fan started to purposely stay by the end of the staircase hoping he’d see those dazzling eyes again and he did, while Kyungsoo never forgot to turn and looked at the stairs to see if there was man at the end, sitting on his wheelchair and his eyes looking far, far ahead and he was never disappointed because he always saw them—every time he went down to grab his lunch on Mondays.

 

And it just happened every Monday until they just found themselves looking at each other’s eyes and decided to just look at it for the next twenty four hours and the day after that and the day after that and the day after that.

 

It didn’t take long for them to realize what they had was special and they brought their relationship to the next level. Although Yi Fan was always doubtful about calling it ‘to the next level’ because what they had has already been so special to him right from the start but Kyungsoo insisted on calling it ‘the next level’ so they settled with that description.

 

 

 

 

 

It wasn’t easy to bring it to the next level for the both of them because it meant an episode of nonstop stares and whispers from the people around them every time they were out for a date. Everyone thinks that their relationship was ridiculous but Kyungsoo still dated Yi Fan, took him out, held his hands, kissed him and just stayed with him and held him and made him feel that he was more than enough.

 

Even without saying it directly, Yi Fan knows Kyungsoo’s family didn’t like him too and he would stay wide awake at night, thinking about it, wondering if their opinions would be different if he was able to walk again and could take care of Kyungsoo too and not just leave Kyungsoo doing 90% of the job.

 

 

 

 

 

“What? Hyung I thought you liked to eat pretzels...” Kyungsoo whined when Yi Fan told him that it was better to spend the day at home.

 

Yi Fan didn’t want to ruin this perfect weekend for the both of them, but today, he didn’t also like to receive another episode of people staring and whispering to each other when they pass. Kyungsoo never deserved this kind of life and he knew— that he was the reason why it just had to be so hard on Kyungsoo.

 

“Tao is busy with his wushu event while Yixing is out to meet with his production team.” Yi Fan said, playing with Kyungsoo’s fingers.

 

“What about Luhan?”

 

“He’s on a date with Minseok.”

 

“And Jongdae?”

 

“He’s on a date with Joonmyeon.” Yi Fan laughed, looking at Kyungsoo whose smile was getting wider and wider.

 

“Does that mean we’re alone?” Kyungsoo asked naughtily. Yi Fan lets out a small chuckle and then whispered. “Yes.”

 

Yi Fan then pulled him into his lap and Kyungsoo sat obediently. He wrapped his arms around his neck and bit his lips seductively, looking deep into his eyes.

 

“W-What’s that supposed to mean?” Yi Fan asks, trying to suppress his laughter. Kyungsoo looked so adorably ridiculous when he’s sending signals.

 

“It means kiss me— duh.” he glared and rolled his eyes seeing Yi Fan making fun of him again. Yi Fan laughed out loud seeing Kyungsoo being so squishy. “Okay, okay—I was just messing, come here you squishy peanut.”

 

“Yah! I’m not a peanut!” Kyungsoo whined pouting and crossing his arms on his chest, looking away. Yi Fan just laughed harder; he loved how Kyungsoo was so adorable even when he’s mad. Yi Fan grabbed Kyungsoo’s face and brought it near to his—their lips just an inch away from each other. Kyungsoo could feel Yi Fan’s addictive breath and he couldn’t help but smile at this wonderful scent. Kyungsoo closed his eyes as Yi Fan captured his lips.

 

And they stayed like that for hours, Kyungsoo sitting on Yi Fan’s lap, laying his head on his chest, listening to the music played by his heart while Yi Fan plays with his fingers and talked about a lot of things.

 

That day, Yi Fan told him about the accident that damaged his legs and the plans he made after his legs are good again. Kyungsoo just listened quietly and he hugged Yi Fan tightly, assuring him that he was just there and then after a while he fell asleep on his lap.

 

 

 

They were just like any other couples, they kiss, they argue, they fight, they make out, and they rent movies on Fridays and cuddle together at 3 am in the morning. Kyungsoo loved this life and Yi Fan did too, and sometimes he was getting afraid that he loved it more than Kyungsoo did, that he needed it more than Kyungsoo did, that he wanted it more than Kyungsoo did.

 

It was a Monday again and Yi Fan just finished his therapy. There wasn’t a big progress but the doctor said that if he just continue going to the therapy sessions he’d probably see some results by the end of the year.

 

By the end of the year…

 

The words from the doctor’s mouth echoed inside Yi Fan’s head and it didn’t stop even if Kyungsoo held his hands tightly.

 

It was rare for Kyungsoo to be there on his therapy sessions and check-ups but today, Kyungsoo was beside him, holding his hands as the doctor explains his situation.

 

Yi Fan was surprisingly quiet after his appointment. Kyungsoo was lucky enough to have an early break since he was already done working on the blood samples that the bossy head medical technician gave him.

 

“Lighten up peanut,” Kyungsoo shot, pinching his cheek as they made their way in the corridor. They never settled for nicknames, it was always Hyung and Kyungsoo but peanut just slips out of their mouths spontaneously when being with each other is too overwhelming—who knew they could find each other in this lonely city?

 

 Yi Fan looked at Kyungsoo and then smiled, shutting the thoughts that were echoing inside his mind.

 

“Do you wanna go grab some lunch?” he asked Kyungsoo who was walking beside him, matching the pace of his electronic wheelchair.

 

“Sounds like a good idea.” Kyungsoo agreed and grabbed Yi Fan’s hand to hold it. Yi Fan smiled at this gesture and then pulled Kyungsoo into his lap surprisingly.

 

“Y-yah! S-someone might see us!” he warned in between his giggles as Yi Fan wrestles him under his arms and started planting light cute kisses on his hair.

 

“I don’t care, let them see.” Yi Fan shot and continued putting light kisses on his head. They both laughed for a while until they met each other’s eyes. Kyungsoo stopped laughing and just focused on Yi Fan’s peach eyes and the tiny wrinkles beside them.

 

They look so precious…

 

Kyungsoo couldn’t hold it anymore and kissed him, kissed him hard and Yi Fan gave back the kisses just as passionate as Kyungsoo did.

 

“You lovebirds should seriously get a room!”

 

They both break from the passionate kiss and saw Dr. Byun coming towards them. Yi Fan coughed and looked away while Kyungsoo started staring daggers at him.

 

Dr. Byun was Kyungsoo’s best friend and he was one of the first persons to know about them. It wasn’t really that hard to tell since Kyungsoo was a bit obvious just by the way he looks at Yi Fan whenever he passes by the corridor.

 

“Seriously Baek.” Kyungsoo said, sitting up straight on Yi Fan’s lap, while his arms were still around his neck. Baekhyun just laughed at the sight of the two lovebirds making out in the corridor. It’s ridiculously romantic though…and he wished he could do it with Chanyeol too.

 

“How are your legs Yi Fan?” he asked, ignoring his best friend’s death glares. Yi Fan smiles awkwardly and then spoke. “T-they’re fine, the doctor said if I continued with the therapy, I’ll be seeing progress by the end of the year.”

 

Baekhyun nodded in agreement. “I see—well—you can continue your make out session now. Sorry for disrupting.”

 

He walked passed by them, giving Kyungsoo a wink and then ran off to the end of the corridor. Kyungsoo stood up angrily. Stupid Baekhyun just had to ruin it for them.

 

“Yah, why are you standing up already?! Are we already done?” Yi Fan whined and pulled him back to sit on his lap. Kyungsoo just smiled at him but shook his head. “Let’s just continue it after lunch, I’m hungry.” he whispered on Yi Fan’s ear, making Yi Fan feel shivers all over his body.

 

“Okay.” Yi Fan replied and then pressed his controllers and then his wheelchair started to move but Kyungsoo just stayed on his lap until they reached the ramp.

 

 

 

 

 

They usually eat at this beef intestine restaurant near the medical institute. It was Yi Fan’s favorite and he liked it because the area was a bit hidden, Kyungsoo didn’t have to suffer from disapproving eyes all because he was with a handicap.

 

Lunch was a good thing; it was a good time to catch up with each other’s lives. Kyungsoo would talk about the musical shows he’s been aiming to watch this season, he would also tell Yi Fan about his plans for auditioning next year. When Kyungsoo talks about his dreams and about what he wants for the future, his eyes glowed like they were stars and Yi Fan never grew tired of listening to them while watching those pair of stars twinkling.

 

“Open your mouth please.” Yi Fan said as he shoved his chopsticks into Kyungsoo’s mouth carefully. Kyungsoo moaned as he tried to chew the food inside his mouth. He gave Yi Fan two thumbs up and Yi Fan smiled gummily at him.

 

“Was it good?” Yi Fan asked, despite Kyungsoo’s obvious reaction.

 

Kyungsoo just held his hand tightly in return, under the table and just stared at him for a while and then said: “It’s good Hyung…really good.”

 

They both continued eating, with one hand holding the chopsticks and the other was under the table, holding each other tightly like there was no tomorrow.

 

They exchange glances from time to time whenever Yi Fan would play with Kyungsoo’s fingers and tickles his palms. Aye and it was a very good day to have beef intestines for lunch.

 

 

 

The other days of the week were just as blissful as Monday. Kyungsoo would drop by Yi Fan’s apartment and bring him Chinese dinner and they would just cuddle on Yi Fan’s electronic wheelchair—Kyungsoo, sitting on his lap bringing his legs over the wheelchair armrest, and then Yi Fan playing with his fingers and hair strands from time to time.

 

Sometimes, when Yi Fan sees Kyungsoo’s tired eyes, he would sing him a lullaby and his hair until he falls asleep, and he quietly kisses him on his nape as he cradles him on his arms.

 

“I love you…” Yi Fan whispers in Kyungsoo’s ears the three words he was too afraid to say with Kyungsoo’s dazzling eyes open.

 

 

 

 

 

“How’s my peanut doing?” Yi Fan asks as he drives his wheelchair towards Kyungsoo who was standing by the buffet table getting a glass of champagne.

 

“Please don’t call me peanut in front of them.” Kyungsoo whispered, looking a bit shy as he looked around the place. The band was starting to play a slow music so that the couples around could enjoy a slow dance.

 

It was Minseok and Luhan’s engagement party and Yi Fan decided to invite Kyungsoo over and meet the rest of his family.

 

Kyungsoo thought about how lovely Yi Fan’s family was. Everyone welcomed him like they were his blood relative and everyone gave him encouraging comments every time Yi Fan mentions his plans to star in musicals.

 

“No one’s listening.” Yi Fan smirked and pulled him into his lap. Kyungsoo playfully pinches his cheek. “But still...”

 

Yi Fan playfully pouted and then grabbed his hand and intertwined his fingers with Kyungsoo’s. “Do you wanna know a secret?” he asks.

 

Kyungsoo just looked at him—not knowing what to answer. He was nervous about Yi Fan’s expression; he can’t seem to read it but after a moment he nodded.

 

Yi Fan grabs the champagne from Kyungsoo’s hands and then drives his wheelchair towards the buffet table and placed the glass there then he grabbed Kyungsoo’s free arm and then put it around his neck.

 

Kyungsoo just laughed. It was so silly for Yi Fan to do this when he can just tell Kyungsoo to put the glass away so that he could wrap his arm around his neck.

 

Yi Fan smiled, his other hand is intertwined with Kyungsoo’s while his free hand presses the wheelchair controller.

 

“I always wanted to dance with you.” Yi Fan starts and then drives his wheelchair to the dancing crowd, his hand controlling the wheelchair making it move to the side, and to the other. The lights were dim and it was only enough to see Kyungsoo’s eyes glisten in perfection.

 

“Oh really? I didn’t know you were the type.” Kyungsoo smirks playfully, beaming with happiness.

 

Yi Fan lets out a grin and pecked his lips lightly on his forehead. “I always wanted us to just dance until the sun rises and then until it sets again and until it’s winter already…” he continued, his wheelchair moving slowly with the music.

 

Kyungsoo rests his head on Yi Fan’s shoulder and started to draw heart shapes on his neck.

 

“Until our hair turns gray and until I can’t take it anymore—I always wanted to dance with you.” Yi Fan continued looking straight at Kyungsoo’s eyes.

 

“Just wait a little longer Peanut and I’ll make that happen, I’ll dance with you to the ends of the world.”

 

Kyungsoo’s lips parted in surprise and for a while he swore that the man in front of him was the greatest thing that ever happened to him.

 

“And if I can do that already, will you marry me?” Yi Fan whispers, his chin resting ontop of  Kyungsoo’s head.

 

Kyungsoo closed his eyes as he savored the thought of marrying the greatest thing that happened to him. He nodded and then listened to his heartbeat.

 

Yi Fan smiled widely and then looked at him “You like that idea huh?”

 

Kyungsoo smiled wider. “Yeah, I like it a lot.” and they just stared at each other and Yi Fan continued to drive his wheelchair and then made it turn along with the music.

 

Kyungsoo can’t help it and he closed his eyes, kissing Yi Fan as the wheels of the wheelchair spun them together with the crowd.

 

 

 

 

 

Way back in the earlier days of their relationship Kyungsoo brought Yi Fan in the Han River for their very first date. It was hard for him to decide for a nice place since he wanted it to be extra special for Yi Fan and after a week he decided to set a date by the Han River. It was a cliche, but still.

 

He cooked Kimchi spaghetti and bought two cans of black soda drink because he knew it was Yi Fan’s favorite. It was a good night because the stars above were shining brightly. Yi Fan loved the stars in the galaxy, he loved Kyungsoo’s kimchi spaghetti, he loved the cold black soda drink but most of all he loved Kyungsoo, he love just  being with him, seeing him close, feeling his warmth, seeing his smile.

 

"Hyung! Galaxy! Galaxy!" Yi Fan looked up as Kyungsoo excitedly points at the night sky filled with glittering stars.

 

"Oh, galaxy." he replied losing all the interest he had with stars, because in front of him, Kyungsoo’s eyes shone brighter than anything at that moment and how he wished he could keep it shinning that way for the rest his life.

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes, their dates weren’t that smooth, it sometimes ends up with Yi Fan and Kyungsoo arguing. Kyungsoo wasn’t the kind to just be quiet about things and when he confronts Yi Fan about his cold shoulder treatment, he just had to speak out his mind because it felt terrible for them not to talk, not even a syllable. It breaks him.

 

“Hyung, why aren’t you speaking?” he confronted, trying to sound calm despite his rising anger. They were just out from a grocery store after buying the ingredients for the cake that they will be baking for Sunday. They were both in a good mood when they entered but it was a different story when they left.

 

Yi Fan still wasn’t talking, he just pressed his controllers hard, making his wheelchair accelerate faster than Kyungsoo’s walking pace.

 

“Hyung!” he called out and ran after him.

 

Yi Fan stopped when he realized he left Kyungsoo behind. He pressed the stop button and then waited for Kyungsoo to catch up.

 

“Hyung, what’s your problem? You didn’t even help me with these bags and now you’re leaving me just like that?” he confronted him, this time in his real angry tone as he panted. Yi Fan looked at him and then looked away. “Maybe, you should just let that Chanyeol guy help you instead!” he shot, his brows meeting furiously.

 

Kyungoo’s mouth hung open and he was lost for words. He can’t believe that the man in front of him is making a big deal out of a helpful action a while ago in the store. He swore it was really immature—but deep down inside it made him blush.

 

“A-are you jealous?” he asked and the anger he felt was slowly vanishing. Yi Fan just stayed quiet, his brows were so close now and his eyes were screaming with rage. "H-he's Baekhyun's boyfriend…" Kyungsoo added just to make sure Yi Fan would finally speak up.

 

It never came to Kyungsoo that a day would come that Yi Fan would be jealous. He wasn’t the type to be jealous but it felt good that he was, because he knew that somehow, at some point in their lives, this man was afraid to lose him—afraid to lose his affection in the middle of a grocery store in Seoul.

 

Instead of asking Yi Fan again, he walked in front of him and bent down. “He was just helping me, no big deal.” he said softly and stared at those peach eyes. Yi Fan was still so angry about the incident back at the grocery store.

 

Hell, he was jealous, he was ing jealous that other guys could reach the top of the shelf and he can’t. And he was jealous that Kyungsoo was smiling widely when the guy reached that pack of chocolate powder for him. He was angry that he was incapable. He was angry about everything but he couldn’t stay angry like that—not when his favorite pair of eyes was looking lovingly at his soul. Damn, he swore those were beautiful. He knew he couldn’t resist so he rolls his eyes, let’s out a sigh and spoke.

 

“Alright, I-I was jealous…” he said and rested his forehead on Kyungsoo’s forehead. “I’m sorry.” he whispered and Kyungsoo could just stay like that forever, feeling his breath brushing his face and sending shivers to his spine.

 

“Hush Hyung Hush—you’re the only one I like Hyung…” he said softly and kissed the great miracle in his life. Kyungsoo realized that miracles could come in wheels but he didn’t care,  he was happy that he happened to him.

 

 

 

 

 

Being in love with one person doesn’t just bring you heaven, but it also brings you hell. It brings you sleepless nights, it brings you insignificant worrying, it brings you all kinds of fears; it brings all your irrational and immature behavior just an inch below your skin.

 

And Yi Fan was so much acquainted with this.

 

He was tired of having Kyungsoo to do things for him ninety percent of the time. He was tired of feeling so helpless and useless and incapable.

 

He was tired of seeing other guys to get things that are out of reach for Kyungsoo, he was tired of hearing other people telling Kyungsoo that he deserves someone better, he was tired of looking at the stairs every Monday and still can’t even take a single step.

 

Yi Fan was impatient. He wanted to do more for Kyungsoo. He wanted to walk Kyungsoo home too and not the other way around. He wanted to dance with him with his two legs and not on wheels. He wanted to get the things that are out of reach for Kyungsoo and be the one who he widely smiles at in gratitude. He wanted to be enough for Kyungsoo, he wanted to be deserving of Kyungsoo.

 

Sometimes, he can’t help to be afraid in the middle of the night thinking what if one day Kyungsoo would leave him. What if he would have enough of his bull and decide to end things. What if one day Kyungsoo will realize that he really does deserve someone better….

 

These ‘what ifs’ killed Yi Fan every damn night and it was sad that by 3 in the morning all Yi Fan could think of was that no matter how they looked at it, he was the one who needs saving and sometimes, he needs it too desperately.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dreams were a big deal for Kyungsoo and Yi Fan knew this. He knew that Kyungsoo never wanted to be a doctor but also, he knew that he was too afraid to disappoint his parents so he just took the course and when he decided that he really wanted to sing and dance in theatres, he didn’t proceed into med school but instead applied as a medical technician and planned to save up until he could live on his own and audition for musical shows. Kyungsoo was afraid that he would regret his decision or fail but because of Yi Fan, with all his words of encouragement and love and support, he continued on with his dreams with lesser worries and more courage.

 

Yi Fan took Kyungsoo to the theater and they both watched the musical that his brother, Yixing, directed and produced. Yi Fan always made time to buy first row tickets—of course, he wanted to impress Kyungsoo but also because he know this would make Kyungsoo really, really, really happy and that means seeing his favorite stars again—Kyungsoo’s beautiful, white-rich, sparkling eyes.

 

The curtains closed and everyone was on their feet, clapping their hands and cheering. Well, except for Yi Fan for he was stuck in his wheelchair but nonetheless, he was smiling, seeing Kyungsoo really happy.

 

“That was so wonderful Hyung!” Kyungsoo beamed with happiness, he was wearing his adorable heart shaped smile. He held Yi Fan’s hand as they made their way out of the theatre.

 

“I’m so happy that you liked it Kyungsoo.” Yi Fan answered back, squeezing his hand a little tighter. Kyungsoo smiled and gave a quick kiss on Yi Fan’s temple. “Thank you Hyung, thank you…”

 

Yi Fan smiled back at the happy boy and spoke: “Wait until I show you the final surprise.”

 

And then he led Kyungsoo to this bar a few blocks away where the actors and the staff had their victory party for having a succesful sold out show. All the actors and singers and dancers were there and also Yi Fan’s brothers.

 

“Kyungsoo! It’s good to see you! Did you like the play?” It was Yixing, Yi Fan’s younger brother. At a very young age he became a very successful person, he performed in musicals when he was just seven and now he is directing and co-producing musicals already.

 

“It’s good to see you too Yixing, the play was incredible! No wonder the tickets were sold out!” he answered, smiling.

 

“Kyungsoo, why don’t you go with Yixing, he’d would love to show you around and introduce you to the performers.” Yi Fan suggested and rubbed Kyungsoo’s back. Kyungsoo looked back at Yi Fan, his eyes almost tearing.

 

“A-are you sure?” he asked hesitantly. Yi Fan gave him a reassuring smile and nodded his head. “I’ll be fine Kyungsoo.”

 

Kyungsoo went with Yixing and he was introduced to everyone and there he met Jongin—the biggest mystery that Kyungsoo stumbled upon—the lead dancer and actor of the play, he was the Phantom of the Opera and he was stunning.

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo wasn’t expecting that a person was more than willing to help him with his audition piece for a role in Les Miserables but he did and he was none other than the mighty Kim Jongin. At first, he knew it wasn’t a really bright idea since his job demanded a lot of his time and the rest of his free time was for Yi Fan but being the supportive boyfriend Yi Fan was, he gave Kyungsoo the permission to use half of his total free time for his practice.

 

“I-I mean i-if it’s not okay with you Hyung… you can always say no.”

 

“Don’t be silly peanut, you have to practice to land a role.” Yi Fan replied and hugged Kyungsoo tighter as they cuddle in Yi Fan’s wheelchair.

 

Kyungsoo looked back at him and smiled. “Y-you think I could get a role?”

 

“Of course! And I’m pretty sure you’d probably get the lead role.” Yi Fan smiled encourgingly and playfully bit his ear.

 

Kyungsoo laughed as he felt his ear ticklish. “Hyung stop, it’s ticklish.” he said and shifted his body to face Yi Fan comfortably. “Thank you Hyung...don’t worry I’ll cook you breakfast tomorrow!” he said while smiling brightly and played with Yi Fan’s hair.

 

“Work hard peanut, I’ll be cheering for you…”

 

And they spent the rest of the day at home—Yi Fan telling Kyungsoo about his newly sold paintings and his plan to co-produce an album with Yixing and his obsession with Stephen Hawking’s books and articles. While listening to Yi Fan, Kyungsoo played with Yi Fan’s wheelchair controllers and was the one in charge of driving the wheelchair and they ended up stuck in bathroom. They both laughed but nonetheless enjoyed themselves and gave each other kisses that they deserve.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And Kyungsoo stayed true to his words, he did make Yi Fan breakfast on the next day but it didn’t take too long before that routine was broken.

 

In the following weeks Kyungsoo wasn’t able to make breakfast for Yi Fan anymore but he still made sure he saw him on Mondays and on his free time.

 

Yi Fan wasn’t blind—he saw how dark the bags were under Kyungsoo’s beautiful, white-rich, glittering eyes. Kyungsoo would go to Yi Fan’s apartment with short breaths and sometimes, still sweating from practice.

 

And sometimes, Kyungsoo would fall asleep too fast when he sits on Yi Fan’s lap and Yi Fan would just cradle him, carrying the weight of the stars that he loved the most.

 

Sometimes, he would sing him a lullaby so that he would fall asleep even faster—Yi Fan didn’t like how tired Kyungsoo was becoming but he knew that he was so happy that finally his dreams were coming true.

 

The days passed by too fast and the auditions were coming and Kyungsoo and Yi Fan only had Mondays for themselves.

 

Yi Fan felt Kyungsoo slipping a little away from his grip and he couldn’t do anything but fear in silence. He was afraid that he might leave him after he lands a role in the musical, when he finds him useless already, when he finds him a burden because that was what he was feeling lately—a burden to Kyungsoo.

 

Yi Fan decided that they only meet on Mondays so that Kyungsoo could focus on the auditions and after the audition, everything will be back to normal.

 

Yi Fan prayed so hard every night for Kyungsoo to land a role even when he was drunk and when he was sober.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was on a Saturday that Kyungsoo saw Yi Fan drunk for the very first time.

 

 After the practice, he went to check Yi Fan in his apartment, only to find the man surrounded by bottles of beers; the television was glowing as it flashes the weather conditions tomorrow.

 

Yi Fan was so drunk, he was so red and he was drinking beer along with his tears.

 

“H-hyung, w-what are you doing?” Kyungsoo worried. What happened? Why is he acting like this?

 

“K-kyungsoo? Oh my goodness! My boyfriend Kyungsoo is actually here!” Yi Fan yelled with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Kyungsoo didn’t like where this was going. He knew—he knew Yi Fan was drinking because of him.

 

“Hyung, give me that.” he said and snatched the bottle in Yi Fan’s hand and placed it on the floor. Yi Fan whined and pouted. “Give me back that bottle!” he said, his voice was loud. Kyungsoo tried to hold himself back, he was tired but he can’t just leave Yi Fan like this, he promised him he would take care of him.

 

“Hyung, you’re drunk, you should probably go to bed now.”

 

“Oh Kyungsoo! It’s a surprise to see you here! Why don’t you just practice some more so that you’ll become the lead performer? That’s the only thing you care about anyway!”

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It was ridiculous. It was ing, downright ridiculous.

 

“You were the one who told me I could do this and now you’re going all like that on me?!” he yelled back. Yi Fan looked at him, small tears escaping his eyes.

 

“You can go now! I didn’t want to take up your precious time! And I bet you’re tired anyways! Go home Kyungsoo, you should rest! Mighty little Jongin needs you to be early for practice tomorrow.” he mocked him.  Kyungsoo was hurt, he was so hurt. How could Yi Fan do this to him? He did all he can to make him feel okay but why?

 

 “Hyung, you’re drunk, you should take a rest.” he replied weakly and turned around, heading towards the door.

 

“You said you were going to make me breakfast but all you ever made was another cut in my heart, Kyungsoo it hurts a lot to be not enough and not deserving and I’m so afraid to lose you! Can’t you understand that! I’m afraid that you’ll leave me and it is happening, it’s ing happening! You’re slipping too fast from my hands!” he cried, digging his face on his palms. Finally he said the words that kept bugging him every single night, but  he said it when Kyungsoo was no longer around. Little did he know that the boy, with an average height heard every single word Yi Fan cried out that night.

 

Kyungsoo was crying toon on the other side of the door and he was sorry—he was so sorry.

 

But Yi Fan, all drunk and wasted, still prayed for Kyungsoo to get the role and for them to dance again someday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The two love birds didn’t talk the next Monday or the next Monday or the next Monday. Whenever Yi Fan and Kyungsoo would meet on the hallways, they either turn around or just totally ignore each other’s presence like they never cuddled with each other, like they never kissed each other passionately, like they never held each other’s hands, like they never shared their dreams and fears, like they never knew each other.

 

But it didn’t take too long. Kyungsoo could bear it longer but Yi Fan couldn’t and knowing that Kyungsoo was admitted due to stress and fatigue, Yi Fan only had himself to blame for this.

 

“H-hi,” Yi Fan stutters as Kyungsoo opens his eyes. He has been beside him ever since the night he was admitted, he never left his side and he always made sure he was checked every hour just to make sure things were going well.

 

Kyungsoo blinked slowly and Yi Fan once again saw the eyes that out dazzled all the eyes in the world, and even the stars in his favorite galaxy.

 

“A-are you feeling okay? Is there any part of your body hurting?” he asks again, a bit agitated. Kyungsoo was just looking at him, trying to adjust his sight and he can’t believe the great miracle of his life was finally beside him again.

 

“H-h-Hyung…”

 

“Sshhhh, don’t talk. You just rest okay?”

 

Yi Fan caressed his cheek and then held his hand. “I-I’m so sorry Kyungsoo, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m so sorry.” he pleaded, his eyes starting to water.

 

Kyungsoo weakly smiled and gathered his energy to lift his hand and pinch Yi Fan’s cheeks. “I-it’s okay Hyung, it is okay.”

 

Yi Fan kissed Kyungsoo’s hand and he let him rest for a while. Yi Fan considered this a good time for him and Kyungsoo to have a reconciliation but he was wrong. Surprisingly, there was one man who was as worried as him and if he wasn’t mistaken, he could have been more worried than him.

 

It was Kim Jongin—the Phantom of the Opera. He used to go out with Yixing but things just got so messed up between them that they decided to end it and just stay friends.

 

Jongin brought a bouquet of flowers and some fruits and he always visited Kyungsoo whenever visiting hours were up. Yi Fan wanted to think that this was just a close bond, a close friendship that they have shared from those practices that they spent together.

 

“How are you feeling Hyung?” Jongin asks and sits beside Kyungsoo, holding his hand. Kyungsoo lets out a smile and replied that he was okay and Yi Fan can’t help but feel jealousy rising over his body so he decided to just give them space, leave them alone and calm his mind.

 

And he calls him Hyung? He thought disgustingly and pressed his controllers, driving his wheelchair away from the room.

 

He can’t help but feel that he was fading in the background and all that Kyungsoo’s beautiful, white-rich, sparkling eyes were looking at Jongin alone.

 

Sometimes, he catches them laughing and talking so comfortably at each other and he saw how Kyungsoo looked at him and he swore that that  was how he used to look at Yi Fan too especially on that Monday in late February.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yi Fan wanted to celebrate the last day of Kyungsoo in his hospital bed because tomorrow, he’ll be back to normal again and he would be the medical technician Kyungsoo by day and an aspiring theatre actor by night. He was happy that Kyungsoo was healthy again because he knew he was one of the reasons behind Kyungsoo’s stress and he was making up for it.

 

“W-where are we going hyung?” Kyungsoo asks, trying to hide his excitement and anxiety at the same time, knowing Yi Fan was up to something.

 

His eyes were covered with Yi Fan’s left hand while sitting on his lap. Yi Fan was trying to slow down his wheelchair as they were nearing towards a room.

 

“I personally asked Baekhyun to help me with this so…I really hope you like it.”

 

Yi Fan pulls his hand away from Kyungsoo’s eyes and then pressed a button. The room was dark and the ceiling started to glow, there were lights installed everywhere making it look like stars stuck in the ceiling.

 

It was beautiful.

 

Kyungsoo remembered the last decent date they had on Namsam tower and how he and Yi Fan loved the way up because the elevator was like flying them up to the galaxy. Yi Fan never failed to forget how lovely Kyungsoo was  as he excitedly pointed out the galaxy when they made their way up to the tower—for Yi Fan, it was so precious since Kyungsoo was one the persons on Earth who truly understood him and got excited on things that he was passionate about.

 

“So…do you like it?” Yi Fan asks, biting his lips nervously as he waits for Kyungsoo’s answer.

 

“I love it Hyung…they’re beautiful.”

 

Yi Fan smiled and cupped his cheek. “I’m glad that you loved it.” he said and then got a remote control and pressed a button a slow song started to play.

 

 

 

Baby I’m yours…

 

And I’ll be yours…

 

Until the stars fall from the sky…

 

 

 

“Can I have this dance?” Yi Fan asks and holds out his hand, Kyungsoo smiles and gladly takes it. “Yes, Hyung, I’d love to.”

 

And they both danced in the middle of the dark room, with only the small light bulbs glowing like stars and the music that sang Yi Fan’s heart out. Yi Fan tried to sway his upper body while his other hand was pressing the controllers to drive his wheel chair to sway and his other hand was holding Kyungsoo. This gesture made Kyungsoo laugh. "You're ridiculous Hyung!"

 

Yi Fan always wanted to dance with Kyungsoo, he loved how he felt just by hearing him breathe and feeling his lips on his. He loved how calm his heart could be. He carefully watches Kyungsoo’s beautiful, white-rich, sparkling eyes as they stare back at his soul.

 

“gahd, I love your eyes.” Yi Fan whispers softly, his eyes admiring Kyungsoo. He didn’t know how he felt so happy that night but he couldn’t also point where the sadness was springing from.

 

He felt like Kyungsoo was slowly slipping away from every move he takes and he can’t seem to stop it. So he grabs this chance to just hold Kyungsoo in his arms and savor his warmth and watch his eyes until he gets blinded in them. He wanted to see how those beautiful, white-rich, sparkling eyes glowed only for him because this could be the last dance they'll ever have.

 

“Baby I’m yours, baby I’m yours…” Yi Fan sang along and pressed his controllers causing the wheelchair to sway smoothly, making Kyungsoo grin.

 

And he continued singing just like that, that Kyungsoo was still his, that Kyungsoo was still there to listen to him.

 

“Yours…Until the mountain’s crumble to the sea…in other words until eternity…Kyungsoo I’m yours.”

 

And the night went on, with just the both of them, safe and sound in each other’s arm—and Yi Fan can’t help but wonder if they could just spend their whole lives together dancing on wheels, just like this.

 

 

 

 

 

Sure enough, Yi Fan was right, that was the last dance they had—ever. Kyungsoo has gotten busier and busier about his audition piece and Yi Fan barely saw him not even on Mondays. He tried to understand Kyungsoo, he tried to be patient, he tried to be helpful, he tried to be supportive but it just doesn’t work anymore.

 

Kyungsoo would just call him and tell him he was tired and he needed to rest. Yi Fan understood and lets him every single time.

 

To make things a bit easier for Kyungsoo, Yi Fan visits him on Jongin’s practice studio. He brought food for him and extra clothes to make sure Kyungsoo wouldn’t go home all sweaty and stinky but everytime he opened the door, he always heard their laughter echoing across the room and he realized Kyungsoo never laughed like that anymore when he was with him and he saw that Jongin could dance with him even more passionately better than Yi Fan could and he saw how Kyungsoo like it a lot.

 

Yi Fan stopped by the door, opening it a little so that he could see and he saw what his heart was dreading all along—Kyungsoo’s eyes weren’t shining for him anymore but for Jongin now.

 

Yi Fan didn’t think his heart could break like that and it could hurt like that but it did and he wanted to die just to escape from it.

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo didn’t notice it but one day, he just found himself getting an inch closer and closer to Jongin until he just found himself greatly attached to him. He didn’t like to hurt Yi Fan but … he swore Jongin was different and he liked that idea—more than Yi Fan, more than the great miracle of his life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yi Fan went back to Canada along with Luhan and Minseok. He decided to find another doctor there. They still called each other but the conversation always ended too quickly and Kyungsoo never called him peanut again and not even Hyung… he was back to Wu Yi Fan—the patient he saw looking up at the stairs on a normal Monday in the late February.

 

Luhan and Minseok tried to cheer on Yi Fan, tagging him along in parties, wishing that he may meet someone but no one could equal the dazzling eyes of Do Kyungsoo—the squishy medical technician in a blue medical uniform. Sometimes, Jongdae would visit him in Vancouver along with Joonmyeon and their adopted son Sehun and spend quality time with him but still Yi Fan’s heart only knew one person—Do Kyungsoo.

 

“I hope you’ll be okay again Hyung.” Jongdae blurts out, holding Yi Fan’s hand. Yi Fan managed to smile and pat Jongdae on the back. “I’m okay Jongdae, I told you I’ll have my legs good as new!” he said back.

 

But they both know Jongdae wasn’t talking about Yi Fan’s now capable pair of legs.

 

Jongdae smiles at Yi Fan and looked at him with worried eyes. He just can’t imagine how much pain his brother was feeling underneath those smile.

 

 

 

 

 

But whatever happens life had to continue… because it never stopped for anybody.

 

It never stepped for Yi Fan nor for Kyungsoo.

 

 

 

 

 

Yi Fan had gone back to Seoul and continues on with his life.

 

He started painting and playing the piano again and he was walking again—his legs were as good as new but his heart—he was doubtful of it.

 

He was good as new and his life was back to normal.

 

If normal meant not having Kyungsoo around, no more electronic wheelchairs, no more seeing of his favorite two star constellation. That was the normal life but Yi Fan knew how dull it was, compared to a life he once knew, a life other than normal, a life with Do Kyungsoo.

 

Their first meeting was on a Monday, in late February when Yi Fan’s brother was late and Kyungsoo had his early lunch.

 

But their last meeting was not on a Monday – it was on the day before that. It was a Sunday and it was a Sunday night with a few to little stars shinning above and in crowded bus.

 

Was it better for them to meet on a Sunday and part on Monday instead so that at least, they won’t get confused with the dates? Or was it better that way because Mondays for Kyungsoo weren't for Yi Fan any longer. 

 

Yi Fan wasn’t looking up the stairs anymore; he was looking outside the window of the bus, searching for stars in the pitch, black, dull night sky.

 

Kyungso was lucky to have caught up with the bus so he could prepare dinner just in time before Jongin arrives. Kyungsoo was making kimchi spaghetti and it was the first time in a very long time since he had the courage to cook it again.

 

And fate, as cruel and as thrilling as it is, decided to let their paths cross again, and sadly for the very last time in each other's lives.

 

“Y-yi F-fan?” Kyungsoo couldn’t believe his eyes. The man, with black hair, thick dark brows who once used to be the great miracle in his life sat by the window beside him on a bus, in a night like this.

 

Yi Fan knew who owned that voice—that soft, melodious voice. He didn’t want to look. Was he imagining things again? He thought he was done with that phase—every second of every day he would hear Kyungsoo’s voice calling him in his sleep, when he’s eating, when he’s painting, when he’s watching the television, when he’s reading a book—Kyungsoo’s voice was always ringing inside his ears.

 

He went back to Seoul believing his voice weren’t haunting him any longer but he was wrong—or was he?

 

Yi Fan gulped and closed his eyes while he turned his head slowly, behind his mind he wanted it to be Kyungsoo but there was also this part of him that stopped him for thinking so—so that it wouldn’t hurt again like how it did before.

 

When he opened his eyes, he found the stars that he has been searching for above the plain night sky just a while ago. He can’t help but think that after all these time, his eyes were still satisfying, they were still enough and they were still beautiful and white-rich and sparkling.

 

“K-kyungsoo…” He stutters, finding his voice.

 

For a moment, they just stared at each other, unbelievably. Their breathing stopped and their hearts were floating somewhere they can’t even reach.

 

Yi Fan gulped again, wanting to tell Kyungsoo how much he missed him, how much he ached when he was away, he wanted to tell him “look Kyungsoo, I have my feet again, I can walk again, I can dance again with you, I can reach the highest shelf now, my legs are good now, you can marry me now.” but the words were nowhere to be found. He wanted to cry but he can’t find his tears too.

 

Kyungsoo was the first one to break the eye contact because he knew that he doesn’t deserve to be looked at like that again after what he did and because he knew his eyes were for Jongin’s now.

 

They just sat beside each other quietly. Kyungsoo looking in front again while Yi Fan’s eyes marveled at what he saw.

 

Kyungsoo looked healthy, his hair was a bit long and his skin was milky.

 

Kyungsoo clears his mouth realizing Yi Fan has been staring too long and it was making him uncomfortable. It was burning him, it was making his heart flutter again, and it was making him blush.

 

Yi Fan notices this and looked away, his fingers nervously fidgeting on top of his lap. “S-so…how’s life?”

 

Yi Fan always practiced the words he wanted to say if he was ever to meet Kyungsoo again and thank goodness he did but the words he practiced were all gone and he ended up saying ‘how’s life’ and his heart shattering into a million pieces.

 

Kyungsoo told him about Jongin, about this new apartment that they were sharing. He also told Yi Fan about his theatre career and how his family was still against it but nonetheless; Jongin was always by his side, making his nights warm and his days bright.

 

Yi Fan just nodded; every word cutting his heart until the end of the ride. His heart was not only cut into two but into a millions of different pieces. How was that possible? Yi Fan couldn’t answer but he just felt it.

 

And when the bus stopped, Kyungsoo stood up, bringing with him a bag of groceries. Yi Fan for a bit hesitated but gathered all his courage and just it.

 

He went down with Kyungsoo, asking him if he could walk him home and that night, for the very first time, Yi Fan walked Kyungsoo, but sadly to the end of their forever.

 

“How about you?” It was Kyungsoo’s time to ask and Yi Fan’s chance to tell him how his life was without Kyungsoo. It was awful and beyond. It was gloomy and it was sad. Kyungsoo took glances as they walked together and realized how tall Yi Fan was when he was standing.

 

Yi Fan put his hands on his pocket, simply knowing he can’t hold Kyungsoo’s anymore. He breathed deeply. Kyungsoo looked at him and realized he was still looking far, far ahead but not at the stairs anymore but ahead of them, way ahead where the pavement ends.

 

“W-well, life was… life.”

 

Kyungsoo just nodded. Well, he couldn’t blame Yi Fan for just coming up with those answers even when he talked a lot back inside the bus.

 

He knew how jaded he left Yi Fan that night. He just ended the call, telling him Jongin made him happier and he was important to him.

 

 “D-do you want to know a secret?”

 

Kyungsoo stopped for a while and looked at the tall man. “I-I don’t think I deserve those secrets anymore…”

 

“You do, Kyungsoo… actually you do.”

 

They both continued walking, hearing faint noises from the cars that pass by from time to time.

 

“I always liked dancing with you—on wheels.”

 

“You already told me that…”

 

“But you don’t get it; I prefer that if it means we could just stay like that forever.” Yi Fan points out. His voice was trembling a little but he managed to spit those words out.

 

 “We all make choices Kyungsoo, it’s a lie if you tell me you didn’t…” Yi Fan started to sound serious but not angry, not bitter—just stating the plain truth.

 

“I-I know…” Kyungsoo replied, bowing his head, a dagger stuck in his heart. It wasn’t his intention to break Yi Fan into millions of pieces overnight, over a phone call but he did. It wasn’t his choice to break him but by choosing Jongin—those were the consequences.

 

“I just wanted you to know that you were my choice, you still are and I’m afraid even after forever—you’re still my choice.” Yi Fan said, almost in a whisper; looking at him, his eyes turning soft, a lump starts to grow inside his throat making it four hundred times harder to speak.

 

“Y-yi Fan…” Kyungsoo stops again and just looked at Yi Fan who was blinking away tears.

 

“Kyungsoo, I love you.” he says desperately. Kyungsoo sighed and his shoulders sank. “I..I know.”

 

Damn. It ing hurts. He searched for the stars in Kyungsoo’s eyes and they were still there but he wondered if somewhere, a ray of light still shines for him. Yi Fan gulped and looked ahead, the both of them started to walk in silence again and Yi Fan swore he never had pain this much in his entire life.

 

And he found himself walking the galaxies back home to where they belong.

 

“S-so you’re the Hyung now huh?”

 

Kyungsoo just nodded, biting his lip. “Y-yeah."

 

“W-well, that’s good.”

 

“I guess.”

 

And they ran out of words again. Yi Fan tried to smile and wondered how long it will take him to smile again until it won’t hurt anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

“W-we’re here.” Kyungsoo announced and they both stopped in front of the steps leading up to a red door.

 

Yi Fan stared at it for a while and he wondered what happens beyond that door—if Jongin finds happiness whenever he opens it.

 

“I-it’s nice to see you again Hyung.”

 

Yi Fan took away his eyes from the door and looked at Kyungsoo adoringly.

 

“Y-you too.” Yi Fan replied.

 

“Goodbye Hyung.”

 

And Yi Fan heard the two words he never thought could kill a man. They were said with utter finality and this made Yi Fan’s shoulder sank and his heart just stopped beating and the world started to not make sense anymore and he doubts if it ever will. So is this how goodbye cuts a man?

 

Yi Fan stared at Kyungsoo for a while, preparing to speak the fatal words back to the love of his life, his favorite galaxy and the only choice he made in his life—that he never, ever, regretted for once.

 

Walking away from Kyugsoo was easy, because Yi Fan was already capable enough to do it now, he can just even walk away from him without looking back, and he could always find himself 300 miles away from Kyungsoo, but his heart is still stuck somewhere to the place where it always wanted to be, needed to be.

 

And he might be 300 miles away from Kyungsoo with his feet but never his heart for it always stayed 300 miles back, in the eyes of a man that was always brighter than any galaxy…

 

But he knew at some point, everyone says goodbye to their favorite things too, so Yi Fan did.

 

Kyungsoo was different and he was everything to Yi Fan. But for Kyungsoo, Yi Fan was what used to be, he was the great miracle but life never promised it will always be like that. A greater miracle came, and it wasn't Yi Fan anymore. Sadly, it wasn't Yi Fan anymore....and Kyungsoo's Mondays weren't for  Yi Fan anymore...

 

“Goodbye Kyungsoo.”